This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are:
- Highly specific and personal, sharing detailed medical advice and first-hand experiences with mental health (BPD) and considering transition.
- Consistent in their perspective over a four-year period, focusing on underlying mental health, caution regarding medicalization, and the complexity of identity.
- Engaged and nuanced, offering support, book recommendations, and participating in meta-discussions about the subreddit itself.
The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a teenager because I was deeply uncomfortable with my female body, especially after puberty. I later realized my identity crisis was actually driven by untreated mental health issues, including trauma, depression, and a BPD diagnosis. I almost medically transitioned, but I'm so grateful I didn't make permanent changes. Through therapy, I learned my discomfort wasn't about being male but about my other untreated problems. I'm now focused on healing from my trauma and building a stable sense of self.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially when I hit puberty and developed breasts. I hated them and did everything I could to hide them, wearing only sports bras to flatten my chest. I also had a lot of other mental health problems going on that I didn't understand at the time. I had depression and really bad anxiety. I also had an eating disorder and had been sexually abused by a boyfriend in high school, which I now see was a big trauma that affected how I saw myself.
I started to think I might be trans or genderfluid. I cut all my hair off into a men’s cut, only wore men’s clothes, and I constantly dreamed about having a flat chest and male genitals. I spent a huge amount of time online researching top surgery and testosterone, convinced that was the answer to all my problems. I felt like it all fit together like a puzzle and that transitioning was the only way I could ever be happy.
Looking back, I realize a lot of this was because of my underlying mental health issues. I was later diagnosed with BPD, and I see now that a lot of my identity crisis was related to that. People with BPD have a really hard time knowing who we are, and we often change our outward appearance, style, and even our personalities and hobbies. I think I was misinterpreting all of these symptoms as being transgender. I was using the idea of transition as a bandaid fix for a bunch of serious, untreated problems.
I was also influenced a lot by what I saw online. I got so deep into the research and the community that it felt like the only path forward. I felt a lot of pressure, like I had already put so much time and effort into it that I had to continue, which I now know is called the "sunk cost fallacy." Luckily, I never went through with any medical procedures. I finally realized that I wasn't actually trans. It was another identity crisis mixed with a lot of body issues and trauma.
What really helped me was finally addressing my other mental health problems directly. I got into therapy and started working on my BPD, depression, and anxiety. I also found a book on Dialectical Behavior Therapy that seriously helped me with my impulse control, rage, and depression. I learned that you can't just transition and expect your depression to magically disappear. They are separate issues that need to be treated separately. If I had transitioned without treating my other problems, I would still be incredibly unhappy.
I don’t regret exploring my gender, but I am so profoundly grateful that I didn't make any permanent changes to my body. I now see that my discomfort wasn't really about gender at all. It was about trauma, low self-esteem, and mental illness. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal thing, but it's so important to treat any underlying mental health issues first. Transition can be right for some people, but for others, like me, it's a misdiagnosis of a deeper problem.
Age | Year | Event |
---|---|---|
15-16 | ~2010-2011 | Hit puberty, hated developing breasts, began wearing sports bras to flatten chest. |
17 | ~2012 | Experienced sexual trauma from a boyfriend. |
18 | ~2013 | Socially transitioned; cut hair, wore men's clothes, researched surgery and hormones. |
22 | 2017 | Realized I was not trans, began addressing underlying BPD, depression, and anxiety. |
24 | 2019 | Found significant help from DBT workbooks and non-affirming therapy focused on root causes. |
Top Comments by /u/Mercenarian:
Because teenagers/very young adults aren’t that self aware. They don’t have the ability to think like that. They think they’re so intelligent and right about everything. I’m not saying that to be mean. It’s biology. Practically all teenagers are like that. They think they’re invincible and way more intelligent than they actually are. Wanting to date adults, have unprotected sex, wanting to smoke or do drugs, getting stuck and pokes from their friends in basements, wanting to act grown and have responsibilities they’re not old enough to handle, even trying to get pregnant, drinking and driving, etc.
They didn’t say that though. They’re not asking why the rate of trans people went up as being trans has become accepted. They’re asking why the rate of trans people has gone up when gender norms are less rigid than they were in the past (as in men can cook, wear makeup, paint their nails, etc, and women can be mechanics, play with trucks, and climb trees, etc).
I have bpd and see a lot of myself in your post. The constantly changing hair, style, makeup, etc. Ppl with bpd have a hard time with our identity and don’t know who we are and often change up our outward appearance and even our personality, hobbies, etc. Not diagnosing you here I’m definitely not a psychologist. It’s just that I can see you might have some other underlying issue that you’re perceiving as being trans. I also socially transitioned when I was around your age and cut my hair into a men’s cut, wore men’s clothes, only wore sports bras to flatten my boobs, dreamed about having male genitals or a completely flat chest, I researched surgery and hormones and stuff very often but luckily never went through with any of it because I finally realized I wasn’t trans or gender fluid or anything. I think it was just another identity crisis and maybe some body issues (I also had an eating disorder and had been sexually abused by a boyfriend in HS) for me.
Please just cancel or postpone the surgery. It’s not like you can never get it if you cancel because you can always reschedule, but you shouldn’t do something permanent to your body just because you feel like you “have to” or that you’ve already put so much time and effort into it so you have to continue (look up “sunk cost fallacy”) I think you should see a psychologist for your other mental health issues first and make sure it’s not just depression, ptsd, bpd, body dysmorphic disorder or something leaking out symptoms that have been misinterpreted as being transgender. I think it’s easy to get symptoms from these other mental illnesses and think it all fits together like a puzzle and it means you’re trans but it’s actually just various symptoms from untreated, unrelated disorders, and if these individual disorders are treated directly, instead of through transitioning, then the “need” to transition will disappear. I feel like transitioning is often (not always) just a bandaid fix for a bunch of actual serious underlying mental illnesses, and then the actual root cause of the feelings goes untreated, which is why some people still aren’t happy after transitioning. (For example in my case if I had transitioned without actually treating my bpd, depression, anxiety, etc, I would still be unhappy, because those are the roots of my issues, not being a woman)
Sorry I’m not very good at explaining but I hope you can understand what I mean and I hope you can figure everything out.
Is this sub really being attacked? I’ll be honest and say I have seen some questionable content in some of the other subs that got banned (although even in those it was 95%+ respectful discussion.) but I don’t recall ever seeing anything but love and support here and haven’t seen anything blatantly attacking any person or group..
If you’re happy with your life there’s nothing wrong with that. You can also speak out against the horrible people exploiting the trans community, and the horrible things that are being done in the name of inclusivity, without being against transgender people or even transitioning as a whole.
I struggle with BPD, depression and anxiety and even with these things there are bad apples who fake having these disorders, spread misinformation, and create a bad name for us (particularly bpd) just because there are liars and fakers who make us look bad doesn’t mean there aren’t genuine people out there and genuine ways to include people and treat them
Testosterone can cause vaginal atrophy could this be what you’re experiencing?
“Testosterone decreases the resilience of the vaginal tissues and the amount of natural lubrication, which can make the tissue more prone to tearing or micro abrasions. This—what we call “vaginal atrophy”—can make it more uncomfortable for people just walking around, and certainly during sexual activity.”
You can treat it with an estrogen cream or by inserting estrogen tablets
but we’re talking about how transition was for us the people it doesn’t work for
Wow that’s a really good way of putting it! I think it’s somewhat similar to “treatments” (in quotations because maybe some people don’t consider it a treatment exactly, and that’s valid) for other things.
I’ll use mental heath issues as an example because I have first-hand experience with it:
I apologize if this seems offensive I don’t mean to say “you’re all just mentally ill!!!” or something, and I don’t think my analogy is perfect but it just made me think about some similarities/differences between these two things, and I know that in my experience, and others I’ve talked to, that my gender issues were very much intertwined with other mental health issues.
For some people medication is a wonderful, life changing experience, but for others it’s horrible and can even increase the risk of suicide, or cause other terrible side effects. For some therapy is great, but others it doesn’t really seem to work. Some people need a combination of both, a few people use other methods such as exercise, meditation, workbooks, etc and it works for them, but for others it’s not nearly enough.
I would never invalidate somebody else’s experience and try to force a certain treatment on them just because I tried it, and I wouldn’t call them a liar and say “you must not have really been x if you can just go to therapy and exercise regularly” and I don’t think doctors (or at least not a reputable one) would ever try to hide the risks associated with any medication or surgery. And they shouldn’t.
I kinda think it’s similar for transition. Some genuinely are happy with transition, but for a lot of people it doesn’t work and maybe they actually have underlying mental/physical health issues which they’re falsely interpreting as gender disphoria, or which have symptoms related to identity/disphoria issues. Or maybe they have gender disphoria but don’t want to transition and would rather find other ways of dealing with it because of the negative health effects of transitioning (to do with surgery and hormones or other medications) outweigh the benefits for them.
I think it’s super weird to be like angry that people are using other methods than whatever you did. My mental health was significantly improved by taking an SSRI but I’m off them now because of some of the side effects that I didn’t like, and because I felt like I’d gotten to a good enough place to go off of them, and I think it would be really weird if there was a group calling people fakers or saying you don’t really have ”anxiety/depression” if you’ve never taken an ssri or quit taking one. And it would be super sketchy if they tried to hide side effects or suicidal ideation associated with ssris and said they were 100% safe miracle fixes or something. My views of having integrity and being 100% transparent and clear, and considering all options and all risks and benefits is for all medical treatments not just for trans people.
Edit: also I want to add something I forgot to mention. AFAIK if you’re suicidal/depressed and gender disphoric those are two separate, comorbid issues and you can’t just socially/physically transition and expect your depression to just disappear. I think that’s a huge and dangerous problem that’s being largely ignored and the reason why a lot of transitioned people still commit suicide or are still depressed. You still need to treat depression and suicidal ideation even if you get srs or start hormones or whatever. It’s an unrealistic standard to expect transition to just cure you of all depression/anxiety/whatever. I think too many people are just focusing on that being “the reason” they’re depressed and think it will just go away afterwards. It might in rare, rare instances, but that’s definitely not the norm.
People with BDD who reach their “goal weight” aren’t just magically cured, they just keep going lower and lower. When I had my anxiety under pretty good control I still was depressed and suicidal and attempted suicide. If you don’t like the comparison with mental illness then: people can start out pretty low in life, and they think “if I get money I’ll be happy” then they get rich and it’s “if I find the love of my life I’ll be happy” “if I have kids I’ll be happy” “if I get all these new clothes and this car and this house I’ll be happy” “if I get plastic surgery I’ll be happy” and it never ends. You could be rich and famous and have everything you could ever want but still be depressed and suicidal. You can’t expect anything else to treat your depression except actual treatment FOR depression. So I get real worried and concerned when I see people saying they need srs or they’ll commit suicide or something.
There are things you can try in the meantime before making any drastic decisions.
-You can theoretically take birth control pills continuously and not have a period, however if you do it, especially with the pills that have a decreasing level of Hormones each week there’s a change you’ll have breakthrough bleeding or spotting.
-there’s some birth control pills that are designed to only give you a period once every 3 months. I’ve taken them before and they worked great.
-the implant has a chance to reduce/completely stop your periods
-the injection has a chance to completely stop your periods, but it takes several months for most people.
-hormonal coils can reduce or stop your period
I think you should make an appointment with a doctor to discuss your options. If you’re able an appointment with a therapist sounds necessary too. If you can’t see a therapist can I recommend a book? It’s called “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance”
And I know you’re probably thinking “self help” is garbage but this is the one book that’s seriously helped me with my impulse control in regards to self harm, rage, depression, etc. This isn’t an ad or anything.