This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic and not a bot. The user demonstrates a complex, nuanced, and emotionally inconsistent internal dialogue about gender, sexuality, and social pressure that is highly characteristic of a real person grappling with these issues.
There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity. The user identifies as a questioning "gender transition questioning person" and a "desister" (someone who considered but did not pursue medical transition), which aligns with the subreddit's purpose. Their passion and anger are consistent with someone who has experienced significant personal distress.
About me
My journey started with a deep discomfort during puberty and the pressure to be a masculine man. I repressed my feminine side because I feared it would make me unattractive to women, and I struggled to accept my attraction to men. I considered transitioning as an escape from this pressure, but I decided against hormones or surgery because I was scared of the permanent changes and social stigma. I realized my confusion was more about social expectations and internalized shame than a true need to change my body. Now, I'm focusing on building my self-esteem and expressing myself freely without any medical intervention or labels.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I never felt like I fit in with the expectations for my sex. I was born male, and from a young age, I felt a lot of pressure to be a certain way—to be masculine, to be a "gentleman," to be tough. I desired that masculinity because I saw the "coolness" and respect that was attached to it. I thought being a manly man would make my family proud and help me attract women, which was important to me because I know I like women.
But there was always a very strong, feminine part of me that I felt I had to repress. I thought showing that side would make me less attractive to straight women, and the idea of being rejected for who I really was felt terrifying. I now realize a lot of this was internalized homophobia. I started to realize I might be attracted to men too, which caused me a lot of discomfort to admit. I had fantasies about kissing a guy but fought it because I’d been taught that was wrong. I even remember thinking I could only accept being with a trans woman if I framed it as a straight relationship.
A lot of my confusion came from social expectations. I hated how clothing and interests were so gendered. I remember the first time I grew my hair out and put on a headband, I thought, "I look like a girl," and I liked it. I wished desperately that I could just express myself however I wanted without people judging me or assigning a gender to it. I felt like if that were possible, I might not have even thought about being trans.
I started to identify as genderfluid because I felt a strong emotional connection to both masculinity and femininity, though I mostly wanted to be feminine. I thought about transitioning, not because I wanted to embrace my body, but because the thought of accepting it felt too hard. I saw it as a way to escape the discomfort. I was dealing with a lot of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, and changing my body felt like a solution.
I never got any surgery or took hormones. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how big of a deal it is. I was scared of health complications, of becoming infertile, and of making changes I could never reverse. I also saw how politicized being trans is and how people are dehumanized for it. The idea of being seen as a fetishist or a predator, or losing friends and family, was terrifying. I felt like being openly trans would put a target on my head.
I also had to be honest with myself about my motivations. A lot of my desire to transition came from a place of wanting to escape social penalties for not conforming, not from a pure, authentic place. I stopped living for other people and realized I needed to find a way to be me, not because it was "cool" or would get me approval, but because it was authentic.
Now, I don't regret not transitioning medically. I think I would have regretted it because my reasons were mixed up with so much social pressure and internalized shame. I’ve benefited from stepping back and working on my self-esteem and my own issues with gender expression without medical intervention. I’m still figuring out my sexuality, but I’m more open to the idea that I might be bisexual. My main goal now is to just be myself, without any labels, and to wear what I want without feeling like it means I have to be a different gender.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my thoughts over time:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Started experiencing significant discomfort with puberty and male social expectations. |
| 16-17 | Began repressing feminine feelings, believing they made me unattractive to women. |
| 19 | Started seriously questioning my gender and sexuality, exploring feelings of attraction to men and women. |
| 20 | Identified as genderfluid after acknowledging a strong connection to both masculinity and femininity. |
| 21 | Researched medical transition but decided against it due to fear of health complications, permanence, and social stigma. |
| 22 | Began to understand the role of social pressure and internalized homophobia in my gender confusion. |
| 22 | Moved away from identifying as trans, focusing instead on expressing myself without medical intervention. |
Top Comments by /u/Jason878787:
Well what does physical strength mean to you, why do you feel like you want it, if it doesn't play a big role?
Do you feel vulnerable, do you wish you could belong to the bodybuilding culture and because there's no female representation you feel not included?
I can somewhat relate, idea being weaker than average man just makes me feel uncomfortable, even though I'm not constantly being attacked, I had one incident tho, so maybe you have trauma of some sort?
I don't know specific statistics, but as gender transition questioning person with suicidal thoughts history I think I'm qualified about what I think contributes to it.
- People's inability to being their ideal self PHYSICALLY, I don't think there is such a thing as passing as I don't think there is a way to look like any sex or gender, despite that, people still have idealized versions of themselves, and having changes you never wanted or can't reverse can make you feel miserable, especially when you're being bullied for it or when your identity is invalidated based on aesthetics.
- If you are trans, I think it's fair to say that lot of people will dehumanize you at worst and see you like weird not normal thing at worst and you have to live with the fact that people think lesser of you, without you even doing anything. Lot of people will simply see you as crazy for doing something that improves your life.
- Point 2 extends to family and friends, which are very important in person's life. Lot of people can have their relationships completely destroyed or just damaged on again, simply the fact that you are trans.
- Point 2 extends to intimate relationships, lot of people simply wouldn't date you based on being trans, no matter their orientation.
- Politicization of your identity, being accused of being pedophile, weird fetishist, predator, victim of some agenda, when you're just normal person trying to live happy life.
- Not having access to medical care in form of simply being poor.
- Health complications from trans related healthcare + such drastic changes are scary, even if you want them
- Feeling weird around people, because you have such unique problems that make you unrelatable to other people, so basically disconnection to other people,.
- Having to socialize as version of yourself that is far away from your ideal
- Specifically being victim of assault, sexual assault, bullying, domestic abuse.
- Feeling like you can't talk about your feelings and open up to anyone
- Feeling like being openly trans is putting target on your head
- Being told you're disgusting and sinful by religion, especially when you want to be religious
- Feeling like you're lying to people for not being yourself and not being yourself because you wouldn't be accepted
I can go on, but these are the biggest reasons I think.
Yeah the brain differences sounded not convincing, because I didn't know if they looked like that pre or after HRT.
Gender expression expectations definetly hurt, but it's obvious that lot of people identify strongly with gender or at least expression - masculinity and feminity, and want to fit the expectations, men in general desire muscles and beards and toughness, and women beauty... There's definitely "being a man or woman" culture, how to be gentleman, how to be lady. People are definitely pressured into presenting in certain way, but many people just don't consider themselves without "gendered feelings", you can make the argument that things like clothing are ultimately genderless, which is true, but people still use it as social construct to fit expectations, and those that don't like it just go for androgynous fashion.
I probably make myself sound bad, but at least in my country and culture, I presume this is mindset people have, because there is social system based on how much masculine and feminine you are and you get benefits from that.
? I guess I like some men, but I'm extremely into women, if anything I repress my femininity because I feel it makes me less attractive to women, who are into men, but straight girls turn me off for that reason mostly because they just wouldn't be into who I want to be.
Since I was a kid I always fantasized about some sort of role reversal when like a knight girl would save me from monster in dark scary forest or something lol. I felt so disappointed when I started to think that girls only like dominant masculine guys, I don't talk to people so I have no idea if that's true or not, but I know for a fact that it is not who I am.
What does this have to do with AGP or fetish? I just described to you how I desired conformity, because I got penalties for not doing that and you make such a logical leap?
I'm not really interested in having sex right now, it's too much pressure for me, I don't even know what I would do during sex, I'm sure there are women attracted to me, but I don't like myself, and until I'm comfortable with myself, I'm not seeing myself having sex any time soon.
I'm interested in knowing how people with physical disabilities feel about their bodies, many people wouldn't date transgender people, but disabled people, damn it must suck for them, or even people who got accidents and have their faces burnt, limbs cut off, and some of them fucking own it and have a lot of body positivity, I deal with lot of dysphoria and I wish I could change immediately, but I think embracing your own body is better way to go... But you also have to realize that lot of people including me are mentally weak, the thought of accepting and embracing hurts and I'd rather just transition.
This is so true, clothing gendering and stereotypes just hurt everyone, trans people, closeted trans people, non binary people, cis people who just want to express in feminine or masculine way, it creates this mechanic when person gets confused they want to be different gender, just because they like clothing and things society doesn't want them to wear.
I think I'm trans, but I'd definitely feel way fucking better if I could just express however I want and people didn't give a fuck.
Honestly I think it's because the stereotypes are just so connected to sex in our culture. Don't get me wrong, stereotypes can hurt people and I don't see necessity to them.
But to be honest, I remember the first time I grew my hair out and it made me look so feminine, or when I put headband on my hair, I just thought "damn I look like girl". Obviously there's no such a thing as looking as girl, just a stereotypical idealistic version, but people like to be that, and not just trans people obviously.
Not to mention, transgender people have different relationships with these things on average, it feels way different to wear a skirt when you know it's going against roles that are assigned to you based on sex.
What else would you call it? I think calling bodily gender dysphoria a mental illness is kind of nonsensical, if we see it as conflict between the body and mind, by what arbiter do we distinct it as a mental problem? Couldn't dysphoric people advocate for being labeled as physically disabled?
I think it doesn't matter if it's illness, physical, mental or anything like that, what matters is that it is an obstacle people desperately need to overcome.
Do I want to suffer? Absolutely not, but I have this feeling of fear of changing myself mentally, it sounds like suicide, erasing any part of me would be erasing me and at this point dysphoria is such a huge part of my life that I don't want to just remove the mental state by changing my brain, but by achieving what I've always wanted - a different body parts.