This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally complex. They describe a very specific personal journey of questioning their gender, socially transitioning for a short period, desisting, and attributing their experience to underlying mental health issues (specifically suspecting BPD), trauma, and sexuality conflicts. The language is nuanced, self-critical, and reflects the passion and pain typical of someone who has gone through this experience. The advice given to others is thoughtful, warns against extremes, and emphasizes personal reflection over ideology.
About me
I was in a terrible place mentally and thought becoming a woman would fix all my problems, so I tried living as one for a month. That experience was a nightmare that made me severely dissociate and feel more suicidal than ever. I realized I wasn't a woman but a very troubled man trying to escape myself through transition. My identity issues stem from Borderline Personality Disorder and trauma, not from a true need to be female. Now, I'm working on loving myself as a gender-nonconforming man and treating my underlying mental health.
My detransition story
My journey with questioning my gender was intense, confusing, and ultimately not what I needed. It all started because I was in a really bad place mentally. I had lost my career and was dealing with some extreme addictions, including a crippling sex and porn addiction. I also had a lot of insecurity and shame about my sexuality; I'm a bisexual man, more attracted to women, but I'm also sexually submissive, which made me feel like a square peg that didn't fit anywhere.
I had a few weird gender-related incidents in my life that I overthought, and I started to believe that maybe I wasn't a cis man. I thought being a woman would "fix" me and all my problems. I decided to try living as a woman socially for about a month. I used she/her pronouns with friends and even talked in a different voice.
That month was one of the worst of my life. My mental health took a massive hit. I experienced severe dissociation; I literally blacked out parts of that time and felt like a listless ghost, just going through the motions. I was dead socially and had more suicidal thoughts than usual. It felt like I was trying to force myself into a box that just didn't fit, and it broke me. I wasn't a girl; I was a really messed-up guy looking for an escape.
What ultimately snapped me out of it were some thought experiments that trans people themselves suggested. One was the "button test": if you could wake up as the opposite gender with no going back, would you press it? I hesitated, and that hesitation freaked me out. Another was a "reverse button plus" where I could wake up in my ideal male body. That's when I realized how much I actually identified with being male. Returning to my male social roles gave me a sense of euphoria and relief. I think I gave myself gender dysphoria by trying to be something I wasn't.
I started looking deeper into my feelings and realized my issues likely stem from a mental illness, probably Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This explains my incredibly weak sense of self, my dissociative episodes, my violent temper, and my desperate need to belong to a group. My identity issues, my need to be in a box to feel like a person, and my romantic hangups all line up more with BPD than with genuine gender dysphoria. I also have a lot of repressed trauma that played a big part. My reasons for considering transition were more about mental health crises, internalized homophobia about being a bisexual man, and a desire to escape my problems rather than a deep need to be female.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I only transitioned socially for that one month, and I'm so glad I didn't go further. The idea of taking testosterone and getting all those permanent changes, like a deeper voice and more body hair, actually scared me when I thought about it clearly. I don't hate my body; I have an ideal male body I actually want.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to understand myself better, but I deeply regret the mental state it put me in and the confusion it caused. I don't blame the trans community; in fact, many trans people were kind and helped me figure things out by not pressuring me. The problem was more with my own internal pressure and the toxic online discourse that suggests there's a perfect "trans narrative" and that if you question your gender, you must be trans. That kind of essentialism can be really harmful for people like me who are mentally vulnerable.
Now, I'm just working on loving myself as a gender-nonconforming man. I'm a guy who likes cooking, homemaking, and feminine grooming, but I also love my beard and male fashion. I'm learning that interests don't have a gender and that my core self is male. I'm focusing on treating my mental health issues and my addictions. My goal isn't to be cis or trans; it's to be happier and healthier.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 27 | Began socially transitioning to female (used new name/pronouns, different voice) after a period of severe mental health crisis, addiction, and questioning. |
| 27 | Stopped social transition after one month due to severe mental distress, dissociation, and realizing it wasn't right for me. |
| 27 | Came to the conclusion that my issues were likely due to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and trauma, not gender dysphoria. |
| 27 | Began the process of desisting and working on underlying mental health and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/LiveFree_DontJoin:
Oh my god, I didn’t even live as “her” fully or for very long and I got this shit A LOT.
“Are you sure Dysphoria isn’t coming in waves?”
“Maybe you’re non-binary?”
“I mean cis people wouldn’t [insert weird thing I said].”
I’m a socialist too. I’m probably further left than you! (not making a dick waving contest I’ve been in the pinko game longer than most.)
If they say “your body your choice” when you lived as a woman, they should respect you now.
Hardly going to make fun of you because I’m the same way.
Outwardly I am male. I enjoy male fashion, my beard and having short hair. The masculine aesthetic is very much me.
But I prefer passive interests like cooking and homemaking. I don’t like sexually objectifying women (or men and enbies, I’m bi.) and I really don’t like sports. I think a lot of male social dominance shit is just tiresome.
Ultimately i took my feminine side as a sign, ignoring my probable mental illness. Combine that with sexual shame and overthinking some weird moments, I decided that being a girl would “fix” me.
We have to accept that there isn’t a strict binary and there really aren’t male and female interests really. Just things we like. Gender lives somewhere up in the brain and what that is happens to be our own business, not society’s expectations or our need to perfectly conform to them.
For me who did a bare bones semi-social transition:
living barely as a woman was mentally exhausting after a month.
I have an ideal male body I actually want.
most of my weird egg moments are far more easily explained by a personality disorder which matches up with my life experiences more than actual gender Dysphoria did
extreme trauma I repressed
extreme insecurity of being a bisexual man, primarily from women of any AGAB for being primarily a bottom with guys.
extreme romantic frustration likely from my mental illness and extreme insecurities.
sex addiction likely caused by moments of hyper sexuality and fear of being alone/abandoned. It was one of the reasons why estrogen appealed to me, I wanted a lower libido.
toxic masculinity creating a sense of insecurity. I thought being a woman would be easier than being a man. Both are challenging but it’s far more difficult to be something you’re not.
missing being male. Like not from a privilege or ease perspective, but like I was losing my identity entirely. Like my mind shattered.
massive mental black outs, like I felt crazy and unhinged.
So yeah, that was a month of just using she/her with friends and using a different voice mind you. That time as “her” scares the shit out of me. I don’t even know what I was thinking. It feels like I went insane.
Man here but here’s the things I would consider:
life as either gender is hard. Nothing is going to be fixed. You’re trading one set of hardships for another. What’s better?
The euphoria is fleeting for a detrans/desister. Most get sick of their new gender after time. How long? Varies. I lasted a month. It was awful. Others feel it for years.
Hormones are permanent. Testosterone is much more powerful than estrogen. Do you want a deep voice and more hair than Sasquatch? Even as a cis guy, body hair is annoying as all hell.
Would you actually want the body of a cis man? It’s nothing like what you have now. Think if you woke up as a dude tomorrow, would you want to go back immediately? The thought of having a cis woman’s body scares me.
are you trying to transition because you want to “fix” yourself or there is a deep seeded need to not be what you are now? Most detrans folk I’ve witnessed or communicated with had some kind of hang up with their sexuality or their more gender nonconformist identity than a deep need to be the other gender.
trauma is often a cause of transition for detransitioners because their gender is linked to their stressor. If you have suffered some level of abuse, please try and see a therapist.
Is there another mental health condition you have been diagnosed with that could explain your Dysphoria? I found out I likely have some kind of emotional issue or a personality disorder that causes my identity to be warped and dissociate from reality. Clinical GD often has the same symptoms. The issue here is that it’s a chicken and egg scenario. One can help cause the other.
Do you feel the same jealousy with cis men? The mental health glow you see in transition photos could be the source of your jealousy. You can see the same level of confidence in a weight loss before an after.
think of the sexual angle. This often disturbs our thinking especially in puberty because hormones are already running wild. Are you coming to this conclusion based on an awkward sexual self discovery journey? Please view this one as rhetorical or self inflectory, I don’t like talking sex with minors. Nothing wrong with being a lesbian.
Watch this: https://youtu.be/EHGL_JyZOH8
You can see the dichotomy between those who are happy AGAB after detransitioning and those who realized it was all social pressure.
I got this but also when I was exploring the possibility and “living” as a girl for a month nobody actually pressured me into anything.
It’s odd, there’s this essentialist language and some very aggressive people but also “no pressure!”
The worst was I had a fellow cis friend be like “dude, what cis man gets this deep into this shit?”
And I was like: “A mentally ill one?”
I actually had some people fight off the really pushy people. It’s bad but I think it’s slowly getting better.
I just wish I never rushed into it socially I hate how people probably think of me as some mentally damaged freak (then again kinda what I am.)
I feel this in spades as a bisexual man. It’s fucking hard because we’re looked at as fake by a lot of people.
I often feel like I don’t have a real personality at times at that makes it hard too. Like I need to be in a box to be a person. It’s scary at times.
I thought being “her” might solve a lot of my romantic hangups.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find the kind of love I need but I’m trying.
You are essentially asking “please torture part of me out of me.”
Criticize transition all you want, mental torture to “convert” Dysphoria out of you isn’t possible.
You might be able to cope better with other methods, there isn’t a right way to fight any issues you have. This is one of the wrong ways.
I really feel you. I’m bi bit more attracted to women than men yet I’m sexually submissive which makes that whole thing quite a conundrum.
I also get that square peg feeling. Maybe it’s because I’m a city boy but I like small cars, more feminine grooming (I like my facial hair though) and I’m definitely more domestic when I’m not in one of my “moods.”
That, a crippling porn addiction, dissociative episodes and that insecurity led me down this road too, I just luckily got over the hump now and am working on loving myself.
I don’t really care if I’m cis or trans, I just know medical shit isn’t for me and all and all I just want to be happier and healthier. Luckily, the community helped me realize that. Trans people are really kind.
Hey friend, none of us can give you the answer. Seeing a rational therapist is probably going to help.
Self-reflection and doubt is healthy.
Me? I realized, once I had a clear head, it all became too real that this wasn't me.
Get in a calm place, do some thought exercises, think of the reasons why. Talk with people about those reasons. That's how I came to my conclusion on how to move forward.
I know now I have a mental illness and I'm working on it. Whatever you come up with, know that that answer is your truth. It may change. that's ok. But you are moving forward. And that's what's important. The ability to keep moving.
For me it was the entire whole of my identity. Losing my career and my extreme addictions (including sex) plus a complex about my abnormal sexuality really made me question if I was really a cis man.
I know now I suffer from a mental illness and luckily nobody pressures me into anything. In fact it was the community that ultimately helped me on my own path to well being.