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Reddit user /u/IllegallyBored's Detransition Story

female
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
influenced online
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
only transitioned socially
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The user's perspective is highly consistent, detailed, and nuanced, reflecting a deeply personal and evolving understanding of gender, dysphoria, and feminism. The comments show a clear, logical through-line from identifying as non-binary to rejecting the concept of gender entirely, a common desister/detransitioner narrative. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant personal harm and social stigma, not with a scripted persona. The account demonstrates genuine engagement with the community, offering both support and challenging critiques.

About me

I started by identifying as non-binary online to escape female stereotypes, but my community pressured me and ostracized me when I said I was just a woman. That experience made me realize gender is just a set of oppressive stereotypes that I don't have to fit into. I am a woman, and my identity is defined by my biology and my life experiences, not by femininity. I manage my body dysphoria by dressing for comfort and embracing a body-neutral approach. I am now a gender-nonconforming woman who is finally comfortable and free from those rigid boxes.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started with a deep discomfort that I didn't understand. Looking back, I can see it was a mix of things. I’m autistic, and I’ve always felt dysphoric about my body, especially my chest. I never fit in with the stereotypes of what a girl was supposed to be like. I hated puberty; it felt alienating and gross, and I didn’t feel comfortable being perceived as female. I didn’t have traditionally feminine interests, except for maybe crochet, and I never felt like I belonged with other girls or with boys. It was a really isolating time.

Because of this discomfort, I started identifying as non-binary online. A large part of that was me just wanting the freedom to be myself without having to perform femininity. I wanted to escape the box I felt trapped in. But that didn’t last. The online communities I was in were incredibly pushy. I was told that because I was a GNC (gender non-conforming) woman who didn’t believe in gender, I must actually be agender or trans. When I insisted I was a woman, people in my friend group started using "they" pronouns for me without my permission. It felt terrible. When I finally put my foot down and refused to be called non-binary or a man anymore, I lost my entire online friend group. They said I was being transphobic. It was incredibly hurtful to be ostracized for just wanting to be myself.

That experience was a huge turning point for me. It made me realize that gender, as it's talked about now, is made-up nonsense. It’s just a set of oppressive stereotypes. I found it incredibly freeing to realize that I didn't have to "fit in" with my gender because the concept itself means nothing. I’m a woman because I was born female. My womanhood isn’t defined by wearing skirts or makeup; it’s defined by my biology and my life experiences. I’ve grown up being treated as a girl, facing the specific challenges that come with being female in a patriarchal world. I’m an Indian woman, and the reality of systemic misogyny, from female foeticide to the harassment women face in male-dominated fields, is a part of my reality. That’s something that can’t be adopted or transitioned into.

I do have body dysphoria, and it’s not going away anytime soon. I’ve accepted that. I manage it by cutting my hair short and dressing in a way that minimizes my chest—comfortable trousers and loose shirts. I’ve benefited from stepping away from trying to conform to any standards, feminine or otherwise. What we need is body neutrality, not more rigid boxes to fit into.

I’m also a lesbian, and I’ve seen how the conversation around sexuality has gotten messed up too. There’s a weird pressure now where any man can identify as a lesbian, or any attraction that doesn't include men is seen as fetishistic. It feels like my sexual orientation is constantly being erased for the sake of "inclusiveness."

Do I have any regrets? I don’t regret my social transition to non-binary because it was a step I needed to take to figure things out. But I deeply regret the time I spent in online communities that pressured me into identities that weren’t mine and then punished me for leaving. I don’t regret detransitioning back to identifying as a woman at all. It was the right decision for me. My thoughts on gender are clear now: it’s a social construct used to oppress women, and I want no part in reinforcing it. I’m just a woman who doesn’t conform to stereotypes, and that’s perfectly fine.

Here is a timeline of the main events:

My Age Event
Throughout puberty Felt intense discomfort with puberty, body changes, and being perceived as female. Felt I didn't fit in with girls or boys.
Early 20s Identified as non-binary online as a way to escape gender stereotypes and find freedom.
23 Realized I am a lesbian.
25 Started feeling more comfortable with my body and began actively managing dysphoria by dressing for comfort (short hair, minimizing chest).
Mid-20s (exact age unclear) Left online friend group after refusing to be called non-binary; was ostracized and called transphobic. Fully detransitioned socially back to identifying as a woman.
Present day I am a GNC woman who sees gender as a social construct. I manage my dysphoria through a body-neutral approach and am comfortable with my identity.

Top Comments by /u/IllegallyBored:

35 comments • Posting since August 31, 2023
Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains that female-only subreddits, aside from those for pornography, are often quickly banned or brigaded.
100 pointsFeb 11, 2024
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Natal females aren't allowed their own subs, unless it's to post pornographic content. Honestly. That's the only subs I've seen enforcing "female only" policies and not get banned immediately. The others get brigaded or banned in a couple weeks, maybe a month.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains how she lost her entire online friend group for refusing to be called nonbinary or a man, which they labeled as transphobic.
82 pointsAug 17, 2024
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I've been told to fuck off when I was discussing how I lost my entire online friend group because I put my foot down and refused to be called nonbinary or a man anymore. My ex-group decided that was transphobic, and now other people have declared that my talking about it is transphobic.

I was once talking about it and someone conplained that I shouldn't be speaking negatively because they were struggling to find a friend group open about trans stuff and like? So because I haven't had fun experiences with something I get to stop other people from talking about it? And that's somehow me either hating that group or genociding them? None of it makes sense.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) comments on the cruelty of a person being called a "TERF" for drawing pictures of her uterus after surviving ovarian/uterine cancer.
60 pointsDec 6, 2023
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A person actually called a woman "TERF" (as an insult) for drawing pictures of her uterus. The woman had struggled with ovarian or uterine cancer (I don't remember which one exactly) and wanted to celebrate getting better, but that's not allowed apparently. You don't see this level of cruelty often.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains how being a GNC woman led to being told she was trans or agender, and that identifying as non-binary was a desire for freedom from feminine stereotypes.
59 pointsSep 26, 2023
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As a "GNC" woman, the amount of times I've been told I'm actually trans is staggering. I tell them I don't believe in gender and I get declared agender. It's genuinely terrible for anyone who wants to just exist and not have to think about how they're presenting themselves to others every second of the day.

I now realise a large part of my identifying as NB was wanting the freedom to do whatever instead of having to be "feminine" in some way. I've never been feminine or had traditionally feminine interests (except crochet, I guess) and I'm still very much a woman. It's fine. Gender stereotypes are bad not something to be celebrated damn.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains that womanhood is innate and not defined by performance of femininity, advising a focus on self-care over online discourse.
52 pointsMar 7, 2024
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There's no such thing as more or less of a woman. You were born a woman, you will always be one. How you present is up to you entirely and all if affects is how you look. Your "womanhood" isn't going anywhere.

There's an insidiousness when it comes to performance of femininity. There's tight and revealing dresses and makeup and heels and everything that takes away from a person's natural body, from who they actually are. You are not your performance, you are a person. Just because you don't adhere to sexist and often uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous stereotypes of what it is to appear like a woman does not mean you are not one. There really is nothing to being a woman. Adult human female regardless of how she dresses or acts is still a woman, breasts or no breasts, makeup or no makeup.

I won't comment on how other people present because it's none of my business but if it's hurting your quality of life you might want to take a break from the internet, take time out for yourself and relax.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) comments on being banned from a women's Discord server for mentioning period cramps, calling it a symptom of a strange cultural moment where discussing biology is often misconstrued as bigotry.
51 pointsOct 14, 2023
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I've been banned from a women's discord server because I mentioned having terrible period cramps. Pretty much no warning, just a mod messaging me to tell me I was creating an unsafe environment and that I wasn't welcome there anymore.

It's incredibly difficult to talk about anything biology related without being called a TERF (regardless of whether you identify as a feminist at all) or a bigot. It's funny because online I'm called a giant, right-wing bigot who hates all trans people and IRL I'm called an "extreme leftist" because I think people deserve human rights regardless of how they present themselves. We're at a very strange moment in time.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains why trans women on HRT do not experience menstrual symptoms, citing the lack of hormonal fluctuations and reproductive organs.
46 pointsJun 23, 2024
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Brainfog i haven't experienced either, but I get super horny on my period and get extreme cravings either during or before it. The horniness isn't particularly unusual iirc. It's because of increase in estrogen or sth I'd read about it a while ago. Either way, because transwomen take the same level of hormones everyday they will not be getting the hormonal symptoms of periods because there are no changes in the levels to cause them and no physical symptoms because they don't have the organs (or again, the hormonal fluctuations affecting the organs) to cause the symptoms.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) comments on trans women on Tumblr labeling trans men as TERFs for discussing their female socialization.
45 pointsMar 7, 2024
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On tumblr many trans women have started calling trans men TERF because trans men will often talk about how being socialised as women/girls means they struggle to speak up and don't want to come across as rude. So, a trans person saying gendered socialization exists makes them a TERF now.

It's basically just a club for trans women only. Everyone else is out to get them, at all times.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains how trans women in male-dominated industries benefit from male privilege while downplaying the experiences of detransitioners and trans men.
40 pointsMar 7, 2024
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Because it's not benefitting them. I hear a lot of trans women talk about how hard it is for them because they work in male dominated industries, and I want to bang my head against a wall trying to explain to them that they are the males in the male dominated industry! Their presentation now doubtlessly makes life difficult for them, and I won't downplay their experiences even though they're fond of downplaying mine, but they benefited from being male in getting into this industry! Acknowledging that would be great! But nooooo.

They only acknowledge the negative parts so they can call themselves oppressed while getting laws changed and acomodations made and benefits consistent from what they were before transition. Saying anything about it is being bigoted. Where are the trans men? Why does no one talk about them? Why are they not getting political seats? Why are there barely any trans men in media? Trans men outnumber trans women by a huge amount, but most of the benefits of this "culture change" is going to a particular sex and it's difficult not to get mad at this.

Reddit user IllegallyBored (detrans female) explains how systemic misogyny and harassment, not inferiority, deter women from entering fields like STEM and game development.
32 pointsApr 25, 2024
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"It's over now" lmao. You're 21 not 12. Please read about how systemic misogyny affects practically every woman everywhere. There are pushes for women in STEM because women in STEM are discriminated agaisnt to the extent that companies have to ask them to join because any woman who isn't extremely competitive is going to think twice before entering a field like that. Not because she's not smart, but for her own safety.

You could look into the extreme sexual harassment women game developers face, for example. Hearing about that all the time will deter other women from entering the field and then men will crow about how women aren't entering a growing and lucrative industry because they're "inferior" while not acknowledging that they made the industry unsafe for women. You mentioned streamers, so you are well aware of how the standard of attractiveness for female streamers is extremely hugh as compared to male streamers. A female Asmongold would never get popular because men would tear her down immediately.

Think about why people are actively trying to recruit women and not men. It's not because women are stupid and privileged, it's the opposite. Please do not buy into misogyny. We have enough to deal with from misogynistic men we don't need women going down the same route.