This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments display:
- Personal, detailed history with psychotropic drugs and gender distress spanning decades.
- Emotional depth and a consistent, philosophical perspective on coping with gender incongruence.
- Engagement with the community that offers support, resources, and shared experiences.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I've lived my whole life as a female with a constant, unwanted feeling that my gender was wrong. For over twenty years, I used psychotropic drugs to numb the distress, but stopping them in 2012 finally let me feel my real emotions again. I had to learn to let go of deep resentment, which was crucial for my mental health. I believe this condition has physical roots, but I worry that therapy today only offers transition or medication instead of teaching us how to cope. My journey didn't involve hormones or surgery, and I'm now focused on the difficult but essential work of knowing and caring for myself.
My detransition story
My entire life, I have experienced a deep and persistent feeling that my gender was wrong. This gender dissonance, as I call it, started in my earliest memories and has been a constant, unwanted companion. I didn't choose it; it's just something I've always had to live with.
For over twenty years, my main way of coping was to take psychotropic drugs. They did help to some extent by making me feel numb to the distress, but that numbness came at a huge cost. I wasn't really living or feeling my emotions. When I finally stopped taking them in 2012, it was like waking up. I felt alive again, able to experience the full range of my feelings, both good and bad. I'll never go back to those kinds of drugs.
A big part of my journey has been learning to forgive. I held onto a lot of anger and resentment towards people I felt had hurt me, especially those who never even asked for forgiveness. I learned the hard way that holding onto that pain only hurt me. Letting go of that resentment was one of the hardest but most necessary things I've ever done for my own mental health.
I've spent decades researching this, since the late 1960s, trying to understand the roots of gender identity incongruence. I believe there are physical causes for it, and that it's not something we simply choose. The challenge isn't just figuring out why it happens, but learning how to live a healthy and fulfilling life with it.
I see a lot of therapists today who only offer affirmation and help people transition. They don't seem to challenge their clients to really think about the lifetime consequences of medical procedures. For people like me, it can feel like the only alternatives are to either transition, stay on heavy medication forever, or end our lives. There must be another way. We need professionals who can help us learn to cope with this condition and live healthy lives without just affirming it or drugging us into numbness.
I agree with a detransitioner I heard who compared starting testosterone to saying, "let's try cocaine and see if it helps." The effects are powerful, quick, addictive, and very often permanent. It's not a simple trial.
My own path didn't involve taking hormones or having surgery. My journey was more about internal struggle and finding ways to cope without medical intervention. My regret isn't about a physical transition I had, but about the years I lost to numbness from medication when I could have been learning to understand and care for myself. The most important thing I've learned is an ancient piece of wisdom: "Know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves, otherwise we never shall." That is what I am still working on every day.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| - | Late 1960s | First began researching and feeling a resonance with the "transsexual phenomenon". |
| - | 2012 | Stopped taking psychotropic drugs after over 20 years of use, began to feel emotions fully again. |
Top Comments by /u/Morgan_12:
You are wise to seek a therapist to help you work through your feelings. There are therapists who work with detransitioners, and desisters, and who do not simply provide "affirmation therapy". They can be hard to find, but not impossible. You may find some guidance here: https://segm.org/, or here: https://rethinkime.org/. Looking at the resources on these websites may provide useful for you.
You are very beautiful. I encourage you to continue to work at getting to know yourself. Let me share one of my favorite ancient quotations:
"Know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves, otherwise we never shall."
~ Socrates
One of the hardest lessons I learned in life was to forgive people whom I felt had hurt me, even maliciously. It took me many years to learn how to do this, especially when the other person never sought forgiveness from me. I found that when I held on to my resentment and anger, it hurt me, and meant little-to-nothing to the other person. I had to let go of my resentment and anger for my own mental health and healing. Try to take your parents at their word. In time you will come to understand that your parents are just people. And people make mistakes and make foolish decisions. This becomes very clear when/if you have children of your own.
I re-read your post. I did not find it to be jumbled and scattered. I have had many of the same thoughts. I appreciated what I heard one FtM de-transitioner say on a podcast, regarding taking testosterone. She said medical practitioners often say to someone experiencing gender incongruence, "let's try 'T' and see if it helps". The de-transitioner said that is like saying, "let's try cocaine and see if it helps". The effects are quick, powerful, addictive, and permanent. I did not ask to experience gender incongruence, yet I have experienced it my entire life. I did not choose it. It was, and is, unwanted. Yet, I cannot escape from it. The challenge is learning to live a healthy, productive, fulfilling life while experiencing it.
I was on psychotropic drugs for over 20 years. They alleviated some of my gender distress. However, all they really did was make me "numb" to living and experiencing life. When I stopped taking them in 2012, I was amazed at how I felt "alive" again. I was able to experience my emotions again. I'll never take those type of drugs again!
I agree with you. It seems that the overwhelming majority of therapists/counselors engage in affirmation therapy and work to assist the client with transitioning. They don't seem to offer challenges to the client to clearly think through the lifetime consequences of transitioning. For some of us who experience gender dissonance, we see the the only viable alternatives to transitioning as medicating ourselves for the remainder of our lives with psychotropic drugs, or ending our life. Where are those professionals who can help us learn to cope with this malady and live healthy lives?
I have researched the transsexual phenomenon since the late 1960's. There is a wealth of evidence that gender identity incongruence has it's roots in physical causes. I have asked the questions you posed since I first became aware of the transsexual phenomenon in the 1960's and it resonated with me. Some of the evidence and speculation about physical causes goes back to the 1950's. You may find some of what you are looking for at this web site:
https://grad-mentor.com/sexuality/