This story is from the comments by /u/KayWhyJ that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic and not a bot. The user, "KayWhyJ," demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective over several years. They identify as an older, questioning AMAB individual who has partially transitioned but decided against full medical transition for personal reasons (faith, family, work, and not meeting all DSM-5 criteria for gender dysphoria).
Key points supporting authenticity:
- Personal Narrative: Shares a consistent, long-term personal story of being a gender-questioning Christian who uses low-dose HRT but has not fully transitioned.
- Nuanced Views: Expresses balanced opinions, acknowledging that transition is right for some people but wrong for others, which aligns with the complex views found in the detrans community.
- Engagement and Advice: Offers detailed, empathetic, and practical advice to others, often recommending therapy and careful consideration, which reflects a genuine understanding of the topic.
- Evolution Over Time: The comments span four years and show a natural evolution of thought and engagement with different aspects of the detrans/desister experience.
No serious red flags suggest this is a bot, troll, or an inauthentic account. The user's passion and occasional frustration are consistent with someone who has personally grappled with these issues for a long time.
About me
I was born male and spent years feeling like I didn't fit in because of my feminine interests. I explored identifying as a woman and even started low-dose hormones, which quieted my obsessive thoughts. Ultimately, my Christian faith and my family made me realize a full transition wasn't right for me. I've learned that I'm just a feminine man, and that's perfectly okay. I'm now at peace accepting myself outside of any labels.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still figuring it out. I was born male, and for decades, I’ve lived with a feeling of not quite fitting into the category of ‘man’ as society sees it. I’ve never been macho or interested in typical masculine things; I’ve always been drawn to more artistic and feminine interests. For a long time, I felt shame about that and kept it hidden.
I started to explore identifying as transgender, specifically as a trans woman. I even began a low dose of hormones for a time. The mental effects were immediate and positive; it stopped the constant obsessive thoughts about gender that had plagued me for so long. It felt like a relief. I spent a lot of time in online trans spaces, and I saw how for some people, transitioning was absolutely the right choice and brought them profound peace. But for me, something held me back from going all the way.
A major reason I never fully transitioned was my Christian faith. I prayed about it constantly and never felt a release or a sense that it was the right path for me. I believe God made me the way I am, and that includes my more feminine nature. I came to accept that being a feminine man is okay; it’s who I am. My family was also a huge consideration. Their love and our relationship were more important to me than pursuing a full transition.
Reading stories in detransition communities gave me a crucial perspective. It showed me that for some people, transition was a mistake made for the wrong reasons, often because underlying issues like trauma, depression, or other mental health struggles weren’t properly addressed first. It reinforced my belief that therapists should do deep, exploratory work instead of just rubber-stamping a transition request. I saw how outside influences, especially online, could really warp someone’s thinking and push them toward a path that wasn't truly right for them.
I don’t experience what I would call classic body dysphoria. I don’t hate my body. For me, it was more about a persistent feeling of not belonging in the male social role. I’ve come to understand my experience as more about being gender non-conforming than being fundamentally a woman inside. I feel like myself, and that self doesn’t fit neatly into a binary box.
I don’t regret exploring my gender or taking low-dose hormones. It helped me understand myself better and eased my mind. But I also don’t regret deciding not to fully transition medically or socially. It wasn’t the right path for me. My biggest takeaway from all of this is that everyone’s journey is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. For some, transition is lifesaving. For others, it’s a mistake. And for people like me, finding peace means accepting yourself as you are, outside of the labels.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Various adult ages | Lived for decades with a feeling of not fitting into the male gender role, keeping feminine interests private. |
| Approx. 2-3 years ago | Began seriously questioning my gender identity and exploring identifying as a trans woman. |
| Approx. 2 years ago | Started a low dose of hormone therapy. Experienced immediate positive mental effects, including a cessation of obsessive gender thoughts. |
| Approx. 2 years ago | After much prayer and reflection, decided not to pursue full social or medical transition due to my faith and family considerations. |
| Ongoing | Found acceptance in identifying as a gender non-conforming male and have learned to integrate my feminine nature into my life. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/KayWhyJ:
I have not fully transitioned (also MtF), so cannot feel your pain, but I want you to know that you are valuable and valid, and that this community here will support you whatever you decide to do. But please, hang in there, find some IRL support, and know that your life is worth living. Bless you!
That is so sad. I have run into a similar situation in other subreddits. They can't take an alternate view. People should be able to express their opinions (as long as they are not rude, hurtful, or otherwise disturbing), especially if said in a respectful, caring way, like you did. :(
It's good that she is out speaking about the situation at least. I do understand the hesitancy in talking to the media, both mainstream and right-wing, because they can take things you have said and use it for their own purposes. It's good that the Washington Post published her opinion article after the New York Times passed on it. So these views are not being shut out totally. And she has to carry some authority on the subject, being a trans woman herself!!
Transition is definitely not the only option. It is right for some people, and wrong for others. It is so important to know in your heart of hearts what is right for you. Therapists can be a help, and should in most cases be helpful, but some really don't know the right questions to ask, I don't think, and some are going with the flow of current cultural thinking, which could be helpful, but might not be as well!
I agree with ApprehensiveLion, take things slowly. At 16 if you have to wait two more years to get on T it's going to give you the opportunity to figure things out better. Making quick decisions, especially at your age, can lead to long term consequences you may not be happy with later. There is a reason some therapists don't recommend medical transition until your brain has fully developed (in the early 20s usually, as I recall). But stay socially transitioned, but you do have time to sort things out, so take your time, continue in therapy (but try to be as honest as possible!).
I think if you learn anything from the stories in this sub it is the fact that even if you are super sure about something (like bottom surgery), that certainty can disappear later. Also, to be learned here, is that if you have any doubts at all about surgery, you should definitely slow down and don't rush it. Therapy sounds like an especially important thing for you to pursue before getting a life-changing surgery like this.
Your experience is valid. Assault is wrong no matter who did it, when, to whom, whatever. I am so sorry these things have happened to you!! As someone who is kind of on the periphery of the trans world (e.g., in real life I really don't know anyone else who is trans in a personal way) I apologize for all those trans people who have hurt you, who have devalued you, who deceived you, and the gatekeepers who did not do their job properly by encouraging you, recruiting you, not truly helping you deal with issues! It is so awful how people's lives have been harmed like your case. But I do believe healing is possible, and that there are people out there who can help you, who can love you, who can direct you in a new path forward. I hope things go better for you from this point forward!
If your ex truly has BPD that is a very difficult disorder to deal with. I know because I was married to someone with BPD and it was really devastating. Our break-up had nothing to do with my gender issues, and mainly with the psychological issues arising out of their BPD and other mental issues. It was not fun and took a long time to resolve. So actually, if you don't mind my saying so, breaking up was probably the best thing for you. I am sure you can find someone else who will truly love you for who you are.
You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Your questioning indicates you are not sure of the right direction, and at your age I believe it can be very hard to know what is right. I'm not sure whether you are in therapy, which some places you would need to be to receive the T blocker, so I would suggest you do a deep dive with a therapist to try to understand both why you thought you were trans in the past and why you are having doubts now. This is something really important for you to do before making any life-changing decisions, especially at such a young age.
Best of luck to you!
Yes, your choices should be respected, and respect dictates using your preferred name and pronouns. This is one thing that really bothers me in the other direction, when people are trans and they get deadnamed and pronoun-ed in the media or IRL. Disrespect is so disrespectful!!