This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The comments demonstrate:
- Emotional intelligence and empathy: Consistent, nuanced, and personalized support for complex trauma.
- Varied, specific advice: Recommendations range from therapeutic frameworks (Jungian) to practical steps (breathing exercises, calling a GP).
- A coherent, developed worldview: A clear perspective on abuse, patriarchy, and the impact of social media that is applied thoughtfully across different situations.
- Natural language patterns: No repetitive, scripted, or off-topic responses. The language is conversational and adapts to each OP's post.
The passion and anger noted in the instructions are present but are expressed through supportive, caring advice rather than generic rage, which aligns with an authentic individual who has experienced harm.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort began with puberty, as I intensely hated developing breasts and the harassment that came with them. I was heavily influenced online to believe transition was the answer, leading me to take testosterone and have top surgery. I now see my discomfort was a dislike of female stereotypes and a result of trauma, not a need to be male. I deeply regret the permanent changes, especially losing my fertility, and that my mental health wasn't addressed first. I'm now learning to accept my body through therapy that focused on my trauma and depression, not my gender.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is deeply tied to a lot of pain and confusion I was carrying for a long time. I was born female, and from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I started going through puberty. I hated my breasts; they felt like they didn't belong to me and made me a target for unwanted attention and harassment from men, which was a horrible and scary experience. I now see this as a form of body dysmorphia mixed with the trauma of being sexualized.
I spent a lot of time online, and I was heavily influenced by what I saw there. The message that my body was wrong and that changing it was the path to happiness was repeated everywhere. I think without social media, I might not have identified as trans. It felt like an escape from being a woman in a world that often feels unsafe for women. I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. I believe a lot of this was a form of escapism from my own life and my deep-seated low self-esteem and depression.
I took testosterone for several years and I got top surgery. I don't regret the top surgery in the sense that I still don't like having breasts, but I deeply regret the reasons why I did it and the permanent changes from testosterone. My voice is permanently changed and I am now infertile, which is a serious and painful loss that I have to live with. I didn't fully understand the finality of these decisions at the time.
My thoughts on gender have changed completely. I don't really believe in it as an internal identity anymore. I think we are all just people, and the discomfort I felt was a dislike of the stereotypes and expectations placed on females, and the trauma I had experienced. I was trying to solve a problem of the mind by changing the body. I benefited enormously from non-affirming therapy later on, with a therapist who helped me work through my trauma, my depression, and my anxiety without focusing on gender. That therapy, and learning to regulate my emotions and breathing when I feel myself spiralling, saved my life.
I have many regrets about my transition. I regret that I wasn't encouraged to look deeper into my mental health issues before making permanent changes. I regret that I was so influenced by online spaces. I regret the loss of my fertility. But I am trying to move forward now, learning to accept myself and my body as it is, and understanding that my value as a person isn't based on my appearance or how I fit into categories.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty; began to intensely hate developing breasts. |
| 16-17 | Began experiencing sexual harassment; deep discomfort with female body intensified. |
| 19 | Heavily influenced online; began identifying as non-binary. |
| 20 | Socially transitioned to male; started using a new name and pronouns. |
| 21 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 23 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 25 | Realized I had made a mistake; began detransitioning. Stopped testosterone. |
| 26 | Started non-affirming therapy to address underlying trauma, depression, and anxiety. |
Top Comments by /u/NeutralDescriptor:
I have watched the Social Dilemma, and read Ten Arguments to Delete Your Social Media. You know why companies pay huge amounts for marketing? Because it works. Repeating a message works. And what better way to repeat that message than via social media? In every pocket, in every hand, 24/7. So yes, I believe that without these networks people would be less likely to identify as trans as well as a myriad of other extremist views.
I’m so sorry that the person who was supposed to love and protect you hurt you so badly. It’s an outrage. I hope you have removed yourself from his evil (and any of his enablers) completely. Being wanted by others is one thing, and out of anyone’s control. But being wanted by yourself is more important. You are precious and valuable and your body is yours alone. You can’t change what happened but you can care for it and for yourself. What is your body asking for?
So many red flags in your therapist description. They sound like a narcissist as well (not uncommon in power dynamic medical scenarios and I wish vulnerable patients were made aware of this more often). My advice would be to break down your focus as much as possible. You can make it through 10min, you can make it through an hour, one more day etc Are you eating well? Are you exercising? What are the small joys of your life: hugging a pet, a particular book or film, sitting under a shady tree on a hot day, or putting on warm socks? Get micro. Regulate your breathing when you feel yourself spiralling. Close your eyes when you need to. Behind your eyelids you are still the same person, a valuable and good soul. You can get through this.
Thank you for these powerful words. 2 things, from my perspective: Firstly, you were born a beautiful and perfect child. You did not deserve the abuse you have suffered, not at any point. Not for one second. Secondly, when children are abused they don’t build their shark cages. They don’t know how. The reason people repeatedly hurt you is not because you were weak, not because you were foolish, or any of the other excuses and self blame you may be harboring. It’s because you didn’t learn how to build your shark cage, and the sharks kept coming. Ursula Benstead came up with this theory and I have found it very useful for recovery framework. Your words and life and experience are valuable. Take the time you need to heal.
I know guys with erectile dysfunction. I know guys who went bald at 19. A guy who was beaten and hospitalized because of how he walked when he crossed the road. My neighbor whose wife was abusive. I know guys who have been SA at different ages. Guys with prostate cancer. What I’m saying is, there is no better path. Only your own path, which has to somehow involve self-acceptance.
I think these people are bad for your mental health and that stepping away (including on social media) from them for a time will allow you some emotional distance. But honestly, I sympathize with anyone having their trauma appropriated for entertainment.
Guilt as a feeling needs to be acknowledged as you are doing, and processed and moved on. Perhaps you can think of some positive ways you can impact other people’s lives as a way of balancing the scales mentally. Some volunteering, or raising funds for a cause you believe in?
It’s a horrible feeling of walking a line between not encouraging them and not provoking them. This level and type of harassment does seem to relate to age and attraction - it wears off as you age unless you’re above average attractive. That said, I know women in their 70s who’ve been sexually harassed by males. This is patriarchy. I’m sorry it happened to you, and I’m sorry that you’ll learn to change your behaviour to accommodation these predators.
Abusive narcs often cut off their victims friends and family, it’s part of forcing you to rely on them and adhere to their world view. Then they can switch it up and accuse you of being friendless/worthless etc to undermine you further. It’s not your fault. Don’t know if you’re in therapy but just reading up on abuser tactics is super useful to help recognise patterns and avoid them in future. But basically, honesty is your friend here. If you explain you were in a controlling relationship and apologize for any hurt you maybe caused there is no reason for her not to accept you. But even if she doesn’t, that is only a reflection of her choice, and not something you can control. There will be other people.
Hey, I read the whole thing and I just want to say I’m sorry that happened to you. All of it. You deserved better. None of this is your fault. And honestly I can’t offer any advice except that finding a really good, supportive therapist (and this can take a while) and spending time working through what has happened to you is worth the time and money. If you get another cashier job (and tbh you come across as smart so I don’t see why not) then I would put funds towards that end. Because you are worth it, however you identify.