This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "NessMonsta" appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative of medical transition regret, trauma, internalized homophobia, and a complex, evolving self-awareness. The emotional tone is raw and passionate, which aligns with the experiences of genuine detransitioners. The language is natural, includes personal specifics, and shows engagement with other users' advice.
About me
I started transitioning because I was a deeply unhappy lesbian who felt trapped by my female body and society's expectations. I now see that internalized homophobia and past trauma led me to make impulsive, life-altering decisions, including having my breasts removed. I am filled with regret and mourn the body I lost, feeling I was failed by the adults who should have helped me. I'm now focused on healing, seeking therapy, and learning to accept myself as a butch woman. Despite the pain, I am finally choosing my own happiness.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and now detransition has been a long and painful lesson. Looking back, I feel like I was living in a fog for most of my youth. I never saw a psychologist to talk about my traumas, and I made big decisions without ever thinking about the consequences. It was like rolling dice.
A huge part of my problem was internalised homophobia and misogyny. I'm a lesbian, but I was convinced that being a lesbian was bad and that it just meant I was a sexual object for men to watch. I hated the idea of that so much that changing my gender seemed like an escape. I also really hated my breasts; they felt wrong on my body and added to my discomfort.
I think my perception of the world was really skewed by my upbringing, and I'm only now realizing how impressionable young brains are. I'm angry that I was fed lies, and especially that teachers at my school suggested I keep my transition from my parents. That wasn't okay. I was expressing suicidal thoughts and had poor mental health, and instead of getting real help, I was lied to and pushed down a path that wasn't right for me.
I ended up having top surgery and having my breasts removed. Now that I'm detransitioning, I mourn my old body every single day. Nobody ever told me that I might "snap out of it" once my brain finished developing. I regret my childhood medical transition more than anything, even more than the tattoos I got when I was 17 or 18 that I also regret.
I also suspect that I'm autistic. I've been reading about the link between autism and gender dysphoria, and it really resonates with me. It talks about how girls with high-functioning autism often aren't diagnosed until later and can present with anxiety, depression, suicidal thinking, and gender dysphoria. I think that's what happened to me; my distress was mislabeled.
Now, I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I'm learning to accept what I did and who I truly am. Reading self-help books and everyone's stories in this group has been a huge help. Knowing I'm not alone in this "waking up" feeling is reassuring. I plan to find a trauma-informed therapist who understands detransition when I can afford it. To help me feel more comfortable now, I'm going to start voice coaching, as other detrans women have recommended. I think the only way for me to feel like I pass as a woman now is to lean into a butch aesthetic, and I'm okay with that now, unlike when I was a kid.
I don't have a negative view of my future anymore. I'm choosing happiness.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17/18 | Regrettable tattoos; part of a period of making impulsive decisions without considering consequences. |
| Childhood | Underwent medical transition, including top surgery to remove breasts. |
| Present Day | Detransitioning; mourning my original body; seeking voice coaching and planning to pursue trauma therapy. |
Top Comments by /u/NessMonsta:
Thank u for ur advice and kind words. I’m planning a trip to the bookstore cus I recently discovered some self help books. My perception of the world was/is skewed due to my upbringing. Why are we fed lies in school?? Why aren’t we told about how impressionable the child brain is? I know I have work to do, I choose happiness. 😄
I regret all my tattoos from when I was 17/18 but I regret my childhood medical transition even more. You’re not alone with your thoughts.
I had a lot of brain fog growing up and making desisions was like rolling dice, I did things without thinking of consequences. I was never sent to a psych to discuss my traumas. I was convinced that being a lesbian was bad & meant I was a sexual object for men to watch. The inner homophbia and misogyny was real. I removed my breasts and now that I’m detransitioning I mourn my old body on the daily. Nobody told me I would snap out of my delusion once my brain started to develop. Lots of us deal with feeling like a freak. As a detransitioning woman, most people think I’m a transgender woman. I’m going to start voice coaching as it’s been recommended by other detrans people. Personally I think the only way for me to pass as a woman would be to go towards the butch aesthetic. I don’t have a negative view of myself being butch like I did as a kid. A lot of people recommend trauma informed therapy, once I can afford it I will find someone who is keen on detrans.
I hope you find some helpful words and people in this Reddit group, it’s nice to have a place to go.
Thank you for ur reply, I’m so grateful to have found this group. Knowing that I’m not alone in this is reassuring. I can only offer virtual hugs to the kids +adults recovering from the same. I am now learning to accept what I did, and who I truly am. Thank u again for being compassionate. ❤️
I do suspect I’m on the spectrum. There is a link between autism and gender dysphoria. Here is some text from academic journal: “Gender dysphoria here as an example of misdiagnosis of young women with high-functioning ASD, I believe that the distress of these young women can be mislabeled in many different ways. Because they are high functioning, their ASD may not be apparent until they are older. They clearly suffer from high levels of anxiety and depression, but also from eating disorders and body dysphoria. Understanding the developmental origins and style of thinking that may make these young women more resistant to regular psychiatric interventions and, therefore, more vulnerable, is very important to their effective management.”
https://www.mdpi.com/2673-4184/2/1/7/htm
“Most of the girls I saw had not been previously diagnosed with ASD because they melded into the mainstream more easily than boys with ASD. They presented with anxiety, depression suicidal thinking, self-harm behaviors, eating disorders and gender dysphoria.”
Thank you, Therapy, books and reading everyone’s detrans stories is helping me out. I am not alone in this waking up type feeling.
I wish my teachers hadn’t suggested that I kept my transition from my parents- I don’t believe that’s okay. They should have sent me to therapy, especially because I expressed suicidal ideation… I was dealing with poor mental health and instead of help I was lied to.