This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced opinions on complex topics like OCD, social pressure, and regret.
- Consistent, empathetic engagement with other users' specific situations over a year.
- A coherent perspective that aligns with a desister/detransitioner who is critical of both trans and anti-trans communities.
- Natural language with varied sentence structure and rhetorical questions.
This reads as a passionate, opinionated, but genuine individual.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a teenager, driven by anxiety and a need to fit in. I thought I was transgender and began taking testosterone, but the physical changes it caused made me deeply dysphoric and I stopped wanting to be seen. I realized I had made a huge mistake by trying to solve my internal problems with a medical solution. I stopped hormones and have been working on my self-esteem and the anxiety that started it all. I’m now learning to live for myself and make choices based on what makes me truly comfortable in my own skin.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my body itself. Looking back, I think a lot of my initial feelings were tangled up with anxiety, OCD, and a desperate need to escape from myself. I was a people-pleaser to my core, always making choices based on what I thought would make others happy or accept me, rather than what I truly wanted.
I remember getting obsessed with the question of my gender. It wasn't a calm curiosity; it was a frantic, anxious loop in my head that caused me a lot of dread. I now believe this was a form of obsessive-compulsive thinking, where I became fixated on my identity. I started spending a lot of time online and was definitely influenced by the communities I found there. I began to interpret my general puberty discomfort and social anxiety as a sign that I was transgender.
I socially transitioned and then started taking testosterone. For a while, it felt like a solution. I made new friends and felt like I was part of a community. But the changes testosterone brought started to make me deeply uncomfortable. I began to have dysphoric and anxious episodes again, but this time about the masculine features developing on my body. I stopped wanting to be seen. I avoided mirrors, showering, and barely left the house. I felt like a miserable zombie, not a real person. I missed the friends I had made when I presented as female but was too ashamed to tell them what was going on.
I realized I had made a huge mistake. I stopped testosterone and began the process of detransitioning. It was a hard truth to face. I had pursued such a radical medical intervention trying to fix my internal problems, and it only made them worse. I had to learn to stop worrying about the hypothetical life I could have had if I never transitioned. That thinking was unproductive. I had to focus on what I could control in the present.
I’ve had to work a lot on my self-esteem and social anxiety. I learned that feeling "creepy" wasn't about my physical appearance but about my behavior and social skills, which I could improve. I focused on grooming, self-care, and dressing in a way that made me feel comfortable. I had to internalize my own advice: that I am the only one who has to live in my skin, so I need to make choices for my own happiness, not for anyone else.
I don't believe that my initial discomfort was truly about gender. I think it was a manifestation of other issues like anxiety, OCD, and low self-esteem. I regret transitioning medically. I don't believe it was the right path for me, and I wish I had addressed my underlying mental health struggles first. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a complex thing, and the intense focus on identity can sometimes lead people like me, who are prone to obsession and people-pleasing, down a path that isn't right for them. I don't think there's anything wrong with questioning, but I believe radical medical solutions should be an absolute last resort after extensive exploration of other causes for unhappiness.
| Age | Date (Approximate) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Late Teens | ~2018 | Began obsessively questioning my gender, influenced by online communities. Experienced anxiety and OCD-like fixation. |
| 19 | ~2019 | Socially transitioned. |
| 20 | ~2019-2020 | Started testosterone. Initially felt positive, made new friends. |
| 21 | ~2020 | Began to feel intense discomfort and dysphoria over masculine physical changes from testosterone. Felt like a "miserable zombie," avoided leaving the house. |
| 21 | ~2020 | Stopped testosterone and began detransitioning. |
| 22 | 2020-Present | Focused on improving self-esteem, social skills, and addressing underlying anxiety and OCD. Learned to make choices for my own happiness. |
Top Comments by /u/MachikoKyo:
Stop worrying about what you could or couldn't have had had you never pursued medical transition. You don't actually have any idea. All of that is hypothetical. Don't waste your time worrying about something you can no longer change. It's unproductive.
What can you do to improve upon the traits that are "creepy"? Creepy isn't your physical appearance. It's your behavior. There are things you can do that are productive to improve upon yourself. Are you bad at picking up social cues? There are things you can do to work on that. Are you in therapy?
For the next 5 years that question has been obsessively on repeat in my head. I don't want to be a woman. This question creates existential dread for me, leads to anxiety,
This makes me think OCD.
I know there is an official subset of OCD where a person obsesses over their sexuality. It makes complete sense that the same could happen with a person obsessing over their gender identity.
Cis people definitely think about their gender. I certainly do, and I've had discussions with friends and family who do as well. It seems at the very least outdated to say that. Who even knew the phrase "gender identity" 10 years ago? Of course people nowadays consider their gender identity rather than just taking it for granted. Besides that, who now or 10 years ago or 100 years ago is 100% "gender conforming"? I can't think of anyone in my life who adheres perfectly to their ostensible gender role.
You're the only one who has to live in your skin and live your life. Make choices that make you comfortable and happy and give you the best quality of life. Don't make choices because you're worried about what other people think. The phrase "Don't be influenced by people you wouldn't go to for advice" comes to mind. I imagine you wouldn't go to the "people online who want ostracism, violence, torture and death for trans people" for advice, nor would you go to the "narcissistic, mentally ill freaks who make up most of the mainstream trans community" for advice. So why let either group impact your choices?
I started having dysphoric and anxious episodes again after the physical/mental changes testosterone brought back, or how I avoid mirrors and showering and barely leave the house because I don't want to be seen like this in public. How I miss the friends I made when I presented as female and can't bring myself to tell them what's going on with me. How I miss feeling like a real person and not a miserable zombie.
It doesn't matter if it's transition or detransition. Do what you have to do to be happy and functional instead of being in the place that you're in right now.
Live your life for yourself, not for your parents or your fraternity brothers or anyone else. I know that sounds trite, but I'm very much a people-pleaser and this post really resonates me. Looking back on my life, I have so many instances where I wish I'd made another decision or gotten out of a situation sooner but I rationalized myself away from what I really wanted in order to make other people happy. It's your body and your life. None of these other people are going to be present in your life for a long as you will be.
Just about everything you've listed there can be improved upon. Grooming, self-care, dressing better. Those are well within your control. And it's interesting that you think "pick up artist" is the opposite of creepy. I don't think that's the case at all.
Lots of people like pale skin as well. If your skin looks sallow and reflects a poor diet and a lack of physical activity then that's another story, but many cultures and locations actually really prefer pale skin. Ever been to Asia?
Respectfully, if you were just fine why were you pursuing therapy and a medical intervention as radical as hormone treatment? I understand that you pursued the hormones based off your doctor's recommendation, but you still had agency in this situation. If the doctor recommended treatment and you didn't feel you had anything to treat I imagine you wouldn't have followed their recommendation.
I'm pretty indoorsy myself. Spending months indoors doesn't really sound "just fine" to me.