This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent over a year, and reflects the complex, ambivalent, and often painful experience of someone who transitioned for reasons tied to trauma, self-hatred, and social alienation, rather than a clear sense of gender identity. The expressed doubts, regrets, and nuanced "pros and cons" of their situation are characteristic of genuine desisters/detransitioners. The passion and frustration align with the harm and stigma mentioned in the prompt.
About me
I started transitioning in my early thirties because I was deeply unhappy and thought becoming a woman would fix my life. For a while, it gave me hope and I finally felt desired, but I never truly felt like a woman inside. Now, I live full-time as a woman with a boyfriend, yet I feel like I'm living a lie. I believe my real problems were always trauma and depression, not being born the wrong sex. Transitioning helped me survive, but I'm still profoundly unhappy and unsure if I should detransition.
My detransition story
My whole journey started from a place of deep unhappiness. I was in my early thirties, and I felt like a complete failure. I had no friends, no love life, and was estranged from my family. I was a short, baby-faced guy with a curvy, hourglass figure that made me look fat and frumpy in men's clothes. I always felt ugly and invisible, like a creep that people, especially women, wanted to avoid. The quiet, timid personality that felt wrong for a man made me feel like I didn't fit in anywhere. My self-esteem was non-existent, and I had near-daily suicidal thoughts for as long as I could remember.
I stumbled into the idea of transitioning after meeting a trans person in real life. Before that, I didn't even really know it was a thing. I started crossdressing and for the first time ever, I liked what I saw in the mirror. It felt less like a kink and more like I finally had value. People were suddenly nicer to me; being shy was seen as endearing instead of creepy. I started getting attention from people, mostly older men with a fetish for trans women, but it was attention. I had more dates and sexual experiences in my first year of transitioning than in all my previous years combined. It felt amazing to finally be desired.
I saw transition as a project, a way to escape myself and reinvent myself as someone else. I had a traumatic upbringing and a lot of self-hatred, and this felt like a chance to start over. I began taking hormones and had my facial hair removed. I changed my name and ID. I never had a big "coming out" – I just slowly changed and no one who knew me really cared or noticed. For a while, things felt better. The process gave me a sense of purpose and progress. My insomnia even improved, though I think that was more from feeling hopeful than from the hormones themselves.
But the doubts were always there. I never felt like a woman on the inside. I just felt like an androgynous alien who didn't belong anywhere. I wondered if this was all just a form of escapism or even self-harm, a way to cope with a body and a life I hated. The trans community I found was overly supportive in a way that felt cultish, and the people I met often seemed mentally unwell. I distanced myself from them.
I’m now living full-time as a woman. I blend in well and strangers are generally pleasant. I have a boyfriend who is twenty years older than me, and it's nice to have someone, even if I know he sees me as his "special" girl. But I feel a deep sense that it's all a lie. I feel awkward and self-conscious around coworkers. I avoid female-only spaces because I know I don't belong there. I'm stuck weighing my options. If I detransition, I'd probably lose my friends and maybe my job. But staying like this feels like a masquerade.
I don't regret transitioning because it kept me alive. I never thought I'd make it to almost forty, and I have. But I'm not sure it was the right path. I think my issues were rooted in childhood trauma, low self-esteem, and depression, not in being born the wrong sex. I'm trying to work on my mental health now, but it's a struggle. I'm still profoundly unhappy and still have suicidal thoughts. Transition wasn't the silver bullet I hoped it would be. It was just a different kind of difficult.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 30s | Felt like a failure: no friends, no love life, estranged from family. Deeply depressed with daily suicidal thoughts. |
| 34 | Met a trans person IRL for the first time. Started crossdressing and liked how I looked. |
| 34 | Started hormones and began laser hair removal. Did not socially transition yet; people thought I was sick. |
| 34 | Had first relationship and began dating for the first time. |
| 36 | Had been on HRT for over 2 years. Legal name and ID changed. Living full-time as a woman. |
| 36 | In a relationship with a man 20 years my senior. |
| Almost 40 | Currently living as a woman but considering detransition. Still struggling with mental health. |
Top Comments by /u/ICQME:
Have you sought professional mental health help to find out why you feel so empty and worthless? Why do you visit 'cel subreddits? Those places are a real toxic pit of negative thoughts. I sometimes visit those places when I'm feeling really down, it's almost like a form of self harm looking for confirmation bias that I'm a worthless and deserve to be alone. Sorry transition wasn't the silver bullet it's often made out to be.
Every trans person I've met IRL seemed really off, weird, unwell, loopy, mentally ill, obnoxious. The community was overly supportive and cultish. I've always had doubts but transitioned anyway because I felt like I exhausted my other options and believed it was now or never to see if transition would help me. Uncomfortable thinking of myself as the other gender but also feel like I'm not like people of my 'assigned' gender either. Feel like some androgenous alien creature thing who doesn't belong. Considering detransition.
Thanks for posting this and I agree. I'm a profoundly unhappy male with unresolved childhood traumas who transitioned as a way to escape myself and I did believe I'm trans but I'm probably just a very effeminate looking/acting guy. Have little to do with the community because I'm attacked for not being supportive of transition, for having doubts, for having thought crimes. I've often wondered, where are the healthy well adjusted high functioning trans people? Are there any and they disconnect from the toxic community or are they all broken unhappy people who barely function?
Thank you for sharing. My experiance is going from the other direction, I'm male. I'm short with curvy hips, narrow shoulders, small hands, baby faced, etc. with a quiet sensative personality. Felt like I didn't fit in as a guy, had no friends or dating prospects. Tried being more manly but it didn't feel right. Tried working out to get a more masculine body but that didn't work either. Always looked fat and frumpy in guy clothes because of my pear shaped body. Decided to transition because I felt like I tried and tried again at the guy thing and failed. I'm unsure if it was worth it and think about going back, don't know, feel kinda stuck on this path.
Yes, I also felt worthless and ugly in part because I found it impossible to find a relationship or even close friends. Eventually did manage to date and have sex a few times which weren't enjoyable and I couldn't climax. Stumbled into the trans thing and thought maybe that's my problem? Took selfies of myself as the other gender and liked what I saw. Working on transition and getting better looking was almost like doing it for that other person in the pictures. Cared about them and wanted to help them best I could even though it was just me? It was kinda weird as if I was two people for a while. After a couple of years the transition blended me and them into the same person.
Didn't think it was autogynophilia at first because I didn't masturbate or get excited from the clothing but I did feel better thinking of myself as the other gender, felt like I had value so felt better about myself. I also considered myself a straight guy when younger but not sure. Been seeing a guy now for two years and worried maybe I'm not into men and it's just part of agp letting me act out a female fantasy? I'm not really sure. It's the first relationship which started in my early 30s.
Sorry I don't have anyway to help but I relate.
You weren't a bitter recluse incel before attempting transition? Like everything was going decently then you thought transition would be a good move for you?
I'm curious because I was a bitter recluse who had no friends or love life, pretty much gave up on life, then decided instead of killing myself why not try gender transition. Maybe reinvent myself as someone else and see how it goes... worst case I can kill myself later when it fails.
Being a guy isn't a life of ease and privilege some believe it to be? The excitement of making a big life change will dissipate and they're left with the reality of it. Have some NB type female friends and asked why they wouldn't transition even though they often present as male, use a male name, and would talk about maybe transitioning soon. They told me in private they didn't want to give up their female friend circle and the social ease they have as women. Maybe women give up more than they realize transitioning and if they're body dysphoria isn't bad, maybe it's mostly social dysphoria, they decide it wasn't worth it and they're better off going back? Unsure. I often wonder this myself.
Did anything improve after trying to transition or did everything get worse?
Most trans people I know of are on some type of medicaid for poor people. I have private insurance from work with a high deductible plan and I never reach the deductible. I pay about $2000 a year for doctor visits, blood work, and medications. I've also spent about $4000 on facial hair removal over the course of 3 years. A new name/id was about $200. I've also spent more on clothing, shoes, hair, and personal care product had I not transitioned. I'm unsure if it was worth the cost. I paid for it myself but I work full time and live on my own.
Yes, somewhat. I had a traumatic upbringing and hated myself, wanted to erase myself, to be someone else. I'm unsure if this transition is really me or just a mask or escapism. It definitely was a project which had kept me busy chasing goals and seeing 'progress' but now I'm wondering if I've painted myself into a corner and feel stuck on this path. I'm not really sure who I am or what to be. It's really hard to 'just be yourself' when you don't know what that is.