This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is highly personal, detailed, and internally consistent over several months. They describe a specific, complex psychological journey involving anxiety, social pressures, and online influences that led to their questioning. Their passion and criticism are consistent with the genuine anger and regret many detransitioners feel. The language is natural, includes personal reflections, and shows a nuanced understanding of the topic.
About me
My gender questioning started during a stressful time in 2020 after I lost my job. I found myself in online communities that convinced me my anxiety and insecurity were signs I was a woman. I almost started hormone therapy, but my boyfriend helped me see the flawed science and social pressure I was under. I realized my desire to transition was a form of escapism from my real problems. I never took medical steps and am now focused on accepting myself as I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started during a really stressful time in my life. It was 2020, and I lost my job I’d had for five years. I was also in my first gay relationship, and all that stress piled up. I felt really out of place and started spending a lot of time in online communities that had a huge trans presence.
I developed this intense anxiety about whether or not I was trans. It felt like it came on suddenly. I went into these online trans circles looking for answers, and the message I found was deeply confirmatory. Everything was seen as a sign that you were trans. I remember specifically going to places like the egg_irl subreddit, and by their definitions, everyone is trans in denial. My mental health really went downhill there.
I started to believe that transitioning would fix my problems. I thought that if I became a woman, I’d find a new acceptance. As a quiet, introverted guy, I felt like I didn't fit the mold. I thought society expected men to be strong, aggressive, and outgoing, and I was none of those things. I had this idea that a quiet, attractive woman is sought out, while a quiet, attractive guy is just seen as unapproachable. Basically, I thought it would be easier to change my gender than to fix my social skills and my crippling insecurity.
I got so deep into it that I ended up with what felt like genuine gender dysphoria. I even had the phone number for a clinic saved, ready to call and start hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
Thank god for my boyfriend at the time. He was the one who really made me stop and think. He opposed my transition, which was the opposite of what my friends online were saying. If he had been all "be your best self" like a previous partner, I probably would have started hormones. Instead, he referred me to some scientific literature. He showed me that a lot of the common statistics, like the one that says half of all untreated trans people become suicidal, are based on really shaky science. That study was just an online survey asking teens if they "felt suicidal," which isn't the same as measuring who will actually attempt it. Learning that opened my eyes to the fact that these online spaces can be a complete echo chamber.
I realized that my desire to transition was influenced by a lot of things: the stress in my life, a feeling of not fitting in, and the social pressure from being in groups where other people were transitioning. I saw that gender isn't sacred; all kinds of things can make someone develop a new identity. For me, it was a form of escapism from my anxiety and low self-esteem.
I never went through with any medical steps. I didn't take hormones or have any surgeries. I only transitioned socially, and that was just online. Looking back, I don't regret exploring my gender, but I am so deeply relieved that I didn't medically transition. I came to understand that transitioning would have just been trading my old problems for a whole new set of problems. It's not a magic bullet.
My thoughts on gender now are that the boxes we try to stuff ourselves into are contrived and harmful. We can't always be as hot, as young, as feminine, or as masculine as we wish we were, but we can work on accepting what we are. The focus should be less on what we should be and more on what we are.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 26 | 2020 | Lost my job of 5 years and was in my first gay relationship. The stress triggered anxiety about my gender. Started consuming a lot of trans-related media online. |
| 26 | 2020 | Joined online trans communities (like egg_irl). Felt intense social pressure and my mental health declined. Developed gender-related anxiety and dysphoria. |
| 26 | 2020 | Researched HRT and had a clinic's phone number ready to call. My boyfriend intervened, sharing scientific critiques of common transgender statistics. |
| 26-27 | 2020-2021 | Realized my feelings were influenced by stress, insecurity, and online echo chambers. Decided against medical or social transition in real life. Began to understand my experience as a form of escapism. |
Top Comments by /u/Icenine629:
It really is astonishing how much the affirmation from your friends and partners can drive you along. I'm lucky my boyfriend at the time opposed my transition. If he'd have been as "be your best self" as my ex before, I probably would have started hormones.
My biggest clue-in was when psychiatrists and doctors who worked with these kids day in and day out, started to raise concerns about how we treat trans folks in schools and at doctor's offices, they were publicly labeled "transphobic", thereby cut out of the conversation and often losing their jobs.
I hear that. Funny enough, I wanted to transition because I felt out of place. I was hoping by doing so I’d find new acceptance as a quiet and introverted person. It’s all a farce though… if “passing” is going about your day and not being called out for crossdressing, that’s a low bar for truly having satisfaction with your gender identity
Haha, likewise, as femme as I felt I could never bring myself to wear women's clothing because it looked so stupid on my body. At the time I rationalized that away by telling myself I'd dress more femme as I looked more femme, as I started HRT. Oof glad I didn't.
Also oh yeah, dude the egg thing is so bad. Once i started spending serious time at egg_irl my mental health went in the shitter. By their definitions, Everyone is trans in denial.
And it doesn't even help... the oft-quoted study that suggested "50% of people who don't transition will kill themselves" is bunk.... It was an online study in 2018 that only asked people if they "felt suicidal". Now, I don't know about you, but I think asking a bunch of teens on the internet if they "felt suicidal" is not a good measure for who is actually going to bite the bullet.
It's pretty bs and it hurts a lot of people, forcing well-intentioned folks to encourage kids to take life-altering steps towards assuming another identity, often during some of the most formative years of their life.
Though some people would like it to be, gender isn't sacred. All kinds of things can influence people to develop a new identity. Stress, a sense of not fitting in, and other social pressures. For instance, you have a higher likelihood of transitioning if folks in your friend group do.
For me, it came about during 2020 and I entered several online communities with a huge trans presence. I ended up exploring my gender and came upon a huge conflict, coinciding with losing my job of 5 years and my first gay relationship. All that stress and I thought I was trans. My boyfriend, actually, game me some really good information. A lot of the "numbers" surrounding trans aren't great. The commonly cited statistic that half of all folks with untreated trans will become suicidal is a complete farse. And a lot of how we treat people facing gender dysphoria isn't science-backed either. It opened my eyes that trans spaces can be an absolute echo chamber.
This might not be helpful but I just witnessed a fantastic exhibit at the Fotografiska NY, called Puberty. Essentially, it was the visual retelling of a non-binary person who began HRT for the journey instead of the destination.
It was a rather beautiful study in body acceptance and a reminder the boxes we try to stuff ourselves in are so contrived and harming. And also a reminder of the limitations we do have to charge our bodies... We can't be as hot, or as young, it as fem, or as masc as we wish we were... but we can always work to think less of our preconceived notions about what we should be and instead focus on what we are
Cheers
Honestly what everyone else said, it's none of your business what they do. It's their life, not yours. You can say your piece and express your regrets, but there is no decent way to manipulate them into changing their mind. Which is what you would be doing.
It might be because guys are expected to be strong, aggressive, and gregarious, and if you're none of those things you might feel like you don't fit the mold. A quiet, attractive guy is unapproachable -- a quiet, attractive girl is sought out. At least that is what I thought. I thought it would be easier to change my gender than to fix my social skills and crippling insecurity. What about you, why did you want to be male?