This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts are emotionally raw, internally consistent, and detail a complex, painful personal narrative centered on trauma, regret, and a nuanced relationship with their body and transition. This depth and specific, contradictory emotion (e.g., liking strength but hating scars) is extremely difficult to fake and is consistent with genuine detransitioner experiences.
About me
I started taking testosterone at 19 because I thought becoming a man would be an armor to protect me from past abuse. I realize now I never had gender dysphoria, just a deep disgust for my body that was tied to trauma. Having a hysterectomy was the turning point, as it made me face the permanent reality that I can never be male and I can no longer have children. I feel like I tricked myself, making permanent changes from a place of self-hatred instead of a true identity. Now I'm stuck in-between, living with scars and a devastating regret for not working through my trauma first.
My detransition story
My whole journey feels like a long, painful mistake that I can't take back. It started because of things that happened to me when I was a kid. I was sexually abused, and I think that's the real root of everything. I thought that if I could become a boy, and then a man, I would be safe. I wanted to be physically strong in a way I believed women couldn't be; I thought being a man would be a kind of armor that would protect me from ever being hurt like that again.
I never actually had what I understand as gender dysphoria. I didn't mind being called "she" and I wasn't distressed about having a vagina. My breasts were a different story, but it wasn't a feeling of them being wrong for my gender. It was a deep feeling of disgust, and I realize now that disgust was tied to the trauma. I felt like my body was a target, and I wanted to make it into something else entirely. I wanted to escape my own skin, and I still have that feeling. I just wanted to stop being a victim.
I started taking testosterone. At the time, I was adamant that I never wanted kids, but over ten years later, my mind has completely changed. Now I know I can't have them, and that loss is devastating. I had a hysterectomy, and that feels like the domino that made everything else fall apart in my head. It made me face the biological reality that I can never be male. I produced ova; I can never produce sperm. That is the essential difference, and I can't run from my sex.
My brothers have four brothers, and I'm not one of them. They don't treat me like one of the guys. One of them told me, "you’re not a man, you’re a female on testosterone," and as harsh as it was, he was right. It forced me to see the truth.
There are some things I don't regret. I'm glad I can be shirtless, and I really like how much easier it is to build muscle on testosterone. I enjoy the strength. But these are small comforts in a much bigger disaster. I had top surgery to remove my breasts, and now I'm left with scars. I feel like I removed them because of "him," the person who abused me, and that makes me feel sick. My body will always be scarred, and there will always be something wrong with me.
I feel like I was tricked, but I also feel like I tricked myself. My motivation wasn't pure; it came from a place of self-hatred and a desperate need to escape, not from a true sense of identity. I feel like a "fake trans" because I didn't have the core experience of gender dysphoria. I had, and still have, really bad self-hatred and body issues.
If I detransition now, I'm scared I'll just be an even bigger freak. I don't want to be a woman, but I know I'm not a man. I'm stuck in this in-between state that I created for myself. I'm going to be on hormone shots or patches for the rest of my life because of the hysterectomy. My biggest regret is not waiting. I wish I had been older and had worked through my trauma before making any permanent decisions. I know now that I never would have done this.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Started taking testosterone. |
| ~29 | Had a hysterectomy. |
| ~29 | Realized the permanence of my infertility and began to process my detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/Heynewherebutrryingg:
My brother told me “you’re not a man, you’re a female on testosterone” and he’s right. I can’t run from my sex.
Do I like my body? No. I’m glad I can go shirtless but I still wanna rip my own skin off. I like how much easier it is to build muscle. But I feel like a fake trans. I don’t have gender dysphoria. I have really really bad self hate . This is like changing a core belief about myself and I can’t believe I’ve done this. It feels like I removed my breasts Bc of “him”
I feel so stupid. I wish I had waited with T. At the time, I said I never wanted kids, but over ten years later my mind has changed, and now, I can’t. :( i don’t want to be a woman, I’d scare one if I used the ladies room haha. I thought making my body not female would stop certain things from happening. I really just wanted to scape my skin, and I still do. To be honest, I feel tricked. my brothers don’t treat me like they do each other (I’ve four). I’m going to be on shots or patches for the rest of my life. I feel like my motivation for transition wasn’t pure, and it makes me wanna puke knowing I did this
I’m crying as I write this but I think I transitioned because I dealt with repeated sexual abuse as a child. I thought being a boy would protect me. I want/ed to be a man because I want to be physically strong, in a way that women simply aren’t capable of. I never felt dysphoric about being misgendered. I never minded. I never felt dysphoric about having a vagina. Or even my w breasts. I felt disgust tho. Now I realize..hey, WHY did I feel disgust?. And I feel like I fucked my whole life up.
. “As for how your brother(s) see you, well... you are a woman on testosterone. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I guess you’ve had a hysterectomy?”
That’s what feels like the domino that’s setting off all the others in my head. He’s right. Look up the definition of male. I could never made sperm, in fact, I produced ova. It set something off in me. That’s the only essential difference.
Man, I don’t know...I do enjoy my test-inspired upper-body strength. I feel like if I detransition I’ll be even more of a ‘freak’. I don’t think I’ll ever like my body now that I’ve removed my breasts. They’ll always be scarred. There will always be something wrong w me. I wish I had waited until I was older. Bc now, I wouldn’t do it.