This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no red flags suggesting it's a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal Experience: References to their own past gender dysphoria and teenage experience.
- Nuanced, Contradictory Advice: Offers different, sometimes conflicting, strategies to a parent, which is human rather than scripted.
- Contextual Understanding: Shows an understanding of parenting dynamics and the social pressures on teenagers.
- Passionate but Reasonable Tone: The tone is passionate and critical, which aligns with a genuine detransitioner or desister who is invested in the topic, without being robotic or inflammatory.
About me
I started feeling deeply uncomfortable with my developing female body as a teenager and thought it meant I was supposed to be male. I now see that a lot of my feelings were influenced by internalized misogyny and the appeal of escaping the pressures of being a woman. My time in online communities showed me how powerful that influence can be, especially when it feels like your only source of understanding. I never medically transitioned, and I'm grateful I avoided those permanent changes. Now, I've found peace by focusing on other parts of myself and understanding that my discomfort was a symptom of other issues, not my true identity.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I experienced what I now understand was gender dysphoria. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, specifically with developing breasts. At the time, I thought this feeling was unique and meant something was fundamentally wrong with me being female. Looking back, I see that a lot of teenage girls feel a similar discomfort with their changing bodies; it’s a difficult time, but it’s not necessarily a sign that you were born in the wrong body.
A huge part of my experience was influenced by the world around me. I’ve come to realize that internalized misogyny played a big role. It’s impossible to grow up female and not be exposed to sexism everywhere—in media, in society—and that can make the idea of being male seem safer or more appealing. For me, I think that was a big part of why feeling "at home" in a male body felt like a solution. It felt like an escape from the pressures and negativity associated with being a woman.
I was also very active online in trans communities, and I saw how powerful that influence can be, especially on young people. I’ve seen parents completely alienate their kids by dismissing their feelings and their social circles as "stupid." That just pushes a kid further into the arms of the online community that seems to offer unconditional understanding. I saw how a parent trying to control everything and claiming to "know their child better than they know themselves" can backfire spectacularly, making transition seem like the only path to having your own identity.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. For me, it was a social and internal process. I spent a lot of time thinking I might be trans, but I never medically transitioned. I’m grateful for that now. I’ve seen and read enough to know that even if you are 100% sure you’re trans, you can’t escape the negative medical consequences of hormones and surgery. That’s a really important thing for anyone to realize before they make any permanent changes.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a lot more complicated than we’re often told. For some people, distress about their body is a deep-seated identity issue, but for many others, it’s a symptom of other problems—like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or discomfort with puberty. I think we need to be a lot more careful about the messages we send to young people and offer them more ways to explore their identity without immediately jumping to medical intervention.
I don’t regret exploring my gender, because it led me to where I am now, which is a place of much greater understanding. But I do regret not having a more critical perspective earlier on. I regret that I didn't see how my feelings were being shaped by external forces like misogyny and the online communities I was in. I benefited from stepping back and critically evaluating everything, and I think that’s what helped me most.
Ultimately, I found my way through by focusing on other parts of myself. I got heavily involved in other interests, things that had nothing to do with gender. I think that’s crucial for anyone struggling—find something else to be passionate about, something that defines you beyond this one issue. For anyone supporting a young person going through this, my advice is to be a non-judgmental, trustworthy person they can talk to. If you make it an open conversation rather than a battle, they’re much more likely to feel safe coming to you if they start to have doubts later on.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 14 | ~2005 | First experienced significant discomfort with puberty and developing breasts. |
| 15-17 | ~2006-2008 | Explored gender identity online and socially, believing I might be trans. |
| 18 | ~2009 | Began to critically evaluate my feelings, influenced by understanding internalized misogyny. |
| 19 | ~2010 | Stepped back from identifying as trans, focused on other interests and self-discovery. |
Top Comments by /u/Khem_kid:
You are so obviously alienating your daughter (and I’m saying based on past posts, not just this one). Stop calling her social scene “stupid”. Take her gender dysphoria seriously, fad or not. You are the one who is being a dick here and you’re just going to push your child further and further away - possibly straight into full transition as soon as she can leave your house. Right now you are setting up a false dichotomy: “the welcoming and super-understanding trans community, or my angry and super-critical mom who makes me feel like a dumb kid”. Which one do you think she’ll choose?
I think it’s great that you’re considering this critically. I would point out 2 things - 1) its impossible to avoid exposure to misogyny, because it’s all over the media/society, so all female people have some internalized misogyny, no matter how they were raised in their specific household - and yes, that could be contributing to your feelings of being more “at home” in a male body. 2) Even if you are 100% “true trans”, that’s not going to let you escape the negative medical consequences of hormonal and/or surgical transition. That’s really important to realize. Best of luck to you as you figure this out!
I hear you, that must have been a shock when she came out as trans. Sounds like you might be onto something that she doesn’t want to play soccer anymore. Perhaps you can figure out what “kind of man/boy” she thinks she’ll be/wants to be, and you can get her involved in that lifestyle now. Maybe she thinks she’ll be an artsy guy, or a musician, or a smart guy. Maybe she wants to have muscles - she could get into lifting weights (check out hotflanks on Instagram for an example of a butch body builder). That and just show her the facts on both sides, keep the whole trans thing an ‘open question that the data is not quite in on yet’ (which is true), rather than try to convince her of your view. Again, unsolicited advice but I remember being her age very well - sometimes you’ve gotta let go a little and let them make their own mistakes. If you remain a trustworthy and non-judgmental person she can talk to about this, she’s more likely to speak up when she first has doubts (even if that’s after starting T), and that’s way better than her doubling down when she has doubts due to fear of judgement and “I told you so”’s. I’m sorry we are living in a world where parents do not always have the right to stop their minor child from transitioning, but considering that’s the case, this is the approach I would take.
I’m just going to go out and say it: sounds you like feel a little too close to your daughter and she’s trying to find an identity of her own, one unlike yours. Reassuring someone every day that no one loves them more than you and that other people are going to try and trick them into thinking otherwise... yeah... That’s too much at her age.
So what else does your kid like? Guitar? Writing? Sports? Try to get them heavily involved in that. Respect their autonomous personality development - drop the idea that you “know her better than she knows herself” - that can not and will not be true forever. Who knows you better: you, or your mother? Your perspective is important but at this point I’d say you are giving the trans thing too much attention with her. Get her obsessed with something else - something “even cooler” than being trans. That’s my advice, not that you asked. I am glad you are reaching out for support.
I too experienced gender dysphoria as a teenager, but before the explosion of the Internet and trans culture. And I do think that uncomfortability with your breasts is a common experience amongst teenage women. But I would caution you against labeling your daughters dysphoria as “normal “. It’s kind of like saying that depression is “normal “. Sure, it may be more common than many realize-but is it really normal to experience that level of distress about your body? I hope not, and if it is normal, we need to change that. I just think that if you take this “it’s normal” approach with your daughter you will lose her trust - She doesn’t care if it’s normal, she’s hurting.