This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "Hopefulforhim" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The comments display:
- Personal, consistent history: Shares detailed, repeated accounts of body dysmorphia and experiences from a female perspective.
- Emotional depth: Expresses complex emotions like anger, regret, and support, which align with the passionate and harmed community described.
- Engaged conversation: Responds directly to other users' posts with tailored advice and personal anecdotes.
- Cultural context: Provides a unique, consistent perspective on growing up outside Western culture, which adds credibility.
The user identifies as a female who experienced dysphoria but desisted without medical transition, which is a valid experience within the community.
About me
I was born female and felt a deep hatred for my developing body during puberty, which I now understand as body dysmorphia. I mistakenly believed my discomfort with stereotypes and painful periods meant there was something wrong with me as a woman. My feelings were a form of escapism from societal pressures, not a true male identity. I never transitioned and instead found peace through self-love, building a family and a career. I am now at peace with my biological reality and believe we should help people feel comfortable in their own bodies.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started long before I knew the word "dysphoria." I was born female, and from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I hit puberty. I hated my developing hips and legs. I remember being sixteen and looking at my calf, making a line around it with my finger, wishing I could just slice that part off to make it look "right." I would even hit my hips on hard surfaces, hoping to somehow flatten them. The mirror was my worst enemy. I told my mom it was her fault I wasn't born a boy and I even tried to pee standing up, only to find it was just messy.
I now see this as a form of body dysmorphia. I was deeply uncomfortable with the changes puberty brought, but there was no internet then to suggest my feelings meant I was actually a boy. I just thought there was something wrong with me as a girl. I also had terribly painful and heavy periods that made me cry every month and left me anemic for years. If I had grown up today, I absolutely believe I would have been convinced I was trans and might have been led down a path of medical transition. I am so grateful that wasn't an option for me then.
My issues weren't really about being a woman; they were about not fitting into the gender stereotypes and roles society pushed on me. I was never a feminine girl. I didn't like shaving my legs or arms—I actually never have, because that's not part of the culture I was raised in. I sat with my legs wide open and was always told to "sit like a lady." I bonded more with my dad and preferred activities that were considered "for boys." I hated the idea that being a woman meant you were lesser, dumb, or submissive. I felt like I had to measure up to an impossible standard, and I couldn't do it.
I’ve come to understand that my feelings were a form of escapism. When I was depressed, my brain would come up with wild ideas to escape my reality, like wishing I could be five years old again in my thirties. Wanting to be a boy was another way to escape the discomfort and pressure I felt. I also had some repressed trauma from my childhood that contributed to these negative feelings about myself and my body.
I never medically transitioned. I only ever struggled with these feelings socially. Over time, through a lot of self-reflection and learning to practice self-love, I've made peace with my body. I learned that hating parts of your body is a common human experience, but it doesn't mean you need to change them. I focused on building a life for myself. I got an education, became a college professor, got married, and had children. I realized that what truly matters is what you can contribute to the world, not your gender.
I don't believe gender is a feeling. I am a woman, and that is my biological reality. I feel hungry, sad, or happy, but I don't "feel" like a woman. Womanhood isn't a costume of dresses and makeup; it's a biological state of being. Gender expression varies so much across cultures. The things people in the West associate with being a woman—like pink, shaved legs, and certain clothes—are just cultural stereotypes, not universal truths.
I have no regrets about transitioning because I never did. But I have deep concerns for those who are being rushed into it, especially young people. I believe a decision to chemically alter your body should not be made by an immature mind. Your brain isn't even fully developed until your mid-20s. We need to ask why this is happening so much in Western countries and not in places where kids are focused on survival. I think we need to help people become comfortable in their own bodies, not encourage them to change them.
I found healing through therapy, mindfulness, and radically accepting myself. I learned to focus on my strengths and to see everyone as human first. My advice to anyone struggling is to find a good therapist, work on your self-esteem, and fill your life with meaningful activities. Learn to love yourself first; everything else follows from there.
Here is a timeline of my significant life events related to this journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Puberty began; started hating my developing hips, legs, and experiencing painful, heavy periods. |
| 16 | Intense body dysmorphia; wanted to "slice off" my calves to make them look right. |
| 29 | Moved to the US; learned about Western gender stereotypes (like shaving legs) that were foreign to me. |
| 30 | Had my first child; my period pain lessened but heavy flow continued. |
| 48 | Underwent Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE) to try to control heavy bleeding; issues persisted. |
| 48 | Present day; at peace with my body as a female, understanding my past struggles were rooted in dysmorphia and societal pressure, not a need to transition. |
Top Comments by /u/Hopefulforhim:
Relationships are based on biological sex not gender. The word homosexual, means the same sex, not the same gender. If you are a biological male and you desire a relationship with a biological male. It is a homosexual relationship, so a biological male who is not into biological males, have the right to refuse a relationship with a biological male who identifies as a trans woman ( post op or pre op). Also, a lesbian has the right to refuse a relationship with a biological male, whose gender is female, because it is a heterosexual relationship(post op or pre op). There is nothing transphobic about making a clear decision on whom to mingle with. Otherwise, we can as well mingle with everyone we see on the street, so we can be trans ally. Also, continuing to modify your body to load on my typical female phenotypes will not improve your chance of finding love- you cannot control how people see you, which is a trans woman. This is a big problem for the trans community. If I get this look, then I will be accepted as X. Well, get the look and people still do not see you as X. Some people will respect X, I will respect everyone’s preferred pronouns, but in reality, do I see them as X? NO.
Wow, “build your identity by gaining external abilities rather than categorizing yourself internally.” This statement sums it up. One is more than their gender. Fixating on gender is limiting, overwhelming, and consuming. Looking internally only reveals weaknesses, people gain bravery and strength by what they can do.
Yes, you are “overthinking.” I am a woman and have always shopped for my husband for more than 20 years now. I have never seen any man look at me differently. Neither have I looked at any man differently in the ladies section. I have had a few men ask for my size, they say I am the same size as their wives. I never read any meaning to questions like that beyond what it is. So feel free to shop in the female section.
“Trans women are male. With or without a penis. With tons of make-up or without. Male and nothing else.”
“Trans men are female. With or without a vagina. With or without breasts. Female and nothing else.“
“Intersex people are a whole other group of people. Don't compare yourself with them.“
Yes, the truth shall set people free. I have decided to speak the truth to my child and nothing more or less. I love my child unconditionally. There can be only one truth. A man cannot be a woman and a woman cannot be a man that is my truth. If a man can be a woman and a woman can be a man. Then, one of the above statements have to be a lie, as there can only be one truth. Truth has to be truth regardless of culture or where you are on planet earth. Truth does not change based on circumstances.
Glad that you figured T was not for you at a young age. Good luck all the way and keep loving yourself. Define your own beautiful. Don’t let anyone define it for you. Also, it is not one size fits all. Find your size, shape, and color. You are you and one unique human in the whole world.
You need to get in touch with Walt Heyer at http://sexchangeregret.com/ He is one person who is living after SRS as a man. He may guide you to the right therapist and doctors that may help fix you. Also lots of resources on his website. Good luck, your life is not over.
You want to work through your suicidal feelings with a good therapist. Please the world needs you! You have something to share. There are many people here, who have had similar experiences, so you are not alone. Detransition is possible, you have to take it one step at a time. Also, remember, it is never too late to go back on the trans ideology. You also want your family, friends, and support system on board. Good luck and I wish you the best.
“I still like purple and cute shit damnit..” Purple has nothing to do with being a woman. West African men wear pink, purple, red, etc. You can like any color. See what I mean below https://www.etsy.com/listing/774588679/african-mens-clothing-wedding?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=african+men+clothing&ref=sr_gallery-1-24&frs=1&cns=1
I am not advertising for them, just to drive my point home.
Wow, NHS has always claimed that they are very careful before setting a child up for transition and that detransition and regrets are very rare. Well, the epidemic just started. Let us watch and see what happens in the next 10 - 15 years with this crop of transitioners.
Thank you for sharing your experience, what you needed was intense therapy and a society that did not judge your gender non conformity. Glad that you are seeing your self as a human. That is my new line of thinking moving forward. I see everyone as humans and no longer care about male or female. Male or female is only relevant for reproduction of the human species. New buildings should have single restrooms without urinals, we all use the same restrooms in the airplanes. When we fly, no one is worrying about the restroom to use.
Women do not expose their neck to show vulnerability. Never heard or seen any woman do that. Sorry for your current state of mind. Finding a good psychotherapist will do you a lot of good. You have to be your own person. Comparing yourself to others create feelings of insecurity, weakness, and low self esteem. Focus on your strengths and shine with those strengths. You do not know what others are battling. We are all insecure in one way or the other.