This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, deeply personal, and internally consistent over a year-long period. They describe a specific, complex detransition journey (10 years on testosterone, top surgery) with nuanced reflections on internalized homophobia, misogyny, and the social pressures that led to their transition. The emotional tone is passionate and often angry, which aligns with the genuine pain and regret many detransitioners express. The account shows normal human inconsistencies, like changing perspectives over time and sharing personal details like their wife's profession.
About me
I was a masculine kid who started feeling broken when I was bullied for not being a feminine girl. I transitioned to male for nearly a decade, believing it was the only way to be myself and escape shame. I eventually realized my discomfort wasn't with my female body, but with how society treats women who are different. I stopped testosterone and now see that my journey was fueled by internalized homophobia and a desperate need for acceptance. I'm now healing and learning to embrace myself as a masculine woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey started when I was really young. I was always a masculine kid, and I was happy that way. But when I got to the 8th grade and switched to a bigger school, I was bullied by the girls there for how I looked and acted. That’s when I first started to feel like there was something wrong with me for being a female who wasn't feminine. I didn't see any other women like me, especially butch lesbians, and it made me feel completely alone and defective.
I came out as trans when I was 17 and started testosterone when I was 21. I was so sure it was the right thing to do. For the first couple of years, it felt good. I finally felt like I was getting what I wanted after fighting for it. But that feeling didn't last. For the next eight years, I was stuck in a cycle. I’d convince myself I’d done the right thing, but then I’d have moments of clarity where I saw the holes in trans ideology and knew, deep down, that I wasn't dealing with my real problems. Transition was just a band-aid.
A big part of my motivation was internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny. My mom had always pressured me to be more feminine, and my family treated me insensitively for being a butch lesbian. When my parents found out about my secret girlfriend and forced us apart because it "looked lesbian," it reinforced my belief that it wasn't acceptable to be a masculine woman. I now see that transitioning was an escape hatch; it was a way to avoid the shame and be myself without the stigma, but it meant changing my body instead of changing my mind.
I also started to realize that a lot of the relief I felt from "dysphoria" wasn't about my body at all. It was about male privilege. As a man, people listened to me more. They didn't sexualize me or trivialize me. I was treated with more respect. The problem wasn't that I was born in the wrong body; the problem was how our culture treats women. I was trying to fix a social problem by altering my body.
I was on testosterone for about ten years and I had top surgery at 21. The surgery was something I thought I wanted for so long, but right as I was getting on the operating table, I had a moment of pure clarity and thought, "Oh shit, this is actually happening." Even after, I’ve had recurring dreams for ten years that my breasts grew back. It feels like a psychological amputation that my body still remembers.
Coming off testosterone was a big step. I stopped about three months before I started writing these comments. The first two weeks were rough—I was tired, depressed, and listless. My wife, who is a licensed herbalist, made me a hormone-balancing formula that helped a lot. I also found that microdosing psychedelics, specifically psilocybin, helped crack through the stories I was telling myself. It made me see that because I have two X chromosomes, anything I do or feel is normal for a female. It helped me break the dissociation and finally face the truth.
My cycle returned after almost four months. I never had a hysterectomy, but I did experience vaginal atrophy from testosterone. After about ten years on T, I went for my first pap smear and the atrophy was so bad they couldn't do it. I used an estrogen cream for two weeks, which reversed a lot of the damage. Now, things are healing.
I don't believe in the same things about gender that I used to. I think what's called "gender dysphoria" is often a symptom of other issues, not an innate identity. For many people, it's a form of body dysmorphia that can resolve with time and therapy, not surgery. I see now that every woman hates her body at some point; we're taught to from a young age. For masculine women, that feeling gets twisted into a sign that we're not really women. That's a lie. There is no right way to be a woman. Being female just means you have two X chromosomes. How you act or dress doesn't change that.
I deeply regret transitioning. I regret the permanent changes to my body and the years of my life I lost living a delusion. I mourn the time I could have spent learning to love myself as a butch lesbian. My voice is stuck in an awkward place between male and female, which is frustrating. I'm considering laser hair removal for my facial hair, but the blonde hairs will need electrolysis, which is a long process.
If I could go back, I would tell my younger self that she's not broken. That being a masculine woman is a beautiful, valid way to exist. That she should find other women who inspire her, like k.d. lang, to see that she's not alone. I would tell her that self-acceptance is the bravest, most transgressive thing you can do.
I'm now focused on self-love, healing, and deprogramming myself from the internalized hate I carried. It's a process, and there's a lot of grief, but I finally feel like I know who I am.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 8th Grade | N/A | Bullied by girls at a new school for being masculine, leading to feelings of being abnormal. |
| 17 | N/A | Came out as transgender. |
| 21 | 2009 | Started testosterone and had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 31 | 2019 | Stopped testosterone after nearly 10 years. Began the process of detransition. |
| 32 | 2020 | Writing these comments, sharing my story, and working on healing and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/Lokisminion13:
10 years after top surgery I STILL have dreams about my breasts growing back frequently enough to mention. I think we may consciously want something and can still subconsciously be damaged. The full psychological implications of what is effectively an amputation aren’t really addressed.
I’m a butch woman reclaiming my femaleness and have very similar feelings about this. Especially among women this encouragement to transition reminds me of the same mentality I saw in the Anorexia communities in the early 2000s (I too wanted that more androgynous shape). Creepy that one form of body destruction to meet an impossible fantasy is discouraged and the other is embraced
I thought it was really harrowing. I personally didn’t view it as transphobic but I thought it shined a light on some of the unsavory results of the affirmation therapy model dominating the psychiatric community. I learned a lot of things I didn’t know
And as a side note random internet lady who hates my hair: my road to transition began with mean girls like you making me feel ashamed for being masculine presenting as a kid and having the “wrong” hair, the “wrong” clothes, etc. Thanks for trying to make lesbians feel like shit about how they present themselves and being part of the problem.
Every female born person on the planet has hated their body at some point, and in western culture we’re specifically trained to dislike our bodies. The Cosmetic/diet/beauty industries would go out of business if women suddenly thought they were ok they way they were. I think it’s more complicated for butch/masculine women, but I see the symptoms being the same: when you change your body you’ll finally be happy. It feels more and more like a cruel trick.
The diagnosis of “gender dysphoria” was created during a time when gender non conformance was literally punishable by the law. For a brief moment that seemed to lessen, and no I see gender ideology actually making ideas about gender performance LESS progressive. “If you’re biologically female and don’t like classically female things, or don’t like your body you aren’t really a woman” is the biggest bunch of crap I ever bought.
If you’re having hesitations I deeply, deeply encourage you to slow down. Trans activists aren’t going to tell you slow down and some therapists might even tell you not to slow down, but that hesitation is trying to tell you something and you should find a way to be still, and quiet, and listen to it. I deeply wish I had. This business of transition divorced me from being able to have a healthy relationship with my body for many years: and just like an eating disorder it only got worse the deeper down the hole I went.
Your body is an essential part of who you are: and it doesn’t have to “mean” anything. Not what you wear or who you love or what you enjoy. You can’t fail at being female because there’s no right way to be female, and anyone who says differently is trying to sell you something. I wish I had really understood there was nothing wrong with me sooner.
And you have every right to be afraid of being female: females are second class citizens in many parts of the world, and many of us try to escape that in many ways. I finally realized it was my culture that needed change, not my body. Changing your body gives you instant gratification and it’s the thing you can directly control: the other path is much harder, but that’s the one that’s sick: not you. There no such thing as having the “wrong brain”, but there is something wrong with the way the world treats women.
I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. It is a very stressful and scary place to be post-transition: realizing that medical transition wasn’t a necessary step for you. I’m going through that too.
If it makes you feel any better, I feel more and more like this “real trans” vs “fake trans” narrative is total crap. People can feel gender dysphoria for a multitude of reasons. Most of those issues either fade with age or can be dealt with when the root of the problem is finally addressed. Some people deal with major dysphoria their whole lives and literally could not function successfully in their lives without transitioning: those are the people SRS was created for. If being trans means “not feeling comfortable with your gender” or not “feeling” like your birth gender (whatever the hell that means) every woman on the planet and a whole lot of men have been “trans” at some point. The real problem is that these surgeries and procedures are not appropriate for everyone who is experiencing dysphoria, and they are being treated like the only logical step to overcome it. The current narrative is pushing dysphoria as something that is inborn and can absolutely never be resolved... and most of the people on this page are living proof that isn’t true.
I think I’ve known for a long time that I wasn’t really trans but was dealing with internalized homophobia and the pressure my mom used to put on me to be feminine when I was always happier presenting masculine. That combined with the physical toll t was taking on my body it was becoming psychologically and physically damaging to stay on it. It suddenly hit me that being masculine wasn’t evidence I was male. I tried to talk myself back into feeling “trans” more than once because it was easier to just stay the course, but now I can’t unknow what I know. I almost stopped more than once over the years and wish I’d stopped a lot sooner, but it is what it is. I’d rather start working on self-love and healing my mind than keep hurting my body 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve never had that one, but I just woke up from a dream where I was relieved that some of my breast tissue grew back: that the most common one I have. Or I have to look female for some reason at an event and can’t pull it off. Really, this s**t messes you up :(
I’m so glad you didn’t: because that peer pressure is a terrible reason to move forward with it :(
I can’t get that vibrato when I’m singing normally now: only when I try to shove everything up into my head voice/old range. In my normal range I’m trapped in some kind of weird place between a male and female range and it’s very frustrating :(
Oh man...
-Internalized misogyny and homophobia are sneaky, because the point is you’re running on autopilot, don’t know you’re doing it, and think it’s normal.
-Gender theory is laughably sexist and depends on archaic stereotypes.
-Severe mental anguish should be deeply examined, not celebrated as an identity
Women have always been pressured to “fix” their imperfect bodies: transitioning is a new way to accomplish that.
Discomfort with being female is NOT strange, unique, or evidence you aren’t really female.
Self deception is the most powerful kind there is. Especially in an echo chamber.
You can never escape your chromosomes or your body: better to make friends with it.
No perfect body type is worth the sacrifice of your health and your sanity.
You do not have a stable sense of selfhood until you’re 25. People and things that deeply mattered to you at 18 you won’t give a shit about at 30.
-It’s braver and more transgressive to be yourself than to try and turn yourself into somebody else.
-Butch women can be beautiful, and talented, and amazing, and successful: they aren’t failed women or would “look better” as men.
-It takes more guts to be a queer woman in this world than a straight man.
-Don’t make major, life altering choices in the midst of a psychological crisis.