This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally intelligent perspective that evolves over time. The user describes a personal journey from identifying as trans to desisting, including specific psychological strategies they used (like mirror exposure therapy) and reflections on community dynamics. The narrative is complex, self-critical, and lacks the repetitive, agenda-driven language often seen in inauthentic accounts. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I started identifying as trans at 12 after finding it online, and it felt like an answer to my intense body hatred. I used it as a social crutch to find community and escape a distorted view of womanhood. I began to question things when I realized the community refused to explore any other causes for my dysphoria, like normal puberty discomfort. What finally helped me was learning radical body acceptance, understanding that my joy and life weren't dependent on my appearance. I now know I am just a woman, and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin without having medically transitioned.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was about 12 years old. I discovered what being transgender was online, and it felt like an answer to a deep discomfort I couldn't name. I had really intense dysphoria. I couldn't even shower because I hated my body so much. It felt like there was a giant, gaping hole in my chest because I knew I would never look how I felt I should. I hated my breasts and felt completely disconnected from my body.
Back then, I was very transmedicalist and anti-nonbinary. I identified heavily with my gender dysphoria and actually hated the wider trans community. I first identified as a binary trans guy, and later, I drifted and started identifying as nonbinary. During that whole time, I wasn't comfortable with anything stereotypically feminine because it felt like it invalidated my identity. I think a big part of why I was so insistent on not being a woman was due to a distorted view of straight relationships. When I imagined myself in a gay relationship, it was easy to picture a scenario where I was feminine and treated as an equal. That felt safer.
Being trans also became a huge social crutch for me. The community felt so prevalent and accessible. I saw how other trans people at my college would instantly "click" and form deep bonds just by talking about trans things. It created a feeling of close connection quickly, because it was a topic you couldn't discuss with non-trans people in the same way. It felt like a way to belong.
But over time, I started to have serious issues with the "transition or death" mindset that was everywhere. The idea that you were absolutely born in the wrong body and that medical transition was the only fix didn't sit right with me, especially because no one seemed interested in addressing what else could be causing feelings that looked like gender dysphoria. I started to question how you could tell the difference between real gender dysphoria and the normal, if distressing, discomfort that can come with going through puberty.
The biggest thing that finally helped me desist was a radical shift in how I saw my body. I came across advice, originally for people with phobias and eating disorders, about radical acceptance. The idea was to stand in front of a full-body mirror, naked, and just breathe through the anxiety. To accept that the body you see is not going anywhere. I read a post for people with restrictive eating disorders that said something like, "music sounds the same no matter what size you are." That hit me hard. I realized that no matter what my body looked like or how people referred to me, my life would fundamentally be the same. My joy, my hobbies, the music I listened to—none of that was dependent on my appearance. I had to learn that my body is just a body.
I finally realized I was just a woman. Letting go of that trans identity allowed me to finally get comfortable with myself and my body in a way I never had been. I started to find fun in makeup and feminine fashion, things I had avoided for years because they felt invalidating. I desisted, meaning I stopped identifying as trans but I never medically transitioned.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I do have strong feelings about how these ideas are promoted, especially to young people. I think a lot of younger people are influenced by online trends and niche communities. I see how it happened to me and my friends. I'm still a leftist and I'm still pro-trans rights, but I feel weirdly in the middle now. It's hard because people on my side of the political spectrum often treat anyone who isn't a full-throated trans advocate as a bigot.
I don't regret my social transition because it was a part of my journey to understanding myself, but I'm very glad I didn't medically transition. My main thought on gender now is that it's a very personal experience, but we need to be able to have open conversations about the other reasons someone might feel dysphoric, like puberty discomfort, internalized issues, or a need for community, without it being seen as an attack.
Age | Event |
---|---|
12 | First discovered the concept of being transgender online and began to identify with it. |
12-17 | Identified as a binary transgender man, and later as nonbinary. Socially transitioned during this time. |
17-18 | Began to question the "transition or death" narrative and explore concepts of radical body acceptance. |
18 | Realized I was a woman and desisted, stopping my social transition. |
18 | Found joy and comfort in feminine expression like makeup and fashion for the first time. |
Top Comments by /u/Impressive_Match_792:
I'm not sure how to phrase this without sounding like an asshat, but I think a lot of the younger gay transdude population is teens hopping in on a trend or falling into niche communities. A lot of people are pointing out how yaoi was made for women, and that's true, but I think there is a point to be made about yaoi and young transdudes.
As a woman, the most annoying thing to me is the constant push for penis inclusion in lesbian spaces - and how people will try to say "it never happens" or "it's not a real issue". No, it's a real thing, I'm sick of seeing every other post in lesbian spaces being about penis.
I am still for trans people! Of course, I'm aware this isn't a pro-trans subreddit, but it's the most active detrans subreddit as far as I'm aware.
I'm a leftist, and have been for years.
I think people becoming heavily against being transgender after detransitioning / desisting feel really hurt by the community and the aftermath of their 'gender journey'.
The biggest thing that helped me was understanding that no matter what my body looked like, or how I was referred to, my life would still... more or less be the same.
Actually, one of the biggest things that helped me accept myself as my birth sex was a post directed to people with restrictive eating disorders. I can't remember what it said exactly, but one of the lines was something like "music sounds the same no matter what size you are".
At this point I was convinced I would only ever be happy if I "looked the right way", and this post sent me down the path of realising that bodies are just... well, bodies!
So, I don't know if this was the advice you were looking for, but body neutrality posts directed at people with restrictive EDs can hit the spot...
For me it was finally being comfortable enough with myself and my body to express myself in that way.
A mix of things led to me identifying as a binary transmasc and later nonbinary, and in that time I wasn't comfortable with stereotypical feminine things because it felt like it invalidated my identity.
I finally realised how fun makeup and feminine fashion can be, not much else really.
I desisted because I realised I was just a woman, but coming to understand that I had a distorted view of straight relationships helped me realise part of why I was so insistent on not being a woman.
When I imagined myself in a gay relationship it was so easy to imagine a scenario where I was feminine and equal. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by having a "gay mans heart" or whatever with attachment style.
The thing with the activists promoting this is they never seem to address that it's normal for people going through puberty to feel uncomfortable with their body - even to the point of distress. I think it's a perfectly legitimate concern people have, how do you tell the difference between gender dysphoria and something that looks like gender dysphoria?
I used to have dysphoria like this too. I couldn't shower, I hated myself, I felt a giant gaping hole in my chest because I knew I would never look how I felt I should have.
It's just coming to radically accept that this is your body. Actually, it's kind of like if you had a phobia, and you exposed yourself to that phobia in a positive environment until you didn't have such a severe phobia anymore.
A piece of advice I heard in a video years ago was to stand in front of a full body mirror naked, and accept that that body you see is not going anywhere. Breathe through the anxiety, affirm through the negative thoughts, and keep doing it until it's not as painful.
I saw this post on Tumblr ages ago.
"You cannot going around calling yourself 'detrans'" just feels so... I don't know, entitled? Because why would you tell someone they can't label the experience they had (and being trans is a pretty notable experience.... imo...)
Your parents shouldn't have acted like that, even if they didn't want to affirm your trans identity. Your parents letting you be bullied, and excluding you so obviously from the family, is fucked. Why would you even want a "normal" relationship with them at this point?
The only other desister I know in my life is my ex-friend from junior high, the one who introduced me to transness.
I wonder how many desisters just identified as trans throughout junior high and high school, and now past that just want to move on? As in they saw it merely as a quick phase or something, and have moved on completely.