The state you're in is likely what is called HPTA shutdown. There are various other drugs and conditions that cause it.

Most here will tell you that it's temporary. From what I've read, probably, for most anatomically intact younger men. It seems to take months at least.

There are supervised recovery protocols called "post-cycle therapy" a TRT clinic might be able to do, common drugs are Tamoxifen, Clomid and HCG. The people asking for this are most likely to be bodybuilders on heavy roids (and only 10% of them bother, so I've read) or TRT patients that want to have a kid. This hasn't been studied all that well, in medical literature. There is nothing that applies directly to detransitoners, last I checked. That might change. There was an endo posting here, saying they've got papers coming. Eventually this will get more medical attention.

I would ask about TRT. "Masculinity" is mostly just a chemical, that can be injected. At least that's how I'm characterizing it, after years of reading annoying grifting and philosophizing about the topic.

Vs. anyone that's using that cheat code, said queens, most men alive today, ain't shit.

If it were not medical, it would be difficult to get others in society to pay for it. It's medical or any other descriptor in whatever ways they want it to be, at any given moment. Postmodern linguistic terrorism. Common and useful definitions, meaning, these are tools of the capitalist, the white man, the oppressor. Make a mockery of it, use it against them to confuse and manipulate them and subvert their institutions like law, medical standards, and no longer expedient liberal conceptions of civil rights.

Ask yourself why something is being treated with hormonal drugs when it hasn't been characterized or diagnosed as a hormonal syndrome.

I wouldn't say I've ever fully transitioned. It's mostly come in waves, on and off. Something different in every season.

Teenager, TF/TG porn, transhumanism, obsessing over what a "female me" would be like, wanting to be her as much as fuck her. Later, trying to masc up and lift weights, something I have kept up on and off since though have never been able to get big. Lots of insecurity about being what was unrecognized hypogonadism. Always playing female characters in games. Straight though, at end of the day. Except for I dunno, those dildos I started buying. Knew all about prostate massage. Felt no guilt, but kept it all under wraps. Possible parents found my stuff. They were really terrified I might be gay. Always accusing me of it, angered by anything perceived as effeminate. Started calling me a twink, fairy, faggot. I remember eventually snapping at the dinner table one night, telling them so fucking what if I'm gay. I wasn't even sure that I was, myself.

College, trans was not a popular thing, but learned about it online, considered that this might be something that is up with me, elated that a "sex change" might be a real thing, started reading about what's actually done, decided, nah wait awhile, this is desperate stuff from the 60's. Played with thinking I might be gay, dressing in a few feminine items or just stuff that was nice and would get you called gay in the shit hole I was from, enjoyed trolling people with a bit of GNC looks or apparently habits every now and then. Hey, I like cooking, gay-seeming clothes, and erotica more than porn, must be something feminine about me. Couldn't get off with a girl without imagining I was one.

20's, stronger and stronger fantasies of being a female, to the point where I've really only got off on the idea of being male like... 20% of the time since then, lately, not at all. It is simply less fun. Dressing way more "gay" or GNC on occasion, flamboyant, colored contacts, dying my hair, one or two blatantly flamboyant clothing items which I told myself was straight PUA peacocking at first. Buying outright female clothing items, getting a hardon from wearing them stealth or not so stealth. Repeated attempts to masc up that ended every time in fucking myself with dildos, buying makeup (I told myself it was for public speaking, like a male politician, but those don't wear lipstick), Eventually, partially crossdressing in private as essentially a sex toy, started with breast forms and a bra. Various things to simulate a vagina. Asked gay friends if this is gay... no. WTF? I'd get this feeling starting as a teenager, basically really wanting to be fucked, up the ass which I imagined as a vagina (still do, though I've found ways to simulate a hole up front that trick my brain pretty well), to submit as a female. Awkward conversations with about half a dozen trans-identified people in these circles, two co-workers transitioned, one younger acquaintance started on estrogen. I told them about my "transformation fetish", and the TF/TG aspects. Gays could not relate to it. They liked men and being men. The transitioner I knew, who was really fucking clearly AGP looking back, was incredibly turned on by the entire thing, like creaming his pants when I described it. I was dressed what I thought was GNC at the time, taking it to a new level, and the whole thing actually freaked out some straight friends who were present and ended up going from libertarian to full 88 in one case. They were used to gays, like a quarter of that particular group was, but this was something different. There was also a friend was a butch lesbian who became FTM + militant feminist and started hating men, which included me. I had no problem using their male name and treating them as one of the guys. Tried to tone police me and call me a misogynist when I described some rando female commentator we both didn't like as an adjective that wasn't even female-specific. They started ranting about patriarchy on Facebook and ended up blocking all their male friends. Around this time I started playing with my hormones, noticed that when I felt like being fucked up the ass, I would feel this odd sensation of heat or burning around my prostate, thought maybe this was related to estrogen, eating soy (lately I get the same sensation from injecting HCG, something extracted from pregnant females but actually makes me AGP-horny as hell, really weird symbolism). Initially, I did herbal stuff, like lavender oil, drinking nothing but soy milk for months. It didn't produce the sensation. It was overall, a dual obsession with raising my "natty" testosterone , while also wondering if my cross-gender feels were due to estrogen exposure.

Going on 30, trans is exploding everywhere. What are these people feeling? Does it have anything to do with that stuff where I've always wanted to be a lesbian, or I'm sodomizing myself on my workout bench imaging being fucked by a male (technically an animal, most often) after doing squats while moaning like a whore? I start hanging out with trans people IRL and online, looking at dozens of videos of them, asking, "What are you? What am I?". I dropped all the furry stuff, which is heavily associated. Focus purely on the feminine aspect, the dildos, the "lesbian" stuff. I buy a couple female outfits to find my sizes. I put on full makeup, a wig, and I'm blown away. I just stare at her in the mirror for hours, feeling myself up, constantly practicing a female voice which I've gotten pretty good at. I start to drop hints I'm trans at work, wearing panties, subtle nude nail polish on one hand, wearing something pink or purple. I'm escalting more and more, imagining that I am transforming. I obtained estradiol (veterinary formulation, which also coded to me as "female animal") and progesterone (it's over the counter as a supplement, bioidentical to the human form though extracted from a yam). I'm playing with these for a couple months, low doses at first, nipples start getting really sensitive and puffy, but my libido is basically dead. I'm depressed and moody, getting ED, and not getting that heat in my prostate where I'm begging to be sodomized.

Then COVID hits. I have to start mascing up again. Shit's getting real. I find AGP nearly simultaneously. I just hear the literal definition read out, arousal at the thought or image of being a female and my jaw drops. Oh yeah, there's a name for it. Then I read about the other behavior patterns and feelings, that have to do with that. I start talking to self-aware AGP's, mostly on here. Plenty of time to obsess over that inside. I'm also playing with hormones thinking that many AGP's should still transition (I'm not opposed to it for an informed adult), more and more, crossdressing for a week at a time and thinking about coming out at work since it's even easier on cam. Overall the estrogen is making me feel like shit thought not really to an extreme, like just, really bored and not feeling horny very often. Didn't do any labs though. Speculating it could be "cycled" now, temporarily, for breast growth. Eventually I realize I'm hypogonadal, get it tested, possibly wrecking myself with the estrogens though it had been like 9 months since the most recent experiment and I wasn't sleeping well. I didn't exactly know what a "PCT" was then, though. Just doing the same old "natty" shit, supplements. Not enough anymore. I need something I can actually feel.

Since then I've been trying to hack my testosterone, and sense of sexual pleasure (what is it really, this thing that drives me to endless extremes, can it be maxed out, etc.), seeing how that really integrates with AGP. I've also tried to amplify my AGP as much as possible, like I'm making my own mind control tracks, creating these... increasingly elaborate fetishy simulations while on various combinations of psychoactives. It's almost like a kind of TOCD, where I'm wondering what it will take to crack my egg for good, but it's not really happening. I have another mental condition that makes it nearly impossible to feel pleasure genuinely, and probably immune to most forms of mind control. What do I have to do with detrans? Well, I'm no longer attempting to feminize myself hormonally. What I've experienced hormonally, physically, socially, doesn't go to the same level as most people here. If I'd been born 5 years later, yeah... I can't not see myself as connected to it though. I started encountering more and more about 3 years ago in sort of, alternative trans spaces I'd call it. I realized, this is about morphological freedom, which is being violated. There is more to learn by listening to the dissatisfied customers. People should, generally, be able to go any direction they like with their physical form.

I have certainly heard it used negatively, like in the same tone gay people used to say “breaders” to belittle and dismiss the behavior of heterosexuals

Or, in other words, exactly what I would call a slur. I hate gluten. Bread bread bread bread bread bread.

Well it hits close to home in describing exactly what's going on with like 80% of them, accounts for their most obnoxious behaviors. No one likes being called out on how they work. It's a vulnerability. They're also often really guilty about it, people that have a strong conformist desire to be "normal" despite being objectively rather not normal in the way they think and feel. They would rather self-castrate than simply enjoy crossdressing maybe with others who are into the same thing.

My first time having normal heterosexual sex, with a pretty female human, with a condom, I was getting bored and felt like I could have fucked her for hours and hours. I required fantasies to get off. It's very powerful.

AGP should probably be classified however full blown schizophrenia is. It seems to involve a lack of agency, delusions come close to the level of outright visual hallucination (I've experienced this myself, I look way hotter to me in the mirror with makeup on than I should even to myself) and behaviors that are clearly danger to self and others. Like, I don't even identify as trans, and I've still managed to obsess over it and torment/alienate friends with my crossdressing photos for perhaps a bit of a masochistic/exhibitionist thrill.

There are clinics, that do female hormone therapy. Keyword is BHRT. I'd run things by one before considering DIY.

It's a niche, like TRT for women, not as well studied. These look like some good primers.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/15660-bioidentical-hormones

https://www.defymedical.com/blog/complete-guide-to-bhrt-for-women/

This pharmacy sheet has interesting details on what they probably use:

https://apothecaryoptions.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/BHRTdosingguideline.pdf

I think these types of clinics have more practical knowledge than anyone about how to manipulate sex hormones. Might also be able to restore cycles with Clomid or other fertility drugs, something I would ask about as an alternative to taking hormones potentially forever.

The hypothesis that autism was an “extreme male brain”

Yeah I don't really buy it either. It seems more specific, cognitive deficits that don't seem like they're associated with either sex. I can see why it's easy for someone who isn't used to unpacking this stuff to believe that a girl with autism is really a guy inside and just needs to lean into that. They're emotionally blunted, for instance. Men are also this to a degree.

We are a sexually dimorphic species and I'm not going to pretend that there are no mental or emotional traits are skewed by sex, it's all conditioning and that people are endlessly malleable (not with current technology, anyway). The mind is not decoupled from the flesh. Our understanding and mastery of the flesh is limited. The blank slate is an example to me of a Big Lie, one of the bigger ones I was taught in the 90's that all of the boomers believed. I reject it.