My name isn't important, but my story is. I’m a woman who transitioned and then detransitioned, and I want to share my experience in my own words.

My journey started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body when I went through puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt like a betrayal and I wanted them gone. I had very low self-esteem and was struggling with depression and anxiety. I now see that a lot of this was related to trauma and the way society treats women. I felt like being a woman meant being vulnerable and I wanted to escape that feeling.

I found a lot of my community online, and I was definitely influenced by the people I talked to and the things I read. I started to believe that all my discomfort was because I was supposed to be a man. I came out as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to identifying as a transgender man. I think a part of this was also internalized homophobia; it was easier to think of myself as a straight man than to accept being a gay woman.

I took testosterone for several years. I was so sure it was the right path. I also got top surgery to remove my breasts. I don't talk about the specifics often, but it was a huge decision that has permanently changed my body. I am now infertile because of the hormones and the surgery, which is something I have to live with.

After a few years on testosterone, I began to realize I had made a terrible mistake. The things I thought testosterone would fix—my depression, my anxiety, my self-esteem—were still there. I had just put a temporary, medical bandage on a much deeper wound. I started to feel angry and betrayed, not just by myself, but by the system that was so quick to affirm me without ever asking why I felt the way I did.

I stopped taking hormones and began the long process of accepting myself as a woman. It has been incredibly difficult. I’ve had to learn to live with a body that has been permanently altered. I have serious health complications from the surgery. My voice is deeper, and while people tell me it still sounds female, I can hear the difference and it’s a constant reminder.

I don't regret transitioning in the sense that it brought me to where I am now and gave me a perspective I wouldn't have otherwise. But I deeply regret the permanent changes I made to my body. I regret that I wasn't encouraged to explore my trauma, my autism, and my other mental health struggles before I medically transitioned. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy after I detransitioned; it helped me finally address the root causes of my pain.

My thoughts on gender now are complicated. I think for some people, it is a true and valid identity. But for me, and I think for many others, it was a coping mechanism, a form of escapism from other problems. I was trying to solve a psychological problem with a medical solution.

I am a woman. I was born female. No amount of surgery or hormones could change that deep, biological truth, and trying to fight it only caused me more pain. I am trying to move forward, to find happiness in the future, and to connect with other women who have shared this experience.

Here is a timeline of my journey: