My journey into identifying as trans and then detransitioning wasn't really my own. It started when I was a teenager, around 16. I was a girl who felt completely out of place and had a lot of self-loathing. Looking back, a huge part of my rejection of being female was a normal response to past trauma, but I didn't understand that at the time.

I found community online with people who were trans. They convinced me that because I was different and didn't conform to female stereotypes, it meant I wasn't a girl. I was "egged on" into transitioning. I thought I was doing it of my own free will and that it was the best thing for me, but it was actually other people who had bought into this ideology themselves who pushed me into it. I continued the self-destructive process of transition because of that self-loathing, which was disguised as self-love. It felt like a kind of Stockholm syndrome, and I kept going because of the sunk-cost fallacy—I had already invested so much into it that I felt I couldn't turn back.

I now see the whole concept of gender as a lie born from sexism. It’s just a reinvention of the old sociocultural stereotypes of masculinity and femininity that have been forced on people forever. There are no 'trans people', only people who believe in these nonsensical abstract concepts and internalize them. It's a reflection of our broken society.

I know that for some people, their body just never feels right to them, no matter what, and I understand that. But for me, and I think for many others, a lot of the discomfort was because of those rigid roles, expectations, and the way I was treated by others because I was female. I hated my breasts and the changes of puberty because of what they represented in the eyes of society, not necessarily because of something inherently wrong with my body itself.

My transition was social and medical. I took testosterone for several years and had top surgery to remove my breasts. I am now infertile because of the hormones. I don't talk about the surgery or the infertility lightly; they are serious, permanent changes to my body that I have to live with.

I deeply regret transitioning. I was influenced online and by a specific social circle. I was struggling with depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem, and I now see my transition as a form of escapism from dealing with those real issues. It was a way to run from myself. I benefited greatly from therapy that was not gender-affirming; it was that therapy that helped me finally see the reality of my situation and start to deal with the dissociation from my sex.

Letting go of my attachment to femininity, and then masculinity, was key. I had to accept that I don't have to be either feminine or masculine. I can just be myself, a person who is female. It's been painful, like overcoming a sickness, but I am trying to turn my life around and live embracing who I actually am without restraining myself to past ways or other people's expectations.

Now, I want to help others. I am what many would call anti-trans, because I want to uproot the concept of gender itself from people's minds and from our society. I want to help bring about an end to trans identification by helping people understand the truth of their situations, deal with their dissociation, and abolish the stereotypes that hurt us all. I want us to achieve real equality between the sexes and for this to become a dark chapter we learn from.