This story is from the comments by /u/Luck_Unlucky2 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comments provided, this account appears to be authentic. The user demonstrates a deep, nuanced, and highly personal engagement with the complex issues surrounding detransition, desistance, trauma, sexuality, and gender identity. The writing is consistent, emotionally raw, and reflects a long, painful, and detailed personal journey of self-discovery and re-evaluation.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account. The user's story is not a simple or stereotypical narrative; it is messy, contradictory at times, and evolves over the course of their comments, which is characteristic of a genuine person working through profound identity issues. Their passion, anger, and detailed introspection align with the expected experiences of someone who has desisted after a significant period of identifying as trans.
The user identifies as an OFAB (observed female at birth) desister who socially transitioned but did not pursue HRT, and their extensive reflections on trauma (particularly CSA), internalized homophobia/biphobia, autogynophobia, and the social pressures of gender conformity are highly specific and ring true to the experiences shared by many in the detrans community.
About me
I felt like a boy from a very young age, a feeling made much worse by the sexual abuse I suffered, which taught me to hate my female body. I socially transitioned to live as a man in my late thirties and for a while, it felt like a huge relief. But when I considered medical transition, I stopped because I realized it would mean taking away my child's mother. Through deep reflection, I understood my desire to be male was rooted in trauma and a fear of being female, not an innate identity. Now, I am learning to accept myself as a masculine woman, finding peace by healing from my past and rejecting rigid gender labels.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing. I can trace the feeling of being a boy back to when I was a very young child, around two or three years old. I didn't understand biology, so I thought that wearing boys' clothes and having a short haircut was all it took. I felt different from the girls around me and more similar to the boys. This feeling was made much worse when I experienced sexual abuse at age five. It taught me about the physical differences between boys and girls in a horrible way and made me hate my own body. I saw being a girl as something that made me vulnerable and a target.
As I grew up, this feeling of being a boy stuck with me. I was a tomboy, but it was more than that. I genuinely felt like I was living in the wrong body. My family, though they claimed to be progressive, had very strict ideas about gender roles. I was constantly criticized for not being feminine enough. Trying to act like a "girl" felt like a performance, like I was wearing a costume. It was exhausting and made me feel fake. In my teens and twenties, I learned that transitioning was a possibility, and it felt like a lifeline. I thought it was the only way to finally feel like my true self and escape the discomfort and self-hatred I felt about being female.
I socially transitioned in my late thirties. I changed my name, my pronouns, and my style of dress to live as a man. For a while, it was like a huge weight was lifted. I felt a rush of happiness, what people call gender euphoria. My chronic pain and depression seemed to vanish. I believed this proved I was on the right path. I was even making plans to start hormone therapy (testosterone).
But then I hit a major obstacle. I have a child, and the idea of medically transitioning started to feel like it would be taking away their mother. This caused me to stop and really think. I started to question everything. Why did I want this so badly? Was it really about an innate identity, or was it about something else?
I began journaling intensely, writing down every time I felt gender dysphoria and then digging into the reasons behind it. It was a painful process, but over many months, I started to see a different pattern. My desire to be a man wasn't coming from a pure place of identity. It was rooted in trauma, internalized homophobia, and a deep-seated hatred of the limitations and objectification that came with being a woman.
I realized I had autogynophobia—a fear and disgust of being female, largely because of my past abuse. Dressing and living as a man made me feel safer; it was a way to escape being sexualized and seen as a victim. I also discovered that a lot of my feelings were tied up with my bisexuality. I had always been attracted to women, but I was deeply ashamed of it. I thought that if I were a gay man, my attractions would be more accepted and less "disgusting" in my own eyes. I was jealous of the freedom and respect I thought men had.
Letting go of the identity I had held onto for over forty years was like an ego death. It was terrifying and disorienting. I had to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. I had to learn to accept that I am a woman, not because I fit a feminine stereotype, but because that is my biological reality. I've learned that I can be a woman and still be masculine, still have the interests and style I want. The problem wasn't my body; it was the rigid boxes society tries to force people into.
I don't regret socially transitioning. It was a necessary step for me to finally understand myself. But I am profoundly glad I did not medically transition. I now see that hormones or surgery would have just been a superficial fix for a much deeper problem. The real work was in healing my trauma and learning to accept myself.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's largely a social construct. There is no "right" way to be a man or a woman. We are all just people with different personalities and preferences. The constant focus on gender identity feels limiting to me now. I've found more peace by ignoring gender as much as possible and just focusing on being a good person, a good parent, and living my life.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 2-3 years old | First recall feeling like a boy. Rejected girls' clothes and toys. |
| 5 years old | Experienced sexual abuse, which intensified hatred of female body. |
| Childhood | Consistently identified as a boy. Felt alienated from girls. |
| Late Teens (18) | First sought medical transition but was discouraged by therapists who cited trauma. |
| 20s | Lived as a butch lesbian but still felt underlying desire to be male. |
| 30s | Went through a phase of hyper-femininity to try and "fit in," which felt inauthentic. |
| Late 30s | Socially transitioned to live as a man (change of name, pronouns, presentation). Experienced initial "gender euphoria." |
| Late 30s / Early 40s | Decision against medical transition due to impact on my child. Began intense journaling and self-reflection. |
| Early 40s | Realized transition was rooted in trauma, internalized homophobia, and autogynophobia. Began process of "desisting." |
| Present (40s) | Accept myself as a gender non-conforming woman. Focus on healing from trauma and living without gender labels. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Luck_Unlucky2:
Stopping puberty blockers is great.
Providing exploratory therapy is great
Returning to enforcing 1950s stereotypes is bad
Focusing on making sure children/teens look like their OSAB is going to backfire horribly.
Watchful Waiting didn’t work with my generation so thinking it will work with this one is a bad position to take.
Parents are going to misinterpret this article as expert medical advice to raise their children as gender conforming as possible to prevent gender identity disorder.
You don’t need to look like other people your OSAB, don’t need to relate to the ‘idea of womanhood’, don’t need to have things in common with other girls, you don’t need to love your body, you don’t need to want kids/husband/monogamy/a nurturing profession, or women as friends to BE a woman.
So these trans teens started HRT in 2018? Five years isn’t very long. Many of those will still be teenagers. Many might not even wonder if things could’ve been different until they suddenly want children in their 20s or 30s. Many might not even realise that they could’ve got used to their bodies with therapy, extreme rational thinking, and support.
5 years is nothing. It’s been 12 years since I came out to my partner, children and close friends as what would be called non-binary today. It wasn’t until I realised I’d always still have a female body on some level and that superficially changing it wasn’t going to help me that I started to doubt and question.
Also this study doesn’t really show what it thinks it does. There’s huge flaws in thinking at the moment. Just because I was feeling happy transitioning didn’t mean I was more authentic than when I was living as a miserable woman.
Tbf, this group is just as much an echo chamber and will downvote if I write the slightest comment that accepts trans people. It’s important to say what’s true to us regardless of whether people in subs agree or not. Trying to offer any nuance on either side will get you down voted. People can’t seem to understand how to hold conflicting truths at the same time and be compassionate. I have various thoughts as to why that is such as black and white thinking and stubbornness.
Questions I wish I’d been asked;
How do think your relationship with your parents would be different if you’d been born the opposite sex? If it would’ve been better, whose responsibility is that?
Why do you gather proof you’re not your birth gender but reject anything that proves otherwise?
Why do you think there’s a separate “better” “you” inside your skin at all?
What other reasons do people say explain your feelings? Have you considered they’re correct?
Are you just feeling isolated?
Are you seeking a community that understands your distress?
Why do you think you’re so different from other people your own sex? Especially when so many are doing this?
Why do you think ‘masculinity’ has a ‘look’?
Are you sure it’s not sexuality? Either attraction to homosexual males, attraction to a hyper-sexual self, same sex attraction, or kink?
Are you just embarrassed to be feminine and jealous that men get to be feminine and still be respected?
Do you have a grief because you missed a parent? Was your dad absent or neglectful?
What does your gender dysphoria feel like in words that aren’t “dysphoria”?
What does your gender euphoria feel like in words that aren’t “euphoria”?
What times and under what circumstances exactly do you feel gender dysphoria and gender euphoria?
Why do you think there’s more than two gender identities or that gender and/or sex are a spectrum?
Why do you think gender ‘shows’ in clothing and body dysmorphia (excepting cases of closeted individuals)?
This one was a very brutal personal question I asked myself: Why do you think you can’t accept your body when people who’ve had car crashes or had cancer have to learn to accept theirs?
Why are you alright with some gendered labels, but not others? Why do you take the discomfort with the words you dislike as confirmation of being trans but not the words you’re okay with as proof you’re cis? (I didn’t like woman/lady/girl/she/her but was alright with mum/darling/sweetheart)
Why do you think ‘trans people have always existed’ is proof that being trans is a natural human trait? Haven’t same-sex attracted people, trauma, sexism, homophobia, kinks, neglect, grief, and alienation also always existed?
“Now I know I can find love” - I remember feeling unlovable as a girl/woman too. It’s a horrible feeling to grow up thinking only the opposite sex is worthy of love and you’re only garbage. It’s not true. Our parents had one job people. One job. Not finding love as the OSAB someone is, is a huge red flag to me because that reminds me of my own self loathing.
If my experience is anything to go by because it’s the opposite, Dylan isn’t more likely to find love as a trans woman than before. She’s more likely to find someone who convinces her that being fetishised is what love is. If you’ve not experienced anything other than being fetishised, it feels exhilarating and real until you realise that you’re not allowed to be anything else than an object to that person. At some point she’s going to wake up and realise being fetishised for what you look like or represent isn’t the same as being loved. Being someone else’s puppet is soul destroying and makes you want to run away and rip your skin off.
They’re imagining there’s a difference between trans people and detrans people to cope with the cognitive dissonance from there not being one. I was dealing with that same type of thought for a really long time when I identified as LGBTQ+ of some sort. Back then I believed there were core differences between us and detrans people too. When I started to desist I also tried to work out the difference in reverse. It actually makes more sense to realise that there isn’t a difference between trans people and desisted/detrans other than detrans/desisted people benefited from other ways of dealing with dysphoria.
Personally I had physical dysphoria and social dysphoria. I had to learn to cope with being perceived as a woman - which to me meant being very visible, disrespected, and sexualised. I had to learn actual distancing skills in how to not to take responsibility for other people’s objectification of me - sorting “their problems” from “my problems”. Objectification is complex and not just sexual. It’s not just what men do to women, but also how women judge other women too. It can be body shaming, diet culture, “pretty” culture, heteronormative expectations and a whole host of other assumptions based on someone’s appearance.
Get them to define “crippling dysphoria” and let’s compare notes.
Elliot Page reminds me of myself back in the 90s. He’s even dressing like I did back then which is weird to see ngl. I absolutely used to shrink myself and fawn and act in the way Elliot does. He’s privileged enough not to realise this is a problem for many. It also sets this weird expectation that anyone who is GNC is trans and wants special treatment. Anyone not as influential as him will find themselves having to compromise on the daily. This was my main motivation for desisting. I did EVERYTHING I could to pass, though I didn’t need to bind as I’m naturally flat, so unless I’m wearing skin tight clothes or stuffed a bra I look like I’m binding. As I’m not comfortable in womens clothes (they make me shake so I avoid them unless absolutely necessary) I’m always assumed to be trans. Now that I’ve realised I can be as masculine as I want I absolutely wish I could just be myself and wear what I want without people projecting their assumptions onto me.
The root of the problem… being a teenage girl going through puberty is hard. The future of being a women is off putting because the intelligence of adult women is discredited and women’s bodies are either good enough to be objectified or bad enough to be ridiculed. You’re either noticed too much or not enough, but never for your personality - only what you look like and how you dress.
Having doubts doesn’t mean you’re transphobic. Being cautious is a sign you’re taking this seriously. All changes in life should be taken seriously. Transitioning is a huge life change.
Wear whatever you like, have your hair however you like, and call yourself whatever name you like. Even pronouns are just words, so use whatever pronouns.
Depending on why you have gender dysphoria it might resolve once you leave home, or get a job, or a partner that you feel safe with. You don’t need to socialise with girls/women, or relate to characters in books or on tv, you don’t need to want to be like your own mother when you grow up. None of that has significance. You might learn to tolerate and become accepting/indifferent of your body.
I didn’t know being trans was a trend until well into my social transition. Then, I started to ask why? Then I saw my first detrans youtuber (Elle Palmer) and although I didn’t connect any dots right away because she had such a different narrative to mine, it planted a seed of doubt.
Why there are so many? Multiple factors. Being SSA as a cis girl means living as a social pariah. Being a trans boy means girls can pretend they’re not lesbians. It means boys/men look dumb for hitting on you because they’d be hitting on another boy - ‘are you gay bro?’ It means lesbians look dumb for hitting on you because you’re not a girl. It means mums have to step back from telling you how to dress or live because they’re told you’re not going to grow up to copy them. Girls with absent or neglectful dads don’t have confidence with straight men and can cut their hair and look like anime boys. Sometimes if there’s been trauma, they can also date other soft trans boys because cis men are too scary.
I’m using ‘they’ and implying I’m talking about other people, but that’s all my experience. I didn’t like anime but I had ‘daddy issues’. Sometimes I wanted to be the daddy too because being the boy was triggering of assault. My mum couldn’t see I had my own personality and likes and dislikes and abilities. She assumed she’d be my role model. Not wanting to follow in her footsteps was my way of getting revenge for her lack of compassion and for rejecting me.