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Reddit user /u/No_Stage4975's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 22
female
low self-esteem
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
got top surgery
serious health complications
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The comments demonstrate:

  • Personalized, empathetic engagement with specific user situations.
  • Nuanced understanding of medical (hormone blockers, T, surgeries) and psychological aspects of transition/detransition.
  • Consistent, supportive advice that encourages professional help and self-reflection, which aligns with a genuine desister/detransitioner perspective.
  • Natural language patterns with varied sentence structure, personal asides, and emotional tone.

About me

I rushed into identifying as a trans man and starting testosterone because I thought it would fix my anxiety and unhappiness. I had top surgery and then experienced health issues that made me stop and re-evaluate everything. I realized my underlying mental health was the real problem, not my gender. I stopped testosterone and found peace through therapy, learning to just be myself. I now live without labels and regret how quickly I moved without addressing my depression first.

My detransition story

My journey with gender was complicated and, looking back, I think a lot of it was me trying to solve other problems by changing my gender. I never felt like I fit in, especially when I was younger, and I had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem. I think I started believing that if I could just fix my body, everything else would fall into place.

I remember first getting involved online in trans communities. I was trying to figure myself out, and I inserted myself into those spaces as part of that process. At the time, it felt like I had found my people, but I also felt a bit like an imposter. I now see that I was heavily influenced by what I was reading online. I rushed into identifying as trans and then into starting testosterone after only a few months of thinking about it. That was a mistake. I think I was just desperate for a solution to my unhappiness.

I did take testosterone for a while and I had top surgery. The surgeries are permanent, and that’s something I have to live with now. I also experienced some health issues, like joint pain, which I learned can be a side effect of hormone treatments because your body needs those hormones for things like bone health.

Eventually, I realised I had rushed into everything. I had this moment where I thought, "If you don't want to pretend to be a woman, just don't." It sounds simple, but it was a big deal for me. I realised that being a woman or a man isn't about an aesthetic; it's about being at peace with yourself. I understood that I could just stop testosterone and not have to label myself as anything. I kept my ovaries, so my body was able to sort its hormones out naturally, which I was grateful for.

I don’t regret the journey entirely because I learned a lot about myself. But I do have regrets about how fast I moved and not addressing my underlying mental health issues first. I think my anxiety and depression were the real problems, not my gender. I benefited hugely from talking to a therapist about my struggles, and I always advise others to do the same before making any big decisions. Rushing never does anyone any good. What's important is having fun with life and just living, without the pressure to be anything specific.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:

Age Event
19 Started questioning my gender, heavily influenced by online communities.
20 Rushed into identifying as a trans man and started taking testosterone after only a few months of consideration.
21 Underwent top surgery.
22 Began experiencing joint pain and other health issues, leading me to re-evaluate my transition.
22 Stopped testosterone therapy after realizing I had underlying anxiety and depression that needed addressing.
23 Started therapy to work on my self-esteem and mental health, which helped me find peace with my body.

Top Comments by /u/No_Stage4975:

8 comments • Posting since January 1, 2022
Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) explains the side effects of puberty blockers, including bone thinning and joint pain, due to the blocking of hormones necessary for overall development.
26 pointsJan 1, 2022
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(Don't really think this is the subreddit for this but w/e) So basically, hormone blockers prevent you "hitting puberty" but the hormones they block ARE necessary for the development of more things other than secondary sex characteristics. Bone thinning and joint pains can be a big side effect of hormone blockers when you're not on any other type of HRT, because you need those hormones. If you've experienced joint pain before it's likely that the hormone blockers enhanced that. But regardless, I'd go see a doctor or a physiotherapist about it, they might help be able to help you make a decision.

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) encourages a user to see their 5-year detransition journey as a valuable learning experience and implores them to start enjoying life and doing what they genuinely want.
10 pointsJan 2, 2022
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I completely get where you're coming from, but I'd like to argue that your 5 year journey was something to grow and learn from! :) I bet you can write so many interesting things now that you've experienced more, life IS short but it's also so cool and beautiful, so I definitely implore you start doing what you genuinely want to do while just enjoying life!!

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) reassures a questioning person that their past involvement in the trans community was a valid part of self-discovery and is valued as allyship.
10 pointsJan 19, 2022
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Hey! I understand the guilt, but I wouldn't worry about it too much :) Inserting yourself in a space/community is part of figuring yourself out and that's exactly what you did. It sounds like you met some interesting people throughout and I'd say that I'm sure they value your allyship!

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) advises a struggling user that detransitioning would likely increase their misery, validates their strength, and affirms their self-worth.
9 pointsJan 2, 2022
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I think I can keep this short. No, detransitioning in your situation is not worth it and will likely only make you feel more miserable. I'm so sorry you have family that can't take care of themselves and in turn make you feel inadequate, but don't think for a second that that's your fault. I noticed you only mentioned your mum leaving, but if you think there may be any point in reaching out to her with your troubles, I would do so. I'm also sorry to hear that you felt that there was no way out other than suicide and I want to instill your importance to you. Your existence is precious and deserving of way more love than you seem to be getting at the moment. What you're doing right now is incredible, despite failing your degree you're picking it back up. Despite your dad behaving the way he did, you still tried to love him. That takes real strength, so that's strength that you already have. Focus on that to deal with the pain, because reading your story, it's very very clear that detransitioning is in no way something that would help you. Much love.

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) advises a detransitioner on mental health, confronting family, and the practicalities of stopping testosterone while affirming their identity.
7 pointsJan 2, 2022
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While I can understand your point of view, your mental wellbeing is integral to the least strugglesome path. To be honest, going through any way of detransitioning (and being open about it) is going to bring you more shit to deal with. Not only for your mental health, but from your surroundings, from people doubting your every move going forward to people assuming you're trans, but the other way around. I'm glad you're still in contact with your mum, but I also think it might be important for you and her to sit her down and tell her that it isn't just operations et voilà. Try to give her some insight on the mental toll, she sounds like she'd try to be understanding at least. (Don't get me wrong, I personally hate confronting my parents about anything, so I can imagine it can seem very difficult to do so. But I do believe it might help)

April is so close! I understand that it seems really, really far away, especially right now. But putting it into perspective, what's a few months compared to two years.

At the end of the day, (and what I forgot to send before) stopping T genuinely isn't that bad, as the surgeries you've done are permanent and your hormone levels should be fine because you kept your ovaries. But it won't change the fact that you're, from what I've gathered, comfortable being a man. So if you feel like it is necessary, financially or for another reason, it can be an option. Maybe look into support groups for trans people in your country, I'm sure there are other people in similar situations and I'm pretty sure most countries in Europe have one or more. (Although if they make you feel bad about thinking about stopping T, that's a red flag.) Tldr stopping T won't (necessarily) stop you from being a trans man, if you think it might help, go for it.

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) comments on the importance of self-exploration, advising the OP to live freely without pressure to label their identity and to discuss their fears with a therapist.
5 pointsJan 2, 2022
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What tthe_mo said is great! Rushing never does anyone any good. Whats important is having fun with it and regardless of your identity, just living. Being trans really isn't as scary as it may seem. But its a big BIG change and definitely something that you don't just decide on a whim. So yeah, definitely talk to your therapist about your struggles, maybe find out why you're so terrified and try to free yourself of the idea of having to be anything at all, you can just be you for the time being.

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) advises a post-op user to wait, seek therapy, and explains that medical steps don't define gender identity.
5 pointsJan 2, 2022
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I think it might be wise to talk about this with a licensed therapist, rather than reddit. No, having regrets and doubts does not mean you're not trans. Yes, having rushed in like that after 4 months wasn't exactly the best move, regardless of how you end up identifying. Wait it out for a few months, because you're rushing into things again by posting this a few days(?) after surgery. If you don't want to "pretend to be a woman", just don't. If you're a woman, there is no pretending to be done and if you're a man, you can just be a man with more estrogen than testosterone, there's a bunch of men out there who have that. If you don't want to go through a bunch of expensive surgeries, don't do them. Being a woman, a man or neither isn't about an aesthetic, it's about being at peace with yourself. If estrogen does that for you and you feel like you need or want nothing else, so be it.

Reddit user No_Stage4975 (desisted female) offers support and advice to a user struggling with transition, endorsing a dose reduction and offering to talk.
5 pointsJan 2, 2022
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Right, I completely forgot that meetings could stop due to covid because I literally just don't go outside at the moment, my bad. If you ever want to talk, my dms are open :) I think halving your dose is genuinely a good option in your situation, so I'm glad that's something you can do! And sending you strength to talk to your mum, as I get that it's really really difficult. Much love!