This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's perspective is highly specific, internally consistent, and reflects a nuanced, personal experience with autogynephilia (AGP) and desisting. The language is natural, and the advice given is detailed and practical, which is common for genuine, passionate users in this community. The account does not medically detransition but fits the profile of a desister.
About me
I was born male and my journey started with a strong, compulsive desire to be feminine that I now understand was linked to arousal. I seriously considered medical transition but realized my masculine body could never match my fantasy, and I was scared of the permanent changes. Instead, I manage these feelings through a personal routine, allowing myself a little time to cross-dress to satisfy the urge without it taking over my life. I've accepted that I don't have to be one or the other and can just be myself. I'm at peace with my decision not to transition and am living my life without regret.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a lot of time and self-reflection to understand it. I was born male and for a long time, I felt a strong desire to be feminine, both in my mind and my body. I now understand this as autogynephilia (AGP), where the idea of being a woman was deeply tied to arousal for me. I would often spend an hour dressing up and doing makeup, only to immediately masturbate and then take everything off. It was a cycle that felt compulsive.
I seriously considered transitioning and starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I did a lot of research and saw that for some people, HRT stops the dysphoria but also causes permanent physical changes and immediate mental shifts that push you toward a complete change. I was warned it would kill my libido, which was a big part of my experience. The idea of permanently altering my body was scary. I am a very masculine guy—I’m 6 feet tall with huge shoulders and hands—and I realized I would never be able to become the feminine ideal I had in my fantasies. I didn't want to settle for a reality that couldn't match my imagination.
Instead of transitioning, I found a way to manage these feelings through what I call harm reduction. This is a concept usually used for addictions, and for me, it meant compartmentalizing the behavior. I allow myself to cross-dress a little bit once a day, usually in the morning, get that release, and then I'm good for the rest of the day. I don’t do the full dress-up with makeup much anymore because I know the cycle too well. It satisfies the compulsion without it taking over my entire life. I’ve come to see this cross-dressing and AGP as a kind of gift; it lets me take a vacation from reality whenever I want.
I tried to find a therapist who could help, but I never found one who really understood AGP or gender dysphoria in this specific way. Most therapists, in my opinion, are biased toward transition and don't have a clue about this. I believe the best thing is to find a neutral, mature therapist who doesn't specialize in trans issues, to avoid that bias. What helped me most was focusing on what I truly felt, journaling, and making lists of the positives and negatives of living as male or female. I realized I don't have to be either; I can just be me, which is a combination of my hyper-masculine self and someone who desires to be feminine.
I don’t regret not transitioning. My way allows me to live my life without the permanent changes and health complications that hormones or surgery would have brought. I can go out sometimes and no one even notices or pays attention, which showed me that my fears about how others see me were mostly in my head.
My thoughts on gender are that it’s often more about avoiding stereotypes—like how one is supposed to dress or act—than about one’s actual sex. I see gender and sex as separate; sex is determined strictly by your chromosomes. For me, it was never about being a woman trapped in a man’s body; it was a complicated mix of arousal, fantasy, and finding a way to express different parts of myself.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| (Age not specified) | Began experiencing compulsive cross-dressing and arousal linked to feminine identity (AGP). |
| (Age not specified) | Seriously researched and considered medical transition and HRT but decided against it. |
| (Age not specified) | Developed a personal harm reduction strategy to manage feelings without transitioning. |
| (Age not specified) | Attempted to find a therapist but was unsuccessful in finding one knowledgeable about AGP. |
| (Age not specified) | Came to accept my masculine body and view my cross-dressing as a compartmentalized part of my life. |
Top Comments by /u/Mstrsjulie:
I think it’s more of an effort to avoid gender stereotypes such as how one is supposed to dress or wearing makeup or jewelry or in the instance of women presenting as very masculine. Short hair no makeup, etc. Less about one’s actual gender. And gender is not sex. Sex is determined strictly by one’s chromosomes.
I use harm reduction. This is a relatively new therapy that is common for addictions. What it entails is limiting the behavior to a time and a place that creates a limited risk to the individual. I know GD is technically not a “substance” but it is the same principle. The idea is that you get to indulge to a degree without the behavior damaging your life. For GD I do limited cross dress once a day, allow myself a release/fix and that seems to satisfy the compulsion to transition. Basically the same concept behind low dose estrogen therapy. I don’t do a full dress up with makeup much anymore because I know the cycle. One hour dressing/making up, jerk off, remove everything.
Hope this helps. And for what it is worth I have yet to find any therapist that has a clue about GD.
Best thing is to be yourself, whatever that is. I am very masculine, 6’ tall huge shoulder and hands. If I decided to transition I would never become what I fantasize about. I could accept that, but I don’t want to settle for less. I love to pretend I’m something I’m not, but I have to find an accommodation I can live with and compartmentalize.
A lot of MTF find they are never able to change their voice. That takes a lot of time and practice. And don’t let other people define you. If you’re happy that’s all that matters.
One more thing. I have come to view my X dressing and AGP as somewhat of a gift. I get to take a vacation from reality whenever I want.
The person to talk to is a good neutral therapist. Meaning a therapist who does not generally treat trans since most of them are biased IMHO. Find someone mature but not older as there are generational biases. Start to focus on what you feel. Start journaling if you don’t already and make a list of the positives and negatives to living as a female or a male. Also, don’t assume you have to be either. You may just need to be you. In my case I am a combination of my hyper masculine self and someone desiring to be feminine in mind and body. Which I consider a good thing since I like being strong and confident. I could never pass as a female, but I can still just accept that and not care about what others think. I have gone out many, many times and I am struck by how no one seems to notice or pay attention. Lastly,hormones do crazy things to one’s libido. For me that made me constantly horny. For others the libido just subsides. Hope this helps some.
I experience the same dilemma. I would sometimes take an hour to dress up and do makeup only to masturbate immediately and then take everything off. Now I try to just dress up a little so the transition back isn’t so much work. There are really only three ways to deal with AGP from my research and experience. One is to transition. Starting HRT will certainly stop the dysphoria but it will also cause permanent physical changes and almost immediate mental ones that will push you toward complete change. You will also kill off your libido. So you will not be aroused in the same way. Second is to practice harm reduction. Compartmentalize your behavior and plan for it. I tend to get up in the morning dress up a bit jerk off and I’m good for the day. Third is abstinence which is the hardest. It helps if there is someone(s) you care about that can support you in that. Many men find that they value their marriages/ existing life more and are happier than they would be giving it all up. Definitely see a therapist if you go this route. Caveat. There aren’t many therapists who have a clue how to deal with AGP. I’ve yet to find one so don’t expect them to be other than a sounding board.