This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The narrative is highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over a long period. The user describes a complex, painful, and evolving personal journey that includes specific regrets, social pressures, and a gradual shift in self-understanding. This aligns with the passionate and sometimes angry perspective of a genuine desister.
About me
I was a normal girl until 2020, when I got swept up in identifying as nonbinary to fit in with my friends. For three miserable years, I was obsessed with labels and lost myself in a depressing and abusive relationship. I convinced myself I was a lesbian and even wore a binder, feeling constant anxiety about my appearance. I'm so grateful I never medically transitioned and that my mum saw it was just a phase. Now I'm free, I've embraced being a woman again, and I'm finally happy just being me.
My detransition story
Looking back, my whole journey feels like a strange dream, or more like a nightmare I finally woke up from. It all started for me around 2020. Before that, in 2019, I was just a normal girl. I didn't think about my gender at all. But 2020 changed everything. I got sucked into identifying as nonbinary, and it became my entire world for about three years. It was the worst, most depressing period of my life.
I think a huge part of it was the influence of my friends and the online communities I was in. Everyone was talking about being trans or nonbinary, and it felt like I had to be a part of it to belong. I was trying so hard to be as nonbinary as I could, to the point where I don't even recognize the person I was in old photos. They just remind me of how sad and lost I was. I feel like I missed out on so many normal, goofy teenage experiences because I was so focused on fitting into this identity that was never really me.
I became obsessed with labels. I’d spend hours every day trying to find the perfect one. One week I was one thing, the next week I was something else. I felt completely lost. I even got into a mentally abusive relationship with someone who was also deep into this scene. They were trying hard to be masculine and saw any femininity as a weakness, and they influenced me to think the same way. That relationship gave me nothing but trauma and it took me over a year to heal from it.
My sexuality got all tangled up in it, too. Before all this, I was basically a straight girl, though I might have had some flickers of same-sex attraction. But when I identified as nonbinary, I convinced myself I was a lesbian. I denied any attraction I felt towards boys and fell into that trap. I also started identifying as asexual. It was like my mind truly started to believe whatever label I was trying on that week. Now that I’ve stepped away, I’ve started noticing boys again and the "attraction" to girls has completely vanished. The asexuality part still feels somewhat relevant, but I don't feel "queer" anymore. I feel like I tricked myself.
I never medically transitioned, and I’m so grateful for that. I remember lying to my friends about planning to get top surgery because they were all craving it so badly. When I mentioned I might just want a breast reduction to fix a size difference, they were shocked and couldn't understand why I’d want to keep any part of my breasts. I did wear a binder for a few months, and I was constantly anxious, triple-checking that my chest was flat enough. Now, I’ve started wearing normal bras again and I’m beginning to like my appearance. I don't have to feel guilty for wearing skirts anymore. I’m free.
I’m also incredibly grateful for my mum, who always believed it was just a phase. She saw through it when I couldn't.
One of the biggest red flags that helped me leave was seeing how everyone in the nonbinary community seemed to also claim they were autistic. It felt like a trend, the same way being transgender had become a trend. I think real trans people and real autistic people exist, but the online discourse makes it impossible to tell who is genuine and who is just following a trend. This over-identification and the pressure to be "special" is really harmful.
I do have regrets. I’m bitter about the three years I lost, being someone I wasn't. The mental damage is insane, even if there's no permanent physical damage. I recently had to finally tell the last person who still used they/them pronouns for me to stop. It felt embarrassing and humiliating to admit my "mistake," but I did it. Right after, I went home and cut my binder into pieces. It was a huge relief.
Now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I don’t have to start my day by choosing the most gender-nonconforming outfit I can find. I just wear what feels right. I don’t need to label my every feeling. I’m just me.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| (Pre-teen) | Before 2019 | Lived as a "normal girl," didn't think about gender. |
| (Teen) | 2020 | Began identifying as nonbinary/transmasc after being influenced online and by friends. |
| (Teen) | 2020-2023 | Period of identifying as nonbinary. A time of deep depression, obsession with labels, and a mentally abusive relationship. Wore a binder for a few months. |
| (Teen/Young Adult) | 2023 | Started to question and then abandon the nonbinary identity. Began the process of detransitioning. |
| (Young Adult) | 2024 | Stopped using they/them pronouns. Started wearing normal bras again and embracing femininity without guilt. |
| (Young Adult) | 2025 | Told the last person using they/them pronouns to stop. Cut up old binder. Felt a final sense of relief and closure. |
Top Comments by /u/No-Trainer-197:
Don’t even get me started on the whole “autism” thing. YES there are people that have it and their experience is valid, no doubts with that. But cmon autism cannot be diagnosed on tiktok… it’s literally the same as with being transgender - it has become a trend. Cannot wait until this weird trend finally fades away.
After having wasted almost 3 years of my life trying to find my perfect nonbinary label, I don’t think I could be in a relationship with such a person. Sometimes I just cannot take the nonbinary stuff seriously anymore. I don’t know who is lying and who is telling the truth. There are “real” nonbinary people, just like there are real trans people, but nowadays it’s impossible to tell who is lying and who is not. I am just tired of talking about top surgery and pronouns all time. I’ve left these things in the past and I never want to come back to them again. This is why I personally couldn’t be with an enby person - because I am just sick and tired of that topic. It also would remind me of the worst period of my life when I was completely lost, hated myself and was under the influence of some very toxic people.
Your friends will either grow out of it, or you will need to stop seeing them. I know that it sounds very cruel, but that’s the truth. If I hadn’t finished most of my friendships, I would still identify as nonbinary most probably.
Damn don’t even mention the inclusion of the fetishes… what on Earth does it have to do with being queer? Straight and cis people have fetishes too. Why would anyone go into the streets screaming “I love bdsm” or whatever, there is literally no point in that.
I also do feel like I’ve lost so much time identifying as something I’ve never been. I wanted everyone to know how queer I was, I ended up in a mentally abusive relationship with a person I wasn’t even into, just to show off my queerness. This relationship gave me nothing but trauma and it took me more than a yearm to finally heal from it.
I would spend long hours every day trying to find a label. Believe me I’ve never felt so lost in my entire life. A different label every week. Now I’ve reached the point where I don’t need to label my orientation anymore, I don’t want to be in a traditional relationship anyway. But I can obsess over pretty boys again, without trying to supress it and without feeling guilty. I don’t start my days by choosing the most gender non conforming outfit I can come up with, I just wear whatever feels right.
I’ve never been so happy.
Yes, I’m still bitter about the time I’ve lost. But we have to move forward. Let’s just enjoy our lives the way we want them to be, without labelling our every feeling.
I’m still a leftist, but I got more conservative when it comes to my views on gender. There actually are a lot of differences between men and women, even behaviorwise. I no longer believe in the 70 genders movement. I genuinely do support actual trans people and non binary people, I feel very sorry for them that they have to deal with this whole gender/kinky/furry/autism/adhd mess. My views on life are extremely liberal, but I am quite conservative when it comes to mental health issuss and all these neurodivergent disorders or whatever. People are getting overdiagnosed with these and it makes them unable to think straight. Just like with the trans issue, being noncis/neurodivergent has always been a thing, it’s normal, but the whole discourse and millions of people wanting to be considered “special” are very alarming.
Yeah I totally get it, I just feel like autism is becoming “the new transgender” if you know what I mean. In both cases people easily diagnose themselves online and most often their diagnosis is wrong. It’s sad how both being autistic and transgender have become trends, it does nothing but harm to the actual trans people and actual people with autism.
The vortex of mental illness and absurdity damn this hit me hard, it’s so true. Literally the description of my first relationship when the person was trying hard to be as masculine as they could, influencing me to do the same. Any signs of femininity would be considered as “weakness” for them. It took me more than a year to recover from their mindset.
Yup, money is always the ultimate answer. It’s so weird that the current discourse wants us to believe that our weird habits are an indicator of autism. Every single human being is different, I believe that autism is something way more complex. It’s impossible to diagnose someone in 60min… crazy.
To be honest, during the time when I identified as nonbinary at some point every other fellow enby would claim that they were autistic. That was the first major red flag that has helped me to leave the whole trans-enby community. I think that nowadays you can be either trans-autistic or “normal and boring” - that’s how they portray it.
Damn when I take a look at the pics I was taking in my trans-nonbinary phase I feel like I look so awful… I remember how sad I was in that period of my life. It was the shittiest moment in my existence and overthinking my “dysphoria” etc. was not helpful at all. Now I’m happy because I’m free, I can wear what I want, I don’t have to feel guilty for wearing skirts. I don’t have to triple check that my chest is flat enough, I don’t care about it anymore, I’ve begun to like my appearance.
I cannot express how grateful I am for my mum that has always known that my trans-nonbinary feelings were just a phase. In 2019 I was a normal girl, not caring about her gender at all. 2020 changed everything. Finally after 3 years of being depressed and questioning my identity I am free again. I have only worn a binder for a few months, so there is no permament damage done to my body, however the mental damage is insane. This year I’ve started wearing normal bras again and I feel pretty again, even though it’s hard at times. I really hope that people will understand that apart from “real” trans people, the whole “trans” thingy has become very trendy nowadays and providing “gender affirming care” for these confused individuals can only harm them in the long run.
I used to think I was a lesbian, now I know that I’m ace, some parts of my identity lean towards homosexuality, while others towards heterosexuality. I used to think I was nonbinary or, well, the society made me think I was. At that point of my life I really and truly felt like a nonbinary lesbian. Now I know that it wasn’t the real me. Our identity can change, it’s impossible to put 8 billion human beings into the rigid boxes of “hetero” “homo” “cis” “trans”. Now I understand that. We’re way more complicated than that.