This story is from the comments by /u/Kelekona that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user consistently identifies as a gender-nonconforming AFAB person with PCOS, detailing a long-term, complex personal history with cross-dressing, body image, and medical issues. The writing style is coherent, personal, and nuanced, showing a developed, consistent perspective over several years. The passion and criticism align with known viewpoints in the detrans/desister community. The mention of "phantom wings" and "were-bobcat" is an oddity but is presented as a personal, long-held eccentricity rather than a bot-like inconsistency.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with the changes of puberty and the overwhelming pressure to act like a woman. As an autistic person, I found it easier to reject femininity entirely, and I found comfort in wearing men's clothes and rejecting beauty standards like shaving. For a while, I wondered if I was trans, but I realized I could just be a masculine woman. I’m now at a point where I’ve made peace with my body by stopping my periods and living as a gender non-conforming person. I’m happier now, understanding that my struggle was with society's expectations, not with being female.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been messy, but I never medically transitioned. I was born female, and that’s just a fact I’ve learned to live with. Looking back, I think a lot of my discomfort was just with puberty and the expectations placed on women. My body changed in ways I hated—getting breasts, having periods, being forced to wear a bra. It all felt like a burden. I found a lot of relief when I got on birth control that stopped my periods; I wish I could have done that in high school.
I’m autistic, and I think that played a huge part in everything. The pressure to "act normal" and perform femininity was overwhelming. It was easier for me to just reject it all. I started wearing men’s clothes in the early 2000s because they were sturdier for my job and fit my body better, especially since I’m a bigger person. I never liked women’s fashion, with its low-rise jeans and requirement for tights. I also have PCOS, which means I grow a beard. I don’t shave it often, and I don’t shave my legs either. I just got tired of trying to meet a standard I never felt comfortable with.
For a while, I wondered if I was trans. The idea was pushed a lot online, and it made me question myself. If I had been a teenager today, I probably would have thought I was trans because I didn’t fit the girly mold. But I’m glad that wasn’t an option for me back then. I’ve come to see that you can be a woman and be masculine. You can be a tomboy and never grow out of it. I don’t really feel like I have a gender; I’m just me. Most people call me ‘she’ after a moment of confusion because of my beard, and I’m fine with that because it’s what I’m used to.
I have some strong opinions about the whole trans debate. I believe women’s groups should be allowed to decide for themselves if they want to be open to trans women or not. I get called a TERF for that, but I think it’s a reasonable discussion to have. It frustrates me that you can’t question anything without being labeled a bigot. I also think doctors should be able to properly question someone who wants to transition instead of being afraid of being called transphobic. Not every discomfort with your body means you were born in the wrong one; sometimes it’s about trauma, or autism, or just hating the stereotypes.
I don’t regret not transitioning. For me, the answer was to change how I lived within my own body, not change the body itself. I benefited from non-affirming therapy in the sense that I had to figure out my own way without medical intervention. My low self-esteem and anxiety were tied up in not fitting in, not in being fundamentally the wrong sex. I’m happier now just being a gender non-conforming woman who does what she wants.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenage years | Experienced intense discomfort with female puberty, hated developing breasts and having periods. Felt pressure to act feminine. |
| Early 20s | Started wearing men’s clothes exclusively for practicality and comfort. Stopped shaving body hair. |
| Early 20s | Diagnosed with PCOS, leading to facial hair growth. Decided not to regularly shave it. |
| Mid-Adulthood | Started birth control (IUD) that stopped menstrual cycle, which provided significant mental relief. |
| Throughout | Identified as a masculine woman/tomboy, rejecting the idea that not fitting a feminine stereotype meant I was not a woman. |
| Throughout | Realized autism was a major factor in my social discomfort and rejection of gender roles. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Kelekona:
I'm just a spectator, but if trans people are really so invalidated by the existence of people who made mistakes, maybe they need to be challenged.
In the days when being trans on the outside was all but a death sentence, you gotta figure that the trans person really put some thought into it. These days, teenagers can try it on the same way they can try on being emo. If a kid thinks gangbanging is cool, should we let them go through an initiation and get the tattoos?
We need more stories like this... sorta, I wouldn't wish for more people to go through this...
What I mean is that doctors should be allowed to ask questions and solve the problem by the best means, rather than being afraid of being called transphobic. "Ah sed ah wanded T an tha transphobe sat thar an looked ah meh fer a ful minute liak he wanded ta argue."
My favorite is "They were deemed safe for children going through precocious puberty."
I'm pretty sure that those children are coming off of blockers at around the time that trans children go on them. I do think that perhaps a little bone loss might be less-damaging than going through puberty before their peers instead of at the same time.
I really think that the way you were raised should be a template for how to treat trans teenagers. Let them socially transition, but don't do anything medical. I also don't think that the trans community should be encouraging teenagers to obsess over it.
I will concede that there are some people where if their discomfort doesn't abate in their 20's, there probably is something more going on than being slow to adapt to a post-pubescent body. Adults can do as they wish among other adults, including offering support for those wanting hormone therapy.
That sucks. I was "blessed" with having a mere C-cup for my large frame and family history... probably due to PCOS and I might trim my beard but I don't shave it.
It's horrifying that you were on hormones that made your cup-size that huge without adjustments. No matter what, a reduction is a thing that should be deemed medically necessary from an insurance perspective.
In the meantime... maybe a corset or girdle that transfers the weight of your breasts to your hips. I have no idea how to make the sleep-apnea better except for things your doctors should be suggesting.
Exactly. I believe that women have the right to discuss if they want to allow trans people into their space. I feel like the "no discussion" part is just another way to shut up cis women. What trans woman wants to be in a roomful of women that secretly hate her, anyway. I'm some sort of AFAB and I'd prefer if having a discussion about my presence was allowed.
I am open to calling people out for bad reasons once they have the discussion.
Yes, I'm very in-favor of men being able to dress in pretty things, wear makeup, do complicated skin-routines, and a lot of the other surface-level things that are considered feminine. It's not the equivalent of black-face; though as I understand with drag, that's kinda the point but still a level of acceptable. Since "acting feminine" isn't a requirement for being a woman, that part shouldn't be exclusive to just women. (Since I don't do those things, trying to feels fake or performative.)
My terfiness is just the concern that women's groups should allow control over their spaces to decide whether they're trans-friendly or not... maybe with some scrutiny to determine if it's valid. I probably wouldn't fit in with a trans-exclusive group, but there are some aspects of womanhood that are tied up in having been little girls. It's like how neurodivergent girls get missed because they're expected to behave like young ladies where little boys have different pressures that don't lead to hiding it as much. Trans people insisting that all women's groups be open to them is like trying to enter into culture-specific practices without invitation.
It's a shame that anything dissenting is labelled as homophobic. It's great that you dealt with your cognitive dissonance by changing your view instead of sinking further into the wrong one for you.
I hope that your current problem can eventually be resolved satisfactorily.
Questioning gender identity wasn't really a thing when I was your age, but I probably would have gone that route if it was. I don't consider labels and boxes important, but woman who never grew out of the tomboy phase is probably most accurate.
An adult female body is so drastically different from a child female body that it's probably natural to be uncomfortable with the changes unless you're excited about it, and that might make it take a long time to get used to.
I don't feel qualified to give you advice going forward, but please consider that maybe you don't have to fit into an artificial mold.
I'm in favor of letting autogynephiliacs exist and not have to lie about it.
I don't understand why trans people have to insist that they're identical to cis people. Can't we just accept them as their own thing and give them the same basic human respect as everyone else?