I lived with 2 trans women when I identified and it’s a big part of what made me wake up and desist. I had never lived with men outside my family and living with them really opened my eyes. I just kept thinking to myself “they’re just men. They act like men. They are men.” The ones I lived with were definitely both straight AGPs.

I remember one night coming home and both of them were in the living room bemoaning how they never had a girlhood. Ooo cruel world! They both cried! We never got to have those sexy sleepovers and go shopping and try on make up at the mall and they never got to have that big group of girlfriends to be close with. I was sooo grossed out and angry when I heard them saying this shit and straight up told them both that what they’re imagining is not real, it’s not girlhood, you’re fantasizing about a movie life, I grew up a girl and I didn’t experience any of what they were describing. They both rolled their eyes and dismissed me and when back to their creepy AGP fantasizing.

I have a million other stories about what a nightmare there two men were to live with, and the other two male roommates who were non-binary. But that girlhood thing just made me so fucking angry.

My experience was that it absolutely became cult like very quickly. I was in a group in 2014, that at first had one trans identified person, and then, within a year several more, and then several people within the group started identifying as transgender including myself, because of this one original person. Within this group, it very much became a hierarchy of trans people on the top with the authority because they were the oppressed class and the cis people on the bottom. Once this division was made, many more people started identifying as transgender.

I moved across the country to a very trans, friendly city, and by this point, it was absolutely just a part of everything. Every single, lesbian or women’s group was becoming overcrowded with men, and it was constantly reinforced that if you ever said the wrong thing you would be kicked out.

Don’t beat yourself up. Do you have an amazing opportunity. You can save your sibling. Be honest be so brutally fucking honest with your family and tell them everything. Tell them about your detransition tell them about your lived experience and why you know medical intervention is not right for your sibling. I’m back up what you’re saying with the evidence, articles about the NHS, discontinuing puberty blockers. Send them the Swedish study that showed people who have medical intervention are more likely to commit suicide after medical transition.

You can be the change again in your siblings life, and save them from this fate.

There is no one right way to be a girl or a woman. The only requirement is being female and you are a female, so everything you do is some thing a girl would do. No need to try to conform to anyone else’s ideals of what women should be.

You have a very distinct sense of style, which means you are still going to experience people having strong negative reactions to the way you look. Wear whatever makes you feel good, and what is functional for the activities you are doing.

I think, continuing to participate in society as a gender, nonconforming person who does not adopt a trans identity, is actually extremely powerful for other people to see. If you are in a group and people ask your pronouns, or assume you want to be addressed not based on your sex and you get that moment to correct them and other people see that you’re just a gender nonconforming person I think that helps other people.

I’m never trying to embarrass someone or make them feel awkward because I know when people ask pronouns they are doing it because they think it is the right and kind and compassionate thing to do, but for example, at my last job, I had been working there for a week or two, and then out of nowhere one of my coworkers asked me what my pronouns were, which, of course felt really strange because I had been there for a few weeks, and everyone was referring to me by my female name and female pronouns. So even though I definitely know a lot about pronouns, I just gave her a kind of confused look and said something like “I’m just a woman”

How do you know you don’t make other people feel uncomfortable? Especially women. I have been in plenty of situations where there was a trans identified male in a women’s group and I was extremely uncomfortable with his presence, but I didn’t say anything or do anything about it because I knew that within the group it was acceptable for him to be there, and that I would be wrong within that group if I had an objection.

I mean listen, there are a lot of places that used to be women’s spaces that will now gladly accept you with open arms. But that doesn’t mean that all of the women attending are comfortable with you being there. Women’s spaces and especially lesbian spaces have been so completely overtaken by trans ideology that many women feel like they have no choice and no place else to go to meet women and so they just have to put up with the male presence.

Just because nobody is coming up to you and saying “hey, I can tell that you’re trans!” Doesn’t mean you’re not being clocked. And it doesn’t mean women aren’t uncomfortable or even afraid that you are within the women’s space. Women know that they can be kicked out of groups and blasted on social media for saying the wrong thing or even insinuating that they don’t believe men can be women.

I think the distinction is between people who did some form of medicalized, transition and people who just identified as transgender. I, for example, identified as non-binary for three years, and was very much believing in the philosophy, but I did not have gender dysphoria, and I did not want to change anything about my body so my experience is radically different from people who are Detrans

You do not have to feel comfortable with his porn consumption. You can, and should dump him and hold a strong boundary that you will not date men who consume pornography. Watching pornography, literally rots your brain. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24871202/

I know it feels really scary to lose your first relationship, but from what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like a relationship that you can really be yourself and feel safe telling your girlfriend how do you feel about yourself or real issues that you are struggling with internally. Being single, and detransitioning might sound daunting, but I promise you, being with someone who doesn’t support you being comfortable with yourself is much more painful in the long run. Whether or not you detransition, you should be able to change your hair and your clothes, shave, or not shave, and present yourself how you want to, and be supported by your partner.

I’m a lesbian dating another woman and when we met she had a really cute bob haircut that I loved. Then she decided to cut it all off and have a pixie cut. I miss the bob because I think it was the cutest haircut on her but she’s also very cute with her short haircut. And I would never never in 1 billion years ever think about telling her I would prefer her with a bob haircut. Maybe aesthetically it is more pleasing to me personally but the thing that is most important is that she is happy. And I have short hair myself and understand how practical and comfortable it is and that’s what’s most important to me is that she is comfortable and happy. And her haircut doesn’t change her cute face.

Being with someone who cares more about how you feel than how you look, will change everything you thought you knew about relationships.

Thissss all you have to do to live as a woman is just live. You are a woman any way you’re living is how a woman lives. just wear clothing that is comfortable and functional for the activities you’re doing. Wear your hair in a way that is comfortable for you, and only requires an amount of effort that you are willing to put in. Passionately follow your interests. Stop trying to fit in and start looking for individual people who share your interests and who’s company you enjoy.