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Reddit user /u/MadxWolf212's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 15 -> Detransitioned: 29
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
serious health complications
now infertile
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally raw, and internally consistent over a year-long period. They describe a complex, painful, and nuanced personal journey with specific, believable medical and psychological details (e.g., specific health side effects, a BPD diagnosis, the internal conflict of canceling surgery). The language is passionate and personal, which aligns with the genuine anger and grief many detransitioners express. The account shows a clear and evolving personal narrative, not a scripted or agenda-driven persona.

About me

I'm a woman in my thirties who started testosterone in my twenties after being inspired by online communities. My health was destroyed by the hormone's side effects, and I always felt like a fraud living as a man. I realized my desire to transition was rooted in a personality disorder, not a true identity. I stopped after nearly four years, and while I'm now healing and being seen as female again, I live with permanent changes like a deep voice and facial hair. This is my biggest regret, but I am finally learning to accept my biological body.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been the most difficult and painful experience of my life. It started when I was just a kid. From a very young age, I hated being called a girl. I remember yelling at my mom when I was ten, "I'm not a girl!" I always had a deep discomfort with my chest and was so upset when I grew breasts that I refused to wear a bra until I was sixteen. I used to dream about having a penis and even made homemade devices to pee standing up in secret when I was twelve. I told all my online friends I was a boy because being called "he" felt right, and that feeling stuck with me all the way into adulthood.

In my early twenties, at 24, I decided to medically transition. I found a lot of inspiration online, watching trans YouTubers who seemed so happy and successful. On Tumblr, there was a huge wave of trans positivity that made me feel like I had finally found my people. I was let onto testosterone incredibly easily. I only saw a nurse practitioner twice, signed an informed consent form, and got my first T shot on the third visit. It felt way too simple.

I was on testosterone for almost four years, until I was 29. At first, I liked some of the changes, like growing facial hair and being seen as male. But I never felt like a "real man." I always felt like a fraud, like I was playing a game every day. Using he/him pronouns and my new name started to feel as weird and cringey as my birth name had. I felt scared and isolated in men's spaces, like bathrooms, and I missed the connection I had with women.

The physical side effects from testosterone were devastating. It completely ruined my health. I developed high blood pressure, glaucoma, severe migraines, and debilitating body aches. I had heart palpitations, chest pain, and vaginal atrophy. I started balding rapidly. I had a terrifying problem where I had difficulty swallowing and would frequently choke on my food. My personality changed; I became aggressive and argumentative, which was the complete opposite of my gentle nature before. I felt emotionally shut off, unable to cry or feel deep emotions. I ended up having to go on disability because I became so isolated and sick. All my medical tests came back "normal," and every doctor I saw said these were just side effects from the testosterone. It was literally killing me.

A major turning point was when I almost had top surgery. I traveled seven hours out of my province for the operation. I was in the hospital, waiting to be prepped, and I completely freaked out. I started crying uncontrollably and had to cancel. I was embarrassed, but I never regretted walking away from that surgery. It took me another two years after that to fully realize I needed to detransition.

About two years after starting T, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This explained a lot, because it causes an very unstable sense of self and identity. I now believe that my desire to transition was rooted in this mental health condition, not in a true transgender identity. Transitioning was a form of escapism for me, a way to try and run away from myself. I’ve even come to see it as a large-scale form of self-harm.

When I finally accepted that I needed to detransition, I was filled with horror and regret. I laid in bed and cried for a week, overwhelmed by what I had done to myself. I'm now a woman in my thirties with a deep voice, facial hair I have to shave every day, and thinning scalp hair. I used to be a virtually hairless woman with a sweet, soft voice. The sensory feeling of shaving my face is a nightmare, and I’m left with visible black follicle dots that make me feel hideous.

Detransitioning has been incredibly lonely. When I transitioned, people fell all over themselves to support me. Now, I feel like a traitor and a failure, and there's virtually no support for people like me. But, in a strange way, it has also given me a sense of power. For the first time, I'm learning to accept my biological body. I’ve started to appreciate my breasts and see my period as a beautiful, natural thing. It’s a hard road, but I am healing both inside and out. My body is slowly changing back; my fat is redistributing and I’m being gendered as female most of the time now.

Do I have regrets? Absolutely. Transitioning is the biggest regret of my life. It destroyed my twenties, ruined my health, and damaged my relationships, including my 12-year relationship with my girlfriend. I regret not understanding my mental health better and not getting the right kind of therapy before making such permanent decisions. I don't believe I was truly transgender. I was a woman with deep-seated issues, trying to find a solution in the wrong place.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

My Age Event
10 years old Yelled at my mom, "I'm not a girl!" expressing early discomfort with being female.
12 years old Made homemade STP devices, deeply wishing for a penis.
15-24 years old Lived online as male, telling friends I was a boy. Continued to hate my breasts and female body.
24 years old Started testosterone after only two meetings with a nurse practitioner.
26 years old Diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
26-27 years old Almost had top surgery but cancelled at the last minute due to a panic attack.
28-29 years old Realized transition was a mistake and stopped testosterone after 3 years and 9 months. Began detransition.
30 years old 9 months off T; starting to be gendered female again. Body fat redistributing, but struggling with permanent changes like voice and facial hair.

Top Comments by /u/MadxWolf212:

45 comments • Posting since June 3, 2019
Reddit user MadxWolf212 discusses their detransition journey, from 4 years on testosterone to 10 months off, and the emotional and physical healing process.
80 pointsJan 15, 2020
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From poster: March 2019 I was 4 years on T, now I'm almost a year off. I'm gendered female again most of the time these days. I remember how excruciatingly painful it was back in March, when I finally let myself realize I desperately needed to detransition. I laid in bed, crying my eyes out for a week, horrified at what I've done to myself. I never thought I'd feel okay again, and honestly a lot of days are still really really upsetting. But I am healing, I am getting better, more confident with each day. I don't like my pictures, so this is hard to post, and I'm not sure if a lot of change has happened over the last year, but I know some has, inside & out <3

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains the pain of detransition, contrasting their self-induced full beard and permanently deepened voice with well-meaning but inadequate comparisons to androgynous female traits.
43 pointsJul 16, 2019
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Yes my mom and a few others keep saying "Its okay, a lot of women have androgynous voices!" "A lot of women have facial hair!" "I get a few chin hairs I have to pluck, I know how annoying it is!" And I know they are trying to make me feel better about myself, but my self induced full beard is not equal to a few naturally grown chin hairs. My 13 year old male voice is not the same as a female with a deeper tone. Its just not comparable and it sucks that no one can understand how devastating and painful it is, to wake up and realize you royally fucked up your life.

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains their detransition horror and warns a parent against hormone blockers for their 14-year-old autistic child, advising more evaluation and caution.
41 pointsJun 10, 2019
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From what I've read about hormone blockers, they sound really scary health wise. And even as an adult, I decided to transition and 6 years later after hormones, I have destroyed my body and woken up in horror that I can't undo whats been done. Your child is so so young, plus having autism... this situation probably needs a longer wait and a lot more evaluation. Could they possibly be copying your older child who is transitioning? As a parent, if your gut is telling you something, don't step into the world of blockers and hormones until 100% sure. I wish I had some resources for you, but I am wishing you luck and I hope everything works out!

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains how they almost had FTM top surgery but canceled at the last minute due to a gut feeling, which they have never regretted.
36 pointsJun 11, 2019
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Damn what a crazy whirlwind for you! I almost had a trans-related surgery, but I stopped right at the last minute because my gut screamed NO. I traveled out of my province, 7 hours away to get top surgery (ftm) and I ended up freaking out and throwing an embarrassing fit because I wanted to leave. I did not understand why I was behaving that way, when I put so much time and effort to get approved for surgery. In the end, I went home and I haven't regretted it for one moment. I'm so sorry your therapist coerced you into bottom surgery, but hopefully this new surgeon can try to make you feel better. Listen to your gut and follow your heart. I really hope everything works out for you going forward <3

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains their regret over permanent voice changes from testosterone, describing their pre-transition voice as "sweet and cute" and their current voice as "nasal and obnoxious like an annoying teenage boy." They express a desperate wish for a future technique to help detransitioners regain a female-sounding voice.
29 pointsJan 17, 2020
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ugh I feel this... Pre-T my voice was so sweet and cute... everyone thought I was adorable for having this really soft voice. Now its so awful sounding, its nasal and obnoxious like an annoying teenage boy. I want my voice back so badly. Of all the things that are perm, my voice is the one thing I can't cope with losing. I hope a technique comes out in the future that makes it easier for us to get female voices again or something :/

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains their regret after 5 years on testosterone, warning it ruined their relationships, career, and health, and urges others to stop and learn self-acceptance instead.
29 pointsJul 30, 2019
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Please stop hormones. I had these feelings too, at 24 when I started T... took it until I was 29 and it was the biggest regret of my life. T ruined every single thing in my life, from my relationships with family/friends/long term girlfriend, to career/school and my health. But its not too late for you to stop and wait longer to decide, because once you get permanent changes, you will never be able to go back. Its a living hell to wake up and realize that you can't just "come to terms" with never being a cis male, you will never have a proper penis or be taller or feel satisfied with yourself. You'll always be seeking the next surgery, the next step towards changing yourself... its toxic. This is harsh but the healthiest thing you can do, is learn to accept yourself as you are. Dress masculine, change your name, be whoever you want, but stop taking hormones because it will fuck up your health and your life.

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains their regret over transitioning, calling it a "horrifying nightmare" that ruined their life and warns of a coming wave of terrified, regretful people.
28 pointsJun 17, 2019
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I truly wish that I had the insight not to hop into hormones. I can't believe I woke up from my trans coma into this horrifying nightmare of reality. Never thought something so insane would happen to me, transition ruined my life. This video shakes me to the core because I have a feeling that SO many people are going to start pouring out of the cracks terrified and regretful. I wish there was a way to successfully warn people.

Reddit user MadxWolf212 explains the unspoken downsides of FTM transition, including the fear of male spaces, isolation from women, and loss of their original voice and skin.
28 pointsJun 9, 2019
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They don't tell you a lot of things when you first transition. Like how awkward and scary it can feel to be thrust into male spaces, like washrooms. Or how isolating and lonely it feels to be separated from women. Miss my old voice and smooth hairless skin. I seriously hope more people will see our stories and think twice before jumping into T v_v

Reddit user MadxWolf212 (ex-FTM) explains their painful detransition, citing severe health issues from testosterone and criticizing the informed consent model after a single nurse visit.
28 pointsJul 2, 2019
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Thats fucking dumb. I was ftm, I medically transitioned, it was extremely the wrong choice for me, so I'm suffering through detransition. I have nothing against trans people, but I am now wary against the negative side effects from T that the doctors don't even know about. T really fucked up my health, on top of it being the wrong choice that I made with informed consent, after only seeing a nurse once. I can't speak for others here, but I'm not a terf in any way. But all the true and painful suffering here is not propaganda. I've seen people here on the verge of suicide. What ignorance.

Reddit user MadxWolf212 comments on a positive coming-out experience, sharing their own worries and hope about telling their mom.
24 pointsJun 3, 2019
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Wow I'm so happy you are having a positive reaction from your family! I'm going to tell my mom tomorrow, in person and I'm super worried about how she will feel. But this gives me some hope for the future. Your true friends will come around and also be supportive. I hope things go well for you moving forward :)