This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is consistent and personal, detailing a journey from questioning their gender and nearly pursuing testosterone to ultimately desisting. Their language is natural, emotional, and nuanced, reflecting the complex and passionate perspectives common among desisters. The account shows a clear, believable personal evolution over time.
About me
My journey started with a deep discomfort during puberty, especially when I developed breasts and felt my body was betraying me. I thought I was supposed to be a man and almost pursued testosterone and surgery, but I got scared by the permanent changes and conflicting information. Overcoming a porn addiction and experimenting with psychedelics helped me realize my feelings were linked to sexuality and that my biological sex is just a part of me I needed to accept. I was bullied for questioning my trans identity, but now I'm at peace living as a woman, free from dysphoria. I'm grateful I never medically transitioned and have found true self-acceptance.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started out of a deep discomfort with myself. I never felt like I fit in, especially during puberty when my body started changing in ways that felt completely foreign and wrong to me. I hated developing breasts; it felt like my body was betraying me. For a long time, I thought this meant I was supposed to be a man. I spent a lot of time online, in trans communities, and it felt like I had finally found a place where I belonged and an explanation for all my confusing feelings.
I started identifying as a trans man, and for a while, it felt like the answer. I even researched testosterone and top surgery heavily. I was seriously considering taking testosterone, but I was also terrified of the permanent changes, like hair loss. I did all the research myself and found a lot of conflicting information, which just confused me more. I never ended up going to a doctor to talk about it because I assumed it would be an uphill battle since I had only self-diagnosed my gender dysphoria. I was baffled to learn from others that getting hormones could be surprisingly easy, and that worried me. I realized that if I had been more confident back then, I could have easily gone down that path and would probably be sitting here now with a lot of regrets.
A big part of my confusion, I later realized, was linked to my sexuality and a problem with porn. I was addicted to gay male porn, and I discovered the term autoandrophilia (AAP). I was sexually aroused by the thought of being a man, and I couldn't get off unless I imagined myself as male. It felt like a powerful, driving force that convinced me I needed to transition. After I beat my porn addiction a couple of years ago, that intense sexual urge completely faded. I still occasionally watch porn, but that overwhelming feeling of needing to be a man sexually just vanished.
What really helped me finally break free was experimenting with psychedelic drugs, first mushrooms and then LSD. During those trips, I had a profound realization that gender, as a social construct, doesn't actually matter. What matters are our actions, our words, and the love we put into the world. I realized that biologically, we cannot escape our sex, and that's okay. I stopped caring so much about the labels and started focusing on who I am as a person.
I also struggled with severe body dysmorphia and low self-esteem for years. I was so caught up in what I thought others saw when they looked at me. Now, I’ve worked hard on my own self-perception. I don’t need validation from anyone else to be a woman; I just am. I was born female, and that’s my reality. I rarely feel paranoid or insecure anymore because I’ve stopped caring about what other people think.
One of the most frustrating parts of this journey was trying to question my trans identity within the trans community itself. There is absolutely no space for it. I was called a transphobe for deciding I was actually a woman after all. They only want to hear one side of the story and have completely swept detransition stories under the rug. It feels like a cult; you can't question the ideology without being attacked and bullied. If it were truly healthy, people would be allowed to question and explore without fear.
Looking back, I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, which is a place of much greater peace and self-acceptance. But I am so grateful that I never medically transitioned. Hearing about my friend’s experience with breast implant illness—how her implants leaked, grew mould inside her, and caused terrible autoimmune issues—was a huge warning for me. It solidified my decision to avoid any irreversible surgeries. I have so much sympathy for those who were put on the fast track to hormones and surgery without proper counselling and are now dealing with regret and serious health complications.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social idea that doesn't define who we are inside. I'm comfortable in my body as a female, and I no longer have any gender dysphoria.
Age | Year | Event |
---|---|---|
(Puberty) | (N/A) | Began feeling intense discomfort with puberty and hated developing breasts. |
20 | 2022 | Was deeply researching testosterone and top surgery, identifying as a trans man but never pursued medical treatment. |
21 | 2023 | Overcame porn addiction, which led to the disappearance of autoandrophilic (AAP) urges. |
21 | 2023 | Used psychedelic drugs (mushrooms, then LSD), which led to a realization that gender is a social construct and helped me accept my female body. |
21 | 2023 | Stopped identifying as trans and began identifying as a woman again. Body dysmorphia and dysphoria virtually disappeared. |
Top Comments by /u/No_Equivalent5665:
They’re all in a cult. You cannot question the (cult) ideology or YOU are the problem. Bullying those who question, leave or oppose the hive mind. That is a clear sign it’s a cult and people are completely brainwashed. If it wasn’t a cult, people would have no problem being able to question the ideology at hand.
Yes! First mushrooms then lsd. Tripping made me realise gender doesn’t actually matter. Our actions, words, love matters.
Edit. Biology matters. The gender construct does not. Because biologically, we cannot escape our sex. That’s what I meant when I said gender doesn’t matter! Sex/biology doesn’t care about gender modern constructs.
Second this comment. A friend of mine had her implants in about 7 years before she found out they’d been leaking for at least a couple years and she had mould growing in her chest cavity and plenty of auto immune conditions that came out of no where (so her doctors say) plus joint and muscle aches constantly. She couldnt even get out of bed whenever she woke up too inflamed. Had no idea what was going on with her body. Once she removed them she got better almost over night and wishes somebody explained the VERY common side effects that breast implants have on people.
Hello just making sure you’ve looked into breast implant illness and side effects. My best friend had hers 7 yrs and they turned toxic - growing mould inside of her chest and creating a whole range of autoimmune issues, that basically vanished after she got her implants removed. Just trying to help.
You don’t need validation that you’re a female/woman, you were born one. It doesn’t matter what others think of you, most people don’t like themselves. Work on your own perception of yourself, I have body dysmorphia too so I understand it’s so hard. But I used to feel like you, today I rarely feel paranoid, insecure or dysmorphic because I don’t care anymore what others think of me.
Isn’t it crazy that the trans community has no space for people questioning their trans identity??? They only want to hear ONE side of the coin. The other side doesn’t even exist and they have swept any and all detrans stories under the rug and labelled it transphobic. I have been called a transphobe because I now identify as a female and didn’t go full trans. Make it make sense??
Very interesting read! Thanks for sharing.
I have a question if it’s okay. I ask because I myself suspect I have “Autoandrophilia” (AAP) - the exact opposite of AGP. It took me forever to find a term for it! I am a female who was mostly sexually aroused by the thought of being a man.
My question is, are/were you ever addicted to porn, and if so do you feel like it played a part in your sexual urges? I used to be addicted to gay male porn. Which fulled my desire sexually to feel like a man and I couldn’t get off unless I thought of myself as a man.
So I haven’t been addicted now for a couple of years, I occasionally watch porn maybe once every couple of months now. But since beating the porn addiction I no longer have the intense sexual desire for AAP, even though at one point I wanted to become a man it was such a strong urge.
I’m curious I hope this doesn’t offend, is hair loss something you’re warned about when beginning the T process? As we know naturally men lose hair as they age.. is it compared to as similar? Does the dr tell you maybe you’ll lose hair in the same way bio males do as they age?
Sorry but this is entirely helpful. My friend went through the exact same journey as OP. This is real life honest experience here. The comment is just honest and informative if they had no idea about breast implant illness, because it’s not very widely known.
See that’s exactly what worries me. If I had of went through with it I’d be sitting here regretting my entire transition phase too because now I identify as female/woman again and my gender dysphoria is virtually non existent.
I thought the pre requisite to getting HRT was being diagnosed with gender dysphoria? What ever happened to that criteria I wonder.. you’re right lots of regrets will come from how accessible it is, well it’s already happening and I have so much sympathy for detrans people who were put on the hrt fast track without much intervention or counselling.