If I had to pick a turning point, it was when I hit about 2 months on T and decided to quit. I was starting to get more permanent changes, and it hit me that... this isn't what I wanted for the rest of my life.

I've felt and expressed my dysphoria since I was a kid, but wasn't sure about hormones until I was in my mid 20's, and even waited until after I had top surgery (which I knew I wanted, no regrets). But once I started HRT my perspective shifted a bit, and my dysphoria was getting worse in new areas, i.e. about my bone structure and genitals, things I couldn't change. I looked into other reasons for my dysphoria such as trauma, and for me, dysphoria has felt more like an escapist trauma response, and a mental illness that needed to be addressed as such. I personally still struggle greatly with dysphoria, and am doing my best to manage mental health and trauma first, with hormonal transition being an absolute last resort.

Just know that you don't need to be male or transition to prove anything to anyone. Most of what I desired were just based on stereotypes and internalized misogyny. I also learned more about the medical side effects of HRT that no one really seems to want to address, such as uterine/vaginal atrophy, heart problems, and cartilage breakdown further down the road. For me personally, it seemed like a path that may ultimately do more harm than good.

I think it’s important to have compassion and patience with trans communities since these people ultimately are victims of increasingly obvious systematic and societal failures.

I want to note how important this is. I'm trying to stay calm and level-headed about all of this, and stay compassionate to the people like me who were so heavily influenced into believing I was transgender. I never saw myself as a 'transtrender', and I think the vast majority don't. This change and education has to come within the community. It's still damaging a whole generation and I don't know how to help. Thanks for the input

It's okay to question. I truly believe that some people have happier, fuller lives living as another gender. I just plead that it is because of the right reasons -- because you innately feel to your core, that you're a woman.

For me (AFAB) I feel more comfortable, confident, and happier embracing masculinity. I've always dressed more masculine, desired (and got) top surgery, and feel more comfortable around men. But this never made me a man, or made me truly feel like a man. I'm still female and nothing will change that fact, and there's nothing wrong or shameful about that. A lot of what I subscribed to was that ultimately gender stereotypes would make me feel complete and accepted by society. But female people are born masculine. Male people are born feminine. It's completely natural, and somehow less acceptable than modifying your body so the rest of society is more comfortable.

Only you can make that decision for yourself, not parents or doctors, peers or communities. I genuinely wish you the best of luck, however makes you truly happiest.

I'm sorry you and your family experienced that. It is completely inappropriate, and promotes (even within gender-questioning people), an "I either have to do this, or I'll die" mentality. I felt the same way. I'm still here. It takes away choice, and it takes away conversation because no one wants someone they care about to die.

I still identify as non-binary, but decided not to continue my transition. I was on T for about a month and a half, and realized that I like being androgynous, but I wasn't sure I actually wanted to be seen as a man. I started having a lot of imposter syndrome, and anxiety in public spaces. I wasn't sure that I was ready for the permanent changes that came with HRT, but also every time I looked in the mirror, I only saw things that weren't "cis" enough. I realized my dysphoria was never going to go away, it would only get worse the more I fed it.

It hit me that I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that. The best thing I could do for my mental health is accept that I'll never be perfect in my own eyes. Transitioning genders won't solve the things I dislike about myself. Self acceptance for what I have has been hard, but ultimately leads to more self love, while trying to be my "true self" was giving me imposter syndrome.

I hear you and have so many mixed thoughts, but overall agree with you. The amount of queer-identifying artists is nearly... everyone, and it's concerning. You shouldn't feel jealous, and I'll tell you why. A few months ago I would've been on the completely opposite end of that spectrum (he/they trans guy, artist, and crowd-funded top surgery, talked a lot about euphoria). I slowly came to the realization that I'm not male.

I feel dysphoria, but no longer want to be defined by something that for me, started feeling more like a mental illness than something to be proud of, and to encourage others to pursue transition when it was making me so miserable offline. The online space is where I felt most comfortable expressing transness, connected with others, etc. But offline, it was hell. Forcing myself to break my internet addiction is what GAVE me the realizations I needed to not continue my transition.

I'm still out as non-binary, had top surgery, but quit HRT after a little over a month. The thought of publicly desisting would now be damaging to myself as a brand. We've all backed ourselves into a corner that's increasingly difficult to come back from. Truthfully, I still got off the train early (and still really happy with how I am now). Once I feel like my eyes have been opened, I feel so much sorrow and pity for the trans creators I see. I want to be supportive, but I'm afraid one day many of them will have to make these horrible decisions too, between personal happiness or their online audience/brand. It's awful, and I think you're doing the right thing.

I hear of this happening so much it’s sickening. Sounds like they’re insecure and liked having you around to validate their feelings and existence. Once you stop doing that for them, they don’t want you around. Maybe it makes them doubt themselves which is an uncomfortable feeling, but it’s not your fault.

It’s selfish of them, and I hope you find new friends who like you as a person and not because of your gender :/

Nah no worries, I'm happy to discuss. The overall issue is that there is little long-term research available.

I did some digging into the safety and side effects of HRT, and it's mixed. It's frequent for cardiovascular issues and reproductive issues to end up on those lists. I don't plan on birthing kids, but things like vaginal atrophy and ovarian cysts have come up often too. It's not uncommon to need a hysterectomy. I've also seen people detransitioning who have cartilage and joint problems after going off T for years, because the cartilage-building effects of T are breaking down. This is fine for muscle, less so for joints. Surgeries are also experimental. I unfortunately had a complication (everything turned out fine) but it was traumatizing and could've been worse. Trans women taking estrogen can have bad effects as well. Puberty blockers can be devastating for normal development of all bodily systems. I think we don't know the full effects of it honestly, and I'm not personally willing to be a guinea pig. I don't say this to scare anyone but I think they're not often discussed, well researched yet (effects in younger AFAB people), or publicized. If you really feel like this is necessary to your mental health and to live, the costs and risks might be outweighed.

We also have an incomplete look at detransition rates, causes, and treatments for dysphoria. I feel like the medical industry is taking advantage of all this with profits rising towards the billions. I don't always feel like they have people's best interests in mind by rushing people into costly procedures and life-long hormone treatment.

Ultimately it was a personal choice to address the way my trauma has effected me and contributed to my dysphoria. I felt like HRT and these procedures are something I'm not willing to commit to for the rest of my life. On HRT, my dysphoria was going away in some areas, but intensifying in others (i.e my bone structure, and lack of dick). I feel like feeding into it wasn't a long term solution, and I that don't need to change myself any more to express or prove my masculinity. I just wanted to think about it less.

Seconding this response about her wanting to protect herself against a medical malpractice lawsuit. Honestly, I'm not sure if I would write to her. I know you're upset, but you paid her for a service, and she performed it.

If you really do want to go about it, don't come from a place of anger, and suggest specifically what you would like changed: a therapists note? A consultation with a social worker? Maybe an age requirement? It's tough because most practices do require a therapists note, but what you say to your therapist to GET that note isn't technically her business or her fault. If you reach out, make sure the change is something within her control.

Thanks for the input! I also appreciate you looking into detrans people to get the full picture. I understand it's the right decision for some people, and that's all good.

I made all my decisions myself willingly, no one forced me into anything. I don't even regret my surgery at all. I think that's the hardest part though, is that people genuinely think they're doing the right thing; of course you want to be supportive when people are suffering, it's human nature. But I think there needs to be other ways to address dysphoria first without jumping to transitioning, potentially leading to more harm and confusion.

There also needs to be more unbiased long term studies on health effects, and up-to-date statistics on success/detrans rates to know what's actually working. I came to my decision to detrans after doing this research myself, because I was not informed by the trans community nor medical professionals who were supposed to help me. That's why I say 'betrayed' I guess.