My name isn't important, but my story is. I wanted to share my experience in my own words, hoping it might help someone else who feels as lost as I did.

My whole journey started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I hated the changes happening to my body, especially the development of my breasts. I felt like they didn't belong to me and that my body was betraying me. I was also struggling with severe anxiety and very low self-esteem. I didn't feel like I measured up to other girls, and I felt like an outsider.

I spent a lot of time online, and that's where I found communities that seemed to have an answer for my feelings. I was heavily influenced by what I saw on platforms like TikTok, where transitioning was presented as a normal and positive solution to exactly the kind of discomfort I was feeling. I saw videos of people getting top surgery and celebrating it, and it started to seem like a logical step for me, too. I started to believe that my problem was that I was born in the wrong body and that I was actually a man.

I came very close to getting top surgery. I was making plans for it. But then I had a moment of clarity where I just stopped and thought, "What the fuck am I doing?" The idea of amputating a healthy part of my body suddenly seemed crazy to me, not liberating. I realized I had been brainwashed into thinking this was a good and normal choice, when in reality, it's a massive, irreversible change. I see now how it's being normalized, and I think that's the worst part.

Looking back, I understand my feelings so much better. I think my discomfort was a mix of body dysmorphia and the normal awkwardness of puberty, amplified by my anxiety. I was also influenced by my online friends and the communities I was in; it felt like the thing to do. I never took hormones or had any surgeries, and I am so incredibly grateful for that now. I know I would have regretted it deeply.

I don't believe you have to change your body for anyone else or to fit an ideal. If you're doing it for others, you have a much bigger chance of regretting it. I see posts from trans people now who are incredibly insecure, worrying about how to "act like a real woman," and it just makes me sad. It seems like the process creates new, unnecessary insecurities. I used to think that anyone who questioned this was transphobic—I would have called you transphobic a year ago. But now I see that many people are living in a different reality, completely convinced this is the only path to happiness.

I don't regret exploring my identity, but I am so relieved I stopped before making permanent changes. My thoughts on gender now are that it's okay to be a woman who doesn't fit a stereotype. It's okay to be uncomfortable with your body sometimes without needing to surgically alter it. I feel like I've woken up from a dream, and I'm finally dealing with my underlying issues of anxiety and self-esteem instead of masking them with the idea of transition.

Here is a timeline of my journey: