This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares detailed, emotionally resonant personal experiences with mental health, dissociation, and trauma that are consistent with known detransitioner narratives. The language is nuanced, self-reflective, and shows a natural variation in tone across different conversational contexts.
About me
I started exploring transition because I felt deeply unhappy and disconnected from my female body, which I now know was rooted in childhood trauma and dissociation. I mistakenly thought my discomfort was gender dysphoria, when it was actually a way to escape the vulnerability I felt after being assaulted. Working through that trauma in therapy was what truly helped, and my feelings of dysphoria faded away. I've realized my journey was never about gender, but about finding safety and a sense of self after immense pain. I am now detransitioned and finally addressing my real mental health struggles.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep unhappiness and confusion. For a long time, I felt like I wasn't even a real person. The feeling of dissociation was so strong that I sometimes thought there were two or three different versions of me because I couldn't understand my own mood swings and the way my sense of self would shift. I strongly suspect I have undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which was previously misdiagnosed as depression and social anxiety. This dissociation was the core of what I later mistook for gender dysphoria.
A huge part of my discomfort with my female body came from trauma. I was molested twice as a young child. That experience created a deep-seated fear of women. Even though I'm attracted to women, the thought of a woman touching me sexually makes me physically ill. I didn't even want to be alone in a room with a woman, let alone be one. I hated my breasts and my body because they felt like a target, a reminder of what happened to me. Transitioning felt like a way to escape being a woman and all the vulnerability that came with it.
As I started to work on my trauma in therapy, I noticed something important: the more I dealt with the sexual assault, the less my dysphoria bothered me. It became clear that my hatred for my body was running so deep because of the trauma, not because I was born in the wrong body. I believe that dealing with sexual assault is something that should happen before transitioning is considered, because the two can be so easily confused.
I never got deeply into social media bubbles, but the ideas about identity were everywhere in my hobbies. It felt like I was constantly surrounded by conversations that pushed me to focus on my identity in a way that was unhealthy for me. I started to feel like I needed a hobby that was more about skill and merit, where I could just focus on what I could do rather than who I was supposed to be.
Looking back, I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to understand the real issues. My transition was a bandaid on symptoms of deeper problems: trauma, dissociation from what I suspect is BPD, and internalized fear. I now see that my feelings were a way to cope and escape from pain I didn't know how to handle. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal thing, but it's crucial to separate it from mental health struggles. For me, my journey wasn't about gender at all. It was about finding safety and a sense of self after a lot of pain.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Young Child | Experienced sexual molestation twice. |
| Adolescence/Teen Years | Developed severe dissociation, mood swings, and a fragmented sense of self. Felt like I wasn't a real person. |
| Late Teens/Early 20s | Developed a strong dislike for my female body, particularly my breasts. Believed this was gender dysphoria and considered transition as an escape from being a woman. |
| Early 20s | Began therapy focused on trauma and dissociation, not specifically on gender dysphoria. |
| Early 20s | As I processed my trauma, my feelings of dysphoria significantly decreased. Realized my discomfort was rooted in trauma and mental health issues (suspected BPD), not an innate gender identity. |
| Present | I am detransitioned. I no longer identify as transgender and understand my past feelings in the context of my mental health and trauma history. |
Top Comments by /u/HoneydewSprout:
The worst part is that I'm not even in those social media bubbles - I don't use social media at all, actually. It's just that the attitude about those types of things are extremely prevalent in most of my hobbies and it's hard to get away from. At this point I've considered taking up more niche, technical hobbies to try and get time away from it. Maybe a meritocratic hobby that focuses on the ability rather than the identity, so I won't have to focus on my "social clout" at all.
Thank you so much for the support :)
Thank you. Sometimes it helps a lot to have someone just sit down and say "you're worrying over this more than you need to, it will be okay," so I really appreciate it :)
You're right, if the people around me don't want to support me in who I really am, then they're not the people that the real me should spend my time with. It's hard to get over a lot of things that I've had ingrained in me socially, but thank you for reminding me that if something is in my mind, I can control it.
I was molested twice as a young child, and that has such a large bearing on my feelings of dysphoria. I have such a fear of women that - despite being attracted to them - the idea of a woman touching me sexually makings my physically ill. I don't even want to be alone in a room with a woman, let alone be a woman. It's been incredibly difficult to deal with, but personally I've found that the more I've been able to deal with this trauma, the less my dysphoria has been a presence in my life.
Are you in therapy? Genuinely, sexual assault issues should be dealt with before transitioning is considered, because the hatred of one's body runs so deep after something like that. I truly hope you become more comfortable with yourself, and if you ever need someone who's experienced the same thing to talk to, my messages are open.
Something I don't see mentioned super often is that a lot of mental illnesses can cause dissociation, and that it isn't always like it's popularly portrayed as. Depression, Anxiety, BPD, PTSD, and lots of other things can cause dissociation that feels anything like "watching a movie" to intense, overemotional episodes of "this isn't me, something is wrong". It can be very easily mistaken as dysphoria, unfortunately ://
I suffer from the same issues from (what I suspect) is untreated/diagnosed BPD. Have you considered talking to a therapist? Specifically about the dissociation, not the dysphoria? I know BPD specifically has people "latch onto" identities they like to compensate for the lack of one they feel they have.
I don't have DID, but I can relate to the sentiment. Strongly suspect that I may have BPD that's been misdiagnosed as depression/social anxiety + dysphoria, and that also comes with extreme dissociation. I lived a lot of my young life believing I wasn't even a person, the dissociation was so bad, or that if I was, that there were literally two or three of me because I didn't understand my mood swings, splitting, or dissociation and thought something was just wrong with me.
I'm very sorry that you've been jerked around like this, but something that always helps me is to remember that now things are on the right track - it might be difficult, but now that you (hopefully) know what's going on, you can work to help the actual issues, not just putting bandaids on the symptoms.