This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "MythicalDawn" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account. The comments display:
- Personal, detailed narrative: The user shares a consistent, multi-year story of their MTF transition, detransition, and the ongoing physical (e.g., gynecomastia, erectile dysfunction) and emotional consequences.
- Complex, nuanced views: Their perspective is not a simple caricature. They express support for transition for those it helps while being critical of the medical process and the lack of support for detransitioners. This complexity is typical of a genuine, lived experience.
- Emotional consistency: The tone is passionate, often angry and hurt, which aligns with the trauma of a difficult detransition experience and medical neglect. The emotions are sustained and context-specific over years of posting.
- No agenda-pushing: While critical of certain trans activism and medical practices, the user does not push a broad anti-trans or political agenda. Their focus is on personal experience and better medical care.
About me
I was a feminine gay teenager who was bullied for not being a "proper man," and I started to believe I should be a woman to escape the shame. After two very short doctor's appointments, I was given estrogen, which made me chronically ill, caused severe depression, and permanently damaged my body. I realized I was trying to fit a stereotype, not that I was truly a woman, so I stopped the hormones after a year and a half. Now, years later, I'm still dealing with the physical consequences like sexual dysfunction and breast tissue, and I feel like I lost my late teens to this mistake. I've learned I can be a feminine man, and I wish I had gotten therapy for self-acceptance instead of being given hormones so quickly.
My detransition story
My name is [Name], and I was born male. I want to share my story of transitioning and then detransitioning. This is just my personal experience; it doesn't mean I think transition is wrong for everyone. For many people, it's the right path, and I still fully support the trans community. It just wasn't the right path for me.
My journey started when I was a teenager. I realised I was gay around 16, but I had a really hard time accepting it. I was a flamboyant, feminine guy. I was short, had a softer face, liked makeup and clothes from the women's section, and I was sensitive. I was bullied relentlessly for not being a "proper" man. I couldn't live up to the macho, masculine expectations that were all around me. I came to see my own femininity as a failure, something that made me a 'faggot' and a freak. The constant bullying and my own internalised homophobia made me hate myself.
I started to believe that if I couldn't be a successful man, maybe I should try to be a woman. All the things I was bullied for—being pretty, liking makeup, being soft—were suddenly celebrated and seen as normal when I presented as female. It was like whiplash. After a lifetime of negative attention, the positive reinforcement was addictive. I latched onto the idea that I was transgender. I thought it was my escape from the pain and a way to finally be accepted.
I got referred to an NHS Gender Clinic here in the UK. I’d heard stories about them being strict gatekeepers, but that wasn't my experience at all. After just two very short consultations—maybe 45 minutes total—I was prescribed estrogen. I started taking it just after my 18th birthday. I chose the name Jenna and began living as a woman.
Almost immediately, I knew something was wrong. The estrogen made my pre-existing chronic illness, fibromyalgia, much worse. It also caused severe mood swings and deepened my depression. I started growing breast tissue, which I hated. The worst part was it destroyed my sexual function. I developed erectile dysfunction and my testicles atrophied. I became a hermit. I withdrew from school, failed my exams, and spent years isolated in my room. I was too conscious of my appearance, obsessed with "passing," and too sick to go out. My late teens were completely lost to this.
I kept trying to convince myself it was right because people were finally being nice to me. They’d say things like, "You were a rubbish boy anyway, you suit being a girl!" But it felt like I was just trading one box for another. I was changing my entire body to fit a stereotype, not because I had a fundamental problem with being male.
The breaking point came one morning when I was nearly 20. I just started sobbing to my mum. The reality of what I had done hit me like a truck. I hated my body. I was disgusted by the breast growth and devastated that my body didn't work anymore. I realised I had never had actual gender dysphoria. I’d had a deep discomfort with the male role and the toxic expectations of masculinity, not with my male body itself. I needed therapy and self-acceptance, not hormones.
So I stopped taking estrogen cold turkey. That was the beginning of my detransition. It was incredibly difficult. I had hot flushes, felt faint, and my emotions were all over the place. Coming off the hormones was just the start; the medical aftermath has been a nightmare.
I was completely abandoned by the medical system. My NHS Gender Clinic told me they had "never" dealt with a detransitioner before and had no idea how to help me. My GP and endocrinologists were clueless. I was told all the effects of estrogen were reversible and my body would go back to normal within two years. That was a lie.
It has been almost five years since I stopped HRT, and my body has never fully recovered. My natural testosterone production is still only about half of what it was before. I still have severe erectile dysfunction and my testicles are still shrivelled and atrophied. The only thing that came back with a vengeance was my male-pattern baldness. The hard lumps of breast tissue under my nipples are still there, a constant physical reminder of a choice I regret every single day. I'm planning to get surgery to remove them.
Socially, detransitioning was a relief to my family and friends. My mum told me that while she supported me no matter what, she felt like she had been mourning the loss of her son when I transitioned. It was a relief for her to have me back. It was a relief for me to just be myself again.
I’ve learnt that gender stereotypes are bullshit. Clothes are just clothes. Liking makeup or having female friends doesn't determine your gender. I can be a man who is feminine. I can wear what I want and act how I want without needing to change my body. Destroying my healthy body to fit in was never the answer.
My biggest regrets are the permanent physical changes and the years of my life I lost. I’m 24 now, but I feel like I’m still that confused 16-year-old. I missed out on university, dating, and all the normal experiences of a young adult. I’m trying to pick up the pieces now, but the sexual dysfunction is a huge barrier to intimacy and relationships. I’m trying to get help from a private urologist since the NHS won't help me, and I'm looking into taking Clomid to try and reboot my hormonal system.
I don't blame the trans community for my experience. I blame a medical system that gave me a life-altering treatment after only 45 minutes of assessment. I blame the internalised homophobia and toxic masculinity in society that made me feel like I wasn't good enough as a gay man. I just hope that by sharing my story, others who are struggling might get the therapy and introspection they need before making such a permanent decision.
Timeline of My Transition and Detransition
| My Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 16 | 2014 | Realised I was gay. Struggled with internalised homophobia and bullying for being feminine. Began questioning my gender. |
| 18 | 2016 | After two short consultations at an NHS Gender Clinic, I was prescribed estrogen. Began living as a woman named Jenna. |
| 18-20 | 2016-2018 | Took estrogen for approximately 1.5 years. Experienced negative health effects, including worsened chronic illness, breast growth, and sexual dysfunction. |
| Nearly 20 | 2018 | Had a breakdown and realised I had made a mistake. Stopped taking estrogen and began my detransition. |
| 20-24 | 2018-2022 | Struggled with the ongoing physical and hormonal effects of estrogen. Abandoned by NHS medical services. |
| 24 | 2022 | Still dealing with low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, testicular atrophy, and breast tissue. Seeking private medical help. |
Top Comments by /u/MythicalDawn:
By realising that a good majority of all the things you’re using in your post as reasons to transition like I did are mostly stereotypical fabrications tied to toxic and unhealthy norms packaged with the genitalia you are born with.
You say a lot about having female friends, you talk about ‘girl costumes’, and ‘girl clothes’, and doing ‘guy stuff’… all of this is meaningless abstract that has been stereotypically bound to specific sexes- if you buy jeans from the women’s section and put them on your body, they become your jeans, men’s jeans, and that’s honestly where I realised it ends.
I clung to things like this as justification for my transition- I wasn’t manly enough, gruff enough, interested in sport enough, dominant enough, crass enough. I felt more comfortable with female friends than male, I liked to look ‘pretty’ rather than handsome, I enjoyed ‘feminine’ clothes and a non typical presentation, and had serious issues with internalised homophobia spawned by my upbringing and the culture around masculinity where I live, which is very toxic.
Ultimately I learnt that I could put on makeup and wear clothes bought from the part of the store labelled ‘women’s’ without taking hormones, changing my name, and altering my body. I never had an issue with my sex, my body shape, my penis, none of it, but so caught up in the rush of chasing the validation of transition as I was, I convinced myself that I was.
I finally reached a point when my body didn’t feel like my own anymore and had a breakdown more or less when the realisation of what I’d actually done to myself with HRT hit me. My testicles were and still are atrophied, I had erectile dysfunction that still lingers to a lesser extent (both things I’m trying desperately to fix), I have lumps of hard breast tissue under my nipples that haunt me every day and impede my confidence and intimacy, my skin changed, my smell changed, my emotions changed, I was masquerading as a stranger to try and appease a need for acceptance into one stereotypical box or the other- either rigidly male or female because that’s how the world had been presented and how I and most of us grow up, shackled by needless stereotyping.
It just dawned on me that I can put on what I like, talk how I like, act how I like, and be as unstereotypical as I am for the definition of ‘masculinity’ and still be a man- I don’t need to alter my body to justify putting pieces of cloth on top of it just because they might have come from a part of a shop arbitrarily labelled ‘female.’, and my masculinity is no less because of my personality or friendship with women, or a choice to pee sitting down if I want.
Ultimately it’s your life and your body, but the arbitrary reasonings you’ve mentioned reminded me of myself and my reasonings- none of it had anything to do with my body, and changing it was done simply so I ticked this new box of what is stereotypically trans- being in hormones. Even if you decide you’ll be more comfortable using she/her pronouns or the like, you don’t have to change your body to conform if your body isn’t an aggravating factor- the superficial things like dressing more ‘feminine’ can be done whenever you’d like
My mental health was devastated and I reached a point one morning where I started sobbing when my Mum came in to see if I was up, I cried about the state of my body, that I couldn't have children anymore (I don't want them but the reality of the option being permanently gone hit me like a truck for some reason), and the disgust I felt for the physical effects of estrogen I had been burying and passing off as little wobbles all came crashing over me.
I hated my body, I hated the breast tissue, I hated that I'd destroyed my sexual function, something that devastates me to this day as I haven't got it back. I don't begrude those with successful transitions but, it really has ruined my life. From 16-20 I was trying to be someone I'm not, and because of the fear I never experienced my youth.
No dates, no wild experiences, no university. The depression that followed my detransition has crippled me, and combined with my chronic illness, I've been in a black mire for a very long time. Years have just flown by and I'm 25 in December, but in my head I'm still that confused 16 year old who never got closure, and never experienced real life.
I'd sacrifice almost anything to reverse my decision, to get out before I got on the hormones. But I was too wrapped up by the process I lost myself, went on autopilot to escape the real issues that were making me feel this way. Part of me knew from the beginning I wasn't trans but, I never got therapy to realise these feelings.
I have a lot of trouble seeing a future for myself now, with my youth spent in a stasis of depression and disassociation, but I try my best, I just wish I'd not pushed the little voice inside me down as just 'wobbles'.
There are a lot of reasons but I imagine shame is a big one, men are ridiculed for talking about their emotions and for those of us attempting to go back to our male birth sex and gender roles it’s often humiliating and something that people aren’t understanding of, especially for the MTFs who are not gay and don’t have a (generally) more understanding community to emote to. My gay friends were supportive of my detransition and understood the gender struggles of being an effeminate gay man that led me down the garden path in the first place but, can you imagine a traditionally masc straight man who’s a builder or something trying to begin to express something like this to his middle aged friends? I can say from the experience of having masc brothers and family that their friend groups wouldn’t be very understanding.
Also, not to be dark but, suicide is one of the largest causes of death in men, and detransition with no support can be a hopeless experience, we likely don’t hear the voices of many men because they aren’t with us anymore.
It’s also possible that there may be less cases of MTF people detransitioning but, there’s no real way to substantiate that.
A lot of the rhetoric I’ve seen on that sub is the kind of thing that wrongly pushed me towards transition when I was 16, so I’m glad at least to see a needle in a haystack pushing back.
I saw one particular post on there about how wanting high waisted jeans was some sort of confirmation of trans identity in a boy and it made me so sad to see the topic of gender identity seemingly be regressing back to the 80s mentality of ‘boy blue girl pink’. If you purchase high waisted jeans made for women and put them on your male body, they are now your men’s jeans. This regression into linking articles of clothing stereotypically for the opposite sex equalling trans is so toxic and backwards, I truly thought we had come past it with more non binary identity awareness, it makes me so sad.
And yet for someone genuinely struggling with their identity who doesn’t understand that apparently it’s supposed to be humorous, it could push them further down the path of questioning for superficial reasons that don’t reflect their truth. The egg culture spreads stereotypes of gender that are regressive and anachronistic, like buying women’s jeans instead of men’s is a validation of trans identity, for someone that’s struggling it’s very easy to cling on to those superficial gendered stereotypes as a reason they may be trans, when in reality the label in your jeans has no bearing on your sex or gender- it harkens to the stereotypical gatekeeping often practiced in gender clinics, if you don’t present stereotypically femme or masc enough you aren’t ‘serious’ about transition.
I was happy to see the discourse on gender move away from stereotypes and become broad and open, but the emergence of the egg culture brings back the rigidity of gendered aesthetics and roles
None of this sounds at all like she is trans, clothes do not determine your gender, the length of your hair does not determine your gender, the state of your room does not determine your gender. It sounds like she is latching into the phenomenon of young transitioners as something that she relates to, but I think she needs to know it’s perfectly okay to be a woman with short hair and tracksuits- such superficial things don’t determine who she is. She’s 12, by the sounds of it very impressionable, and by leagues too young to be seriously transitioning, especially when it appears there is no actual dyaphoria present, just that she likes short hair and masculine clothes. Really hope she can just accept herself, too many people transition simply because they don’t fit the binary expectations of their sex- I was one of them, and it didn’t end well.
This is kind of a tricky question that doesn’t have an answer that can serve as a skeleton key for the way you are feeling, because the reasons we all transitioned in the first place can be different. For me, my mindset of gender roles and the stereotypes inherent to masculinity and femininity unravelled, allowing me to realise that my dysphoria was not spawned from a genuine want to be a woman, but from a desperation to escape the confides of ‘masculinity’ that I felt I had failed at. In my mind I was everything a man shouldn’t be; I was sensitive, small, delicate, ‘pretty’ rather than handsome, uninterested in sport and fond of more ‘feminine’ fashions. I liked makeup and heels and expressing myself, I’m gay and had a hard time coming to terms with that. I had been picked on and mocked for my mannerisms, for my preferences, for my appearance, my voice. It all led me to believe that being a man was wrong for me, and that I ought not to be one.
It was a struggle to unravel this mindset, but it dawned on my while I was on estrogen that this wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want breasts and my dick to stop working, I didn’t want a vagina, to be referred to as ‘she’, to be called Jenna (my name while transitioning). I’d found refuge in transition because as a ‘woman’ all of the traits that made me a ‘failure’ of a man in my mind were all typical for women. The bullying stopped, I got positive reinforcement for how pretty I was and my makeup and my clothes etc, instead of being picked on. I clung to that feeling of acceptance and went far further than I should, kept convincing myself that this was the right path because the way I am fit into the narrow boxes of gender I believed I had to conform to.
But eventually it clicked that gender and it’s stereotypes are bullshit. Why should I take estrogen and change my name to make my presence more acceptable for other people? Why should I turn myself into another person just so my mannerisms and appearance could be conformed to a narrow view of expression? I realised that the mindset I had inherited about gender and masculinity was toxic, a product of my ‘macho’ male relatives and general British stiffness, and the bullying I’d received that further cemented it, was bullshit. Gender expression has been in flux for centuries- the things I was picked on for were once seen as masculine, makeup had once been the providence of male elite, as were heels and a refined manner. Being a gruff boar as the only avenue of masculinity is just our current fixation with manhood.
All in all, it dawned on me that destroying the body I loved so that I’d fit in better was not a solution, it was just a way for me to hide who I really am.
Regret doesn't quite capture the feeling I have about my hormone experience, it feels like its more than that, and there isn't a day that has gone by since I stopped that I haven't kicked myself for ever taking them in the first place. Life goes on and luckily I wasn't irreversibly changed by hormones, but it is hard to cope sometimes when the reminders of the experience are still visible on my body, in the breast buds that forms, and the fact my testes never recovered fully and are still atrophied. I do still suffer erectile difficulties too, but I've heard great things about Clomid therapy to help reverse things there.
I've been unsuccessful getting it from my doctors because they won't help me, so I've resigned myself to just buying the stuff online and helping myself. If you do want to try and improve your functions, its likely not too late unless you had surgery.
It should but I'd really heavily recommend you get some medical help with restoring your T-levels if you can, as for me I've been having a lot of issues since coming off estrogen. My T has never returned to its pre-HRT levels, and I've been having consistent issues with erectile dysfunction that only started while I was on estradiol- it seems that my testes have just never recovered their old capacity and need some help, so I'm trying to get a prescription of clomid to reboot things. A lot of people report not having any issues with their natural levels coming back by just stopping estrogen, but for me its been about 3 years now and stuff hasn't gone back to normal on its own, so if you notice things aren't going back, its worth getting some help so your sexual function isn't in limbo like mine has been.
This is a good point, I’m mtf detrans and as I went through a full male puberty estrogen couldn’t do anything physically that resulted in changed bone structure of a voice breaking etc like on T, though it’s not as cut and dried on the reversibility side of things, at least not for me.
Physically all I have to get rid of is breast tissue under my nipples that I can get surgery for, but the hormonal side of things is still plaguing me years after stopping E.