This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "Odd-Associations" appears to be authentic. The user shares detailed, nuanced, and emotionally resonant personal experiences with detransition, including specific timelines, medical details, and the psychological struggle of social re-integration. The writing is consistent, complex, and reflects the passion and pain typical of someone who has lived this experience. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account.
About me
I was born female and started identifying as a trans man as a teenager, taking testosterone for six years. My desire to transition was deeply tied to my autism, OCD, and past trauma, which I hadn't properly addressed. I achieved a male appearance, but it left me feeling empty and dysphoric in a new way. I stopped testosterone seven months ago and finally found peace, though I live with permanent changes. I'm now focusing on healing my underlying mental health and building a kinder relationship with my body.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still figuring it out. I was born female and started identifying as a trans man when I was a teenager. I was on testosterone for about six years, from age 17 to 23. Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition was rooted in other mental health issues that never got properly addressed. I have autism, which made it hard to connect with my peers and understand my own sense of self. I also have OCD, and I now see how that made me obsess over my identity and my body in an unhealthy way. I experienced childhood sexual abuse, and I think a part of me believed that living as a man would be safer and would help me escape from that trauma and the discomfort I felt with my body during puberty.
Starting testosterone felt like the answer at the time. I was incredibly depressed and suicidal before T, and while being on it didn’t make me happy, it made me feel less intensely miserable. I became obsessed with passing as a man. I was neurotically focused on every detail of my appearance, constantly checking to see if I looked male enough. I even got top surgery. The surgery itself was fine—I had a peri-areolar procedure, recovery was easy, and I don’t regret the chest itself. It made me comfortable in that way. But it was after the surgery that I finally had to admit to myself that T was making me dysphoric, just in the opposite direction. I had achieved what I thought I wanted—a male-looking body, a beard, a deep voice—but I felt empty and disconnected. I was just as depressed as before.
For the last year I was on T, I became more and more distressed before each injection appointment. I didn’t have the confidence to tell my nurse I wanted to stop; I just kept going until I had a full beard. I finally stopped T about seven months ago, and it was the best decision for me. For the first time in years, I felt a sense of peace. My base-level emotion wasn't misery anymore.
I don’t regret my top surgery, but I do have some regrets about taking testosterone for so long. I hate the body hair that grew everywhere; shaving is a daily chore I never wanted. I developed acne that never went away until I stopped T. I also worry about my hairline receding. These are permanent changes that are a constant, embarrassing reminder of a path that wasn't right for me. I’m now infertile, which is a serious consequence I have to live with.
Coming to terms with detransitioning has been hard socially. My friends and family only ever knew me as a trans man, and when I tried to talk about no longer identifying as one, they were confused and uncomfortable. They’d say things like, “You can just be a feminine man,” reaffirming an identity I was trying to leave behind. It feels like my entire life before transition has been erased because I now look like a cis man. I’m treated like one, and that hurts because it ignores my female history and the misogyny and reproductive health issues that still affect me. I feel invisible, stuck between spaces—I don’t relate to men, but I can’t join women’s groups because of how I look.
I’ve decided not to socially detransition yet. Right now, I look like a man, and trying to present as female would be dysphoric and unsafe. I’m planning to wait one to two years off T, let my hair grow out, get laser hair removal, and learn makeup skills before I tell people. This feels like the safest way to do it, both for my mental health and my physical safety, as being perceived as a trans woman can be dangerous.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s not always a fixed thing. For me, it was fluid. I truly believed I was a man for many years, but my sense of self changed. I think the "born this way" narrative can be harmful because it doesn't allow for stories like mine. There needs to be more focus on treating underlying mental health issues like trauma, autism, OCD, and body dysmorphia before rushing into medical transition. I benefited from stepping back and addressing those root causes instead of just affirming the gender identity I thought I had.
I’m focusing now on building a healthy relationship with my body, not based on obsession or passing, but on kindness and acceptance. It’s a slow process, but I’m finally starting to live my life instead of putting it on hold.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 17-23 | Lived socially as a man; was on testosterone for approximately 6 years. |
| ~21 | Had top surgery (peri-areolar procedure). |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone. |
| 23 (now) | Currently 7 months off T, presenting as male while medically detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/Odd-Associations:
I was not expecting a Jesus Christ cosplay for your last pic.
I was way too stubborn and remained on T for years despite feeling progressively worse as time went on. I really waited till I had a full beard before calling it quits 😭 People in my life just supported my ID as a man anytime I expressed doubts lol
I stuck through 15-23, would have been super nice if people listened to "I don't think I'm a man" 😭 Acne never stopped for me, I just got acne everywhere. And then I grew hair everywhere and just decided to dissociate for a couple years because I didn't want to deal with my body ☠️
I just have hella autism and I think that gave me man vibes due to my emotional incompetence.
Some posts you just need to skip over, the nature of detrans subreddits means that you'll find individuals who have a rather negative view on being trans due to their own experiences.
There is an assortment of opinions on being trans in here that ranges from supportive of trans individuals to discrimination.
"I struggled a lot with being in men’s spaces and being perceived as a men. I feel invisible in queer spaces and it’s a horribly lonely feeling."
I also struggle a lot with this. Being treated like a cis man felt like an eraser of who I am and how I've lived most of my life. A lot of people can't understand why being treated the same as a cis man hurts. Transphobia and misogyny still impact me but because of how I look that got ignored.
No one is ever too far along to detransition, things just take time.
Sadly I think too many of us have experienced CSA, or just trauma in general and that impacted our sense of self. It really sucks that most of us did not get the therapy we needed.
It can be really hard for people to accept that trans people are real while also accepting that some individuals who identify as transgender have done so for the wrong reasons. There needs to be a greater focus on treating mental health issues when it comes to treating gender dysphoria.
6 years on T, any time I expressed doubt my identity was reaffirmed even when I just wanted to talk about the possibility of not being a man. I 110% feel rather embarrassed to go from presenting as a cis-man to looking mtf with no guarantee that I'll pass as female again. However, deciding to detransition brought me a sense of peace within myself that I haven't felt before, for the first time in years I felt happy simply because I was happy and my base-line emotion wasn't misery anymore .
"especially since most things are only covered if you're transgender, which I'm no longer counted as" Are you able to put down that you're genderfluid? It's a trans label and you could say that you went too far in one direction and now you want to go in the other to help with gender dysphoria.
When I brought up no longer identifying as man with friends/family who supported my transition it made them confused and rather uncomfortable. "You can just be a feminine man." They gave me comments supporting my male identify lol.
A big part of why detransition upsets lgbtq+ supportive individuals is because it goes against the narratives used to support transition. People flip to "well then you were never trans to begin with and just made a mistake." Even if you were very much 'trans' but your sense of self changed with time. Because "born this way" and "sexuality/gender is fixed not fluid" are the common sentiments your very existence stands in the way of how they view the world.
When going from ftmtf it is generally best to medically detransition for a bit before openly identifying as female again. You're stuck needing to deal with transphobia (assumed to be mtf) and misogyny (don't look feminine enough to fit their definition of female).
You basically end up in the opposite position of your original transition. You have to be a lot more careful going from ftmtf because it can put you in physical danger.
I have no problem passing as a cis man. The funny thing is after years of wanting to look like a man and only a man my brain switched into the direction of 'I'm not a man and I don't want to be referred to or seen as such."
I've only been off T for around 5 months so I haven't really brought up detransitioning to others. When I've spoke about it in the past people simply affirmed my male identity rip.
The most important thing is to avoid going down the route of being obsessed with looking female and planning your life to fit around it once you pass as female again. You have to make sure that you continue to live your life to the fullest.
Personally I recommend waiting to come out as female again until you've been off T for a 1-2 years.
- 1st it's a big shock to everyone around you after 10+ years identifying as a man your friends and family can switch into a position of worrying that you're having an identity crisis. When you let them know you've been off T for 1-2 years it helps to show them, that you've thought long and hard about this and it's not just a spur of the moment kind of thing.
- 2ndly trying to navigate the world while you look like a man while identifying as female can be super messy and dangerous. Trans women tend to medically transition a few years before coming out for a good reason If you've seen a trans woman online so early in her transition that she just looks like a man, then you'll see the comment section filled of hate, and insults.
Waiting 1-2 years off T before coming out again can make life safer for you. Facial hair has got to go, permanently removing this before coming out again will help you out a lot and because you're waiting 1-2 years you should have the time to do so.
Let your hair grow out, it will make passing a lot easier. Learn how to do makeup even if it's something you only wear at home having that skill can be really useful. And finally put in some effort to consistently voice train over that 1-2 year period.
Your detransition can look like whatever you want it to look like but you need to be aware of the fact that transphobia aimed towards trans women will be targeted towards you. Because of this you have to weigh the balance of safety vs having your gender affirmed very carefully.
These are just my opinions from the POV of someone who is treated like a cis man and whose friends act like I can't speak on 'behalf of women' even when I'm just speaking for myself and my experiences being female.
You're find an awful lot of here could have written this exact same post word for word. You're not alone and this group is full of people here to support you.
A history of CSA and 5 years living as a man. I look like a cis man and I get treated as such even from people who know I'm trans.
With makeup I've spent hundreds of dollars, I've practiced time and time again and then I've throw out the makeup because I was stuck at the clown stage of learning to do makeup. Once I had calmed down and felt okay to try again, I'd buy more makeup and start again. I look like a man in makeup however I'm improving and I'm looking an awful lot less like a clown when I try. It takes a lot of time and many tears. Practice at night, then jump into a warm shower and wash it off. The shower will help to calm and recenter you emotions. And you just wash the makeup off with makeup remover in the shower. You'll end up with mascare everywhere but you just clean that off in the mirror afterwards.
Living in a conservative small town 100% makes things feel a lot worse. I've been there done that. been called a freak and referred to as "it" so I pushed to look like a cis man and here I am looking very cis with my ginger facial hair and my deep voice.
The way you look doesn't make you a man. Many women suffer with hormone imbalances that leave them with beards. At 22 you're young with plenty of time to slowly save up money and laser off that facial hair.
Sometimes beauty schools do very cheap electrolysis so that their students can learn. Figure out what type of options you may have where you live.
Moving away from home and somewhere new is really hard when I did it I had 3 years of really bad depression because I was all alone and I didn't try to met people. Moving to somewhere safer is always a good move. It's just something that can take a couple years to plan for in certain cases.
4 years of rock bottom CPTSD struggling and I'm finally starting to be able to work through things. I can promise you that things are going to be okay and things will get better it just takes a lot of time and effort. There are going to be lots of really hate mental health crisis's along the road to recovery but you will start to be able to feel like you have a life again.
I look like a cis-man and I honestly have thought to myself "gonna look like a man for life." 5 years too many on T, has me feeling like I'm fucked. I have ginger facial hair so I'm extra stressed about how long it will take to get rid of it.
I've talked to some people about my change in gender and it's "I had no idea you were trans, I just thought you were incredibility gay." And then a group of people still referring to me as a man. I feel like people aren't going to respect the fact that I'm not a man unless I stop looking like one.
Super nice to see a timeline with photos on T that I can relate to.
Went from female puberty acne to testosterone acne 'cause who doesn't want to have acne their whole life ☠️ My face has started to clear up now that I'm not on T thank fuck.
Honestly it feels kinda wild that I didn't notice how bad the dissociation and derealization was getting.
I had injections so a nurse did them and set up the next appointment so I didn't feel able to say "heyyyy, I'd like to stop" 😭
That really sucks. Maybe your body was secretly saying "you gotta stop with this gel/patches shit." A silent protest against T.