This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user demonstrates deep personal reflection, complex emotional states, and specific, consistent medical and biographical details (e.g., living in Berlin, specific surgeries, timeline on T) that are consistent with a real detransitioner's experience. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic account.
About me
I was born female and struggled with my body, especially during puberty when I developed intense sensory issues with my breasts and period. I felt I had to become a trans man to get the surgeries I truly wanted, like a mastectomy, which I don't regret. However, testosterone caused me severe health problems, and I realized I didn't want to be dependent on hormones for life. Now, I've stopped testosterone and am trying to figure out who I am without that framework. I often feel a deep sadness that I couldn't find a way to be okay as a masculine woman.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been long and complicated. I was born female, and from a young age, I was a quiet child with a lot of emotional issues I didn't understand. I was later diagnosed with autism, which made it even harder to communicate what I was feeling and to navigate social situations.
When I hit puberty, I rejected all of it. I had intense sensory issues with having breasts; I hated how they felt and how they marked me. Getting my period would make me shut down completely and cry from despair. I was attracted to girls, but growing up in a conservative environment, that felt impossible. For about ten years, I tried to be okay with being a masculine woman, but I always felt a deep sense of unease and discomfort.
I started my medical transition when I was 22. I never fully believed in the idea of a internal "gender identity." It felt more like a framework I had to force my experiences into to get the medical help I wanted. What I truly wanted was a mastectomy and a hysterectomy. I hated my breasts and my reproductive system. Testosterone was more ambiguous for me. I liked the idea of masculine traits, like a deeper voice and facial hair, but I was pressured into taking T because it was presented as "part of the deal." No one properly explained the long-term risks or the fact that it wasn't something you could just start and stop easily.
I was on testosterone for about two years. I got top surgery and a complete hysterectomy (removing my uterus and cervix, but I kept my ovaries). I don't regret the surgeries at all. Top surgery especially relieved a huge mental burden. However, being on testosterone became a problem. I experienced severe side effects, including a receding hairline and, more seriously, intense joint pain and cracking. My body felt like it was falling apart. I also had a bad episode where I felt restless, impulsive, and aggressive, which I now believe was from a hormonal overdose.
I realized I never wanted to be dependent on external hormones for the rest of my life. The goal of becoming a completely "transitioned" trans man felt impossible and would keep me tied to a medical system that didn't always have my best interests at heart. I decided that my health and integrity were more important. I stopped testosterone about eight months ago.
Since stopping, I’ve had to deal with the physical fallout. My muscle mass has decreased, and the joint issues, likely from low estrogen, have been challenging. My face shape has softened, and fat has redistributed back to a more feminine pattern. I still pass as male, which I'm comfortable with for now. I enjoy the permanent changes from T, like my deeper voice, and I have no desire to go back on it.
I struggle a lot with regret, but not about the surgeries. I regret that I felt I had to become a trans man to get the medical procedures I needed. I regret that I wasn't able to love myself as a masculine woman and that internalized homophobia and the difficulties of being an autistic, gay woman made that path seem impossible. I’ve lost an erogenous zone from my surgery, which sometimes feels like a disability, even though it calmed my mind.
Now, I'm trying to figure out who I am without the trans framework. Every day is a struggle with depression and anxiety, and I often feel like a shadow of what I could have been. I’m trying to learn to accept myself and find a future, but it’s very hard.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Pre-22 | Struggled with puberty, sensory issues with breasts, depression, and social discomfort. Identified as a masculine woman. |
| 22 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 23 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 24 | Underwent a complete hysterectomy (uterus and cervix removed, ovaries kept). |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone after approximately 2 years of use due to severe side effects. |
| 24-25 | (Present) Living off testosterone, dealing with the physical and emotional effects of detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/Konsta97:
Your way with words is extremely straightforward and concise for your age. Which tells that lots of introspection and analysis preceded your post. If you tackle all life matters like that, you'll become one powerful adult.
If your friends care about you in any capacity beyond making fun of cis people together, they will accept your newfound clarity. You don't suddendly stop having had the exact same trans experiences as them just because you want to no longer be seen as male. In fact, you said you went farther than them. They have no ground to doubt your "trans credentials".
Revel in your female masculinity, wear dresses, do whatever you need to do to make your body feel like a home. And most importantly - take good care of it. Your body is you.
What helped me was a growing awareness around the fact that I could never become what I wanted - a biological man. The only much more difficult, expensive and soul-sucking option was to become (and stay!) a trans man. It helps to be extremely grounded when it comes to what's actually achieveable.
Brother! Your post is powerful.
I'm in a similar situation - 2 years T, quit after a partial hysterectomy. Still passing, I love my transitioned body now, but I'm very sad that I was so wholly unable to develop any love for myself prior to taking medical pathways. I'm dealing with the fallout of becoming estrogenic again, like shrunken muscle mass and joint strain. Hopefully, things will be looking up.
I too got billed enormous amounts for endocrinology services, though thankfully in my country, medical billing is legally capped. I had hoped to live an independent and fulfilled live as a "wholly transitioned" trans man, but realized that it isn't possible without depending on people who don't have my best interest at heart. I opted out of bottom surgery plans, not because I stopped wishing I could flip a switch, but because my health and integrity became more important than the hypothetical bio man I had yearned to become. I wish we didn't have such bright red targets for medical capitalism on our foreheads.
All the best!
I do, had a hysto though, kept ovaries. Surgeon said they looked healthy and nothing was atrophied. Was advised to temporarily go off T initially to not further impede their healing, but now I just don't ever want to get on it again.
That blood test will decide over heaven or hell, I suppose.
Hey, that's a little glimmer of hope, thank you.
No periods for me, had both uterus and cervix removed. I used "partial hysto" wrongly above, since a complete hysto already means removal of uterus and cervix. I should have said I had a complete hysto plus tube removal.
I'm glad your body has returned to normal. Whenabouts did that effect kick in? I know everyone's different, I'd just find a rough estimate helpful.
I strongly disagree with the notion that questioning aspects of transition makes you not trans. That's pretty similar to the truscum view, in which you either want 100% of medical interference from toddler age, or you aren't trans.
A healthy and medically informed trans person should question every single step of their path from all angles, constantly. Making weighted judgements is a sign of maturity, not uncertainty. Actually, just taking surgeon's sales pitches at face value will make you more susceptible to being pressured into decisions you might regret. I thought that's what Buck and his fans wanted to see avoided?
Also, I don't like this retroactive negating of the trans life of detrans people. For all intents and purposes, most detrans folks once lived the lives of trans folks.
I feel similarly. Even though I passed up on some aspects of my transition entirely, I'm still very content with the surgeries I have gotten and would never describe them as mutilation. I just wish I wouldn't have needed to be a trans man to get them.
That corresponds with my own research. Estrogen apparently helps keep up synovial fluids in the joint cavities, and lower levels mean less of it.
Internet still recommends moderate levels of activity, because movement gets whatever synovial fluid you have left flowing. Guess I'm heading out for a bit.
It's not really painful as it happens, it's more of an uncomfortable feeling. Like the whole joint structure is less stable and would take little force or impact to tear apart.
I'm glad getting off T worked out so well for you, I hope I'll be in that same boat. I'm not actually unhappy with any of the concrete changes I got - lower voice, facial hair and better muscle tone are all things I enjoy greatly. So I can't say I regret ever having taken it. But as I look back, what I really wanted out of the trans path was independence. And continuous T just doesn't gel with that at all.
Yes, it seems to be of upmost concern to keep the trans person coming back for this and that. At least I live in a country where medical billing amounts are legally restricted, I imagine that in places such as the US, we can be made into golden cash cows for medical predators.
Thank you for replying ...
I am also teetering that line towards regret sometimes. Overall, I really don't miss the constant dread they brought me. But medical personel basically removed an entire erogenous zone from my body which is now irreversibly gone. I cannot help but look at it as a disability, even though it calmed my psyche down.
I hope all is well for you.