Yeah sadly it’s now viewed as transphobic to bring up the fact that transition isn’t right for everyone. I mean my gender clinic literally told me it’s not the solution for everyone, at some point we have to ask ourselves are we pushing an agenda or really trying to help?

I was undiagnosed until age 20. I'm not a detransitioner but I am desister, i'd socially transitioned for three years and was seeing a gender clinic. I also showed a lot of traits and I was worried about the impact of possibly being autistic on transition and my sense of self. Not knowing you literally have had a different neurotype can be impactful. I decided to be honest with the clinic and told them i'd been suspected for some time, they got me a screening test and I scored pretty high (41/50), high enough that they pulled some strings and got be boosted to the top of the waiting list for assessment. I was diagnosed a few months later, notably I've had pretty strong sensory issues that I think I was confusing for some physical dysphoria symptoms. I also had been masking so much that it had obscured my sense of self (Masking is a complex and costly social survival strategy for autistic people, it involves learning neurotypical traits, adopting them and shunning away natural autistic traits and behaviours. This can cause a lot of problems like depression, anxiety, fatigue, the loss of the sense of self and even suicidal thoughts.)

Being autistic has a huge impact on the sense of self, gender dysphoria is extremely common in autistic people. It's definitely something you should know about prior to proceeding with any kind of SRS, so I recommend taking a screening test. I'll link some, please note this is not a diagnosis but can be helpful in indicating whether you should get an assessment or not.

(This is the one I got in clinic.)

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

(This is a longer test but is a bit more specific about traits.)

https://www.aspietests.org/raads/

Sensory issues can also be confused for physical symptoms of dysphoria, and for some hormones can make sensory issues worse (My clinician warned me about this after my diagnosis. I'm not sure how it is for MTFs but this seems to be true for FTMs.) Since being diagnosed my dysphoria has lessened a lot, because I finally understand why I am the way I am, and that i'm not broken. I don't need to keep wearing a mask 24/7. I will never experience gender in the way a neurotypical person does, and i'm ok with that.

Honestly what helped me the most was understanding that you can't change how others perceive you, so honestly what's the point in obsessing over passing or trying to present a certain way? You have to ask who you're trying to please, if its others, recognise you have little control. If it's yourself, then are you sure it's not actually an idea of who you should be that's been absorbed through outside pressures? There's no point going through this life constantly masking.

I recommend just trying not to bother about this stuff, forget the idea of gender, it's a big cultural meme and some of us just take it way too seriously and it can damage our sense of self. it's when I stopped caring that I figured out what made me truly comfortable. Not everyone is born to be some popular social butterfly, trying to live to that expectation is just chasing a dragon. That doesn't mean a life of loneliness either. In fact, I don't think I've ever had so little social success as the time I was trying so hard to fit in. When I dropped the mask, I started to relax, and I guess that made me more comfortable in my own skin, and others more comfortable around me. I went from an agoraphobic recluse with no friends to going back to college and soon having a small troop of friends and actually meeting my fiance. This occurred in about a 7-8 month time span.

I have regrets too, I wish I focused more on music when I was younger, I definitely missed some opportunities that I can't recover. However, these things happen, but that doesn't mean you have to let these ruminations block you. Try to get out of your way, don't assume finality because you missed out on some things .

Yep definitely, I actually got diagnosed with autism a few months after and it was that trip that encouraged me since one of the first pieces of the puzzle that came back after I’d been blown away was the thought I’m probably autistic. Not the first time I got that feeling on LSD either. Turns out I’m very autistic

I’m autistic, female also. For me it’s not that I’m genderless it’s more that I just don’t believe it’s a material thing and so why am I letting what is a essentially a forced narrative placed upon me dictate my life and sense of self. Having something that is at odds with your desires and beliefs and behaviour and thoughts be pushed as an essential part of who you are would disturb anyone’s sense of self. For me at least, it’s worse as an autistic person because heavy systematising is already a requirement for me to function. When I learned to let go of my need to control how others perceive me in such a way, I became more comfortable with my body and being ‘androgynous’ as a female. Personally I don’t even like calling myself a woman generally even though I AM female, but everyone’s different

I went through a similar thing as a teenager. I was always a bit shy, but when I started getting bad dysphoria ^((note: I have since been diagnosed with dysphoria in the form of gender incongruence. ive always had it but it peaked in my mid to late teens.)) and thought I needed to transition to a man, I began to become very avoidant of things I wouldn't usually want to avoid. Such as being in a band, as I was. Going to high school, going to college. Granted, I had gone through a sexual assault so a lot of these issues sort of compounded on each other. I felt like I would never be confident in any way until I transitioned. It was almost a self fulfilling prophecy.

It took me a long time to see a gender clinic, due to waiting lists. By the time I went, I was pretty much a recluse, and I had started to question things more. Things really started to change after I had a trip on LSD that made me forget who or what I was during the peak. As I was coming down from the peak, I began to realize that a lot of suffering is within our perception. We tell ourselves things, about who we are, about our identity, about how others must think or feel about us, about how we should feel or think, that don't actually come from anywhere but our minds, and how we perceive the outer world. So, through this, we can create new anxieties and barriers that will stop us from living our best life. For me, I realized that a lot of my physical dysphoria was almost, psychosomatic? I couldn't live up to the standard of acting like a girl, so I tried something else. I swapped one mask for another.

I decided to be honest with the gender clinic and I told my clinician that I was questioning and that I felt more androgynous than FTM. This still matched my prior history, and I was diagnosed with dysphoria. I also mentioned that I had been suspected of being autistic. He said it was important that we looked into that, so he got me a screening test and I scored very high. A few months I was diagnosed with ASD. I decided not to go on hormones, the clinician warned me that it might make my sensory issues worse, and to me, that was just a bad trade. I should say, having gender dysphoria is very common for autistic folk, especially autistic females. Learning about masking, and how it was affecting my life, helped to rid myself of much of the physical dysphoria symptoms. I also learned that i have sensory issues that also impacted how I dealt with puberty and how it affected me. Now, being a female is just like how I am right-handed, or how I have hazel eyes. It is what it is. All that social baggage is gone, all the worry is gone.

Basically transitioning has become a one-size-fits all prescription for the treatment of gender dysphoria, regardless of whether or not transition is actually in the best interests of the individual suffering or not. It's not politically correct to question, or challenge someone who identifies as transgender in a medical setting, and this is the problem. I'm not suggesting "conversion therapy", some people genuinely benefit from transition and if someone is trans and happy then there's no issue. But the process now is not vetted anywhere near enough, there is not enough background checking, there is not much encouragement for deep reflection. Someone who is trans will be that way regardless of whether they then decide cut themselves off from societal messaging or not, that's not going to change. A lot of the issue now is this idea that, because someone doesn't act like the societal norm of their sex, they must be trans. I think a lot of the frustration felt from being outcast from members of your own sex can be mistaken for needing to transition. There's also a high number of autistic people, many seem to be going undiagnosed as was true in my case but thankfully it got spotted before I went on hormones.

I do feel for you on the regret part. I blew some good years socially transitioning, because it made me very anxious, but was it inevitable? In my case, I honestly think so. I did genuinely have and was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I just found that it was related to being autistic. I do wish I had experienced the sort of deep reflection at a younger age (Transitioned at 16, desisted at 19. Was in a metal band too and I just stopped going! Such a waste, although my mental health was rock bottom so idk if anything would have helped pre autism diagnosis.), but I went through a sexual assault that made transitioning to a man even more appealing. I really wanted the protection such a body would offer. If anything, getting PTSD fucked me up a lot more as im not even sure i would have identified as FTM otherwise, as prior i thought of myself as having no gender and wanting a chest reduction which remains true to this day.

I recommend trying to follow that up if you suspect, in my opinion most autistic people who are late diagnosed know they are autistic before being diagnosed. My clinician definitely told me it's something you should know before transition. For me i was always suspecting it, but actually having a diagnosis helped me a lot because the self doubt went away. It even explained why i liked binding a lot.

The housebound thing makes sense, that would probably do it too. For me I got agoraphobic and during the trip I thought my life was in danger/ gone so it made me reconsider a lot about life and myself. I imagine dealing with illness could do the same.

I sort of understand but personally, I have a clinical diagnosis of dysphoria, so it wasn't like my dysphoria got worse when I socially transitioned, it just never went away. The only thing that's ever helped me, truly, with dysphoria (And this is just me, not making any recommendations) was psychedelic experimentation and when I was diagnosed as autistic.

I used to prefer he/they pronouns. Now I prefer she or they. This pretty much changed after an LSD trip I had where I realized that gender roles are pretty much (to me) just a bad meme I had absorbed from society and that I shouldn't focus too much on what body I got since I have no control over how others perceive me generally. So I let go of most of my desire to control that, and since then pronouns haven't bothered me.