This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on these comments alone, the account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly specific, nuanced, and internally consistent. They describe a journey of social detransition after realizing they confused masculinity with maleness and body dysmorphia with gender dysphoria—a common and legitimate experience for desisters. The emotional conflict, fear of surgery, and people-pleasing behavior read as genuine human concerns.
About me
I started binding my chest because its development made me incredibly uncomfortable, and I thought that meant I was a man. I identified as a trans man and considered surgery, but the idea terrified me for many reasons. I eventually realized my discomfort was with my body, not with being a woman, and that I had confused masculinity with being male. Telling everyone I was actually cis after they had been so supportive was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Now, I'm working on accepting my body instead of hiding it, and while it's difficult, it feels like a much more honest path for me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I hated my chest. I developed early and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. For almost nine years, I just wanted a flat chest. I thought if I could just push a button and have it be gone, I would. I always dealt with it by hiding it, first with baggy shirts and compression sports bras, and then later by binding.
I started to think that this discomfort meant I was a man. I began identifying as a trans man and using male pronouns. I never took hormones, but I was seriously considering top surgery. The idea of surgery terrified me, though. I was scared it would be botched, I had a huge fear of waking up during the procedure, and because of my PTSD, the idea of being vulnerable and unable to defend myself during recovery was a massive source of anxiety. It was also way too expensive for me.
I eventually realized that I had been confusing a few things. I realized that my masculinity—my desire to be seen as strong and not feminine—was not the same as actually being male. And more importantly, I realized that my intense discomfort with my chest was body dysphoria, not gender dysphoria. I never actually felt a disconnect from being a woman; I just felt a disconnect from my body, specifically my breasts.
Coming to that realization meant I had to detransition socially, which was really hard. I felt like I was going to disappoint everyone—my therapist, my doctor, my friends and family. They were all so excited and supportive of me being trans, and I felt so much shame and embarrassment telling them I was actually cis. I was also terrified that I was making things harder for real trans people, that my doctor and therapist would see me and think every trans person might change their mind.
I’m a people pleaser, so going against what everyone expected felt like a huge failure on my part. But I knew I had to be honest. I decided to tell my therapist first and figure out how to tell my doctor from there. I also decided to stay off Instagram for a while to avoid having to make a big announcement to everyone I knew.
Now, I’m working on facing my chest dysphoria head-on instead of just masking it. I’m trying to wear compression sports bras instead of a binder and even going without anything at home to try and come to a place of acceptance. It’s not an easy journey, but it feels more honest. I don’t regret exploring my identity, but I do regret how quickly I jumped to a conclusion without fully understanding the difference between body issues and gender identity.
| Age | Date (Approximate) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Early Teens | ~2010 | Started experiencing significant discomfort with breast development. Began using baggy shirts and compression sports bras to hide chest. |
| 22 | Early 2019 | Socially transitioned, identifying as a trans man and using male pronouns. |
| 22 | January 2019 | Realized confusion between masculinity/maleness and body/gender dysphoria. Decided to detransition socially. |
| 22 | January 2019 | Spoke to therapist about detransitioning and fears of disappointing medical professionals and community. |
Top Comments by /u/NiceIceX:
I didn’t detransition from hormones (never took them) but I did detransition socially (I stopped going by male pronouns and calling myself a man). I detransitioned because I realized I was confusing my masculinity for maleness, and my body dysphoria (dysphoria about my chest) was confused with gender dysphoria. I realized:
Masculinity =/= male
Body dysphoria =/= gender dysphoria
I never felt a disconnect with my gender (still don’t) and was just really confused.
I just feel like I'll be disappointing my therapist and my doctor, as they are both excited for me. And I'll feel embarrassed telling my friends and family that I'm cis. My followers on Instagram are friends and family I know in person, but I'll try to stay off Instagram for a while and let them know to text me instead.
I also feel really ashamed and regretful because I feel like I'm making everything harder for actual trans people. I feel like if I tell my therapist I'm cis and my doctor that I'm cis, that they'll think that every trans person will "change their mind" or it's "only a phase" and will make it harder for actual dysphoric people to get hormones. I feel terrible about this, like I just hurt the trans community.
But thank you a ton, I feel a little better after reading your response. I think I'll explain my feelings to my therapist tomorrow, and ask them how I can tell my doctor. And I'll stay off of Instagram for a while as well.
In the USA, it's very easy to get hormones. All you need to do is walk into a doctor's office, say that you're trans, and that you want to start HRT. They'll give you an informed consent paper that you'd sign, and they'd prescribe the hormones for you in whatever form you want (injection, gel, pill, etc.) and then you pick it up at the pharmacy, after your insurance authorizes it.
Thanks a ton :) I’m a bit of a people pleaser so sometimes I feel it is “my duty,” so to speak, to make people happy and not disappoint them. I’m in the process of overcoming this but it’s not an easy journey.
Should I end up telling my therapist and doctor and not make any announcements to friends or family unless directly asked? Or should I do the same with my therapist and doctor and just not say anything?
Thanks so much! I'll try that. I think it'll be healthier to just wear compression sports bras with baggy shirts rather than a binder with regular shirts.
I could try wearing a compression sports bra first, like you said, and if I absolutely need to I could switch to my binder, but I'd still have the less harmful option first.
A few reasons:
I’m afraid it will be botched. I’ve seen pictures of botched top surgeries and I don’t want that.
Fear. One of my worst fears is waking up during surgery and being awake, like if the anesthesia wears off somehow.
Vulnerability. I have PTSD so I’m super hypervigilant all the time. I’m worried during the time I’m recovering from top surgery, I could get raped or killed and not be able to defend myself.
Money. It will be a long time before I could even afford something like that, and my insurance only covers top surgery for trans men (and I ID as a woman). It could be years before I could even afford top surgery.
If I could wake up one day with a flat chest I would. If I could push a button to get a flat chest I would. Just the surgery aspect is what is putting me off, it’s scary and expensive.
Thanks a ton! :) You didn’t come across as too harsh, I love your advice. I’m going to try going binderless in the house and do yoga that way as well and hopefully come to an acceptance. I’ve been experiencing chest dysphoria for almost 9 years, but I’ve never actually faced it, I’ve always used bandaids. When my chest was smaller it was baggy shirts and compression sports bras. Now it’s binding. They cover up the issue and mask it, but the issue is still there.