This story is from the comments by /u/Luck_Unlucky that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comments provided, the account "Luck_Unlucky" appears to be authentic and does not exhibit serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account.
Key points supporting authenticity:
- Personal, Detailed Narrative: The user shares a highly specific, complex, and emotionally charged personal history spanning decades, including detailed descriptions of trauma, family dynamics, therapy experiences, and the evolution of their gender identity and expression. This depth and consistency are difficult to fabricate.
- Emotional Authenticity: The comments express a wide range of genuine emotions—confusion, anger, grief, relief, passion—that align with the experiences of many detransitioners and desisters who feel harmed and stigmatized.
- Internal Consistency: While the user's views evolve (e.g., from identifying as a trans man to desisting and identifying as a female/tomboy), the internal logic of their journey is consistent. They reference their own past comments and show a process of ongoing questioning and self-discovery.
- Self-Awareness: The user frequently acknowledges their own biases, past mistakes, and the complexity of their situation, which demonstrates a real person's introspective nature rather than a scripted persona.
- Engagement Pattern: The comments are engaged, responsive to others, and cover a wide range of subtopics within the detrans/desister experience, which is typical of a highly involved community member.
Conclusion: This account exhibits the hallmarks of a real person who is a desister (someone who stopped a social transition before medical intervention) passionately sharing their complex and often painful experiences with gender dysphoria, trauma, and identity. There is no evidence of inauthenticity.
About me
I felt like a boy trapped in a girl's body from the time I was a toddler, a feeling that intensified with trauma I experienced. I socially transitioned to live as a man in my 40s and for a while, it felt like the answer. I eventually realized my desire to be male was a coping mechanism tied to my past and internalized shame about being female. Through therapy, I learned to accept my body and understand that my masculine interests don't make me less of a woman. I'm now at peace, living as a masculine woman, and finally free from the depression that haunted me for decades.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was just a little kid. For as long as I can remember, I felt like a boy trapped in a girl's body. I was a toddler, maybe two or three years old, when I first started saying I was a boy. I hated anything girly—dresses, dolls, the color pink. I only wanted to play with boys' toys like remote control cars and ride my BMX bike. I was constantly trying to prove how much of a boy I really was, even wearing holes in the knees of my jeans to make them look like boys' jeans.
This feeling never went away. As I got older, the discomfort with my body got worse, especially when I hit puberty. I hated my breasts and my curves. I felt disgusted by my own body and its functions. I now understand a lot of this was tied to trauma I experienced as a child, including sexual assault when I was five. I linked being female to the pain and abuse I went through, and I wanted to escape it. I thought if I could just be a boy, everything would be better.
In my teens, I tried to bind my chest with sports bras and was often mistaken for a young boy. I tried to transition when I was 18, but a therapist pointed out my trauma and I was denied. For years, I tried to force myself to be feminine. I even went through a phase in my 20s where I wore dresses and makeup, but it felt like a costume. I was deeply depressed and hated myself. I felt like I was living a lie.
In 2012, I started identifying as non-binary. It felt like a step closer to my truth, but I still felt a pull towards being a man. By 2019, I decided I was a binary trans man and began socially transitioning. I cut my hair short, wore only men's clothes, used male grooming products, and asked people to use he/him pronouns and a new name. My family and friends were surprisingly supportive and switched pronouns without me even asking.
For a while, it was amazing. The gender euphoria I felt was incredible. It was like a heavy weight had been lifted. I finally felt seen for who I thought I was. I was so sure this was my path that I was making plans to start testosterone and get top surgery.
But then doubts started creeping in. A big part of it was realizing that my children saw me as their mother, and I didn't want to take that away from them. I also started to really examine why I felt this way. I began to understand that my desire to be a man was deeply tied to my trauma, internalized misogyny, and a lifelong feeling of rejection for being a girl. My mother had wanted a son, and I was never good enough as a daughter. I was bullied and excluded by other girls for being a tomboy. I realized I had spent my life trying to become someone my family would love and accept.
A series of events, including a bad reaction to a cannabis edible that landed me in the hospital, led to a kind of ego death. During that experience, I looked in the mirror and for the first time, I didn't see an ugly, wrong body. I saw myself, and I thought I looked okay. It was a huge shift.
I started the painful process of desisting. I stopped identifying as a trans man and went back to non-binary for a while, but eventually, I let go of labels altogether. I did a lot of therapy, particularly DBT, to work through my trauma and shame. I journaled constantly, challenging every thought I had about gender. I had to learn to accept my female body, not as a failure, but just as my body. I started finding small things I liked about it, beginning with my left thumb and slowly adding more.
I realized that my hobbies and interests—cars, power tools, construction—don't have a gender. I can be a woman who likes these things. The problem wasn't my body; it was the world's expectations of what a woman should be. Letting go of the need to be seen as a man was freeing. I still present in a way that feels authentic to me—short hair, men's clothes, no makeup—but I now accept that people will see me as a masculine woman, and that's okay.
I don't regret socially transitioning. In a way, I needed to go through it to finally understand myself. It gave me the space to explore and ultimately realize that I didn't need to change my body to be happy. I needed to heal my mind. I'm now in my 40s, and for the first time in my life, I don't have depression. I feel mentally healthier and more at peace than I ever have.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's largely a social construct. We put so much pressure on people to fit into boxes, and it causes a lot of pain. I believe you can be whatever you want without having to medically transition. For me, my gender identity was a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to escape the pain of trauma and rejection. I know that's not the case for everyone, but it was for me.
I am same-sex attracted, and I think a lot of my confusion was also tied to not understanding my sexuality. I identified as a gay man because it was easier than accepting I was a masculine, bisexual woman in a homophobic society.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 2-3 | ~1983 | First expressed that I was a boy. Rejected girls' clothes and toys. |
| 5 | ~1986 | Experienced sexual assault. Discomfort with female body intensified. |
| 10-11 | 1989 | Diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder (GID) by a child psychologist. |
| 15-16 | ~1994 | Began cutting hair short in a proper boy's cut. Often passed as a boy. |
| 18 | 1997 | First attempt to medically transition was denied due to trauma history. |
| 23 | 2002 | First period of desistance. Tried to live as a feminine woman. |
| 2012 | 2012 | Began identifying as non-binary. |
| 2019 | 2019 | Began socially transitioning as a binary trans man (he/him pronouns, new name). |
| 40 | 2019 | Started questioning my transition after considering my children's perspective. |
| 40 | 2020 | Began process of desisting after a profound psychological shift. |
| 40s | 2021 | Stopped identifying as trans and accepted myself as a GNC/cis woman. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Luck_Unlucky:
Unfortunately I agree with you. It’s totally fine for people to transition if they want imo, but if it’s an escape it will require denial of some form. For example; anybody claiming trauma doesn’t play a role in transitioning is avoiding their own trauma causation. I’m very glad my parents and several psychs pointed out my trauma links (although more strategies would’ve been helpful!)
The idea that gender identity is something ‘inside’ that is (or needs to be) expressed on the ‘outside’ to be a happy and functioning human being was particularly problematic for me.
I was a tomboy and really aligned with masculinity. I didn’t think twice about asking for boys haircuts, wearing boys boxer shorts or choosing men’s cologne over women’s. I just was that way - as a ‘girl’. Then someone suggested that all the times I freaked out about having to dress up in girls clothes as a child combined with my preference for army green cargo pants and sports bras meant I was a boy inside and viola!
Now I just wish we didn’t have gender identity at all...
I feel anxious if someone says they ‘accept they’re trans’ for quite a few reasons.
I remember that relief of everything feeling suddenly like my life made sense. That clarity and letting go. I finally had permission to transition because I had the backing of people who said, ‘yeah, that’s a trans thing - lol!’ Also, it cements that idea that being trans is a fixed identity reality, which many of our experiences debunk of course.
So if I see those words I think something different now. I think it’s someone looking for a simple solution to fix all their problems at once. People love a simple solution, but sometimes the problems are so numerous it’s going to take multiple solutions and a long time bringing about each one, chipping away at little problems, before the main issue of being aligned with the birth gender is resolved.
I’m of the opinion that without reliable polls or studies people who self diagnose and later on desist won’t be included in the stats.
Knowing detrans people exist is so important. The idea that if gender identity persists into adulthood it will be permanent was my SOLE reason for beginning transition - I was toddler onset and it persisted throughout childhood my teen years and my adulthood - though it got ‘held back’, or ‘masked’ for a number of years.
My inner belief that I was really a man, my desire to live as a man and have all the things and social life of a man... the idea that none of that was going to change but maybe just make my life worse and constantly cause friction with my outward appearance? Finding a cure /medicine for all that? That’s why I began to transition. Finding real stats about how gender identity changes helped me.
The thing that gets me confused is that the trans community knows gender identity changes. Many start out binary trans and change to non-binary. Some start genderfluid, change to binary trans, then back to genderfluid, non-binary, or agender. Why is it so hard a leap that someone’s gender identity can go from binary trans back to cisgender?
I’m glad to see you’re doing well! I would never guess you had been on T from your appearance, not that passing as one’s birth gender is what it’s all about, but just my observation that you’re an attractive looking person that I wouldn’t even second guess.
This isn’t my area, though I understand some aspects because as a woman I have some behaviour that could be construed as AAP.
It sounds like you’re very upset with your behaviour and have a lot of shame about AGP. I can also hear that you don’t want to live as a woman and cross-dressing to fap is just a sexuality for you. If you don’t want to live as a woman, you are not trans. It does sound like HOCD and TOCD and I’m sure a therapist is the best option to help you.
I think it would be really good for you to get some help learning to accept and normalise this aspect of your sexuality. It’s not harming anybody. There is a large number of men with this interest.
I’m sorry you were made to feel unattractive for being GNC. I’m so much older and I remember feeling made to feel ugly about it too. I can’t believe the world hasn’t changed. Now I look back at the photos of myself as a boyish looking teenager and realise how cute I was. Hopefully you will too when you’re older.
[AFAB and I’m in my 40s.]
I’m not trying to sound judgmental or tell you what to do and you don’t need to answer these questions to me. I’m just thinking I’d like to ask you to consider; how you feel about men in society in general? Have you had bad experiences with men being aggressive? Or do you feel ‘marked’ when people online/tv/movies talk about male aggression and violence? Could that have caused you to have some internalised misandry? Just thinking that as you’re 6’3”, broad shouldered and you’ve said you can be aggressive, is it possible that you’re using transition to escape your own feelings of not being safe for others? I’m not at all implying you are unsafe. In fact, it sounds like you want to be safe and unthreatening, which is a sign you want to be a good person. Just letting you know that women don’t hold a monopoly on kindness or nurturing personalities. Those are skills all people can develop and hormones, brains, and/or sex at birth are not the reason women seem to have those skills.
Oops! I feel called out (though I looked different). About ‘trying too hard’. Do you think that came from the same place as your motivation to transition? And, if so, can you describe it?
I also know that sometimes I ask questions that posts make me ask myself. Hmmm
I’ll leave this for the MtFtMs with the right experience to give you more info on why you’re feeling this way. Just didn’t want to let this go unanswered for the algorithm. It’s ok that you gave this a go and tried it. Hopefully you’ve answered some questions about yourself and where you fit in the world.
All the best!