what youre going through is really fucking hard. but i promise you, youll get through this. as for explaining your situation, think of it like this- plenty of women flock to trans guys, and they often dont care that they havent gotten bottom surgery/top surgery/whatever else. when you find the right person, they will love you just as you are, for who you are. same with your friends. if it helps, in my opinion, its easier to transition to being masculine than it is to transition to being feminine. you can see that in how hard it is for some trans women to pass in the eyes of society. youve gone through it!

take it slow, remember that you are still YOU, whether you percieve yourself as masculine or not. you are a special piece of this world that is irreplaceable. you are loved. be patient and kind to yourself. take a short walk outside, start a new series on netflix or whatever streaming platform you have available, read a small book, make some chicken and dumplings, whatever brings you joy. being outside in the sun even for a few minutes helps, i know it gets old to hear but its true.

im autistic too. i took testosterone for 7 months and it took t ripping away my singing and speaking voice and making my throat in pain constantly to realize i didnt feel like a girl because im autistic and my mannerisms made me feel like i wasnt feminine enough. in the end everything is up to you, but either way, you can be who you wanna be. hormones dont make you any more or less valid in your skin. focus on loving yourself and dont rush into anything you could regret. almost half of the detransitioners ive talked to are autistic. testosterone changes how your throat feels, how talking feels, how you sound, how your skin feels, how your hair feels, how almost everything feels. it has the potential to be a sensory nightmare.

hey! im in the same spot.. this is scary, but youre not alone. things will get better, i promise. life goes on and the human body and mind are amazing at adapting to things. feel free to message me, i know what its like needing someone to talk to, im staying with my mom right now. its so hard when you dont know whats gonna happen.

the first thing you need to know is that getting SA'd wasnt your fault at all. that was a crime and a horrible thing done to you. you wouldnt think that about others who got assaulted, so please apply that same kindness to yourself.

i promise, there is always a way to learn to love yourself again. it sounds like youre very vulnerable and unwell right now. i get it, im spiraling every other day. its hard not to when you feel like youve done something you cant reverse. remember, this feeling wont last forever.

before making any major medical decisions, i would see a therapist. if you can, look for one that specializes in trauma. its clear the way you view yourself is being influenced by what happened to you, work through that first. give yourself time to make big decisions.

i really appreciate your comment, im not super well or coherent right now to appropriately address each part but trauma therapy sounds like a good future idea for me. idk if it means anything but id totally give u my boobs if i could. i backread your profile a lot (trying to focus on anything but me rn) and im sorry you were failed by professionals so bad. take care of yourself too and thank you for taking the time to tell me all you did

if youre unsure, stop medical transition for now until you come to a decision. consider why you want to be a woman, is it because you like the way women act, the way theyre treated, what you feel they get to do? stuff like that. as for therapy, it depends on what therapist you have, but sometimes it can be an affirmation chamber that doesnt challenge why youre feeling how you feel. i cant offer much advice there though. good luck. :)

if you arent sure about your transition, you should stop it for now. you can pause for as long as you want, but you cant undo. none of the things you mentioned sound like dysphoria at all. doing "feminine" things is completely normal. do not make permanent decisions when you are feeling any ounce of doubt. sending love.

im really sorry about what happened to you. im autistic, 20, and was on t for 6 months. i would give anything to be able to go back to last year and read this subreddit. if you do anything like singing? even laughing, shouting, or yawning, t will completely warp those things. even my throat feels completely different, breathing feels different, its sensory hell for me. i didnt realize this would happen, nobody really tells you these things and i wasnt thinking about them. you just hear the classic "you'll grow hair, youll have bottom growth, and your voice will get deeper". if youre bad with big changes, like a lot of autistic people are, consider not making any permanent changes to your body. all i do is lay in bed anymore, im sure ill be fine someday, maybe ill learn to sing again if im lucky and noise decides to finally come out, but this has shattered my life plans for now. you can even be trans without hormones or surgery, promise. i wish i had just stuck to that.

oogh this one is hard to explain in short without leaving out important stuff. basically, autism affects how you percieve social rules, you have to learn them manually usually. this can be whats considered polite, how to carry yourself so that your body language isnt read wrong, and importantly here: gender norms. a lot of autistic people struggle to understand them, and think that if they cant fit whats considered acceptable for their sex, they must not be it. it also led me to take hormones when i didnt even need them, because it was "what i was supposed to do". my autistic mannerisms also made others percieve me as less feminine. tons of other stuff but im tired.

im two months off of t after being on it for 7 months too. quit asap if youre unsure of what you want. i dont know who i am either, planned parenthood didnt respect my wishes to keep my dose low and upping it made my voice drop near the end of my time on t and i lost a lot of my singing range very quickly. i went off of it cold turkey and my hormones have been raging and my throat has been in a lot of pain. from what ive gathered, the general consensus is that the quicker you get off of t after a change happens, the better the chance that change could undo itself. even if only a little. voice lightening/smoothing can happen naturally, though it can take a long time, and the extent to which it can happen or if it will happen is different for everyone. there is proof on here. if you remind yourself to talk out of your throat instead of your chest like youve probably gotten used to, thatll definitely make a difference in your voice. only if you care about that though, focusing on getting the t out of your system would be my priority at your stage. my emotions are off of the walls because i went off immediately. if you want the best chance of no more changes happening, and are aware of the distress it could cause you, consider it. if you feel safer waning off with the help of your doctor, since you already have mental health issues, do that. if you wanna talk, im open to message. im right where you are and im scared too. just remember, you will always be you. you will get through this, however it goes!