This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments show:
- Personal, detailed narratives: They share specific, emotionally charged experiences from their own transition and detransition, including therapy, drug use, family interactions, and internal struggles. This level of nuanced, consistent personal history is difficult to fabricate.
- Complex and evolving perspective: Their views are not simplistic. They express understanding for both transition and detransition, acknowledge the difficulty of the process, and show a personal journey of self-reflection that spans years.
- Appropriate emotional tone: The passion, anger, confusion, and hope expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant personal trauma and identity struggle, as is common in the detrans community.
The account does not exhibit the repetitive, agenda-driven, or shallow posting patterns typical of inauthentic accounts.
About me
I'm autistic and my journey started from a place of deep anxiety and trauma, where I confused my discomfort with puberty and intrusive thoughts for being transgender. I felt pressured online and was certain that becoming a man was the only answer to my problems, so I started testosterone and lived as male for two years. I eventually realized I was just performing a role for others' approval and that my true issue was social, not a need to change my body. I'm now detransitioning and off testosterone, focusing on doing what I want for myself. While I have regrets about not listening to wiser advice, the journey ultimately led me to a much greater understanding and acceptance of myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started from a really difficult place. I’m autistic, and I think that played a huge part in how I experienced everything. Before I even considered transition, I was really struggling. I had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem, and I used drugs, mostly weed, to escape from my thoughts. I felt different and terrible about myself to the point that I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder. All I wanted was to feel normal.
When I started feeling discomfort with my body during puberty, it got tangled up with some really scary stuff. As my breasts developed, I started having sexual intrusive thoughts about my father. It was horrifying, and the easiest way for me to cope was to repress it and tell myself it was just dysphoria. I also had intrusive thoughts about being hurt if anyone saw me as female. Whenever people noticed my breasts, I felt genuinely unsafe. I started to hate my breasts because they felt like a sign of vulnerability.
I wanted to be a boy really badly. I thought it would give me respect and allow me to be myself without people judging me for being kind of "butch." I felt like my features were too masculine to be allowed to be a woman, which is confusing, I know. For about three months, I was completely obsessed with the idea of transitioning. The thought of being a woman made me feel suicidal, but the idea of becoming a man felt like the answer to all my problems. It made me really happy, but I was also terrified of the possibility of detransitioning later on.
I was heavily influenced online. I got caught up in what people call "egg culture," where others suggest you might be trans. At the time, the trans community felt like it had this responsibility to be "good" representation, and I felt pressure to have all the answers. I started as non-binary, but it quickly escalated. I saw a therapist before starting hormones, and she advised me to take things slow and become comfortable with uncertainty. But I didn't listen. I was so certain, and I denied any other possibility besides being transgender. That was my downfall.
I started testosterone and was on it for two years. At first, it felt good to pass as male. I tried really hard because I remembered my mom once making a comment about a coworker, saying, "Why would I even try to call her a man if she doesn't even try to look like one?" So I tried my hardest to pass. But it didn't work in the way I needed it to. Going stealth didn't feel real; it felt like a dirty facade. I realized I was basically doing the highest form of autistic masking. I was constantly analyzing male behaviors to emulate, and it was exhausting. I thought if I just put more effort and time in, it would eventually feel real, but it never did.
Even though I passed, I was constantly fearing detransition. Every few months, I'd go through a phase where I'd obsessively watch videos of detransitioners. Seeing them, how beautiful they were, filled me with so much hope and joy. I started to question everything. My therapist who had originally referred me for HRT helped me work on seeing my breasts as a neutral body part instead of something that would get me assaulted. I eventually realized that my obsession with binding was purely social. When I was truly alone, I didn't actually care about having breasts. It was about how others saw me.
A big moment was when I had to dress as a man for my sister's wedding. I felt suffocated. I kept having thoughts about how I'd rather wear a cute black dress, but I was too scared to let go of the security of transition. I had to accept that transition is supposed to make you feel better and more like yourself, but I just felt like a shell of a person. I was living for other people's approval, and it left me empty.
I also realized that transitioning didn't solve the problem of being sexualized. I had an experience where I was still sexualized, and it made me think, "What's the point? I'm still not safe." I understood then that if you're only transitioning for the eyes of others, and you don't actually care what gender you present as, then why go through all the struggle? It's harder to date women as a man who doesn't "come with the full package," and men get sexualized by women anyway. It felt like a lose-lose situation unless transition truly makes you happy.
Now, I'm detransitioning. I'm off testosterone. I don't mind being a girl with a deep voice, and I feel too lazy for voice training after all the effort transitioning took. I'm waiting for my hair to grow out and I've ordered a wig. I'm focusing on doing what I want, for me. I have regrets about not listening to my first therapist and not being open to other possibilities. I regret not understanding that my feelings were so tied to trauma, anxiety, and a need to escape. But I don't regret the journey because it led me to a place of much greater self-understanding. I finally feel like I'm figuring myself out without being influenced by either "side" online. I'm learning to be kind to myself and to accept that it's okay to not have everything figured out.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around Puberty | Started having intense discomfort with breast development, linked to intrusive thoughts and feeling unsafe. |
| 18 (approx.) | Intense, obsessive phase about transitioning for 3 months. Felt suicidal at the idea of being a woman. |
| 18 (approx.) | Started seeing a therapist who advised taking things slow, but I ignored the advice. |
| 19 (approx.) | Started testosterone (T). |
| 19-21 | Lived as male for 2 years. Constantly feared detransition and consumed detrans content periodically. |
| 21 (approx.) | Realized my binding obsession was social, not personal. Felt suffocated presenting male at sister's wedding. |
| 21 (approx.) | Stopped testosterone. Accepted that transition was not making me feel better or more like myself. |
| Present (22?) | Currently detransitioning: growing hair out, learning to live comfortably as a woman again. |
Top Comments by /u/Lonely-Relative-4598:
You still get sexualized. I just had an experience. It makes you think, "what's the point? I'm still not safe". You realize if you're only transitioning for the eyes of others and you actually don't care what gender you present as, then why are you doing this? Why are you forcing a needle in you every week, ruining your family life? Only to not escape the inevitable?
It will work, until it doesn't. It'll give you time to process things, but you can't truly process it while actively escaping from yourself.
It's harder to date women as a man who doesn't come with the full package. Plus men get sexualized by women anyways. It's a lose-lose, unless transition truly makes you happy and it's worth the constant struggle.
I think it would be interesting if they developed a new category for transgender sports. But if someone who had primarily testosterone trains, it takes a long time for that muscle mass to go away. Might never go away fully. I'm not personally invested in sports, but that's my opinion. I think that FTM's could possibly not be at a disadvantage depending on height and how seriously they train, but I think any serious competitor who is MTF would always have an upper hand compared to females.
OMG do you have a link to the post you can DM? I'm not exposed to those mentalities and am a little slow so I think a direct example would help me understand wtf you're talking about. I don't disbelieve you, and can kind of conceptually understand it a little?
Just realized you're MTFTM & not FTMTF, I feel this adds more credibility as you were actively in those spaces at some point, I assume. I've seen spaces where trans women are actively hateful to any pretty cis women because of jealousy.
Consider these questions without bias:
What is wrong with being male?
What is wrong with being female?
Do I enjoy living as a man/woman? If so, what do I enjoy? If not, what do I not enjoy?
How do I feel like transition will improve my life?
Is my dysphoria focused on my body, or on others' perceptions of me?
How much do I fear judgement? How much is this influencing my thoughts? How much have I changed in order to be seen in a different way in the past?
Do I hold issue with my body?
Consider: If you have negative feelings surrounding your body, are those feelings based in a paralyzing FEAR that could be due to trauma?
Will I be happy as a transgender individual?
Do not be afraid to weigh out pros and cons. We as humans are made to process our emotions with mindless activities and with dedicated time to be alone and think, with space in between that time.
Consider childhood signs. Not things that could clue with the lens of hindsight and bias, but genuine instances.
Do it for yourself. Whatever you choose, it's all about if you feel comfortable while you're alone. Forget what other people are thinking, what other people are telling you. Do it for YOU.
Something about the trans community, is that we're all given this responsibility of being "good" representation. You have to educate others, act right, be right, understand every concept to exist, BE the perfect transgender individual. And, you had a slice of that.
Don't make other people's misfortune and sorrows your responsibility to make up for. You don't owe anyone anything. It's your body, and if those people were born taller or more charismatic, we have no idea where they would be today.
I've felt bad, just because I was finally able to pass. But it wouldn't feel right to get surgery and feel "in-between". My body has nothing to do with other people, so I don't usually think about how I'm potentially giving up something good. It simply wasn't a good experience for me, all in all. If it was, maybe the pros would've outweighed the cons, and I would still be trans.
Can I ask what exactly about their attitudes led you to bring more radfem? What concepts are they spewing? I kind of left online LGBTQ spaces because I have kind people IRL and want space to truly figure myself out without "either side convincing me".
Wanting to experiment doesn't mean you automatically need to swing one way or the other. My old therapist told me that I needed to become comfortable in uncertainty, and I think it's a valuable lesson for everyone. You don't need to have it figured out right now!! All large life decisions should be taken slow in my opinion. You'll figure it out when it's time, with a sense of peace rather panic. You deserve to make decisions with a sense of calamity and clarity.
Even mid-size cities within 100,000-200,000's have a lot of woke people. Dating is all about trial and error, just go to gay bars if you can! Look up if there are any lesbian mixers or meetings in your city, there has to be at least one project around on a website or Instagram or what have you.
I'm sorry to hear that happened. I have this old memory of, "why would I even try to call her a man if she doesn't even try to look like one?", a statement my mom made about her coworker years ago. So I tried my hardest. I passrd, it didn't work. I feel your pain, it makes you hate yourself when you only live for their approval, and no matter what you do, you don't get it. It's an interesting experience, and I'm glad to hear you're doing what YOU want. It's inspiring. Thank you for commenting.
If you want any tips on makeup, I would recommend connecting the bottom of your eyeliner to your eye, and then adding some eyeliner to the waterline for 1/4th of the way so it "fades in" to your eye. I think you could possibly pass, don't ever wear a cheap wig. Do what your heart desires, what will make you most happy longterm, and if you change your mind, you change your mind. Times change, do what makes YOU feel best.