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Reddit user /u/Jarofdirt2's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 25 -> Detransitioned: 26
male
took hormones
regrets transitioning
body dysmorphia
retransition
homosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user describes a complex, personal, and emotionally charged experience with transition and detransition that includes specific details about their mental state, social interactions, and medical effects (e.g., lethargy from HRT, the desire to be congruent in a dress). This depth and nuance are consistent with a genuine desister's perspective.

About me

I was born male and my journey started because I wanted the freedom to be feminine without judgment. I tried transitioning, even taking hormones, but they made me feel terrible and caused a lot of problems in my work and friendships. I realized I'm actually gender fluid and that trying to fit into a binary identity was making me miserable. I've since detransitioned and now I'm learning to express my femininity as a man when I want to. I've found peace by accepting that my clothes and makeup don't define my fundamental self.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been confusing, and I’m still figuring it out. I was born male, but I’ve always had a strong feminine side. For me, the idea of being trans started as a way to solve a problem. I felt that if I were a woman, then it would be socially acceptable for me to wear makeup, paint my nails, and express myself in a feminine way. It felt like a shortcut to bypass the judgment I feared.

I decided to try transitioning. I started by dressing completely as a woman in public, going to the mall, getting food, just to see how it felt. I even considered hormones. I took estrogen for about four or five months at one point. But the hormones made me feel terrible. I became incredibly lethargic and apathetic; it was like a chemically induced depression from losing my testosterone. I lost all my sex drive, and while the arousal felt different, more female, I just didn't care about being presentable or active anymore. I also started laser hair removal.

Socially, being a woman was a mix of good and bad. I loved the freedom of expression, but I hated the new set of problems it created. Instead of just being me, I was now "a trans woman." It was overwhelming. My confidence, which I had built up from online communities, started to crumble when it affected my real life. I worked in sales, and my identity started to hurt my income. My relationships suffered too. I lost one of my longest friendships in a really painful way; I think my friend became sexually attracted to me when I presented femme, and when I turned down a friends-with-benefits situation, he ghosted me. It made me feel gross and isolated. I realized my guy friends either saw me as a sex object or were afraid to be associated with me.

The biggest struggle was with the idea of "passing." For me, passing wasn't about truly being a woman; it was about looking congruent with how I felt inside. I wanted to look right in a dress, and I thought breast development from HRT would help with that. But the idea of developing breasts also terrified me because it felt like a permanent commitment to a 24/7 identity. I’m gender fluid. Some days I feel very feminine, and other days I feel masculine. My masculine side feels like a protector, but repressing my femininity is toxic. I couldn't handle the idea of locking myself into one box.

I had a mental breakdown and realized I had almost no real support system. I felt completely alone and knew I had to be self-reliant. Since being feminine was actively causing me pain and instability, I stopped. I detransitioned. I’ve gone through periods of regretting ever starting and also feeling grateful that I stopped when I did.

My thoughts on gender now are that it’s mostly a social construct. I believe there are only two sexes, but gender expression is limitless. Clothes, makeup, and surgeries don't define who you are; they can enhance you, but you can't change your fundamental self. I think it's fine for a man to get breasts or a woman to remove hers if that's what they want, but I don't believe someone can truly change their gender. For me, transitioning was an attempt to escape the discomfort of being a feminine man. I’ve come to a place of peace with being gender fluid, expressing my feminine side when I want to without needing a medical or social transition to justify it.

Looking back, I don’t fully regret exploring transition because I learned a lot about myself. But I do regret not being more confident in my natural gender fluidity from the start. The pressure to fit into a binary, whether as a man or a trans woman, caused me more harm than good.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

My Age Event
Early 20s Started feeling a strong desire to express femininity but felt trapped by being male.
25 Began socially transitioning, dressing as a woman in public to test it out.
26 Started taking estrogen (HRT). Experienced severe lethargy and apathy.
26 Stopped HRT after 4-5 months due to the negative mental side effects.
26 Underwent laser hair removal.
26 A close friendship ended badly, contributing to a mental breakdown and decision to detransition.
26 Stopped presenting as a woman socially and re-embraced a gender-fluid identity.
Now (Late 20s/Early 30s) Living as a gender-fluid male, expressing femininity occasionally without medical intervention. Recovering from laser hair removal effects.

Top Comments by /u/Jarofdirt2:

6 comments • Posting since February 3, 2024
Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (detrans male) comments that there are no genders, two sexes, and infinite personalities, arguing that 'trans' is an undefined spectrum and identity cannot be changed through surgery or clothing.
35 pointsFeb 3, 2024
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There are 0 genders, 2 sexes and Infinite personalities.

Trans is a spectrum Noone can define or agree on.

I think it's perfectly fine to be feminine or masculine. Makeup isn't "you" clothes aren't "you" and surgeries aren't "you".

They enhance "you". And you really can't change yourself. So no. I don't believe there's actually trans people because if it's all just a construct why do they need the binary to affirm their identity?

If a man wants to get tits, it's his right. Or if a women wants to remove hers, fine.

Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (desisted male) explains why he recommends trying full-time feminine presentation before medical transition, sharing that he felt transitioning was a way to bypass social issues but only created new problems.
20 pointsOct 31, 2024
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Before you try any medical stuff. (Like hrt) I would recommend just dressing completely feminine presenting, maybe even just get a hotel room for the day, and dress up. Walk around in public, go to the mall, get some food etc.

See how you feel.

For me, transitioning was purely a way to bypass the issues I faced when I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way. I felt that if I was a women, wearing makeup or painting my nails wouldn't "be a problem"

But all it did was open up hundreds of new problems in that now I'm "a trans women" . It was overwhelming.

I think I'm at peace with being gender fluid and expressing my feminine aesthetic only occasionally and when I want to.

Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (detrans male) explains the etymology of "gender," linking it to the concept of generation and concluding it is a biological binary.
14 pointsAug 20, 2024
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Gender? Yes

Gender expression is near limitless.

Gen" comes from the Greek word genēs, which means "born" or "produced". In Latin, the cognate of genēs is nātus, which also means "born". Nātus is the source of the words "natal", "native", and "nature".

Therefore Gender and Gentiles have the same root, and your Gender is quite simply the manner in which you GENerate new life.

There's only two ways (binary) that humans can generate life.

There's been a few cases of true hermaphrodites, but they are unique because they aren't either gender, but both.

Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (desisted male) explains why he stopped his MTF transition, citing lost friendships, workplace discrimination, a collapsed support system, and the side effects of HRT.
7 pointsOct 31, 2024
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Did you detransition because of society's opinion?

I stopped.. because I was unsure about myself (a feeling I absolutely despise) my confidence was built through the media/trans community and a feeling of "idc anymore". My confidence started to shake as my identity started to affect my income (I was in sales at the time) and as it started to affect my closer relationships with friends and family. I guess I didn't really care about "societies hate" in general.

But.. idk. I had one of my longest friendships end with basically no closure and I suspect it came from the shame of finding me sexually attractive in femme (they kind of came onto me in a subtle way and basically asked to be fwb without the emotional intimacy which I was extremely put off by) a few months later they basically ghosted me while I was in a very dark place and suicidal and wanting to celebrate my birthday. Honestly I doubt I'll ever celebrate my birthday ever again, it's too much of a direct symbol for how little others care about me.

So it felt gross knowing didn't really have guy friends anymore. Just guys that were "friendly" but either didn't want to associate out of fear they're sending the wrong message to me or sending the social cue to others that they were "gay". Or worse, they see you as a sex object with no intention of developing emotional intimacy but will readily treat you like a "fair weather friend".

But I couldn't imagine a reality where I felt comfortable earning money as a trans women. Being a women socially? Loved it. Being a women in the work place (and mostly being seen as an anomaly rather than a women) was terrifying.

I guess I stopped because I had a mental breakdown and realized i barely have any real support system. I gotta be self reliant because apparently, nobody gives a fuck. And being feminine/women was actively hurting me, so i just stopped. I've gone through many periods of regret and many periods of gratitude that I stopped. But I'm still very much back and forth when it comes to gender expression.

Side effects?

Yeah, the worst ones for me was lethargy/apathy which I believe was essentially a chemically induced depression from getting rid of testosterone . The longest I was able to go on them was 4-5 months. But I basically lost the desire to be sexually active, which was hard bc the motivation to be presentable, isn't there when I simply "don't care". Could be a combination of the lethargy though, bc when I did get aroused I was still really into it (but it was more female arousal, so.. it was just different)

Yes, I think I wouldn't accept it either, this is exactly one of the reasons that makes me worry

Basically if I saw someone, like a homeless man in a dress. I'd get disgusted and wonder if we were the same. I might not of been homeless, but I didn't want to be THAT. But then I'd see a gorgeous trans women, or a sexy nonbinary man in the media and think "YES i want to be that".

Which is very confusing. I think it's why I was so stressed about "passing". Bc passing wasn't about being a "women". It was about being congruent with the way I felt inwardly being expressed outwardly. Honestly, my entire desire for HRT might of come solely from my desire to look congruent in a dress (breast development)

I still look cute in a dress, but throw on some breastplates and it really doesn't even compare. Although breast development also terrified me, because it meant I had to be 24/7. It could no longer be something I did to express myself occasionally. It meant a new identity, and I guess my ego wasn't elastic enough to handle it. Because as much as I tried to kill my masculine to nurture my feminine. I'm still very much gender fluid and sometimes I just feel and desire to be very masculine.

If I could get away from my family long enough to truly see how I am when I have the freedom to express myself however I want whenever, things might make more sense and take a different direction. I feel my masculinity protects me but expressing my femininity is a necessity as repression is extremely toxic.

It sucks that our lives are fucked and we can't do much. I am convinced that:

  • If I transition I will spend a life full of health problems, I will be sick for life, passing etc
  • If I don't transition sooner or later I will regret it as I get older because I didn't try

I don't see anything good

I wrestled with the same exact thoughts before just said fuck it and decided to "try it out".

But, I honestly would recommend trying it out, without hormones. The hormones or surgery won't magically make you feel comfortable about your femininity. And can ironically make you feel so much worse.

Cultivate your femininity. Try to embody it bravely, if your confidence keeps building, hormones and surgery could be a natural step in living the lifestyle you want. But take those decisions very slowly.

Maybe you don't want to be a trans women.

Maybe deep down, you just want to be brave enough, to be feminine at all.

Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (desisted male) explains why he chose to desist, advising a pre-everything MTF user to try living full-time as a woman first and warning that transition results in living as an effeminate man, not a woman.
5 pointsOct 31, 2024
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Try living full-time as a women. If you can't do it. You're not ready to "transition" that's my only real advice I guess.

But just know, like others have already stated. You can't "live as a women". The best you can do is live like an extremely effeminate man that "looks" womanly.

If you can deal with the societal hate and the loss of people you thought were friends/family, I say go for it.

Personally I can't say which is worse, living the lifestyle others want for you and feeling completely trapped by your gender, or living whatever lifestyle you want and constantly facing rejection.

It's not an easy choice either way 🙏

It would've been so much easier to just be born female, even if we were "ugly".

Getting older scares me alot, both in watching myself become an old "man" and also, what I would become as an older "trans women".

I pass decently enough. But I couldn't handle hormones, so I wouldn't ever "pass" as an older women. I would just look like an effeminate man In a dress and I couldn't accept that 🤷‍♂️

Hopefully reincarnation is real and I get a choice next go around

Reddit user Jarofdirt2 (desisted male) explains the timeline for physical reversion after stopping HRT, noting it can take 5 years for laser hair removal to recover and that breast development may require surgery.
4 pointsNov 6, 2024
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5 years for laser hair removal to recover. (That's without medication)

You can also use a beard roller which will help with the blood flow.

I'm not to sure about the hrt, but nearly all of its reversible. The breast development if intense enough might require surgery down the line if it's something you'd want.

Don't lose hope though.

I know how hard the sunk cost fallacy can feel .