This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and medically specific over a two-year period. The narrative focuses on personal, physical, and psychological suffering from a short course of testosterone, which aligns with known detransition experiences. The account shows human-like complexity, including contradictions, emotional shifts, and deep personal reflection on trauma and identity, which are extremely difficult to fake convincingly.
About me
I was a deeply unhappy young woman who started testosterone at 19 after a traumatic childhood and struggles with my health and weight. My therapist never explored my past trauma or other mental health conditions and fast-tracked me for hormones, which caused a severe reaction and permanent damage. I now live with constant, debilitating nerve pain in my genitals that affects every part of my life. I’ve been left with a deeper dysphoria from my changed voice and body, and I am filled with immense grief and regret. I believe I was a confused, traumatized girl who was failed by a system that didn't help me address my real problems.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I was really unhappy for a long time. I think a lot of it came from my childhood, which was pretty traumatic. My mom was a narcissist and treated me terribly, always comparing me to her other kids and making me feel like I was never good enough. I remember one time when I was about six, my mom and her boyfriend locked my brother and me in a spider-filled bathroom by hammering wood panels over the door. Another time, when I was 12, my dad got violent with me because I refused to go to his Jehovah's Witness meetings, grabbing me by the hair and throwing me against a wall. I lived in my head a lot to escape, creating these intricate daydream worlds. I now think that might have been maladaptive daydreaming.
I was also diagnosed with a bunch of health issues. I was morbidly obese and had PCOS, cushings disease, and a fatty liver. I hated my body, but I realize now it was general body dysmorphia from the weight and health problems, not necessarily gender dysphoria. I actually remember liking being a girl when I was 13 and thinking my body was pretty. But as the years went by and I felt worse, I forgot that.
When I was 19, I suddenly got hit with intense feelings that I must be trans. It came on really fast. I started seeing a gender therapist, but she was more like a cheerleader. She never really dug into my other issues. I told her about my bad relationship with my mom, my depression, my anxiety, and how I was obsessed with my weight, but she just nodded along. I never got a proper psychological assessment to rule out other things. Two other therapists had mentioned I might have Asperger's or OCD, but it was never official. My gender therapist just gave me a phone number, and after a five-minute call, I had a prescription for testosterone. When I went to the endocrinologist, she just showed me a packet of information and said they used to make people sign it, but not anymore. She didn't even mention how my PCOS and cushings might interact with the hormones.
I was only on testosterone for about two and a half months, but there was a dosing error. My levels shot up way too high. Almost immediately, I started having severe body aches and my throat hurt. But the worst was what happened to my genitals. I knew my clit would grow, but I had no idea how much everything else would change. My clit grew long and skinny, but the protective hood didn't grow with it, so it's completely exposed. My labia also grew out and changed shape. It looks completely different now; I used to think it looked like a pretty flower, but now I think it looks messed up, like a pug's wrinkled face.
The physical pain started soon after. My clit is now so sensitive that it's in constant pain, a burning sensation like someone held a lighter to it. It chafes against my labia and clothing with every step I take. I was diagnosed with vulvodynia and clitorodynia. It hurts to walk, sit, and exercise. I can't sleep on my side anymore. I can't even think about having sex because the pain is so bad, and it makes me feel like no one would ever want to be with me. This pain is a daily, constant reminder of what I did.
My voice dropped, but it didn't sound like a man's voice; it sounds like a teenage boy's, and it makes me feel dysphoric now. I hate hearing it. I also have facial hair that grows back thick no matter how often I wax it.
I started having massive panic attacks a few months into taking testosterone and realized I had made a terrible mistake. I stopped, but the damage was done. The permanent changes sent me into a deep grief. I've been suicidal ever since. I feel so much regret. I mourn the person I was and the body I had. I take benzos for the panic attacks and gabapentin for the nerve pain, but it only helps a little. I feel like I was a guinea pig, and my life is ruined because the full risks weren't explained to me.
Looking back, I see that transitioning was an easy way out for me. It was easier to blame all my problems on being in the wrong body than to face the real issues: my trauma, my mental health, and my difficult family life. If I had gotten therapy that addressed my trauma and possible autism instead of being fast-tracked to hormones, I never would have done this. I don't think I was ever truly trans. I think I was a confused, traumatized young woman who was failed by the system that was supposed to help her.
I absolutely regret transitioning. The physical and emotional pain I live with every day is a direct result of that decision. I wish I had waited until I was older, at least 25 when my brain was fully developed, to make such a life-altering choice.
Here is a timeline of what happened:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 6 years old | Witnessed and experienced traumatic lockdown in a bathroom by my mother. |
| 12 years old | Physically assaulted by my father for refusing to attend religious meetings. |
| 13 years old | Remembered being happy and comfortable as a girl. |
| 19 years old | Experienced rapid-onset gender dysphoria. Saw a gender therapist who did not adequately assess me. |
| 19 years old | Started testosterone after a brief phone consultation. A dosing error caused my levels to become dangerously high. |
| 19 years old | After 2.5 months, experienced severe pain and panic attacks, realizing my mistake. Stopped testosterone. |
| 19-20 years old | Diagnosed with permanent vulvodynia and clitorodynia. Constant physical pain began. |
| 20 years old (now) | Living with permanent physical changes, chronic pain, and deep regret. |
Top Comments by /u/Lilviolin:
My vulvodynia was triggered by T. Imagine having fibromyalgia on your vagina . I cant walk some days. My clit feels like someone held a lighter to it non stop . I cant put anything in my vagina without lots of pain . Have been prescribed gabapentin for this . Need physical therapy .
Who gives a suicidal 13 year old cross sex hormones in Hope's that in the long run it would actually help. You didn't need hormones you needed a better support system like a good therapist, psychiatrist, and a visit to a psychologist to get to the root of the problem. And also better support from family. You cant throw any kind of medication to suicidal people and tell them the fuck off/ go away and call that a resolution.
I had agoraphobia when i decided to transition. People like that live in their heads and daydream About how much better they would be on hormones. But things are never as good as they seem. The grass is greener on the other side. Just as things are never as bad as they seem, things are never as good as they seem. Taking T I thought my future would be great but now I'm left suicidal. I told my self i wouldnt care if i was left with a permently large clit and deep voice and hair loss if T didn't work out becuase at least I tried. Biggest regret of my life. Please dont make medical and big life decisions before the age of 25 as the brain hasn't stopped developing since then.
Are you taking hormones? If you are hormones cause permanent changes. It's better to stop taking it and give yourself a few weeks months or even years to really think about if using hormones are right for you. Shouldn't let someone else decide what you do with your life and what you believe in .
I thought so to. I remember a prominent transgender instagramer made a post about how they did a study on young people who transitioned and none of them regretted it which helped reinforce my beliefs that only good things could come from transitioning and that there was no harm in trying hormones
If I had realized how short I was (5'1") i would have known how unrealistic to be trans and actually pass would be and not done it but as I had been sitting in my room for 4 years straight with only contact with the outside world once a month on average you kind of lose perception of yourself , not only do you have an identity crises but you forget who you even are physically and your dimensions.
Most definitely this wasn't listed as a possible side affect but it should be! No one should ever have to go through what I have to especially if it was preventable . I will be like this forever. Don't think I will make it to my thirties and I hope I dont. Most likely will never have successful pleasurable sex (only pain and agony) and never will I feel comfortable my own body . All side effects of testosterone are not known. I feel like a guinea pig and I feel as though I will die in vain and people will not be saved by my and other experiences and health outcomes .
My story is similar in that i never felt right in my own body. I have had two therapists suggest that i had asperger but was never formally diagnosed and if I do have it and was diagnosed I would have never transitioned. This is why I believe psyche evaluations should be performed on everyone who wants to transition so they are aware of all mental health issues they have and make an educated decision
I was never giving a psychological assessment to rule out mental health disorders. I was given a phone number by my gender therapist where I spent only 5 minutes on phone to get testosterone. When I went to the endocrinologist she just showed me a packet with some symptoms and permanent changes and told me that kaiser used to make people sign it but not anymore and gave the prescription. It's terrible
I was never officially screened to make sure I didn't also have other mental health issues but I had major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and on my doctors notes I apparently also had obsessive thoughts. One psychiatrist thought I possibly had OCD and two therapist mentioned a possibility of aspergers. I do remember dysfunctional things happening in my childhood like moving quite a bit and my mom being homeless and living in shelters. I remember one time my brother was having a tantrum so my mom and her boyfriend (now they are married) decided to put him in the old spider filled bathroom and I watched as they hammered and screwdrived the door shut with wood panels. They did it to me to . This only happened once but I want to give you an idea of the people I live with and how they can parent and treat me. What makes me angry is not that they did that to me as i can forgive and let go but what makes me angry is i dont rememeber what i had done wrong to deserve that. I think i was 6 at the time somewhere around there. Just going through this once can really damage a child. I also daydream an unusually large amount and have been doing so my whole life . It can become very intricate and it's like a whole new world /life. I think it's called maldaptive daydreaming? When i was 12 i refused to go to my step moms jehovah witness meetings. It was not my religion and felt like i couldn't take it anymore. I couldnt handle the stress and wanted to stand up for myself (church services where 2 hours long not including the time to get ready and the time to come back and settle down) it was on thursdays at night, sundays in the morning, and on tuesday we would dress up and meet at this mans house and read from this book. This doesnt include speciall events to. Decided not to go on sunday. Dad got angry with me and made me shovel and help with the backyard in the hot sun and he kept bragging about how the church was air conditioned and if only i would just go. I decided i was tired of it and went to my room even though he told me not to. He grabbed my legs and forcibly tried to pull me off the bunk bed and told me he would crash the whole thing down. I finally unhooked my legs as i thought if the bed fell it would crush me, and dropped to the floor and he picked me up my hair and threw me against the wall and picked me up again by the hair and threw me outside. Later ran to my grandpas room and laid in the bathtub . It hurt to walk for a week as i had two long rectangle bruises on the back of my thighs from the bed railing. My therepist told me she would of called cps at the time but i was now 18. I essentially live in my head and there are months where I dont see outside, the inside of a car, or any other place but my room and kitchen . My therapist new this but still helped me facilitate HRT. I also was morbidly obese (although I lost alot of the weight) and had fatty liver PCOS and cushings disease . Sorry if my thoughts are out of place but my whole life I have felt trapped and I guess daydreaming of being the opposite sex helped me feel better at the time