This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally nuanced. They describe a personal journey of questioning, social transition, and desisting that is complex and spans several years. Their reflections on their mother, therapy, body issues from binding, and the social dynamics within trans and detrans communities are specific and ring true to the lived experiences discussed in detrans spaces. The account expresses a mix of doubt, pain, and insight that is characteristic of a genuine person navigating this difficult topic.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with puberty, made worse by my mum constantly pushing me to be more feminine. I identified as trans for years and almost started hormones, but I realized a lot of my feelings were from escapism, possible autism, and social pressure. Getting sick and being forced offline helped me see that my body is just a vessel and I don't need a label to exist. I distanced myself from online trans spaces and my dysphoria mostly went away. I don't regret avoiding medical transition, and I'm finally learning to just be myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young. I was born female, and from the beginning, I never felt like I fit into the mold of what a girl was supposed to be. A lot of my discomfort began with puberty. I hated the changes, especially developing breasts. It felt wrong and foreign to me. My relationship with my mum was a big part of it too. She was always trying to push me to be more feminine, pointing out any little thing, like if I wore a bit of makeup or women’s pants. She’d go on about it all day, and it made me feel so dysphoric and uncomfortable. She also had these old-fashioned ideas, like I needed a man to protect me, which just made me want to push back and be more masculine around her.
I started identifying as trans when I was around 14. Back then, there wasn't a lot of social media representation like there is now; I found some older trans women in online forums. I started binding my chest almost every day from the age of 12, and I think that, combined with some pre-existing conditions, contributed to my upper body becoming deformed. I have scoliosis, kyphosis, and a deformed chest, which I really hate.
For a long time, I thought transitioning was the answer. I wanted to be a guy. I even saw a specialist here in Germany who was ready to put me on hormones after only two appointments, but I never went through with it. My mum wouldn't allow it when I was younger, and by the time I was legally old enough, I was already having serious doubts. A part of me still wanted to transition, but another part knew I wouldn't be suicidal if I didn't. Medical transition felt like too big a step when I wasn't sure.
A lot of my identity was wrapped up in escapism. In my teens, I was really into anime and BL (Boys' Love) in an unhealthy way, using it to escape reality. I also think I might be autistic; I have a lot of sensory issues, and that probably played a role in my discomfort with my body and the changes of puberty. I swapped one mask for another. When I identified as a guy, I felt like I had to repress my feminine side completely. I pretended not to like "girly" things and cut my hair short even though I didn't really like it, just to prove I was masculine enough. I realized that wasn't being my true self either.
I came out as bisexual to my mum, but she didn't really get it and just changed the subject. I also told my friends I was non-binary for a while, but I found it exhausting to explain to everyone. I started to feel like labels had too much power over me. What really helped me was getting sick and being housebound for over a year. It made me value the little things in life and changed my perspective. I started to try and detach my identity from my gender. I asked myself what I would want from life if gender didn't exist. My body is just a vessel for my soul to experience the world.
I also saw a lot of concerning things in the online trans community. I saw friends transition for what I felt were the wrong reasons, like an aesthetic choice or to remain looking like a cute anime character. I saw how social media, especially TikTok, can be a catalyst for dysphoria, making it seem like hormones are a harmless, easy fix. For someone like me without a stable sense of self, it was poison. Whenever I watched those videos, I’d fall into a rabbit hole and couldn't stop thinking about transitioning. But when I distanced myself from those spaces, my dysphoria mostly went away, and I could just exist.
I don’t regret not transitioning medically. I think it saved me from making a huge mistake. I do have some regrets about the social pressure I put on myself and the physical damage from binding. I don't really believe people are "born trans" anymore; I think it's more complicated than that. My views on gender now are that you don't have to fit into a box. You can just be you. I don't regret my journey because it led me to this understanding, but I am sad about the pain and confusion I went through.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Started binding chest regularly due to discomfort with puberty and breast development. |
| 14 | Began identifying as transgender after finding online communities. |
| 18 | Was legally old enough for HRT but chose not to start due to growing doubts. |
| 21 | Actively questioning my transition and beginning to detransition socially. |
| 21 | Realized a lot of my struggle was related to possible autism, escapism, and social pressure, not innate gender identity. |
Top Comments by /u/MostUnusual_:
I've seen it the other way around. I knew someone, a gay young man whose body ideal was the typical "twink" look but as he got older he got really hairy, bald and manly and this made him hate his appearance and he thought by transitioning to a woman he could stop that process and remain androgynous and "cute". Idk, it was a huge red flag. Transitioning seemed like an aesthetic thing to him. But I see it all over the internet with the "gender envy" thing. Mostly it's not even a real man but an unrealistic anime character they "envy". They'll eventually be unhappy with their choice because that's just not what happens. You won't become a cute anime boy. Another thing that always seemed weird to me. was the "demiboy/girl" label. I once saw an almost 30 year old transguy who called himself a demi"boy". It's weird.
From my own experience... I feel like watching those videos is a catalyst for dysphoria. They always portray transitioning as something that ultimately leads to them being happy and at home in their bodies and I also wanted to feel like that. So even if I decided to not pursue transitioning anymore, whenever I watch those videos I feel sad and think "maybe I'm trans after all". And I feel like it's some kind of OCD thing indeed because whenever I start I can't stop, I stay up at night and binge those videos and can't think of anything else besides transitioning...
For someone who doesn't have a stable sense of identity social media is poison. Maybe she should stay off social media for a while and look inside herself for an answer. When I distance myself from those online spaces I don't even feel that dysphoric anymore... I just exist and don't really care about my gender.
Why would anyone transition medically if they don't even have dysphoria? Tbh, most of the trans people I used to know desisted at some point but they were never on hormones or had surgeries done because in my country it's not that easy, you have to go to therapy and get your therapists approval first... I think it's absolutely insane that you can get those things so easily in America... I used to follow a model on instagram for a while and they came out as non-binary and filmed their process of getting on T and it was horrifying to me how easy it was for them to get it. They stopped.. I think... a few weeks later? Because they didn't get the effects they wanted. Idk, shouldn't you inform yourself about the effects of hormones before you take them??
I mean... it's their decision ultimately but I think it's scary how those TikTok people play down the effects of hormones and portray them as harmless and not a big deal. Of course young people will see those videos that only show the bright side and get influenced by them.
I don't want to be mean, but a lot of the trans men I used to follow on instagram who were portraying this "pretty anime / alt trans boy" aesthetic eventually disappeared from social media after they were on T for a while. Maybe because they couldn't maintain this aesthetic anymore... they probably just look like regular men now, maybe they're balding, have acne or a lot of body hair, gained weight etc. because that's what T actually does and it doesn't fit into the aesthetic. I think people just don't see this side of transitioning on TikTok and think T will make them turn into a cute anime boy or something. I certainly did think that when I was 14, lol. Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with those things I mentioned, but they can be effects of T and I think many of those people who transition for aesthetic reasons aren't really aware of that and eventually regret their decision.
To be honest, I think many people actually know this but are constantly guilt tripped by the community so they just don't say anything. But you're absolutely right. The word "TERF" is also thrown at anyone who disagrees with them or shows concern. A person who used to be my best friend called me a radical rightist because I said I didn't agree with their views. Sad that someone who claimed to be my best friend apparently didn't know me at all.
You're not alone! I am in a similar boat as you. My best friend came out as trans a while ago and I see all those red flags being there. I want to support them and be happy for them, but I'm also worried because I feel like they want to transition for all the wrong reasons... I think the only thing you can do is tell them about your experiences and let them choose their own path.
I live in Germany and I was also surprised that the specialist I saw actually suggested HRT after only seeing me twice. But I also had to wait for months to get an appointment and I have seen a bunch of other therapists before who weren't specialized and didn't even want to help me with my gender issues because they had no experience and/or knowledge of gender dysphoria.
Most trans people I know think detransitioners are only "repressing" their true nature and have internalized transphobia. Many of them think of us as a threat, just like transmedicalists think non-binary people are a threat because they're apparently the reason why (cis) people don't take trans people seriously anymore. I really don't get it. Some trans people also think detransitioners shouldn't talk about their experiences because it'll make the situation worse for trans people. It's kinda hypocritical, isn't it? We all just want to be ourselves and most of us have dealt with trans- or homophobia, so why encourage people to hide just so it'll fit in our worldview? Isn't that what they do, too?
I've had a conversation with a trans friend recently and they believe that social media is not making people trans but rather encourages them to be "true to themselves". Just like there are much more right-handed people because in the past left-handed children were forced to learn it that way, even if it's not the most natural thing for them. I find that metaphor interesting, but I'm not sure if it makes any sense in this context. I'm not even sure if I really believe that people are "born trans", it seems so ungraspable.
I "realized" I was trans a while before it became such a big thing, there was no social media representation back than besides some online forums with most members being old trans women. Growing up, I didn't know anyone my age who was also trans. Nowadays it isn't even that uncommon that there are three trans people in one school class. It's weird and no one even questions it.
To be honest, I think when I transitioned I repressed my "feminine" side a lot. I pretended to not like "girly" things, so no one would question my identity as a guy. I think many trans people do that, they somehow think they have to prove their masculinity/femininity to the world so they reject every part of themselves that is stereotypical for their birth sex. I used to do that and that's in fact one of the reasons I started questioning: If transitioning really is about "being my true self" then why am I trying to fit into another box? For example... Why am I cutting my hair short to pass as a guy when I actually don't even like short hair on me?
When I detransitioned I felt like I don't have to pressure myself to be overly masculine anymore, because that's not who I am. I can imagine that some detransitioners feel the same way. But I can also imagine that detransitioning can turn into something similar to transitioning. Maybe when transitioning doesn't make you happy anymore, you think the grass is greener on the other side (once again), so you keep being a "work in progress", it gives you hope and a goal. I don't think it's healthy though, but like someone else said, it doesn't go away over night. When that's how you coped all your life with negative feelings about yourself, it takes time to learn different coping mechanisms.
My advice would be... Don't obsess too much over it. You still have time to figure things out. It's actually okay not to immediately know who you are or want to be. Also, people change all the time. No one, not even the surest person of all, can tell how they will feel about certain things in a few years. So, I'd say experiment with your identity and presentation and don't worry too much about figuring things out right away, especially if you're a teenager. During that time things are more likely to change anyway. But please don't rush things like medication and/or surgery if you aren't sure you really want to do that. Those things are a huge commitment and even if some things are reversible there are many things that aren't! I think talking to a therapist first might be a good thing to do.