This story is from the comments by /u/Kaldaus that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor pretending to be a detransitioner/desister.
Key reasons for this assessment:
- Consistent, Detailed Personal Narrative: The user provides a highly specific and consistent backstory over many months. They claim to be a 43-year-old intersex individual who has lived as both male and female, had surgeries as an infant, and experiences fluctuating hormones. This complex history is woven into their advice consistently.
- Emotional Authenticity: The comments express a wide range of genuine-seeming emotions—compassion, anger at medical malpractice, personal pain, and hope—that align with the stated experiences of someone who has suffered gender-related harm.
- Engaged and Varied Advice: The user offers tailored, practical advice (e.g., on hormone changes, voice training, finding therapists) and engages in philosophical discussions about gender. Their responses are conversational and context-specific, not repetitive or generic.
- Long-Term Project: They frequently mention a long-term, personal project to create a "detransition center," providing consistent details about its goals (housing, jobs, therapy). This demonstrates a sustained, personal investment in the community.
While the account is extremely active and passionate, this aligns with their stated mission to help others and does not, in itself, indicate inauthenticity. The profile is that of a highly involved, opinionated, and caring individual who draws heavily on their own difficult life experiences.
About me
I was born intersex and had non-consensual surgeries as an infant to make me appear male. I spent years trying to live as a woman after a natural hormonal shift, but my body changed again, causing immense distress. I now accept that I don't need to fit into a box of man or woman to be whole. My focus is on healing and creating a real support center for others who are struggling. I've found peace by letting go of gender and just being myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, shaped by a body that has never fit into a simple box. I was born intersex, and that fact has defined my entire life, though I wasn't told about it until I was much older. Right after I was born, doctors performed several surgeries on me to make my genitals look more "normal," which I now see as the first medical intervention I never consented to. I was declared male and my parents were told to never speak of it.
Growing up, I never felt settled. I felt like a girl on the inside, but the idea of being with boys was revolting to me, even as a young child. I was deeply confused until I was about 14 and saw a lesbian photoshoot in a magazine. It was a lightning bolt moment for me; it wasn't sexual, but it gave me hope that I wasn't completely out of my mind. It showed me a way to be a woman that felt right for me.
Because of my intersex condition, my hormone levels have fluctuated wildly throughout my life without any medical intervention from me. There was a period in my early adulthood where my estrogen shot up and my testosterone dropped, and I began developing more female features. I was overjoyed. I thought my prayers had been answered. I ended up joining a lesbian coven and lived with them for several years, which was one of the most amazing and fulfilling experiences of my life. For a time, I was able to live as the woman I felt I was.
But my body had other plans. My hormones shifted again, and my testosterone skyrocketed. I lost the feminine traits I had come to love and my dysphoria came roaring back, worse than ever. It was pure torture. I felt like I was being forced back into a box that never fit. I was prescribed supplemental testosterone for a medical condition related to my intersex state, not for gender transition, to stabilize my levels and improve my overall health. At one point, my natural T levels dropped to a dangerously low 6, making me very sick. I’m currently 43 and under a doctor's care, getting my levels tested every few months and slowly stepping down the dosage.
I’ve lived legally as both a man and a woman at different points because my body forced me to. I’ve experienced firsthand how the world treats you differently based on what gender they perceive you as. I hated how women treated me when they saw me as a man; it was patronizing and dismissive. But I also hated how men treated me when they saw me as a woman; it could be disgusting and threatening. Now, for legal and official things, I use my male designation because it’s just easier. People can call me "sir"; I got over that. It doesn't change who I am.
My thoughts on gender have evolved drastically. I used to think gender was everything, that if I just changed my body physically, I would finally be happy and whole. I now realize that’s not possible. Surgery can’t change who you are fundamentally. I had surgeries as an infant that left me with messed-up genitalia and a deep-seated hatred for my body. Because of that, I dismissed any further surgical transition as an option for myself a long time ago. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am an intersex person, and that is its own valid existence. I don't need to be a man or a woman. I can just be me.
I don't really have regrets about my medical journey because so much of it was dictated by my intersex condition and necessary for my health. But I do have immense regret and anger about the surgeries performed on me as an infant without my consent. I regret the time and energy I spent obsessing over gender when I could have been working on loving myself for who I am. The constant hormone fluctuations and the physical and emotional turmoil have taken a massive toll on my mind and spirit.
My biggest regret is the system that I see now, which seems to push so many young people, especially autistic kids and those with trauma, down a path of medicalization without asking the hard questions. I see an entire generation being lied to and used. I was banned from transgender support groups just for asking simple questions like, "Have you thought about all the factors of what being a female means?" or "Are you aware of the potential complications of surgery?" That’s not hate; that’s concern. People deserve to know all the risks. Informed consent is vital.
Now, my focus is on helping others. I’m trying to set up a center—a physical place—where detransitioners and people struggling with gender can go to get real help. A place with qualified therapists who aren't just about affirmative care but about helping the individual figure out what they truly need. A place to help with jobs, housing, and building a new life. I want to pick up the pieces for those who have been used and abandoned by a system that failed them.
I’ve found a measure of peace by letting go of the need to be seen as a specific gender. I’m just me. My partner is more traditionally masculine, but we just exist together as natural partners. We don't really let gender be a thing. I tell people I’m a hermaphrodite. I’m pagan, and to me, it’s not a dirty word; it’s the names of two deities and represents sacred beings. It’s more powerful than any label put on it by people who use it as a derogatory term. I answer people's questions honestly, and then we move on. It’s just not that big of a deal in my life anymore.
My journey has taught me that confidence isn't something you get; you earn it from yourself. You have to learn to defend yourself, find good people who care about you, and surround yourself with support. The right person is going to love you because of who you are, not what you are. You are whatever kind of man or woman you want to be, and that is okay. In fact, it's awesome.
Here is a timeline of the major events in my life related to my intersex condition and gender:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 0 | Born intersex. Underwent multiple surgeries on genitals as an infant to appear more "male." |
| 14 | Had a pivotal moment seeing lesbian imagery, which provided clarity and hope for a different way to exist. |
| Early 20s | Natural hormone shift caused a rise in estrogen and development of female secondary sex characteristics. Began living socially as a woman. Lived with a lesbian coven. |
| Mid-Late 20s | Natural hormone shift caused testosterone to skyrocket, reversing feminine traits and causing severe dysphoria. |
| Ongoing (40s) | Under doctor's care for intersex condition. Take supplemental testosterone to stabilize levels due to medical necessity (e.g., levels once dropped to 6). Get levels tested every 3-4 months. Currently stepping down dosage. |
| 43 (Present) | Live life androgynously. Use male designation for legal/official purposes for simplicity. Focused on self-acceptance and building a support center for others. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Kaldaus:
OHHH these stories nearly break me every time! That is incredibly sad to hear, there is NO WAY they should have even considered it! Hell they wont do that to women in there late 20's for fear it will cause them so much issues! That is such an awful awful thing, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart! I truly hope that you decide to find a lawyer and sue the crap out of that doctor, that is how we end this! Every woman they destroy every man they mutilate and call it "medical care" should be sued to insolvency! You deserve so much more from life but it was taken from you! Taken from people who you are supposed to trust, with your life! that is wrong on so many levels that it beggars belief! I am truly sorry to hear that your family also played a role, and if you want you should include them in the suit! You were lied to and fed bull crap as medical advice! Taking a uterus out at 16 is beyond criminal it is down right EVIL!!! I am fine with people who really want to transition but there needs to be some things that are just not done! I would be glad to try and help you in any way I can, I am building a center for people who are detransitioning if you are interested I would be glad to discuss it with you and answer any questions you have! Or if you just want a friend and someone to talk to please feel free to contact me anytime! :)
All of it is actually really sad, years ago the LGBT community really was a place that people could go and feel safe and actually meet people who would be interested in being friends and welcome people no matter if they are different, now if you are not the "correct" kind of different, and have the "correct" way of thinking, then they welcome you, if you dont then you are evil and a bigot. They want diversity except for the diversity that really makes the biggest difference diversity of thought! I have cried over what has happened to this community, I likely would have never made it to adulthood without the love and support I got from the community, and I am scared that I would not get that same thing today, and that is incredibly sad!
Please GO! I have had the same fears but I have been welcomed back to lesbian spaces almost 100% of the time, there are the occasional one that is a bitch but it is few and far between. It is SO important to have that connection with other women when detransing, it can really offer so much help and give you so much to help you in general! I really hope you choose to go, and that you have a wonderful time and meet lots of friends! You are doing great and I hope that things will continue to improve and you overcome everything you are dealing with, and have a wonderful and happy life! Best wishes to you, if you ever want a friend to talk to feel free to message me anytime!!! :)
Let me start out by saying thank you for taking the time to come here and get both sides of the equation! It shows a lot of healthy thinking and rational choices are very important as things with this tend to be emotionally driven at least to a certain degree. Transitioning is a very complex thing, and it can be difficult to make the decision for numerous reasons, The most important thing to think about is how you want to live your life and what kind of life would you lead if you transitioned as opposed to remaining the way you are. There are a lot of things that you can do without having to transition medically, I would highly suggest a few things to you,
1,find a therapist that does not do affirmative care, find someone that will give you all the facts and will allow you to lead and decide where to go, there are some great affirmative therapist but many end up really pushing transitioning even if the person specifically says they feel like it is not for them. If you cant find one local there are some really good ones that you can use on your phone and that take insurance or have a sliding pay scale.
Think about what being a woman would mean to you, as in how would your life be different if you were a woman, what would be better and what would be worse, it can be really beneficial to try and explore your own thoughts and opinions on what it means to be a woman and what attracts you to wanting to be one!
Get involved with people who have transitioned or detransitioned and see how they live, try and get a picture of what life is like for people who are going thru it.
Continue to learn and share your thoughts with others who can share there opinion with you, feel free to post here or where ever you feel comfortable as long as you are getting information.
Research research research! Learn everything you can, become an expert on transitioning, learn what is done and why, learn the different surgical techniques there benefits and problems! There is so much information to learn about and its really best to try and learn what you can so you know what you are getting into without any reservations or unknowns or at least as minimal as possible.
I hope this is somewhat helpful if you would like me to clarify anything or if you have further questions I would be glad to try and answer them feel free to message me or ask on here, Best wishes and hope you are able to work things out!! :)
13 years old... ohhh my. It would be hard to know what a man or woman is at 13 regardless of deciding you are not gonna be comfortable with one and will be with the other. I feel so very sorry that it happened to you, I hope you are in a better place now living there best life!
The only people that is even partially true about you would not want it, It is a disorder called PGAD and it is literally one of the most awful things that a woman can expirience. Yes they get off at the slightest touch and sometimes without anything at all, however it never makes them feel satisfied or gives relief, it just continues for hours and hours, it is living in a hell that is made with what should be things that make you feel good.
I would like to say to you though dont let that comment bother you! You are an amazing and strong woman and just because you might have caused some minor changes in yourself does not mean in anyway that you wont have what other women have. You should try to focus on the things that you do have going for you rather than the few things that might have changed besides it is still early in getting off of T it is quite likely that things will improve more over time! I am so very sorry that his comment has caused you to feel inadequate but you should really know better than to get advice on how women are from a cis male! There are things that you can do as well, you can try some different creams that increase sensation if it is not sensitive enough. There are other things that can be done as well it just might take a bit of research! Please try not to be to upset I promise you that it is going to get better! Best wishes to you on your journey!
I certainly hope that you continue to find more confidence and find the love, support and kindness you deserve. If you ever need someone to talk with or if I can help in any way please feel free to ask, best of luck to you in life and in taking back who you are!
LOL I got banned from a trans group for asking, Have you thought about all the factors of what being a female means? and banned from another group for asking, Did you have any fears about your surgery after hearing about complications?. Now if anyone can explain to me how are why those questions would require banning, I know there is not much in the way of context but I am sure most of you know I always try to remain very kind it does not matter how you approach them or how much of an ally you have been in the past and that is my biggest issue with it. It is perfectly fine for people to want to live there lives and to have a positive experience but to go out of your way to try and say that there are not very many detransitioner, I mean this subreddit alone has 50K thats crazy!! There are really big groups and hobbies that dont have that, I would say that is a fairly good example of detransitioner being a real thing and something that needs to be addressed. I feel if it is not it will only continue to grow the number of people who greatly regret there decision. It is important that people receive good care all the way around and are informed of all of the risks and complications that could arise so they make the right decision!
It is really quite sad, it has infected an entire group of people and is doing it to an entire generation. I am so glad to hear that you are coming into your power as a woman and realize that it has a tremendous value! Women need to know that they have power and are just as good as men, it pains me greatly to see so many of the types of women I have always admired and felt like I connect with being nearly erased! I desperately want to try and help which is what brought me here to begin with! You have so much amazing things to experience and an entire world open to you! Blaire is wonderful! I also recommend Salty she is really great and as a detranser she has a lot that you will hopefully relate to! I wish there was a way to reach out to the ones who are going thru it now and help them, but its really impossible to tell which really need it and those that do not. If there is anything I can do to help or if you want a friend feel free to message me! I hope you have a great day and again congratulations on your new outlook on life!
I am working on putting together a place where detransitioners can go and get a safe environment to work on themselves with people what are going thru it or already have. I have set up things for jobs, therapy, groups and activities, and continue to work on it. I feel a burning desire to try and help and made the decision to try and put something together :)