This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display a complex, nuanced, and deeply personal internal struggle with gender dysphoria, detransition, and identity. The writing is emotionally charged, self-contradictory at times (a human trait when grappling with difficult issues), and contains specific, lived experiences (e.g., childhood trauma, therapy in a conservative country, specific physical features) that are difficult to fabricate consistently. The passion and anger present are consistent with a genuine individual who has experienced significant pain and stigma.
About me
I was born male and felt a deep discomfort with my body from a very young age, long before I knew what being trans was. I tried to escape these feelings by leaving online trans spaces and cutting out supportive friends, but the dysphoria only got worse and more painful. I've explored every possible reason for this, from trauma to other conditions, and even non-affirming therapy failed to help. I feel completely stuck because living as a man is agony, but I see transition as a mockery of womanhood. Now I'm just trying to survive the daily pain and suicidal thoughts without transitioning, which is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long, confusing, and incredibly painful. I was born male, but from a very young age, I felt a deep discomfort with my body. When I was about eight years old, I even tried to remove my testes. I was desperate to not be male. This was long before I had any exposure to online communities or trans ideas; these feelings came from a place deep inside me that I still don't fully understand.
I spent a lot of time online in various trans spaces, but I eventually left them all about four years ago. I even cut out friends who were pro-trans to try and help myself desist. My current friends are all anti-trans feminists who would not support me if I decided to transition. I thought distancing myself from those influences would make the feelings go away, but it didn't. The dysphoria comes and goes, and when it comes, it's worse than ever. It’s a constant, crippling suffering that feels restrictive and destructive, not some fancy form of self-expression.
I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out the root of these feelings. I've considered if it's related to trauma, as I was touched by men in my early teens, though these feelings started long before that happened. I've wondered about things like being autistic, having OCD, or body dysmorphia. I even looked into the concept of autogynephilia (AGP), but that didn't fit me at all; if anything, my attraction feels more homosexual. I have a mix of extremely male and extremely female physical features due to some birth defects, and I'm classified medically as male. This has made changing in locker rooms and other gendered spaces a source of bad experiences and anxiety my whole life.
I saw multiple therapists, including a very conservative one in my country, which only recently legalized gay marriage. Even he leaned towards a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. I consented to non-affirming therapy because finding a way to deal with this without compromising my physical health was the ideal outcome for me. But it failed. The obsession remains. I see actresses who look like I feel I should look, and it makes me want to cry. I have constant suicidal ideation, and it's making me a depressed and angry person, which isn't who I want to be.
I don't have a strong internal sense of being male or female; I just feel terrible living as a guy. The act of performing masculinity feels like I'm playing a role in a play; it's exhausting and feels like a complete farce. It creates an itchiness under my skin when people point out that I am male. At the same time, I view male-to-female transition as a mockery of womanhood, so I feel completely stuck. I can't be a cis woman, so I'd prefer not to transition at all, but the pain of existing as I am is unending.
I have serious health complications from the things I did to my body when I was younger, causing permanent damage. I am likely infertile. The idea of taking hormones or getting surgery is a last resort that involves throwing your physical and social health under a bus for a mental clarity that isn't even guaranteed. It's an abnormal and illogical choice, but a part of me still wants it.
I don't know if I regret starting to explore transition because I never fully medically transitioned. My regret is more about the entire situation—the pain, the confusion, and the damage done. I am trying to find a way to live with this, but it is a daily struggle. I am trying to connect with masculinity, but it doesn't come naturally. For now, I am trying not to transition, to live with the dysphoria, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8 | Experienced intense body discomfort and tried to remove my testes. |
| Early Teens | Trauma occurred involving being touched by men. |
| 18-22 | Actively participated in online transgender communities. |
| 22 | Left all pro-trans online spaces and cut ties with supportive friends to try and desist. |
| 26 (Now) | In therapy, struggling with severe dysphoria and suicidal ideation, trying to find a way to live without transitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/HydrogenDoesntMatter:
As the other person said, you don't have to owe it to people to prove your a authentic detransitioner as much as I don't have have to prove I'm an authentic transitioner. It's a different matter if you feel like you want to for other reasons like raising awareness.
Social media is kind of garbage it doesn't hurt to try and only use it for messaging purposes. I've turned my social media following exclusively for messages and cat pics
Most of the people here either had bad experiences with transition or haven't transitioned and are trying to not. But the consensus that the kids 11 is something everyone can agree on. Him or her they still need time to grow as a person. Puberty blockers is what's reccomended but let them at least have till 15/16 to start if you want to.
The internet's a terrible place to go for this. Unfortunately there isn't any other alternative. Let your kid know that it's alright to just not conform to what guys are meant to be. If they're a she after a few years of genuine support then that is that
It's not even that dissimilar to how trans people are rejected by thier own families and it's sickening. I'm probably going to transition again but I had a friend who detransitioned. I remember him telling me he was happy with being a guy but phrasing it kinda like how I phrased coming out to my parents. I can't understand the whole cesspool of internet addicted thought patterns that leads to rejecting someone for their presentation in a subset of society that's actively rejected for thier presentation. Its hypocrisy to the extreme and I'm pretty sure a chunk of it comes from envy of being able to fit into wider society.
I haven't been in Pro trans spaces for four years now and all of my friends are anti trans rights feminists and would not support transseuxals I've cut out pro trans friends to help me desist too
It comes and goes. When it comes it's worse. When I was little I tried to remove my testes repeatedly. Ive got all sorts of stuff done to me medically and it turns out I did enough to do perement damage.
I don't know how to cure this obsession. I see actresses that look like I would and I want to cry. It never ends. I ignored it for four years. Now I actively face it. It still doesn't end. I can't handle it it's making me someone I don't want to be (depressed angry even not gender wise). I don't even have an internal sense of male or female I just feel shit as a guy.
Why on earth are you going balls to the wall about your tranvestite fetish in a detransition sub? I thought I understood it from proximity to ago in transgender online groups but this doesn't make much sense?
I agree it's immoral to do damage to your body thats what I said the issue is that I'm still what could be dysphoric and it kind of kills you slowly
You don't and shouldn't ling to online niches that are mildly toxic try and give you a sense of fullfillment to try and get confidence. For example your a desisted male and men aren't allowed on the sub. Commenting on various different subs autobans you from the sub. The sub has a rule which suggests making an account solely for the sub. I can absolutely see why it exists and there is a kernal of truth in it but there's also a a clear visible amount of pain and suffering that's been twisted into something more toxic. It's worse then egg irl.
My best friend is absolutely gorgeous and her boyfriend is shorter then that. Women typically want someone who makes them feel feminine as long as you have the vibe you can make it work. I'm sorry if your height bothers you my height bothers me for the opposite reason.
Also if actually ftms live happy masucline lives you probably can too. Your profile is full of transvestie porn so I feel weird trying to say something nice but really therapy can genuinly help. And if you really do just get off to the feminity then you can find a woman who goes along with it I bet, girls are all sorts you just have to put in the effort first. Please don't spam with pro agp stuff that really messes with people with gender dysphoria even if they are desisting
It does it's sort of making a mockery of dysohoria. The hate just bubbled up from my own pain and I was completely blindsided I've never felt like that before I might take a break from anti trans places on Reddit because I don't want to be a bitter person
The science is there but people undergoing a transition don't understand it. It's only recently started to ramp up, people used to transition without a care for long term health because it well and truly isn't someone we've looked at long term. But as a last resort it makes sense, just not for someone that young
Yeah same. I have constant suicidal ideation but I view a male to female transition as a mockery of womanhood so I don't transition. Perhaps I might go on hrt and try makeup but by not transitioning your doing the right thing. Passing doesn't matter. You cannot live a lie that everyone else says is your truth when you truly know your mtf not female
I got banned for saying this earlier. Dunno if it'll happen again. But I'm gonna try and not transition myself. Perhaps a discord group? I'm bad at social interaction I have breakdowns like clockwork