This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account "Nevermore1895" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed narratives about their own detransition/desistance experience, including specific physical and emotional details (e.g., reconciling with a female muscle distribution, past body dysmorphia, health issues from hormone use).
- Consistent, nuanced arguments against medical transition that reflect common desister/detransitioner critiques, focusing on long-term health, medical ethics, and the high rate of desistance.
- Engaged, empathetic dialogue where they ask follow-up questions and tailor advice to other users' specific situations, which is complex for a bot to simulate convincingly.
The passion and strong opinions are consistent with someone who has personally experienced harm and regret, not with an inauthentic account.
About me
I'm a female who started transitioning as a teenager because puberty felt traumatic and I became convinced my body was wrong. My autistic and OCD brain latched onto the idea that I was meant to be male, and I almost medically transitioned. In my early twenties, I matured and realized my problem wasn't being female, but was actually unprocessed body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny. I learned about the serious health risks of testosterone and came to appreciate my own strength and healthy body. Now I'm at peace, living as a woman who doesn't conform to stereotypes, and I'm just happy to be myself.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it started from a place of deep discomfort with my body and the social expectations placed on me as a female. I never felt like I fit in with other girls, especially during puberty. Watching my body change felt traumatic; my breasts developing felt like something foreign was being glued onto me, something that shouldn't be there. I hated it. I felt I was meant to be male.
This feeling was made worse by the fact that I'm autistic and also have OCD. My brain got stuck in these compulsive thought patterns about gender and my body. I became obsessed with the idea that my body was wrong and that estrogen was poisoning me. I was convinced that testosterone was what my body was wired for. I spent my teenage years flattening my chest, trying to look as androgynous as possible, and dreaming about a time when I could medically transition.
I was deeply influenced by online communities. I spent a lot of time in fandoms that were mostly about men, consuming media like yaoi that presented an idealised, non-threatening version of masculinity. I think a lot of my desire to be male was wrapped up in this escapism and a form of internalised misogyny—seeing men as the default and feeling that being a woman was lesser.
I socially transitioned and was seriously considering taking testosterone and getting top surgery. I thought it was the only way to fix the unhappiness and the feeling that I didn't belong in my own skin. I believed the narrative that my gender identity was innate and immutable.
But in my early twenties, something shifted. My brain finally matured, and I began to grow out of those feelings. It was a slow process of realisation. I understood that my issues weren't with being female, but with the social stereotypes and the physical discomfort of puberty that I never got help processing. I had body dysmorphia, not a male soul.
I came to a crucial realisation: I just wanted to be strong and capable in my own body. I wanted muscles, but they didn't have to be "man muscles." I learned to appreciate my female frame for what it is—I have strong legs and glutes, and that's a powerful form of strength. I stopped obsessing over the fact that most men are stronger than me; that's just a biological reality, and it's okay.
I also had to face the serious health complications that can come from medical transition. I learned about the damage testosterone does to the female body—vaginal atrophy, bladder problems, and the high risk of osteoporosis. I had a period where my own hormones were messed up, and I nearly developed osteoporosis myself. Breaking bones and feeling that fragile was a terrifying wake-up call. It made me realise how much I took a healthy, functioning body for granted.
I don't believe in gender identity anymore. I think we just are our bodies. I'm female, and that's a neutral fact. It doesn't mean I have to perform femininity. I don't wear makeup or dresses; I have long hair and wear clothes from both the men's and women's sections. I go to the gym and build muscle. I've found peace by rejecting the idea that my interests or appearance need to be gendered at all.
I do have regrets. I regret the years I spent hating myself and my body, and the mental energy I wasted on something I eventually grew out of naturally. I regret that I ever seriously considered medically altering my healthy body, which would have caused long-term health issues. I'm grateful that I never took testosterone or had any surgeries.
My detransition wasn't about going back to something; it was about moving forward to a place of acceptance. I'm finally comfortable just being a woman who doesn't conform to stereotypes. I'm happy with my body now, not because it's perfect, but because it's mine and it's healthy.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Puberty begins; intense discomfort with breast development and feeling my body is wrong. |
| 16 | Socially transitioned; began identifying as male and asking to use male pronouns. |
| 19 | Peak of gender dysphoria; seriously considering testosterone and top surgery. |
| 22 | Began to naturally grow out of dysphoria; started the process of detransitioning and self-acceptance. |
| 23 | Fully reconciled with my female body; embraced strength training and stopped identifying with any gender label. |
Top Comments by /u/Nevermore1895:
So, does this study, unlike many others, bother to control for sexuality? Given that we have known this https://www.theguardian.com/science/2008/jun/16/neuroscience.psychology for a long time, it would be rather useful.
If you have any doubts, don't do it, because it's irreversible, and you won't be able to breastfeed your future children. Also, you are just as old as I was when I grew out of gender dysphoria. It's really common to grow out of it as your brain matures.
I'll ask a question back: if a person with BIID shows up at the plastic surgeon's office and begs for the removal of their legs, would it be ethical for the surgeon to amputate them? If a person wants a lobotomy, would it be ethical for a surgeon to perform it?
This applies to all plastic surgery in my opinion. Some commonly accepted plastic surgeries are so dangerous and extreme that I consider them completely unethical if performed only for aesthetic (as opposed to physical health) reasons. There's an enormous difference between performing a leg-lengthening surgery on a single leg of a patient who was badly injured in an accident and needs the surgery to walk properly without pain and further complications again, and performing such a surgery on both legs of a patient who thinks he's too short to date women in 2025 and wants desperately to be taller.
There's a huge difference between performing surgery to fix a physically unhealthy body, and surgery to alter a perfectly physically healthy body. And surgeries that make people dependent on synthetic hormones for life should only ever be performed as the last resort to treat a physical issue.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I can only tell you that it's completely normal to grow out of gender dysphoria once you've finished puberty and have settled a bit, and especially once your brain has matured a bit more. For some it happens at 17, for some at 20, for in their early twenties. This is normal.
90% of my friends are trans because of the communities im in and im scared of how theyll react, maybe they'll think i was just an attention seeker or they'll hate me ? my identity was so dear to me and now i dont know how to feel anymore.
Testosterone is dangerous for the female body and has irreversible effects. Would you risk your health because of how your friends might react to you not risking your health?
It's also normal to grow out of being super attached to identities. As an adult, you begin to realise that there is far more to a person than an identity. If anything, identities are simplistic.
i dont even know if this is right for me or if im just doing it for male validation. i dont know anything anymore... maybe im just gender fluid i have no clue what i feel anymore one doesnt feel right but the other doesn't either but I'd feel so strange being genderfluid because i fear it's more difficult socially than to be a binary transgender person
Why do you have to identify as anything at all? I don't identify as anything. I know that I'm a woman, and that's it. It doesn't have to mean anything else, and it's certainly not what you should be basing your entire identity on.
As u/Beneficial_Tie_4311 said, you need to live, and not think about trans identity. Do you have hobbies, interests, sports, anything unrelated to this?
And last:
I'm still questioning it but i fucked my relationship with my mother over me being ftm
What makes you think that you destroyed your relationship with your mother over this? What did your mother say to you? Where was your mother coming from in opposing you?
I feel the next step is to get top surgery
Why do you feel that? I think you should explore that more.
I think I'd like how I look with a flat chest, I almost never see my chest and any time i do it looks strange/foreign.
That's quite normal for young women. I couldn't really deal with my breasts until I turned 23. Before then, I tried to flatten them as much as possible. This changed at some point.
I have a really bad time letting go of things, especially since I couldn't really ever replace them.
Not "not really", just not. You could only get implants (after stretching your skin enough to insert them, which is a long and painful process), and you could never get function back.
I worry about regret
You're right to worry about that. Your brain is nowhere near fully developed yet.
Also, have you looked into the consequences of surgery? Scarring, loss of feeling, permanent pain, phantom breast syndrome?
Have you always been obese? As in, were you overweight or obese when you first started identifying as trans? I'm asking because often, unhappiness with our physical features causes people to feel dysphoric.
Im fine being a woman. I'm fine being a woman. I'm fine being a woman.
You clearly aren't simply fine being a woman. But what are your problems with it?
Testosterone is really quite bad for the female reproductive system. Maybe read this article: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13461901/Transgender-men-postmenopausal-bladder-bowel-problems.html I think it links to the study. It also causes vaginal atrophy and a host of other issues.
Absolutely. But at some point I also realised that "man muscles" would look ridiculous on my small frame with my obviously female hips. I also realised that I just wanted muscles, they didn't have to be "man muscles", and now I'm happy looking like a muscular woman.
Basically, I wanted to look strong, realised that for my body, that meant a female muscle mass distribution (more lower body strength, muscular thighs and glutes), and accepted that. I'm really happy with it now. I also let go of obsessing over most males being stronger than me. That's just how it it. I'm short. I'm never going to be as strong as an average man, no matter what I take, because of the height difference alone. And that's just how it is.
(If you want a sport where you can routinely "beat" men, I'd go for endurance. I just started swimming again after six years and spent the last session getting annoyed at having to overtake the three men in my lane every couple of lanes. The gap is smaller and more easily bridged. It's very satisfying.)
Question for clarification: have you been passing as a boy for the past five years? As in, do people at your school genuinely think you're a boy?
As for what you're currently experiencing, it's normal. Going through and finishing puberty resolves feelings of gender dysphoria in a lot of cases. Sometimes not immediately after puberty, but the brain maturation of puberty and in the years after is enormous, and people can just grow out of gender dysphoria. I did.
Why did you want to be male in the first place? Or did you mainly not want to be a girl/a person who becomes a woman as an adult? For me, it was mostly the latter. It was more important for me not to be female than it was to be male.
so, what do? what questions should i be asking myself right now? how to i test out a female identity when i've been living as male for so long?
What is a female or a male identity, in your mind? How do they differ?
Most people don't have a male or female identity. I don't. I have a body that I now accept is female, and a personality. Please don't feel like you have to change your personality. Whatever hobbies or interests you have right now, if you love them, keep doing them.
Importantly, discount any idea of "masculine" and "feminine" interests. This categorisation is so restrictive and can be damaging. I thought we'd moved away from insisting that pink is inherently for girls and blue is inherently for boys decades ago, but here we are again. Trust me, you'll be happier if you ignore all this.
But if you want to test out how people act when they perceive you as female: I assume that you have short hair right now? Get a pixie cut and a few cute hairbands, and some clothes from the women's section. That's it.
and most importantly, is esther a stupid name?
No, it's not, and it has a lovely meaning and history, but it is old-fashioned. Is that what you want?
Because you are 18. It's completely normal for 18-year-old girls to hate their bodies. Our bodies change so quickly in puberty, we go from being children to looking like adults (and being desirable to creepy men) in the course of a year, all while the mind is nowhere near that level of maturity yet. For many girls, the mind takes years to catch up with the body's development. We'd much rather remain how we used to be, safe in our childish bodies that allowed us to do whatever we wanted without breasts getting in the way or periods knocking us out for days, and certainly without breasts and butts that are the targets of groping men, and we long for a time when we weren't adults.
This often resolves only in your early or mid-twenties. As your mind catches up with the body's development and settles into adulthood, having breasts and being curvy usually becomes far less dramatic. (And there's no need to ever paint your nails, wear your hair long, or wear tight clothes. You can just not do any of that. It's ok!)
Also, if you don't know your sexuality yet, don't worry. You're 18. Give it time. Don't focus on it.