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Reddit user /u/Honest-Me22's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 32 -> Detransitioned: 35
female
hated breasts
took hormones
serious health complications
homosexual
sexuality changed
had religious background
intersex
This story is from the comments by /u/Honest-Me22 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's posts display a high degree of emotional depth, internal conflict, and a complex, multi-year personal narrative that includes specific medical details (AIS, hormone levels, cancer scare), personal reflections, and evolving feelings over time. The writing is nuanced, self-contradictory in a very human way, and consistent with the passionate and painful experience of someone grappling with detransition due to external medical pressures rather than a change in core identity.

About me

I was born female but always knew I was a boy, and I started testosterone in my thirties to finally live as a man. For two years, I was happier and more connected to my body than I had ever been in my life. A medical condition forced me to stop, and the return to a female appearance felt like a complete loss of myself. Meeting a man who accepted my unique spirit helped me see that my worth wasn't tied to being male. I now live as a woman, and while the dysphoria still visits, I am finally finding peace in my own skin.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I'm still figuring it out. I was born female, but from my earliest memories, I had an innate sense that I was a boy. I believed I was a slightly deformed boy who would grow up to be a man. I always wore boys' clothes, my best friends were boys, and I strongly identified with male characters and their experiences. I had a high level of testosterone as a teenager, which doctors were puzzled by, and after a surgery at 13, a doctor slipped up and mentioned they removed "parts I didn't need anymore," which added to my confusion.

I spent over 30 years trying to just endure life as a female. It caused me extreme anxiety and a feeling of being completely out of place. I hated my breasts intensely and often thought about cutting them off. Dating was confusing; I tried dating a male best friend to prove I wasn't a lesbian, but I had zero desire to be the female in a relationship with a man. When I fell in love with a woman, it felt right, and she was the one who first suggested I might be transgender. A major family loss at 32 made me realize I didn't want to get to the end of my life with regrets, so I finally decided to explore transitioning.

I started testosterone at 33 and was on it for about two years. That time was the most authentic and joyful period of my life. I finally recognized myself in the mirror and in my voice. I felt connected to my body for the first time ever. I was happy, confident, and finally felt like I was righting a wrong. However, my transition was cut short for medical reasons. Doctors discovered I have an intersex condition, Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (PAIS). My body was converting the testosterone into estrogen at a dangerous rate, spiking my levels and causing a lymph node in my armpit to swell up. I faced a terrifying cancer scare and had to go through a series of humiliating tests. I had to stop testosterone.

Stopping T was devastating. My body and features began to revert to a more feminine state, and it felt like a kind of death. I felt like I had committed suicide while still being alive. The anxiety and discomfort of being perceived as female came rushing back. My happiness had been entirely dependent on living as a man, and without that, I felt I had no identity.

Around this time, I met a man who changed everything for me. At first, I was drawn to him because he was like a cis male version of myself—we had the same personality, temperament, and mannerisms. But as I got to know him, something shifted. For the first time in my life, I felt a sense of peace and safety around him. His presence was like a sedative that made the pain of being seen as female almost tolerable. I found myself, for the first time ever, considering what it might be like to be in a normal heterosexual relationship. It was a confusing and unsettling feeling because it contradicted everything I thought I knew about myself.

This experience, combined with the medical necessity to detransition, forced me to reevaluate everything. I began to realize that a lot of my struggle was about wanting to fit in and be normal. I just wanted to be a regular guy and blend into society. Since that wasn't medically possible for me, I had to confront the reality of living as a woman. With the support of a few truly accepting people who made me feel seen and valued for who I am on the inside—quirks and all—I started to heal. I began to understand that the very traits I hated about myself as a female were actually what made me unique and lovable.

I don't believe my male identity was ever a phase or a mistake; it felt incredibly real and right for me. But my body couldn't handle the medical transition. I have no regrets about trying because I needed to know for myself. Now, at 38, I am learning to find comfort in my own skin. My faith and finding "my tribe" of people who accept me without judgment have been the biggest factors in my healing. The dysphoria still pops up, especially in my dreams, but it doesn't control my life anymore. I finally feel like I am exactly what I'm supposed to be.

Age Event
Toddler Earliest memories of having an innate male identity.
13 Had surgery; a doctor mentioned removing "parts I didn't need anymore."
32 Experienced a major family loss; decided to seriously pursue transition.
33 Started testosterone therapy.
35 Stopped testosterone due to medical complications (PAIS and cancer scare).
36 Met a man who profoundly changed my perspective on self-acceptance.
38 Present day; learning to live comfortably and authentically as a woman.

Top Reddit Comments by /u/Honest-Me22:

30 comments • Posting since November 4, 2022
Reddit user Honest-Me22 (detrans female) explains how a questioning, inclusive community was crucial to her detransition, arguing against restrictive membership rules.
20 pointsJul 6, 2024
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I'm torn in all honesty, because the graciousness that you all allowed me in being a part of this community when I began to question (and truthfully was still die-hard convinced of my transness) is probably what helped me out the most.

Everyone's experience is so personal and can be wildly different, and I often found that offering perspective and advice, even though I myself was still questioning, not only may have helped the OP to consider all of the different options, but was also therapeutic for me in its own right. I tend to figure things out and answer a lot of my own questions by talking and discussing things (to death sometimes, I admit). And no one was more resistant than me to the idea of "betraying" what it meant to "truly" be trans by detransitioning, and now here I am on the other side looking back and oh so grateful that I had at least one safe space to not only question, but to discuss, and bounce ideas and thoughts off of people who were also able to do the same to me.

Anyway, this is my response based on what I think I'm understanding from your proposal. If I'm wrong, then I apologize, as I'm still new to Reddit and figuring it all out as I go. But, unfortunately like with everything, there's always gonna be one.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own gender identity) discusses being banned from a trans sub for sharing their experience as an FTM person who must detransition for medical reasons, while still identifying as trans.
15 pointsApr 29, 2023
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Yeah. I just got banned from the trans group for speaking about my own personal experience as an FTM who's had to detransition for medical reasons. It's stirred up a lot of internal conflict in me (I thought just feeling trans was rough!) I've been very open in both groups about my struggle, and that while I still very much identify as trans, I have no choice but to face the reality that I'm physically destransitioning, and this group in particular has provided a great resource to be able to talk things out.

It's scary to me how both groups seem to want to lump each other into a one-size-fits-all category. My experience has left me quite frankly in the middle of the road, as I've had first-hand experience and personal relationships with those who believed they were trans only to reconcile with their cisgender selves later on. Many of these people mean the world to me, and I will speak about their experience just as strongly as I will about my own, which is the polar opposite. Transition was in fact the right choice for me, but I know without a doubt that my best friend would have likely harmed or even killed herself had she medically transitioned only to realize it was a mistake. While my story may not fit neatly within the detrans narrative, I appreciate the fact that both detrans groups have shown immense respect in allowing me to share my experience honestly and openly, as my hope in doing so is to offer support and insight into what is still an ongoing journey for me and I'm sure many others here.

I get the feeling that -- on both sides -- if someone comes across as less than 100% in agreement with either ideology, you're viewed as the enemy. But that is not reality, and I don't know how any rational human being could think otherwise. I'm 35, so I have no idea what a lot of these negative Gen Z terms mean (ie. terfs, transmedicalist, etc??), but I can't sit here and say that people don't make mistakes, because my best friend almost did. I can't say that transition is wrong across the board because it was the right choice for me. I will say that in some situations I've found myself angered by the feeling that my own identity struggle gets discredited when someone who just jumped on the trans trend for a short while suddenly "snaps out of it." It seems to fuel the idea that everyone struggling with gender dysphoria is capable of the same thing. But that's not reality. I know, because I'm living it, and that in and of itself zaps so much of my energy that I really don't have any desire to waste what's left zealously fighting with others. I can handle an earnest discussion, even a debate, but nothing drains me more than ignorant argument.

The sheer amount of noise for lack of a better term is just so frustrating.

Based on the provided comment, here's a concise title incorporating key details:**Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own transgender status) explains voice recovery after detransition: Used vocal analyzer during testosterone, achieved near pre-T voice in 2 years off HRT, discusses singing benefits and internal resonance perception.**### Key details included:- **User context:** Username, flair ("Questioning own transgender status"), and action ("explains")- **Core topic:** Voice changes after detransition (FTM → detransitioned)- **Methods:** Vocal tone analyzer app during testosterone use- **Outcome:** Voice returned to near pre-T levels after 2 years off HRT- **Additional insights:** - Singing as vocal exercise (noting reduced high-range power) - Perception of voice sounding lower internally due to body resonance- **Post context:** Response to a detransition experience postThe title maintains brevity while covering all critical elements: medical history, timeline, tools used, recovery results, and practical advice shared.
15 pointsJul 4, 2024
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I had a vocal tone analyzer app on my phone during my time on T. You read a paragraph while it records you, and then it puts it on a graph to show whether you're in the masculine, androgynous, or feminine range. It keeps track over time, too, so if it's something you want to look at periodically, maybe check it out.

I haven't done speech therapy, but I'm a singer and that's great exercise for your chords either way if it's something you might enjoy. I was lucky enough for my voice to return to almost pre-t over the last two years of being off HRT. Except for maybe early in the mornings, it sounds the same as it used to when speaking.

Singing is the same as well, except what used to be my regular range feels just a touch high for me. My actual highs are nowhere near as strong as they used to be; much more airy and lacking the power I had before. But it's coming along.

One last takeaway that someone once told me that I try to hang onto: Your voice always sounds lower to *you* than it does to those around you because you're not just hearing the projection; you're also getting the resonation of the sound in your body.

Good luck!

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (questioning own gender transition) explains their multifaceted detransition due to an intersex condition causing a dangerous hormonal imbalance, a cancer scare, and the realization they were seeking a male partner who mirrored their ideal self rather than becoming a man.
15 pointsDec 6, 2022
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As I said, no one reason but here's a few.

  1. Intersex condition and partial androgen insensitivity. There's a convoluted medical history that my doc managed to piece together based on my experiences and my response to T would later validate her theory. I'd been on it for 2 years, and got a little fat redistribution, more masculine face, and a slightly lower voice. I loved it bc it wasn't a sudden drastic change, but I definitely looked like a male enough version of myself. Behind the scenes however, my moderate dose was being turned back into estrogen by my condition. At one point, my e level was 3x the t, and neither raising or lowering the t could get it right. They dropped me back to my default starting low dose before things got any further out of hand, but by then I had a new issue.

  2. Jury's still out on whether it's related or not but around the time my e level went sky high a lymph node under my armpit swelled up. Doc freaked and went into cancer mode. I had to go for a slew of embarrassing tests and screenings. The concern was that the excessive e level may have triggered a cancer to grow or develop. This weighed heavily on me over the next 6-8 months as the node would come and go, but was very noticeably always there. Anecdotally, since stopping t it has reduced significantly in size. I have another follow up in March.

  3. I met someone, who I've talked about in some other posts I've made on here. At first I was actually so taken with him bc he was like an actual cis male me. Personality, temperament, behavior, actions, reasons. It was so scary I found it hilarious at first because it was like getting to interact with a real life tangible version of who I might have been as a regular guy. And then I had someone's unwelcome words come back to haunt me, back when I was first blindly feeling my way around this whole trans thing, someone once told me that they thought I was simply trying to become the type of man that I actually wanted and needed for myself.

In hindsight, I think a more accurate statement would have been that I needed someone just like me, but here nor there, he does exist and the more I've gotten to know him the more I've found myself falling into a dangerous place. I was so content with myself on T. I was the captain of my ship. Nothing else mattered bc no matter what I had ME. Now, though I'm grateful he's around to help me mentally cope with this detrans process (he has no idea, just thinks I'm a tomboy who likes him), I know I'm walking a fine line. My happiness revolves around him, because I can still be enough of myself while looking "hetero normal" at face value. His presence is like a drug that soothes the pain of being seen as a female again, but deep down I know I'm still not ME. And I'm scared what it'll mean for me if he ever fades from my life. I have no identity as a girl and never have. I literally grew up with full belief that I was a (slightly deformed) boy who would grow up to be a man.

I know people mean well with the whole "gender is a social construct" but I'm sick of hearing it. Just because it's based on people's opinions and maybe shouldn't exist doesn't mean that everything is suddenly better just because you say it out loud. People judge people, they use little clues about your body and whatever to put you into a box to understand your existence and how you relate in the world around them. That's just how it is. It's why I don't understand the loud and proud types that make spectacles of themselves. If the whole point is to fit in and be normal, then why not do just that? My reality is that no matter how much t I slather on, I'll never likely reach the point that someone will look at me and put me in the blue box. It's also impossible for me to fit into the pink one bc I literally have no female mannerisms. Dressing feminine, hair, makeup, all that is not only foreign to me but completely repulsive. Being myself? At best I'm viewed as a tomboy (typically only by those who know me well enough), but to most, they look at me like a butch lesbian, which is the heat I've gotten all my life even from family. It makes my skin absolutely freaking crawl. There is no way out for me and I'm hanging on with every ounce of strength to not slip any further into this depression than I already have.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own gender identity) comments on the fading acceptance of tomboys and the dangers of an "all or nothing" gender identity mentality.
14 pointsApr 30, 2023
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Hello and welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. It's always interesting to hear another's experience. Yours is very different from mine, but I can certainly appreciate that, and I agree with you that it's been rather detrimental to see tomboys fade from existence and be replaced with the idea that if you happen to have more male oriented interests, that must automatically mean you're the wrong gender. The "all or nothing" mentality is becoming increasingly frightening, not to mention dangerous.

Anyways, welcome again! I hope you find this group to be as great of a resource for yourself as it's been for me.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (questioning own gender transition) explains the painful social consequences of detransitioning, describing how being perceived as a "freak with a mental illness" affects their likability, career opportunities, and personal relationships.
10 pointsDec 28, 2022
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I'm happy for you.

Unfortunately, it matters to me what other people think of me. Whether or not it should.

It matters to me whether other people regard me as someone likeable; someone of good character and sound mind. Because lord knows we all get lumped together as "freaks with a mental illness." People aren't interested in getting to know the black sheep. Aren't interested in offering opportunities for career growth to someone who can't fit in or isn't liked by others. In fostering a relationship. I've learned that real fast in the last 3 months I've been off T and watched how differently people are treating me now. Now that my hair is growing out longer. Now that my voice is a little higher. Now that my body and face shape has reverted back to more feminine.

I want to throw up. I feel like I've committed suicide while still being alive. I hate it with every fiber of my being that this is my reality, but I'm just not and never will be one of those people who can be present in the outside world and not be affected by what people are thinking. I can feel it just walking into a room. I wish I didn't, but I just do.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own gender identity) discusses their detransition due to medical reasons (AIS), contrasts their innate male identity with a partner's trauma-induced transition, and advises on the importance of self-reflection.
10 pointsApr 30, 2023
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Your therapist actually sounds like a great one who has given you excellent insight and things to think about. Good on you as well for being able to identify the blindly affirming type of pro-trans attitude, even though it's coming from friends and family. It says a great deal about your intelligence that you've stopped to consider the various possibilities and not just gone along with whatever you've been told or encouraged to consider (in either direction).

You mention never experiencing the euphoria. For some perspective if I may... Though I've had to physically detransition for medical reasons (AIS), I still very much identify as FTM trans. I never experienced any SA, and had what I can only describe as an innate male identity since my earliest toddler memories. I full on believed I was a boy who was going to grow up to be a man one day, until things started going wrong at puberty. The time I spent on T was the most in-line I've ever felt in my skin. I finally recognized myself in the mirror, and my voice when on video. I felt connected to my body for the first time ever, even though it still wasn't quite 100%. I was relieved to simply feel like I was finally righting the wrong that had occurred at birth. Does any of this resonate with you?

In contrast, I had a partner at one point who did in fact experience childhood SA. There was a LOT of repressed trauma, and it wasn't until she'd spent around 6 years on T and had top surgery that she finally found a therapist willing to walk her through the healing process rather than just tell her whatever she wanted to hear at the time and rush her through the system. We unfortunately fell out of touch by that point, but I know there was a period she then went through of almost a multiple personality crisis before finally returning to a fully female identity.

I personally feel that the "trans experience" can have so many varying root causes; some being a true case of something medical, some being mistaken identity, some being trauma related. It's not for any one person to really say, honestly. I think it just takes real, honest, self-reflection on an individual basis, and a willingness to consider all the variables. Once again, I commend you for doing just that. I did the same, and even though my situation didn't go quite according to plan, I have no regrets because I made an independent, fully informed decision based solely on myself, after evaluating all of the options in front of me.

Last thing. You're 23, so take your time. I know it may feel like the clock is ticking, but it is so much more worth it when you can be confident in your decisions, whatever they may be. Best of luck to you on your journey.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own gender identity) discusses being banned from a trans forum for criticizing loud trans activists, praises the supportive detrans community, and explains their own detransition due to a cancer scare from HRT, while still identifying as male.
9 pointsJun 24, 2023
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You'll most likely find that the ones yelling the loudest are the "trans activists" that sadly are making actual trans individuals look crazy to the rest of the world. It's why I ran as far as I could from the "community" and also why I'm banned on the /trans forum. For saying so, pretty much.

Your perception of this /detrans page is absolutely right. Most everyone here has been kind, open-minded, even supportive to those who've expressed that they'll be retransitioning. It's a place of calm, collected, open discussion.

As an intersex FTM(tf) myself, it was an awful experience to be rejected by my own communities simply for expressing that there is a difference between having a physical, medical ailment vs. simply "feeling like" the opposite sex (..or a cat, or a spirit, but I digress...) My choice to detransition was not because my feelings switched off like a light, but primarily because of a cancer scare associated with the HRT after nearly two years. I've since tried to cope with my body and features returning to a more female type by participating here, because it is in fact a detransition of sorts, and this sub has been a wonderful place to vent and ask questions, to mourn my experience but to also share with others. I'd think any sane human would want to know the risks, and to share them with others when they can have such devastating effects. Cancer is no joke, and the tests and exams I've gone through have been some of the most embarassing and humiliating things ever; more so as someone who still does identify as male. If I can spare someone from this, I'd like to.

Even so, I've openly stated many times that transition was in fact the right choice for me, and that if not for the severe medical complication, I'd have never stopped T and been living out my life as I was happiest. No one's ever shunned me here, and I appreciate that because I do feel it's important for others to see that not every situation is black and white. There are grey areas that many of us fall into, and it can be a very isolating experience. Trans AND detrans folk alike silencing those of us who may have had an unorthodox experience is no better than the die-hard right-wings who want to silence these communities all together. And I say that as a fairly conservative person myself. There is good and bad in everything. Everyone here is reasonable and respectful of each other, and that's why I stay here. I've asked for reinstatement several times on the trans forum in hopes that maybe they'd see how my experience could help others there as well who might face something like I have, but sadly it seems that furthering their own agenda is more important than actually offering the inclusion that they so desperately seek and want for themselves.

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (Questioning own gender identity) comments on how early exposure to adult content solidified their male identity, relating to an OP's experience with sexualization and gender dysphoria.
8 pointsJun 19, 2023
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Thank you for sharing your experience. It definitely raises a valid idea, that being sexualized at a young age would make a child uncomfortable enough to disassociate with their sex and/or gender.

Though I never experienced that sort of thing, I can relate to some of your experience, having had the (mis?)fortune of stumbling upon the forbidden hotel room channels as a curious 5-6 year old. I knew it was inappropriate, and though wide-eyed and rather intrigued by the female form, I completely identified with the scenes as the man, and felt no shame in that. As I got older, I too was "one of the boys" in school, and as girls became involved, I found myself just doing what came naturally, which as it turned out was replicating what I saw as a kid. And I just did it in line with how I'd always felt about myself, which was that I was a boy.

I'm not sure how old you are now, but I commend you for taking some time to analyze yourself and process whether there may be any influencing factors to your experience. I truly believe if more people would do that with an open mind, there'd be so much less regret and the horror stories being told that discredit others in the trans community who aren't taken seriously because of it. I'm sure you'll find that this is a very welcoming group to share and explore your feelings, and I hope that whatever conclusion you may come to is what's best for you!

Reddit user Honest-Me22 (detrans female) explains her detransition journey, crediting her Christian faith and finding a supportive partner who loved her for her non-stereotypically-female traits, which she had once hated and tried to change.
8 pointsJul 10, 2024
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There's an absolute TON of thoughts I'd love to share with you on this because I was you for a good portion of my life, but it's like it's all trying to come out at once, and thus, hardly anything is coming out coherently at all, so bear with me... I'll do my best to keep this as short as I can, but please feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any specifics about navigating the trans and Christian journey.

You are currently at the point in life where I wish I had made the first of many different decisions.

In hindsight as a now-38 year old, I wish I had been able to find a good group of friends who, rather than viewing me through the lens of my "gender flaws" (by this I mean all the things that didn't fit the traditional female stereotype), simply loved me and acknowledged me for who I was in that state you describe of simply 'being'. I didn't find this support until my mid-30's, but WHAT a difference it made to not only be around women who didn't view or treat me any differently, but MEN (admittedly, one in particular), who made me feel completely whole and valued, not just as a human being but as a woman.

It was the most healing experience ever to just be loved and accepted for being me. Not to be labeled as 'masculine' or a 'tomboy' or 'probably a lesbian' or as ANYTHING. I was just ME, for perhaps the first time in my life, ever. As soon as the pressure was gone of feeling like I had to defend myself against being viewed in those ways, suddenly my skin became a lot more comfortable.

Now, full disclosure, I did at least attempt to transition, but the short version is that it didn't work out, and I couldn't be more grateful to God for that fact. I think I'd probably be in a very, very bad and dark place if it had, and I 100% give the credit to my relationship with Him for Him not allowing that to happen. I went into my transition attempt holding onto His hand, and while yes free will is a thing, and he let me do it and even prospered me along the way, He had a very gentle, unique, and unexpected way of waking me up on the other side of it all when my transition ultimately failed and I was basically looking at my life as though it was over. I failed to be a girl, I failed to be a guy... NOW what?

While I do believe that the trans phenomena is a very real thing, my own experience has recently led me to begin questioning if this truly isn't some kind of work of evil, because it struck me particularly hard that the man who I wholeheartedly believe was sent to pick up my broken pieces was in essence the male version of me. At first it felt like the ultimate smack in the face, but then I began to realize that OMG... all of those traits, qualities, likes/dislikes, etc., all of those things that I once hated about myself as a female... all of the things that people ridiculed me about... those were all the very things that made me so perfectly compatible with this man, who literally is like the human embodiment of God's love. Those things that I was so desperate to change about myself were the very things that set me apart, that made me stand out to him, that made him recognize me, and that helped me to recognize him, and myself IN him.

When I think about that, I think about the ultimate cruelty of how painful it would have been to go through a successful transition, only to meet my person afterwards and realize that I, in essence, killed off the person who I was supposed to be. It makes me physically sick, and I've found myself beginning to wonder about the bigger implications of what's happening in the world these days. But that's a whole other conversation.

Your interpretation of the trans subreddit is pretty spot on. I was almost immediately banned there in the early stages of my transition journey for sharing my experience with the first endo I saw who literally wrote me a T script and sent me out the door saying, "Have fun!" I was so disturbed at the lack of medical care, and especially the lack of attention to the very real medical questions and concerns I had that I never went to pick the meds up. It raised a healthy skepticism in me, but they immediately pounced and claimed that my resistance to the "just do whatever without giving it healthy consideration" equated to being transphobic.

You're wise to be giving your feelings thorough consideration. Don't let anybody make you feel otherwise, on either side. You may only live once, but for me personally, it was important to me to know that my life choices wouldn't have far greater repercussions after that. God didn't let my mistakes destroy me, but boy do I wish I hadn't made them in the first place.