This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's narrative is highly personal, complex, and internally consistent over time. They describe a nuanced, non-linear journey of questioning their gender, experimenting with HRT, detransitioning, and settling on a non-binary identity. The mentions of specific personal struggles (marriage, ASD, moving, job) and the evolution of their perspective feel genuine and human. Their passion and critique align with the expected viewpoints of someone who has experienced this process.
About me
I was born male and started taking hormones in my early twenties, beginning a long back-and-forth struggle to fit in. I felt immense pressure to conform to a binary ideal, which led me to develop physical changes that ultimately caused me more distress. Getting diagnosed with autism in my late thirties helped me understand my need for a definitive answer and my pattern of hyper-fixation. I've now stopped hormones for good and have realized I am non-binary, embracing a fluid expression that feels authentic to me. I am currently seeking top surgery to remove the breast tissue I developed, as I work towards finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I'm still figuring it out. I was born male, and for a long time, I never felt quite right. I started taking hormones in my early twenties, stopped, started again in my early thirties, and then again in my mid to late thirties. It’s been a real back-and-forth for me.
A lot of my struggle came from this deep need to just fit in somewhere. Even within the transgender community, I felt pressure to pass and fit neatly into a binary—to be a 'real' woman. I got really caught up in that idea and started taking hormones because I thought that's what I was supposed to do to finally feel right. I even developed breasts from the hormones, which I initially thought I wanted. But it ended up causing me more dysphoria than I had before. I bind now and I'm looking into top surgery to have them removed. For me, it's about doing what makes me comfortable in my own skin, whether that's considered a trans issue or not.
Working with a therapist was a huge help for me. She's a non-binary femme person who doesn't take hormones herself, and that perspective was really valuable. She helped me see that I don't have to medically transition to be valid. Through a lot of self-reflection, I settled on the fact that I am non-binary or gender-fluid. Sometimes I feel feminine, sometimes I feel masculine, and I'm learning to embrace that fluidity instead of being ashamed of it.
I'm also on the autism spectrum, and I think that played a big part in my confusion. My autistic and OCD mind gets obsessed with finding a single, definitive answer to things. I would hyper-fixate on gender, trying to solve it like a puzzle. Getting my ASD diagnosis recently, in my late thirties, helped me understand so much about why I think the way I do. There's a novelty to new things that can be exciting, and it's easy to go down a path without enough self-reflection. I had to learn to tell the difference between what I truly wanted for myself and what I felt I was expected to want by others or by online communities.
I’ve come to believe that clothes, shaving, or makeup don't have anything to do with gender. They're just things. A man can shave his legs, wear makeup, and be totally straight. A woman can dress in masculine clothes and still be a woman. I wore women's jeans long before I ever questioned my gender because I just liked how they fit. Breaking down those stereotypes is important.
Now, I’ve stopped hormones again. I feel like going back to my natural testosterone is just better chemistry for my body; it’s what my body expects. But through this whole process, I've learned how to craft my own style regardless of what hormone is in my body. I use voice coaching and clothing to present in an androgynous way that feels right for me.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to understand myself better. But I do have some regrets about not taking more time to self-reflect before making permanent changes. If I had realized sooner that I could just be a gender non-conforming man or non-binary person without medical intervention, I might have avoided some of the physical complications, like growing breasts that I now want removed. My marriage struggles were definitely made harder by all this back-and-forth, too.
In the end, my thoughts on gender are that it's not nearly as binary as we're taught. The most important thing is to be authentic to yourself, not to a label. For me, that means living as a genderqueer person, somewhere in the middle.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
Early 20s | First started taking hormones. |
Early 20s | Stopped taking hormones for the first time. |
Early 30s | Started taking hormones again. |
Early 30s | Stopped taking hormones again. |
Mid 30s | Started taking hormones for a third time. |
Late 30s | Stopped hormones permanently and began social detransition. Realized I am non-binary/gender-fluid. |
Late 30s | Received autism spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis. |
Late 30s | Currently binding and seeking top surgery to remove breast tissue developed from HRT. |
Top Comments by /u/HolaArgentina:
Actually I was thinking about this as, imagine two people, a man raised as a girl or a woman raised as a man. Trans women generally keep a large part of their male privledge and know how to over speak +be dominant which is why so many more trans women exist in media at least that’s my theory.
I see people going to another binary and then not living authentically even still because of "woulds" and "shoulds". Like a FtM i need a beard to be manly or a MtF I need to shave legs, be ultra fem, etc, even when its not necessarily how they want to be. As someone de-hrting I think going back to my natural hormones (testosterone) is somehow just better chemistry and what my body somehow expects vs trying to fight it. But, I've learned in the process how to craft my style regardless what hormone is in my body. I really think a lot of people who transition could reach their goals with HRT but often do it because they think they need to align 100% with some gender.
Just curious why do you consider yourself detrans if you can't see yourself being male? Just curious as I am also questioning where I fit. Seems this was your first post and could just be a total vent which is ok! I know gender is confusing and whether you want to detrans or just venting, regardless there are always ways forward.
I think thats a great writeup. I often enjoy fem and masc things and I honestly think anything should be fine regardless of gender, afab lumberjack or amab makeup artist, just random examples. We are seeing more and more of these stereotypes being broken which is nice.
I've felt a lot of my life this notion to just fit in, with even transgender its easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you need to pass and fit into a binary. I spent time taking hormones, stopping hormones, taking hormones. Rather than seeing this as confusion, I'm just embracing the notion of being gender-fluid. Sometimes feeling feminine, sometimes feeling masculine and letting myself not be ashamed of that, but rather embrace it. Like for instance, a man can shave their legs, wear makeup, and be totally straight. A woman can dress masc, use a deep voice and be a straight woman.
What does shaving your legs have to do with gender? As well I've worn "women's" clothes like womens vs mens jeans even before I questioned anything. Clothes are just clothes and only get a gender because they are marketed that way. I personally don't think clothes +shaving +makeup necessarily have to have anything to do anything with gender.
Thanks for the opinion. At this point even stopping hormones, I have features that would require surgery, mainly breasts. I appreciate your thoughts and I am doing a lot of self reflection, working with a therapist, non-binary femme amab that doesnt take hormones, and I agree. As someone slightly on the autism spectrum, I can get obsessed with finding an answer. I believe there is some novelty and pressure to be a certain way or fit in a certain way. For me, its been experimenting with things and giving it time to understand what I really want vs what I'm expected to want. I know a male can be straight and dress and act however they want. I am thinking of this in the context of being nonbinary, which I definitely fit into. Whether this means I need to fully transition that I will take a step back to really self reflect before moving in deeper.
"dumbass, male, autistic and OCD overthinking mind". I am recently diagnosed ASD and this has always been me. Some dumb ego thing. But I feel it with FtM like me even being a man have to prove I'm more manly even though I'm MtF. Be happy you figured some of these things out earlier in your life. I didn't figure out ASD until recently and I'm already in my late 30s. The biggest thing I have to keep telling myself is there is no rush for anything. The second thing is, we can't control others feelings and we don't need to be "better" than them, just a better version of ourselves. I still struggle and always happy to chat with a fellow ASD trans spectrum person.
I mean I get it, but like all men go through hair loss its one of the things of being a man, its just what T does. Voice drop is part of it and you'd have to take therapy and coaching to reverse that as I had to. Are you sure you are trans then? Have you tried experimenting with being female but just presenting more andryognous or something. You don't have to take T to present how you want to.
I mean it is true that no trans person will never be cis. I've never seen a FtM pass "downstairs" and MtF often require facial surgery.
I worked with a therapist to understand what was really going on. I settled on the fact that I am nonbinary / gender fluid. I was sure originally that I was just strongly MtF. But as I explored, and got to know what I really wanted, realized that I could just be androgynous through voice coaching and clothing. Unless I was damn sure I knew what I wanted, living as me just meant being gender queer.