This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments are highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and describe complex, real-world social dilemmas that align with the documented experiences of detransitioners, particularly regarding voice changes and navigating social spaces post-transition. The emotional tone of frustration, loss, and insecurity is consistent with a genuine person processing a difficult experience.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort began with the changes of puberty, which felt completely wrong. I thought taking testosterone would fix my deep anxiety, but it was really a form of escapism. Now I'm left with a permanent male-sounding voice that causes me constant social anxiety, especially in female spaces where I no longer feel I belong. I've realized through therapy that my real issues were low self-esteem, not my gender. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I deeply regret the permanent changes that have left me feeling stuck.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition has been complicated and deeply personal. I was born female, and my discomfort started around puberty. I really hated the development of my breasts; they felt foreign and wrong on my body, like they didn't belong to me. I now see this was a mix of body dysmorphia and the general awkwardness of puberty that I just couldn't handle.
Before I transitioned, I identified as non-binary. The ideal in my head was to be seen as something in-between, but for people to use he/him pronouns for me. I thought that was the perfect solution. I spent a lot of time online and was definitely influenced by the communities I was in; it made this path seem like not just an option, but the right one for someone feeling like I did.
I ended up taking testosterone. I think a big part of my drive to transition was a form of escapism. I was deeply uncomfortable in my own skin and had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem. I thought changing my body would fix the deep-seated feeling that something was fundamentally wrong with me. The testosterone did change my body, and for a while, I liked those changes. My voice dropped significantly.
But now, I have a lot of regrets about taking testosterone. The biggest ongoing issue is my voice. It passes as male, completely. And that has created a social world for me that I never anticipated and don't know how to navigate. It’s a heavy load to carry around. For example, I recently went to an all-women's soccer club to play. Before my transition, I would have felt at home and had a great time. But this time, I was so anxious. When I introduced myself, all I could think about was my voice. I was terrified that they were hearing a male voice and making all kinds of assumptions about why I was there. I saw confusion in some of their eyes. I spent the whole match barely speaking because I was so self-conscious and frightened. I ended up crying afterward because I realized I had lost something: the ability to be comfortable and have a natural connection in female spaces. I don't know how to explain myself to people without it sounding like I'm sharing a huge, weird piece of personal information right away.
It’s frustrating in everyday life, too. It feels like I can't win. If I dress femininely with makeup and long hair, I still get called "sir" because of my voice. And if I dress in a more non-conforming way with short hair and guy clothes, people get confused and ask if I'm a boy or a girl. I can't seem to get it right anymore.
My thoughts on gender have changed completely. I no longer believe that medical transition was the right answer for me. I think I was trying to solve a deep internal problem with an external change, and it didn't work. It just created a whole new set of problems I now have to live with. I benefited from therapy that was not affirming of a transgender identity; it helped me work through my underlying issues like anxiety and low self-esteem without focusing on gender.
I don't regret exploring my identity, but I deeply regret the permanent changes I made to my body. I feel like I lost a part of my female self that I can't get back, and I'm now stuck in a difficult in-between space socially.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started feeling intense discomfort with my body and breast development during puberty. |
| 19 | Began identifying as non-binary and asked people to use he/him pronouns. |
| 20 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Stopped taking testosterone and began identifying as a detransitioned female. |
| 24 (Now) | Living with the permanent effects of testosterone, like a male-passing voice, and navigating the social challenges that come with it. |
Top Comments by /u/Jack226_:
Yeah but they don‘t ask normally, i do appreciate when they do but that is rarely. So i‘m asking when to open up about it since i clearly need to do it upfront somehow
So, „Hey my name is XYZ nice to meet you, I‘m detrans“ is similar to „hey what‘s up my name is XYZ and i‘m gonna share a weird big piece of personal information with you in order to avoid any misconceptions that you might or might not have had otherwise because I want people to know i AM female“ That sounds soo defensive
Right, it‘s as if people can‘t comprehend testosterone can lower a woman‘s voice. I get it tho maybe i wouldn‘t be able to either if i wasn‘t so familiar with the trans topic
Edit: But like that shows for the fact that if even doctors assume this stuff most of the other people who you encounter do too which i personally am insecure about
Last week I was visiting a soccer club of all women for the first time. And I know before my transition I would have felt at home and would have had the time of my life, having fun. But, I don't know, it was just when I introduced myself, I had this voice in the back of my head that said, Oh fuck, you use your voice now, they gotta assume all kinds of weird things, although you look female. Do you explain yourself? No, you don't. Because it would be weird to bring it up now, just be confident about it. But you know, the thing is, confidence doesn't matter, your voice literally sounds male. So what do I do? I just spent the rest of the soccer match not using my voice basically. I was frightened and afterwards I really cried because I realized that I lost something, I lost being comfortable in female spaces. natural connection. Or am i just lacking communication skills? But it‘s a material reality right? And i saw in some of their eyes that they were confused as to why i’m there, and to some of those people i can’t and don‘t want to just go and explain myself because they probably aren’t very well-versed in the trans thing or they are more conservative or reserved or wouldn’t imagine that somebody like me can exist and i’m gonna come across as defensive. Even though not all of them had a weird attitude towards my presence, which i think has to do with them wanting to be acommodating, idk, I don't know even how to explain myself, I felt like no matter what I said, and I didn't know when and what to say, like where to place any potential statement anyways
It‘s so annoying! When I dress up femininely and with makeup and long hair, I get sir‘d, and when I just let myself be as non-conforming as I want with my short hair and guy clothing I‘ll get questioned if I‘m a boy or a girl. Like I can‘t do it right anymore. That‘s the only annoyance I have with my transition residues atp
A male passing voice feels like such a heavy load to carry around to me. I don‘t feel like i did before (duh, I changed my freakin body) and i‘m relating to my body very differently now. Partly i like that but i don‘t like the different social scenarios i‘m put in to navigate now
Before transitioning i thought it was ideal to be non-binary but people choosing to refer to me as he/him, but now i realize that that fantasy translates very differently to real life. Everytime i meet someone who expresses a similar desire to be assumed male says oh i have such gender envy for you i‘m like lol 😂 chances are you‘d be overwhelmed by this too