My experiences are similar to yours, I’m one of the “traditional trans men.” I used to describe my dysphoria as “male-pattern body dysmorphia” and grew up thinking of myself as a guy.

If you have genuine (physical) dysphoria, and have not benefitted from self-reflection on why you feel like a male, you could benefit from HRT. Some people benefit from it, some don’t. Sometimes it seems it doesn’t even matter if you’re trans because you’re traumatized or some shit, sometimes it just helps. I still take a low dose of testosterone to mitigate dysphoria and to prevent my body from completely reverting.

I stopped “identifying” as a guy because I didn’t pass. I stopped puberty prematurely so I look like a child even for women’s standards. I’m 5’0 with feminine features even after years of HRT, so maybe if I wouldn’t look like a trans Danny Devito I’d still transition. But actively trying to become “the man I should’ve been” just made me more aware of the things that didn’t make me male, like my skeletal structure and natal anatomy. It made me dysphoric in new ways.

Detransitioning has helped me focus on being comfortable with my natal body. I still cringe at being called a woman/female but not as bad. I realize now that it’s more common for people of a given sex to not feel like their gender. For most of them, it’s just the way they are and they have no trouble accepting it. I like to think about all the feminine men and masculine women that have been ignored throughout history - surely they didn’t “feel” like members of their sex either. In fact, some of them described that exact feeling. I started hanging around masculine women who don’t give a shit about gender and it’s helped also. I guess the difference is now I am actively pursuing emotional and intellectual honesty, whereas I was only pursuing an idea before. The truth is, as much as it hurts, I am female, and I can only change that in superficial ways, but never entirely.

Do what you want man. Don’t feel burdened because you read some horror stories. But if you think you need to do some genuine self-reflection, no harm in postponing HRT either. You gotta decide what you need. Good luck OP

Trans people solely with physical dysphoria seem to be the minority. And even then, many will have general discomfort with their sexed bodies, which is normal especially during puberty. But will begin to view any degree of gender nonconformity or desire to be treated with respect as the opposite sex as more evidence of their transness.

I hear you. Growing up I hated being female and it was likely because I saw how well-respected, independent, and strong the males were in my community as opposed to the females whose values were often based off of their ability to perform household work, their sociability, and how great of a caretaker or mother they could be.

I grew to hate myself for my sexuality as well. I experienced attraction towards my female peers for the longest time, and when my mom discovered that, she got very angry at me, and distanced me as if I were no longer her child. She told me she spared me the homelessness and rage that would have come if my dad found out.

I can’t say T didn’t make me feel happier in the end. In fact, I’m still on T to this day because the effects make me feel more secure in my body. But this is not self-acceptance. I can understand why you (and other trans people) would be afraid to come to this sub, because detransitioning is scary, and it means confronting not only the fact that you have used a gender identity as a coping mechanism, but also you must confront the very things that made you want to transition in the first place. It’s painful, and it’s difficult, but not many trans people are willing or able to withstand that pain, so it’s great you’ve been able to do that and accept yourself as you are.

Yes of course men benefit from the patriarchy, but does that then mean that all men are automatically oppressors because some of them are sexist?

u/Eyes-9 ‘s point was guilt-tripping individuals within an entire demographic of people because of a systemic issue doesn’t address the issue being discussed. Young, vulnerable males with body dysmorphia and mental illnesses are often shamed by statements like that into even more of a “I don’t want to be a man” position, because you’ve convinced them that men are inherently oppressive and evil, you’re alienating them from their own humanity as males.

Feminine males are often berated and more often physically attacked for their gender nonconformity than gender nonconforming women are. And it is often their mothers, sisters, and friends that shame them for failing to meet societal expectations for men. It goes both ways. Even if men have historically stole our humanity from us, and in many ways still do, guilt-tripping an entire population of individuals via over-generalization is counter-productive.

It’s cool you’ve started E and stayed on it despite accepting your biological sex, this is a unique perspective and position on transitioning that I greatly respect. I felt the same way about T until I started having health complications from it, so I had to cut my losses. In a way, it changed my perspective on masculine aspects of myself while helping me learn to appreciate aspects of my biological sex and femininity.

It’s unhealthy and narcissistic to expect people to change the way they see you, especially with something that is out of your control such as sexual characteristics. On the other hand, it is rational to be upset when someone expects you to adhere to x or y gender roles based on your sex, or desired gender, according to a large percentage of the trans community. Pronouns don’t have any inherent meaning other than biology - there doesn’t have to be any inherent value to them unless you’re biased to believe there is. Wish people understood this better.

It’s not as easy as bettering oneself, giving these issues are systemic. Putting blame on the individual rather than encouraging accountability does the exact opposite of what you think it would do. In the same way that calling white people oppressors or colonists is a form of guilt-tripping, blaming males as oppressors does the same. Men have feelings too, and are harmed by sexism in different ways.

How long have you been off E? How long were you on HRT before that? I’d give it a few months for your body to return to its natural hormone levels before saying this. And even then, you can help restore your body’s natural functionality by taking testosterone therapy. It’s not the end of the world, even if it feels like it. You’ll get through this mate.

Next time she says something to you that makes you uncomfortable, just tell her straight up that it makes you uncomfortable. If you just say “thanks,” or even just sit there, she may keep saying those things, because she thinks you may like it. Or, maybe she’s being a self-projecting dick, and disregards your words and comfort to emphasize your feminine features because that’s what she would want to hear.

I had a bisexual ex who broke up with me for the same reasons. I used to think the bisexual female stereotype was just that… a stereotype. But I have known several lesbians (and even some bisexuals) who have got their hearts broken over some girl who thinks she’s bisexual because she can acknowledge that some women are attractive. I’m 5’0, and my ex (who was 4’10) used to make me feel like shit for my height, saying that I wouldn’t be able to protect her because I’m just a short butch female. It really messed me up, for a long time. She knew exactly how to hurt me and she went ahead and did it anyway. She broke my trust. When I started medically transitioning, it didn’t stop - I’m 5’0, 8 inches shorter than the average male in my country. I lost all hope because I knew I couldn’t compete with that.

It sucks being broken up with like that, and I understand why you are constantly comparing yourself to men. For a long time, I looked for affirmation in short men I could find, anyone around my height, to make me feel less emasculated. It definitely played a role in my decision to medically transition. I wanted to be recognized as strong and self-sufficient, and I wanted to show that I could protect any girlfriend I get, and have something to show for her, and show that I am strong enough to bring home money and provide for her needs.

Not gonna lie, your ex seems like an asshole. Not only was she being a misogynist piece of garbage, but she was holding it over your head and making you feel like garbage for trying to be honest with yourself. If she thinks that men provide better, so be it - she can search her whole life looking for a man to give her whatever housewife life she wants to live, she has made her choice. She’s not attracted to women.

You, on the other hand, you will let this experience strengthen you in time. One day, you’ll meet a woman who treats you with the respect you deserve, and you will do the same. If you wish to bring home money while she pursues other goals, so be it. But it should be something she will respect in you, and something you will respect in her. Don’t settle for someone who puts you down and makes you feel like shit for your sex. You can’t control these things.

I have a wonderful girlfriend of almost 3 years now. She is 10 inches taller than me, but opposites attract I suppose lol. I bring home the money and do the manual labor, then she takes care of the house and pets while I’m gone, and pursues her favorite hobbies when she’s not working in the house. People have a hard time understanding us, but the important thing is that she makes me happy, and I make her happy. You’re gonna find you a girl that makes you happy, OP. You’ll move past this one day just hang in there

I am typically up front about it after we get to the point of discussing our other mental health struggles. It almost feels unfair for me to hide anything from a girlfriend, especially something so personal and that I have struggled with for my whole life.