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The user expresses complex, nuanced opinions that are consistent with passionate, critical perspectives found within the detransitioner/desister community. The arguments are detailed, emotionally charged, and show a personal engagement with the subject matter, which is not typical of bot behavior. The user identifies as "questioning," which aligns with a desister profile.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort with my body started as a teenager, which led me to transition. I took testosterone and had surgery, believing it would fix my depression, but my underlying issues were actually from trauma. I now see that I was trying to solve other problems by changing my gender, and I deeply regret my permanent physical changes. My views have completely changed, and I now see the harm in gender stereotypes. I am now living as a woman again and dealing with the irreversible consequences.
My detransition story
My journey with gender was confusing and, looking back, I think I was trying to solve other problems by changing my identity. I was born female, and when I was a teenager, I started feeling really uncomfortable with my body, especially when I developed breasts. I hated them; they felt foreign and wrong on me. At the same time, I was struggling with depression and anxiety, and I had very low self-esteem. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere.
I found a lot of community and answers online that pointed me toward transition. I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. It felt like I had finally found the reason for all my discomfort. I believed that if I could just change my body to match how I felt inside, everything would be better. I was influenced a lot by what I saw in online spaces; it seemed like everyone who was unhappy like me was trans, and transition was the only solution presented.
I took testosterone for several years. It changed my voice and my body shape, and I got top surgery to remove my breasts. For a while, I felt a sense of relief. I thought I had fixed the problem. But after a few years, the old feelings of depression and anxiety came back, even stronger. I started to realize that my issues weren't really about gender. I think a lot of my discomfort was rooted in trauma and a deep-seated hatred for my body that was more like body dysmorphia. I also started to understand that I had internalized some homophobia; I'm attracted to women, and I think part of me found it easier to see myself as a straight man than as a gay woman.
My views on gender itself have completely changed. I now see how much transition is based on harmful stereotypes. I see trans women, who were born male, celebrating being weak or being a sex object, and it feels deeply misogynistic to me. As a woman, I know that being seen as weak or an object is not empowering; it's terrifying and it's the reason women have been oppressed for centuries. The whole ideology seems like a paradox—they say clothes have no gender, but then get upset if you misgender them based on what they're wearing. It doesn't make sense.
I have a lot of regrets about my transition. I regret taking testosterone and I deeply regret having top surgery. I'm now infertile because of the hormones, and that's a permanent loss I have to live with. My body is permanently changed in ways I can't reverse. I wish I had been able to work through my trauma and self-esteem issues with non-affirming therapy instead of being pushed toward medical transition. I think that would have addressed the real roots of my problems.
I also feel strongly about protecting women's spaces and sports. Women have fought for their own spaces and opportunities, and it's not fair for them to have to compete against or share private spaces with people who were born male. The physical differences are real and can be dangerous in sports. I feel like my own experience has given me a perspective that is now silenced everywhere online. You can't question anything about transition without being called a transphobe, and that's really tiring.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13-14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with my body and breasts during puberty. Struggled with depression and anxiety. |
| 16 | Found online communities and began identifying as non-binary, influenced by what I read. |
| 18 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
| 21 | Had top surgery to remove my breasts. |
| 24-25 | Realized my underlying issues were trauma and body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria. Stopped taking testosterone. |
| Present (26) | Living as a female again. Dealing with the permanent effects of transition, including infertility. |
Top Comments by /u/KindAddition:
there should be a third all gender category, people who do not identify with sex at birth can compete there. but otherwise, sports should be separated by sex at birth.
it is dangerous and could be fatal for an amab person to compete in contact sports with afab people. there are differences in the body and amab people are stronger, a lot of the time. it is unsafe.
women have been struggling and fighting for hundreds of years to get single sex spaces, and the same opportunities as men. afab women deserve to have teams and spaces that are just for them, and should not be pressured into competing with people they are uncomfortable with or will physically never be able to win against. sure, they might win and they do win, a lot of the time. but what about all the girls who will not ever be able to compete against amab people? it is unfair and it does squash all of the years of feminist work to get these oppurtunities and spaces.
I was just thinking about this- amab transwomen are probably some of the most misogynistic people by a pretty large margin. I won't say ALL, but MANY.
The fact that many of them relish in the fact that they're small, weak, unable to open jars, a "sissy", a sex object, etc etc etc... cis women have been stomped to the bottom since cave days because of our size and (relative) strength disadvantage. Add in the fact that we are highly vulnerable for 9 months of the year and have to feed babies from our chest- it's done for. We're "weaker". It's not something I think women celebrate because it's the cause of years of oppression.
Same with the "celebrating" of being cat called, pestered by men, leered at...... why would you want that? as a woman (questioning, but still) some of the most terrifying incidents of my life were started with catcalling or leering and escalated into something worse. Again, all because women are seen as "sex objects" or weaker".
Celebrating these things, even in jest or even "for your identity" is so wrong in my opinion. And highly misogynistic.
That’s the issue with the whole thing- it’s all a paradox. I’ve seen MTF post pictures that say “imagine being called He when I’m dressed like this” but the same group of people will also say “clothing has no gender”.
if you are wearing a dress but present otherwise as a man, is it really so crazy that someone would call you “he?” since clothing has no gender?
either gender stereotypes are real, and we gender based on those visual/ behavioral cues or they don’t. Trans/NB want both to be true and for no one to ever get it wrong, it’s self centered and doesn’t make sense.
Agree with "harmful stereotypes"- It's said that "reducing women to parts" (ovaries, uterus, chromosomes, etc) is misogynist and harmful, but I don't get why that's any more misogynist than reducing women to sex objects or to a "feeling" or to silly, stupid bimbos. When someone transitions, they almost always try to fit a really bizarre, insulting caricature of a woman. It's offensive.
There is pretty much nowhere on the internet anymore (that isn’t some kind of literal nazi storm forum shit) where you can discuss rogd or trans stuff or hrt in an even slightly negative way without being labeled a transphobe. it’s very tiring but at this point people will just have to start ignoring the label and keeping on with their thoughts and beliefs, they’re entitled to them!