It might be worth it to check our more blogs, too. Crashchaoscats.wordpress.com has written a bit about alternative treatments for gender dysphoria. It’s possible to also work through the feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they are, through means other than medical transition. Transition may be the right path for many people. For me thinking more about gender and disconnecting myself psychologically from the gender associated with my sex made my dysphoria and anxiety worse which made medical transition feel like a good option. It’s possible that I wouldn’t have been able to do very much about that because gender is shoved down everyone’s throats all the damn time. I think the meaning that I made of my experiences was off, incorrect. And for me fixating on being perceived a certain way was bad for me and led me down the wrong path of transition. Not sure if this is helpful.

If you have healthy ways and practices of connecting with your body, appreciating your body and connecting to your inner felt sense, do those things. I agree with what other people said, too. Take it slow and be open to unpacking all the messages, experiences that point to transition.

The thing is, some people don’t know that it’s the wrong path until they’ve fully transitioned and lived that way for several years. This makes it hard to know for sure who will want to detransition later. Even folks who work for a long time with a therapist or multiple therapists and follow all the recommendations may find later that transition was the wrong path. And not everyone who detransitions regrets transition. Sometimes it’s a helpful experience and can be acknowledged as getting us to where we are now.

I’m so sorry you’re in pain right now. You’re not alone. I hope you’re able to get support - you said you’re not functioning? Are you talking to anyone about your feelings of regret?

You are powerful and working through this pain will make you strong as hell. You’re a survivor.

I am wishing you peace.

Thanks for your kindness and for offering some suggestions of what might help.

Thanks for reminding me to think about my support network. I do have several friends who I know would be supportive. But I’m afraid and I feel ashamed. It feels like a really hard thing to tell people about it. I want to tell my family. I’m so afraid. I feel like it would be different if I hadn’t just had this surgery that they were all very supportive about. I worry about what this decision and mistake means about me and who I am. I haven’t talked to my family at all about taking hormones but they must know.

I’m not really interested in living ‘as a woman’. At least I don’t think so. (I think people probably have different ideas about what it means to live as a woman and I’m not sure I know what it would mean for me to live as a woman...). I still feel connected to identifying as genderqueer/non-binary. I’m not sure how my gender identity with shift and develop from this point...? I have been questioning things. But I also still don’t feel connected specifically to womanhood nor does the idea of doing so appeal to me. I don’t know if I’m maybe just hanging out with the wrong women? I wonder if being exposed to communities of butch and gender nonconforming women would change how I feel? I’m not sure.

Thanks for your questions. I am definitely thinking about these.

I’m glad you’re reaching out. I know this is a weird experience. It has been for me, anyway. I have been really inspired by other detransitioned women. There are other detrans women who, like you, have lived for years passing as a man. I’m not sure if you’re thinking this, but I don’t think it’s ever too late to do what you feel is right for you. It takes a different kind of strength and courage, I think, to explore the kinds of thoughts and feelings you’re having.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I wish so much that we had more support as young gender nonconforming girls, as lesbian and bisexual girls. I am grieving that for us. I hope that at some point we can share our stories and shift the culture and advocate for more support for gender nonconforming kids. I want to support youth so that they don’t feel like they need to alter their bodies through transition. I want them to have the protection we didn’t have. There are such rigid standards... I hope experiences of detransitioned women can help prevent more suffering.

I’ve been thinking of you and wishing you well, wishing you some peace.

❤️❤️

I think young queers need strong role models. I think if I had had more positive adult queer women role models or even more folks who were encouraging me to love myself as a female person, I would have been more connected to myself as a female and wouldn’t have transitioned.

It’s rough being a young queer person. Gender is such a weird and important thing in young people’s lives... They have to deal with so many projections and expectations. I certainly did. I definitely am grieving the lack of positive support when I was young.

I can also relate to it feeling strange for your mother to call you a different name. I have had this feeling, too. I didn’t know what it was, why it felt off.

[Needing to vent, hope that’s okay....] I feel bitter about it because I mentioned it to my therapist once, how something felt weird about my mother calling me by my new name, and she convinced me it was my internalized transphobia and shame about being trans. She asked ‘what does she then know about you?’ And I think that was he wrong question. I think working with my therapist prolonged my transition... I wish I had had more help and from people who were interested in exploring those feelings in a neutral way. I know she was trying to help, trying to make me stronger. But she was helping me down the wrong path and reinforcing the lie.

Yes, my perspective on gatekeeping has changed radically. I also thought it was this evil, harmful thing. And NOW I feel that I’ve been harmed because of a lack of gatekeeping. I really needed help sorting out my gender feelings and my trans affirming therapist didn’t help me do that but instead undermined my doubts about what I was doing transitioning.

I’m so sorry you’re in pain. It is hard to accept these impacts of these medical interventions that were so unnecessary... I am frustrated that you (and so many of us) didn’t get the proper help we needed. I’m angry at this system. Wishing you peace. We survived something, you know? I’ve been trying to recontextualize what I have lost to transition by thinking about transition as something I have survived and also thinking about these losses as the impacts of a serious illness that is rooted in misogyny.

As painful as it is now, I hope you find ways to love your hair as it is.

Explore alternatives first - the physical health and mental health risks are too great if you get this wrong.

Consider and think critically about why you feel the way you feel about your sex/gender assigned to you. Don’t take “I just feel this way” as the answer. There may be layers there.

Work with a therapist/support person who is neutral and get support thinking all this through (not just from trans people!). Gender therapists can just keep you on the path to transition longer than you should be if it turns out to be the wrong way to go. This is dangerous!

I have been so terrified to tell people about detransitioning. The more I talk about it, the better I feel!! I recently told three strangers (who were all mental health professionals) and I feel light years better than I did two days ago. Really it’s freaking weird and bizarre and scary. Start by telling people you trust and you are fairly sure will support you. With their support you may feel strong enough to tell more and more people.

For me, talking about it, while super uncomfortable, has been way way better than suffering on my own. I hope you get the support you need. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more. ❤️